Chapter 19
NINETEEN
2 Days til Christmas
The noise at my folks’ house was jarring after all the quiet with Ocean.
Fuck.
Would I stop thinking about her anytime soon?
Last night had been a nightmare. Not because of the sounds in the house, but the fact that I didn’t know how to sleep without her beside me. Three nights.
Three goddamn nights and I was so twisted up I couldn’t concentrate on conversations with my brothers or my parents.
“Uncle H?”
I blinked out of my spiral and braced for impact as Callum’s oldest girl launched herself at me on the couch. She was all arms and legs and sweet smells from baking cookies with my mom.
“What’s up, short stack?” She was four years old going on fourteen with her intelligent gray eyes.
My brother’s eyes.
So wild to see the blend of Cal and Ellie in this little girl.
For a half a second, I wondered what kind of kid Ocean would produce.
I was so damn screwed.
“Gram said you know how to decorate cookies. We made sugar ones.”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“She said you know how to make Spiderman cookies. I love the lady Spiderman with her white…” She made a gesture around her head.
“Hood.”
“Yes!” She crawled up my chest and put her little face close to mine. “Please.”
As if I could even say no at that point. “Of course.”
She squished my cheeks together and planted a kiss on my nose. “Yay!”
I stood and flipped her around, carrying her by her ankles as she shrieked with laughter.
“Is this yours?” I asked my mom.
“Nope. But I keep her sometimes.”
Faith giggled as I righted her and plopped her on a stool that lined the breakfast bar section of my mom’s swanky kitchen.
My mom shot me a worried frown as I raked my fingers through my hair. I gave her a half smile. “I’ve been volunteered to make my famous flood cookies.”
“Faith talks about nothing else since you did them two Christmases ago.”
“Glad I made an impression.” I ruffled my niece’s hair. “Where’s Cara?”
“Secret wrapping session with Grandpa,” Faith answered. “I’m not allowed.”
My mom rolled her eyes at Faith. “Because she’s wrapping your presents, you goof.”
“I wrapped hers days ago.”
“Well, you’re ahead of the curve. I still have all mine to wrap.” She glanced at me. “Check the icing. I think I made it right.”
I picked up the bowl and gave it a whisk. It needed to set for a few more minutes but would give me time to do some food coloring.
“Hey, find me a photo of Gwen so I can make sure I get her hood right.”
“On it!” Faith reached for the iPad on the counter and dragged it forward.
I was pretty sure she was nearly as proficient with it as I was. Then again, she’d never known a life without tablets or information at her fingertips.
I had a vague memory of the Spider-verse cartoon movie and was glad I wouldn’t have to think too hard for a little bit.
“You done moping?” My shoulders stiffened at my brother Finn’s voice.
“I’m not moping.”
Finn snorted. “Funny, you kept me up all damn night with your tossing and turning. You’re hitting the couch tonight if you keep it up.”
He’d arrived last night, just after Cal had picked me up from Ocean’s cabin. We were bunking in the spare room together. It was better than trying to sleep on the floofy daybed that Faith had in one of the other bedrooms.
My parents’ new house wasn’t terribly big. They’d spent most of their money on the view and wanted to keep it small with a split ranch. Most of the living space was on the upper floor with a full basement on the lower level that had been converted into an entertainment/playroom for Cara.
They were literally next door to Cal’s house and the girls were so close in age that they each had sleepovers on the regular.
Cal’s second kid, Evander — aka Evan, was barely six months old, and evidently, he was in something called a sleep regression. I wasn’t sure what that was, but it sounded like my older brother was perpetually tired.
One night of sleep deprivation and I was ready to murder, so I didn’t know how he did it.
Not that I’d been getting a ton of sleep at?—
Could I get a freaking moment where I didn’t think about her?
“Here, uncle H!”
I gave Faith a quick smile and took the iPad. I propped it up against the sea glass tile backsplash. It was a relatively easy draw, but I was distracted enough that I needed to double-check a few times before I got the rhythm of decorating down.
Faith was so delighted with the design that I ended up doing a few more characters from the movie. Cara showed up and couldn’t be left out, so Rapunzel from Tangled was added to the pile.
My mom came up behind me to smooth a hand over my back. “You’ve been at it for hours. Why don’t you go sit down? Dinner’s almost ready.”
I glanced at the fleet of sugar cookies that had been decorated. The girls had lost interest as only four-year-olds could and were watching Spiderman instead of watching me draw him.
“Sorry. Kinda got crazy.”
She hooked an arm through mine and eased me away from the counter, then she pushed me into a chair near the sliding back doors leading to the deck. She set a mug of hot cocoa in front of me with a mound of her homemade whipped cream.
I must be in a real ugly state if she made whipped cream with everything else going on in Christmas prep.
She craned her neck to make sure the girls were still entertained. Finn was sitting between them as they explained the movie in their animated voices.
Then my mom sat down next to me, flipping her long silver dusted braid over her shoulder. “Tell me about this girl.”
“Ma. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You came in with Callum last night and barely said a word. Only a woman can put that kind of look on a man’s face. Or a man, I don’t judge.”
I huffed out a hollow laugh. “She’s female.” A flash of her wide dark blue eyes hit me like a fist. First, with the squinty way they crinkled when she smiled and then filled with tears because of me.
No , because she’d gotten caught in her lies.
I threaded my two fingers into the handle of the mug and lifted it to my mouth. The nostalgia and comfort mug with Dwight’s iconic glasses from The Office on it eased the riot in my stomach.
My mom reached over to grip my forearm. “I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt.” Then she lifted her fingers to the little mark left on my forehead. “She saved you, so I can’t hate her unless you tell me she’s awful and then I’ll try.”
I laughed and caught her hand to bring it to my lips for a quick kiss. “She was a mistake, that’s all.”
“A mistake wouldn’t haunt your eyes like that.”
“She lied to me.”
“About what?”
I hunched over the mug, letting the chocolatey steam fill my nose. I hesitated before I opened my mouth. The kind of information I had was heavy. Not because I didn’t trust my family, but because it was the kind of thing that would excite them too much.
My mom’s book club would live on this kind of information for ages.
And the small itch at the back of my neck grew. That Ocean had to live with knowing that her brother was more famous than most actors in Hollywood. To guard that kind of information…
But it was different.
It wasn’t like I was going to use the information. I worked in advertising, for God’s sake. Half of my portfolio of clients included an NDA.
She wouldn’t know that.
I tamped down that voice. She lied right to my face about not one, but two of her brothers.
She also knew who Eden Advertising was. The memory of her eyes widening made my head throb. I was so freaking stupid. There had been so many chances for her to tell me.
“Hudson.”
I blinked out of my spinning thoughts. “Sorry. It doesn’t matter.”
“Obviously, it does, but if you can’t tell me something to protect her, I understand.”
The timer on the oven beeped. She popped up and squeezed my shoulder before she headed back into the kitchen. The familiar scent of roasted chicken was like a cattle call to everyone.
My dad came up the stairs with a pile of presents that he set under the Christmas tree near the front window. It was far more modest than the beast at Ocean’s place. Instead of the classic ornaments, it was a mishmash of handmade ones from us and new ones from Cara and Faith.
“Cal is on his way. Finn, set the table.”
“Make the mope do it. He’s just sitting there.”
“I didn’t ask him to, I asked you.” Diane MacGregor was a force and so was her mom voice.
I pushed up. “I’ll do it.”
The clatter of dishes and the mixer for mashed potatoes were homey sounds that settled me. This was what was important. My family’s chatter and the everyday bickering between kids.
I didn’t eat much, but my dad saved me from pushing food around my plate any longer.
“C’mon downstairs. I have something I want to show you.”
Finn picked up my plate before I could start the process of clearing the table. He flashed me a middle finger under the plate that made me snort out a laugh. “I’ll do the dishes, loser.”
I followed my dad down the stairs, the screeching laughter fading with each step. It was also cooler downstairs, which made my shoulders ease.
“What do you need to show me, Dad?”
“Nothing. Your mom means well, but she has that pushy look in her eye. You wouldn’t get any peace until you spilled.”
“Like you will give me space?” I dropped into one of the leather recliners lined up in front of the massive television.
He reached into the mini fridge. “At least I’ll do my prodding with beer. Unless you want me to break out the Doublewood.”
I shook my head. “Beer is fine.” I didn’t need whiskey to put me on my ass. “I did buy you another bottle for Christmas, though.”
“Well-timed.” He grinned and settled in his chair. My dad wasn’t a recliner guy. He preferred a leather armchair that had at least ten thousand butt miles on it at this point.
“Did I tell you how your mom nabbed me?”
I sipped from the bottle of local lager and relaxed. “A few times.”
“Did I tell you we broke up before we got engaged?”
I sat forward. “No.”
“Yep. I got offered a job in Manhattan and your mom wasn’t sure about moving out of the ‘Cuse. Her family was here, and all her friends. Even her job. She wasn’t sure she wanted to up and leave all that for me. So, we broke up.”
My mouth dropped open. “I didn’t know that.”
He leaned back, kicked his long legs out to cross them at his ankles. “It was a prestigious job too. How the hell was I supposed to turn it down? I was top of my class and had headhunters hitting me up all hours. Heady feeling to know that I was so wanted.”
I started peeling the label on the bottle. “I know how that is. I think I’m getting a promotion at Eden.”
My dad was quiet for a full minute. “That should be a good thing.”
“It should.” I picked at the glue of the label. Advancing at Eden would be the best thing for me to do. The smartest thing.
“I almost took the job.”
I glanced up. “Almost?”
“Even packed up my shitty apartment. The banker’s boxes were in that crappy hatchback I used to drive.”
I gave a soft laugh. “You drove that till the wheels literally fell off.”
My dad snickered. “I was getting my money out of that toad green Civic.” His silence lasted a full minute before he continued the story. “My car was full of crap, my one good suit hung in the backseat. But I just couldn’t do it. Instead of driving off to Manhattan, I headed to your grandparents’ house. I found her on the porch. It was October and just starting to get cold.” He took a sip from his beer and settled it on the arm of his chair. “She shot off that swing and ran for me before I even opened the door.”
I grinned. There had been no end to the love between my parents.
Knowing that it almost wasn’t a forever love made my chest tighten.
“She said she’d changed her mind. Said she’d go with me. Us against the world in all that twenty-one-year-old bravado. But I couldn’t do it. I course corrected for her. Best thing I ever did. We accidentally got pregnant with Cal and ended up getting married faster than we had originally planned, but I don’t regret any of it.”
We all knew Cal’s birthday was a bit too close to our parents’ anniversary, but there was never any doubt that they loved each other.
But there had been a doubt.
They just hadn’t told us.
I linked my fingers around the beer bottle between my legs. “I think I fell in love with an angel in four days, Dad.”
“Angel, huh?”
“I didn’t want to worry Mom about the particulars, but when I spun out and into her yard, it was Ocean who dragged me out of the car.”
“Ocean?”
“Yeah. Her parents have a big family too. Something about a vacation baby.”
My dad threw his head back with a booming laugh. “That was Cal.”
I laughed. “Ocean Hawkins. She’s staying at one of those big luxury cabins for a holiday thing with her family. She didn’t know me and yet let me in her house.”
“With that weather, she didn’t really have a choice.”
“Yeah, that’s true. But when I woke up and saw her blond curls in the crazy snow, I think I was pretty well sunk.”
“Happened to Cal. A bit of Mistletoe and he was caught with Ellie. Happened with me and Diane. Ended up sitting next to her at a?—”
“SU basketball game,” I broke in.
He took a long drink and grinned at me. “The score was 75-71 and your mom leaped up when they won and hugged me. I was a goner.”
I leaned back in the recliner. “I know you’re not much for current music.”
“Well, now that I have Ellie and our little ones around, I know way more about Taylor Swift than I used to. I’m not completely out of touch.”
I shook my head. “Well, not exactly Taylor but Ocean’s younger brother is pretty famous. Quentin Hawkins.”
My dad frowned. “The name is sort of familiar.”
“Might know her other brother Rio Hawkins.”
My dad’s eyebrows shot up. “That crazy goalie? I just watched him last night against Seattle!”
“That’s the one.”
“I never watched hockey until you were talking about it. Now Cal and I watch all the time.”
“She didn’t tell me until Quentin walked into the cabin big as life and caught us—uh, well, he walked in, and we weren’t expecting him.”
My dad flushed but he gave me a little nod. “Been there.”
“And we’ll leave it there. I still can’t believe you guys ended up with Cara. How?”
My dad smirked. “Pretty sure you know how.”
I held up a hand. “Okay, we’re done.” I stood up.
“Last thing I’ll say…”
I sighed. “Yeah?”
“She was probably protecting her family. Don’t hold that against her.”
“That’s not the only thing keeping us apart. I go back to Chicago in a little over a week.”
“Sounds like you have some thinking to do, son.”
That was an understatement.
I drained my bottle and set it in the case with the other empties. I paused at the doorway and looked back. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime. Oh, and Hudson?”
“What?”
“We sure wouldn’t mind you being back in the area.”
I tapped the door frame and gave him a half smile before I went back upstairs to the chaos of my family.