Chapter 26
No, with the person who she used to be.
Mixed in all of that was Junior’s embarrassed, almost-adorable explanation of his “game.” She had been upset with him about it . . . until she realized his clock watching meant he’d been looking for her every day. Eagerly.
Then, of course, there was the kiss. No, it hadn’t been just a kiss. As kisses went, it had been a doozy. At the very least, she should be thinking of it in all capital letters, like the symbol of bad decision-making it was.
Though . . . it hadn’t felt like a bad decision. It had not only been a great kiss, but it had also felt right. Almost as if everything in her life had just clicked into place at long last.
She blinked. Met Junior’s eyes. And realized that she should be concentrating on all of the new feelings that were zipping between them. It was positively electric.
What was she going to do about that?
Junior’s hand brushing back the hair from her face felt like another caress. Just like the soft, concerned expression he was wearing. “Hey. Are you okay?” he murmured.
“Yes, of course.” The response was automatic.
Her usual response to life. No matter how hard or confusing the situation was, she’d never given herself the option to be any other way.
Not when she was a child. Not when she was a teenager looking after Jonny and Kelsey, and not when she was working in real estate.
Or, say, when she got unexpectedly pregnant and was living in her Amish grandparents’ house while she attempted to figure out the rest of her life.
Usually, everyone accepted that response. She was never questioned. It wasn’t a surprise. After all, no one really wanted to hear about someone else’s problems.
She lifted her chin and smiled.
Junior didn’t budge. “Let’s try this again. Are you okay, Elizabeth?”
He was worried about her, and he wasn’t going to accept either a pasted-on smile or a fib. Just as importantly, Beth knew that if she told him she wasn’t okay, he would try to fix it.
She swallowed. Gathered her courage.
And finally decided to tell him the truth. “I don’t know.”
“What’s upsetting you?” He ran his fingers along her cheek again. Reached for her hand. And when their fingers were linked,he tugged her even closer. Beth didn’t even try to fight it.
She was surrounded by him. His scent. His warmth. His concern.
But he wasn’t her boyfriend. “What isn’t?” she said with a half smile.
He didn’t respond. Instead, he kept her hand tightly enclosed in his while he continued to wait.
“I guess you want something more than a sarcastic quip, huh?”
“What I want is a real answer.”
“Okay.” He deserved that, and maybe she deserved to acknowledge her feelings, too.
She was so tired of handling life by herself.
Not only was it exhausting, but she wasn’t doing a very good job of it.
Here, she’d left a good job and good life in order to hide out at her grandparents’ house.
But she still wasn’t wholeheartedly embracing the Amish faith.
Only kind of, sort of doing that. Even though both her brotherin-law, Richard, and the bishop had told her that such things took time, she ached to feel certain about one thing in her life.
“If you’re talking about that kiss . . . yes, I’m okay about that.” She averted her eyes. “It’s everything else that I’m having trouble with.” She took a deep breath. “At the moment, I think I’m slowly ruining my whole life and I don’t seem to be able to put the brakes on it.”
“Are you talking about your baby?”
“Yes. I mean, no.” Flustered, she continued. “I mean, I want this baby and I don’t look at it as anything but a blessing. But I didn’t plan on it, and I sure didn’t plan on . . .” Her voice drifted off, because how many times was she going to feel obligated to divulge her lapse in judgment?
Beth tensed. Waiting for him to remind her of it. For Junior to put it out there for both of them. So it could sit there in the air. In between them, like one of those awful flies that flew into her grandparents’ kitchen and zipped around too quickly to kill.
But he didn’t. “If not the babe, then what?”
“Oh, I don’t know. The fact that instead of staying put and keeping the rest of my life on course, I decided to leave my really good job and become Amish.”
He raised his eyebrows. “And . . .”
“And, what?” Hadn’t she told him enough?
“And you’re now working for me and it feels awkward.”
“Well, yes. I like the lack of stress, but I think I’m acting a bit too relaxed now.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Pretty sure.” Feeling more and more awkward, she tugged on her fingers and tried to joke. “Besides, I’m only half working. Remember?”
His hand tightened, trapping her fingers. “I’d never forget that.” He smiled then. A flash of pure-white teeth and the hint of a dimple that never seemed to be completely at home on his face.
Which reminded her that she’d been awfully judgmental when he shared his “what time is Beth going to show up?” game. He wasn’t the only person in the room who liked to play games.
Junior tilted his head to one side. “So, is that it?”
“It?”
“Is your list complete?”
“Yes.” And that was the truth, if one discounted the fact that she’d just kissed and was currently holding the hand of her not-boss.
And the fact that she had secretly enjoyed getting the upper hand with Cherry.
Maybe she should feel bad about that, but Beth didn’t.
She didn’t care if Cherry was Amish. The fact of the matter was that she was a mean girl, and mean girls could pop up anywhere at any time.
Bonnets and kapps didn’t change a thing.
“You might feel like you’re ruining your life, but I’m beginning to wonder if you’re really just putting things in order.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “Everyone faces challenges and changes in plans. Everyone also gets older and changes their priorities from time to time.”
“You think that is what’s happening with me?”
“I don’t know. But I’d guess that most anyone would find everything you’re going through to be a lot.” Finally releasing her hand, he added, “And, uh, as far as the kiss went . . .”
“Yes?”
“I don’t regret a thing.”
Happiness surged through her . . . before reality hit again. This wasn’t the time or the place to discuss the attraction that was sizzling between them. “I think it’s time I got to work.”
“All right.”
“Good. Thank you.” Heading to her desk, she scanned the top. Noticed that the usual pile of papers for her to set to rights was nowhere to be found. “Where is everything?”
He approached. “What are you looking for?”
“The receipts. The paperwork. My job.”
“Oh. I, ah, took care of everything already.”
“When?” Last night when she left, there had easily been four hours of work to do.
“This morning.” Looking a little sheepish, he said, “I couldn’t sleep, so I came in here early. But everything was in order . . .”
“So you did all my work?”
“Jah.”
He looked puzzled, which was a shame. Because she felt like shaking him. “Junior Lambright, I think it’s time we did a quick recap.”
“Recap?”
Ignoring both the sarcasm in his voice and the narrowing of his eyes, Beth held up a finger.
“First, we had to have a whole discussion about what time I arrived, and this was after I got a talking-to by your mean-girl receptionist.” She took a deep breath.
“Then, we got to have a review of my life, which you felt comfortable commenting on. And now, after all of that, it turns out that I didn’t even need to show up, after all.
” She waved her hands in the air. “Oh my gosh! We could have saved ourselves from this last hour.”
“Elizabeth, you should calm down.”
“Why? Because it’s not good for the baby?”
“Nee,” he snapped. “Because your rant is as annoying as all get out. It’s also unnecessary.”
Hurt, mixed with a healthy dose of anger and irritation, made tears threaten. Which made her even more upset. “I can’t believe you.” Reaching for her purse, she started for the door. “I’m out of here.”
“Have supper with me tonight.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Okay, then. Why?”
“Because I want to take you out for a meal. I want to sit across from you and not talk about work.”
She couldn’t help but turn back around to face him. “Are you serious right now?”
“Stop asking me questions you already know the answers to.”
“You’re asking me out on a date.”
“Absolutely.”
And . . . man. There was that dimple again. That real smile. That genuine smile. The one she was starting to crave, even though there were a hundred reasons not to.
She felt as if she was at another precipice. She could either say no, walk out, and sit at her grandparents’ house, or do what she wanted.
“Okay.”
An almost smug look formed on his face. “I’ll pick you up at six.”
“That’s it?”
“Nee. I’ll be happy to walk you out, if you’d like. Or, if you’ve a mind of being patient for a spell, you could have a seat and wait for some more work to show up. I have a feeling I’ve probably received ten or twelve emails that you could deal with in the last hour.”
Maybe waiting for work and sitting near him while pretending that she wasn’t thinking about their date was the right thing to do, but she wasn’t up for it. “I think I’ll head on home.”
“You sure?”
“Positive. I’m also positive that I don’t need to be walked out.”
“Okay, then. See you tonight.”
She grabbed her sweater, tightened her grip on her purse, and opened his office door. After that, it wasn’t difficult to ignore everyone’s curious expressions as she walked out the way she’d come in.
Just forty minutes ago.
Only when the door to Walden Wax Works shut behind her and the cool breeze cooled her cheeks did she bother smiling.
And then she couldn’t help but smile the whole way back home. Junior had forced her to talk, listened to everything she said, and offered advice.
He’d also sparred with her, hadn’t taken a bit of her attitude, and had kissed her like he was a starving man and she was the main course.
He was everything.
It seemed she’d met her match.