33. Chapter Thirty-three
Chapter Thirty-three
Shira
Shira,
Mary licked my hand with her little sandpaper tongue this morning. Is the world coming to an end? I hope not. Too many good things are yet to come. Mary was probably just celebrating me leaving town.
Is it sad to say I’ll miss her? I fear we’re in a toxic relationship and I’ve come to like her abuse.
I’m going to miss you the most. Send me regular updates on you and Beanie. If you think it’s too much, it’s not enough. I want pictures and videos. Everything.
Adrian will be by in the morning to take care of the litter. You can avoid him. He expects it. It won’t hurt the few feelings he has.
I’ll be back as soon as I can. Trying to channel you and do some good.
XX,
Rome
Despite what Roman had said in the note he’d left me the morning he’d flown to Chicago, avoiding his brother when he was in my house didn’t feel right. So, Monday morning, I put on my robe and padded downstairs to greet Adrian when he showed up.
He was washing his hands when I made it into the kitchen.
“Good morning,” I chirped, infusing all the cheerfulness I contained in my body. Adrian made me nervous, but I wouldn’t allow it to show. This was my chance to truly enact my kill-’em-with-kindness game plan. I wasn’t going to blow it.
Adrian whirled around, his hands dripping water on the floor. He looked at me, his jaw flexed, then he turned back to the sink, shutting it off.
“Litter’s taken care of,” he grunted. “Breakfast’s on the counter. Everything good?”
He didn’t look at me as he asked this, so I peeked in the bakery bag he’d left for me. A mango tart and a lemon bar waited for me inside.
I sucked in a breath and tried the cheerful thing again. “This looks delicious. Thanks so much, Adrian. Would you care to join me for breakfast? I don’t need both—”
“If there’s nothing else you need, I have to go.” He dried his hands off on his pants. “I’ll be back in the morning.”
Before I could say another word, Adrian strode out of my house, leaving me flabbergasted.
Maybe he really was in a hurry. Maybe he had somewhere to be. Adrian was pretty curt in general. There was a chance it wasn’t personal.
Yeah, right.
All I could do was keep trying. Tomorrow was another day.
Roman: It’s strange waking up and not heading to your house. I think I’ve gotten used to you, Shira.
Me: I don’t know if that sounds like a good thing.
Roman: It’s a good thing when I’m there. It’s a fucking nuisance when I’m far away and cannot engage in my routine. I’ve been off-kilter all day.
Me: Who knew cleaning a litter box could be the thing that balances you?
Roman: You’re cute, baby, but that’s not it and you know it.
Me: I do? Then what is it?
Roman: The thing that balances me is starting my day doing something for you. That’s what I’m missing.
Me: I don’t know what to say except that’s sweet.
Roman: Say you miss me.
Me: I miss you a lot ??
This time, I was awake and dressed when Adrian arrived. He started when he spotted me at the counter in the kitchen. Despite feeling like I looked like a lunatic, I beamed as brightly as I could at him.
“Good morning,” I singsonged as he dropped a bakery bag on my island. “I made coffee if you’d like some. I have tea as well if that’s more your thing.”
He scratched the side of his head and turned toward the utility room. “I’m going to go take care of the litter.”
I stayed where I was, waiting for him to return. He had to walk by me to leave the house, and I’d be damned if he didn’t at least speak to me for a minute or two. Surely Roman had told him to be nice to me. I couldn’t imagine he’d appreciate Adrian blatantly ignoring me.
But that was what he did. He swung through the kitchen, Mary yowling at his heels, and washed his hands. When he finished, he turned around, glancing over me as he dried his hands.
“Do you need anything else?” he asked.
I took a page from his book and ignored his question by countering with one of my own. “Would you like coffee or tea? I’d love company for breakfast.”
His gaze flitted to the coffee maker beside me then the bakery bag before he exhaled heavily, shaking his head. “Can’t. Have somewhere to be. I’ll be back in the morning unless you need something before then. Goodbye.”
He walked out, and much like the day before, I was utterly confounded. How was I going to kill him with kindness if he didn’t stick around long enough for me to even get one shot off?
To be honest, his brusque dismissal was hurting my feelings. I knew I didn’t deserve it, but obviously Adrian thought so, and I couldn’t brush that off as easily as I wished.
Mary wound around my ankles, meowing a story to me, probably about how much more she liked Roman than his gruff brother.
“What can I do to make Adrian Wells like me, Mary?” With great effort, I bent down and picked her up. My bump had become her perch lately. She nestled in, her head butting my chest. “Don’t say ‘nothing.’ He’s Roman’s brother, so I know he can’t be all bad. I’ve just got to figure out how to get under his shell.”
“Reowwww,” Mary replied.
“I know, sweet girl.” I scratched the top of her head and sighed. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”
Roman: We’re getting somewhere in our negotiations.
Me: Somewhere good, I hope.
Roman: Somewhere good. Unfortunately, that means I’ll most likely be here through the week so long as you’re doing well. Are you?
Me: I’m doing great, Rome. Bea and Clara took me for ice cream tonight. Beanie kicked for ten minutes straight after that. He either loved it or the cold pissed him off.
Roman: Dammit, Shira. That doesn’t make being away from you two any easier.
Me: I’m sorry. I thought it was cute and you’d like to know.
Roman: It’s cute as hell, which is what makes it so damn hard to miss. I appreciate you telling me, though. Don’t hold back.
Me: I won’t.
Roman: Good. And since he’s my boy, he loved the ice cream. He was dancing to show you how much.
Adrian tried to repeat what he’d done the last two days, but I’d had enough. My trembling arms crossed above my belly as I stepped in front of him as he tried to make another swift exit.
“I don’t understand, Adrian.” There was no disguising the quiver in my voice. Confronting men was not in my wheelhouse. In fact, it went against every survival instinct that had been instilled in me at a very young age. But I was going to be a mother soon, and that made me brave. “Why are you being this way?”
He took a step back, eyeing me warily. “I’m in a hurry, Shira.”
“As you said. But that doesn’t explain why you won’t even be polite to me. You’re in my home, doing me a favor, and you won’t even let me thank you. I know you don’t think I’m good enough to be the mother of your nephew, but this is the hand we were all dealt.”
His mouth opened and closed, then he scratched his head, something I’d noticed he’d do when he didn’t want to make eye contact.
“I never said that.”
“Not in so many words, no.” I raised my shaking chin, trying my best to say what lay heavy on my heart. “I know you think it, though. I’m used to people thinking the worst of me. It’s my own fault. It’s…difficult for me to be in new situations, especially with men, and I come off as cold. I’m working on it, but it takes time to undo a lifetime of hiding inside myself. I’m trying, though, for my son. I want to be the best mother I can be.”
Adrian shifted, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His mouth flattened into a hard line.
“I’m sure you will be,” he stated.
“I will be, you’re right. I had the best mother. She risked her life to keep me safe. And once we were safe, she never let a day go by without making me feel loved. She could sew any dress without a pattern and carry a perfect tune. My mother was all I had in the world. I don’t want that for Jonah. I want him to know his uncles, to be supported and loved by you guys.”
“He will,” he promised.
“I think he will,” I agreed. “I love that for him. So, so much. But that means we’ll be around each other for a long time to come, and I don’t want him to see his mother being ignored and set aside.”
Adrian started to speak, but for once in my life, I didn’t allow a man to interrupt me.
“I know you think I married Frank for money, and you’re right, I did.” He jerked back in surprise, but I was undeterred. “I was twenty when we got married, my mother was dead, I had next to nothing, and he promised to take care of me if I took care of him. My husband had been sick our entire marriage. I’d been his companion, best friend, and nurse. He was my protector, best friend, and benefactor. If that makes me a gold digger, I suppose that’s what I am. If that’s why you dislike me…well, I don’t know how to change that, Adrian.
“But no matter what I did to get here, Joanne Saltzman was my mother, so I know I’ll be a good one too. I will do everything in my power to be as good as she was. That means if my son’s uncle isn’t treating me right, as viscerally uncomfortable as it makes me, I have to say something. That means I am asking you to please find a way to get over your first impressions of me and take me for who I am standing in front of you.”
I sucked in a shuddering breath and clenched my hands at my sides so I didn’t tuck my hair like I desperately wanted.
“I care about Roman and Ben and Nate. I’m already madly in love with my son. I would like us to, at the very least, be civil around one another. For now, that’s all I’m asking—that we be civil.”
As I finished my speech, a sharp pain took the breath right out of my lungs. Doubling over, I clutched my belly and gasped.