Chapter 20 Come HellHigh Water
Chapter twenty
Come Hell Or High Water
Cactus
I parked my bike at the back of the saloon, preferring to walk to the motel. It bought me a few extra minutes before we squared off. I’d been waiting for this opportunity to fix things, but she’d ask questions I was afraid I didn’t have the answers to.
You were only supposed to get her story.
She’d told me exactly who she was, but I had been so used to wading through the lies, I hadn’t been paying attention.
It wasn’t rocket science. I’d bet money no one had ever put Roxy first her whole life.
She’d silently screamed at me every chance she got.
She didn’t know she was doing it. It wasn’t a ploy.
It was just who she was. Roxy liked to observe the world around her, finding pleasure in the small things.
I should have been soaking up every detail, but I had only listened when it suited me.
If I were her, I would have walked away from me, too.
She’d asked where her place was in my life, and I’d shut her down—no hesitation.
She wouldn’t fight to be heard. Her silence had said everything.
She wasn’t cutting me out, but she wouldn’t beg for space.
I wouldn’t disappoint her again. If she asked to be let go, I’d have to release her.
Crossing the parking lot, I heard the gravel crunch under my boots. The air smelled like rain, but it was too early for monsoon season. The glowing cherry of a cigarette flared, catching my attention. There were a few men leaning over the second-story balcony.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I didn’t slow until I reached the second-story landing.
There were four men, including the one I recognized from the first time I’d tried to kick Roxy’s door in.
He’d thought it was just a fight with my Old Lady.
I doubted he would give me any trouble, but they were too close to Roxy’s room.
Knocking on her door wasn’t part of the plan. She wouldn’t answer if she knew it was me. I’d lost her respect. Picking her lock wasn’t an option either—not with them watching. They’d see how easy it was. Getting her to talk to me was one thing, but I wouldn’t put her in unnecessary danger.
My boots squeaked on the concrete, catching their attention.
“Hey man,” the one I recognized said when he saw me at the top of the stairs. “You in trouble again?” He’d remembered. I didn’t miss the irony. It hadn’t been true then, but now was a different story. The other men laughed, assuming he was right.
“Did she ever give you a key?” he asked me. Turning back to his buddies, he pointed in my direction. “The last time I saw this guy, he was hitting the door with the heel of his boot, getting nowhere fast.”
I shook my head, not saying a word. They didn’t need to know my business, and I was running out of patience.
“I should be all neighborly-like.” It only made the men in the group laugh harder.
He took a step towards her door, his fist getting ready to knock.
The scars on his knuckles shone in the moonlight.
The contrast was a warning to anyone who wanted to step up.
I wasn’t a stranger to violence, but he looked like he’d fought to survive.
I wasn’t interested in puffing my chest, proving I was the better man. This wasn’t about him or his cronies, but I’d be damned if they thought they had a chance. I planted myself in front of her door, daring any of them to try me.
“You could ask for a cup of sugar.” I didn’t know which idiot had said it, but they slapped each other’s backs, lighting up more cigarettes. The smoke curled around us in a haze.
They thought this was a joke. A lover’s quarrel. I might have laughed with them years ago, but now I didn’t see the point. This was about owning up to the damage I’d caused her. I wouldn’t let them use her pain for entertainment, but if they kept this up, she’d shut all of us out.
“You won’t be able to speak to her when I break your fucking jaws.” The words rolled off my tongue, smoother than I expected. I had a few years on them, but I had earned my patch while they figured out how to shave. I grabbed the edges of my club cut, reminding them I was a Saint.
I’d only protected her when it was convenient for me, and I owed her one. She didn’t need these assholes harassing her in this shitty motel.
Roxy must have heard the commotion because her door violently swung open, bouncing off the inside wall of her room.
She appeared in the doorway, still dressed as she had been for the club—a sheer tank with spaghetti straps and a short skirt.
There were slits on either side of her thighs, skin showing as she shifted her weight.
Her hands clenched into fists. Her eyes glared, and I thought she might take a swing.
“Get the fuck out of my face,” she told me through gritted teeth, shoving my side. I held my chuckle back as I shifted my stance, regaining my balance.
“Damn.” There were a few wolf whistles. “Shit, I’d be a good boy if my woman looked like that.”
She turned in their direction, freezing when she saw how close the four of them were. The other man still had his hand raised near the other side of the doorway. She paled but quickly regrouped. “Are you going to wrap up this pissing contest soon?”
I didn’t let it show, but I was proud of her. I’d seen her freeze multiple times, and this was the first time she’d actually tried to fight back. It was progress. She didn’t have to worry. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
“If you want me to whip it out, we can measure the stream.” The man lowered his arm, but he leaned into her space.
“Keep it in your pants, Romeo.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
This was done. I turned toward her, putting my hands on her shoulders.
“Come on, sweetheart.” I thought I had been gentle as I tried to guide her backwards into the room.
She shrugged me off, pushing me out the door.
She tried to close it, but I quickly stuck my foot in the doorway, blocking her path.
“We’re not doing this.”
“Nope, we’re not.” She opened the door just enough to slam it again. I caught the edge, holding it before it hit my foot. If she locked the door, any chance to make amends would be over for me.
I’d had enough, and if we kept going like this, one of us was going to get hurt. I slung her over my shoulder, intending to set her on her feet inside the room, but she squirmed, fighting like hell. Her fists knocked against my back.
The door slammed behind us.
“I’m not doing this with you,” she snapped, hitting her fist against my back. “Seriously, put me the fuck down. I’m not wearing underwear, asshole.”
I said nothing, dropping her onto the bed. I’d heard the panty comment, but if I let my mind go there, I’d lose the only shot I had to fix this.
“When you’re done fighting me, let me know.” I grabbed the chair, dragging it to where she had no choice but to look at me.
“Call Aces and tell him to fix my car. I know he’s waiting for your approval.” She sat up, plopping the pillows behind her back, before crossing her arms and facing me. “I have the money.”
“You don’t have shit,” I said, flinching at my own words. I’d been a biker too long. I’d never had to use words when fists were easier. That was where I kept fucking up with her.
It had slipped, but as I started to apologize, a plastic bag came flying at my head. My reflexes kicked in, catching it before the bag touched my nose. She’d been saving her tip money. At a glance, I could tell there was more than enough for her to leave.
“You’re not going anywhere.” I’d done it again. I couldn’t make these mistakes with Roxy if I wanted her to believe in me. “I’m supposed to be owning my shit. You’re right to break my balls at every turn,” I said, dropping the bag onto the table next to me.
“Tell Aces to fix my car, so I can leave.”
I slid further down in the chair. “You know that’s fucking bullshit. This isn’t about you leaving. This is about how I got caught with my guard down. You asked where you stood, and I froze. You’re familiar with that.”
“If you were so concerned, why didn’t you call me back?”
“You gave me a chance to fix it, but the look on your face stopped me. You were done with my ass, and I hated I couldn’t reassure you when you needed it.” I rubbed a hand through my hair and down my face.
“I’m not your problem.”
“No, but I make you my problem every time I can’t walk away.” I didn’t stutter or look away from her. I wasn’t sure where her head was after tonight, and I fully expected her to either throw a fit or ignore me.
I didn’t expect her to laugh, the sound so brittle it struck a nerve in my chest.
“Do you even hear yourself right now? You’re loaded down with responsibility. Your loyalty is to everyone else but yourself.” She waved her hand in my direction. “You don’t have room for one more, and I won’t bleed for someone who can’t take care of me.”
“You think you have everything figured out?” I was listening, but if I didn’t turn this conversation around, she’d think she was right. She was, if she only considered the past. I’d had plenty of time to think this through on the road.
“Obviously.” Her tone was dry as she swung her legs over the bed. Sitting on the edge, she faced me directly, scrunching her nose. “I promised to stop the bleeding.”
“What does that mean, stop the bleeding?”
“I was trying to be helpful in the car on the way back. I told Angelica to let the past scar. Stop picking it, and the bleeding will stop. I didn’t realize I was talking to myself.”
“Since I keep fucking up, you’re going to leave. Stop the bleed, so that I don’t hurt you?” I was unraveling, afraid she’d put the nail in the coffin of a relationship that hadn’t even started.
“Something like that. I could destroy you, too.”
She didn’t raise her voice, and that sent a shiver down my spine. This scared me more than any time I’d ever seen my life flash before my eyes.
“I’ve gotten used to fixing everything. No one asks anymore.” My leg bounced as I tried to plan a thought. “It wasn’t what you asked, but the question itself. It threw me, and it’s been fucking downhill ever since.”
“Even if I forgave you, I don’t know how I’m going to get past tonight. She’s your sister, and you didn’t move from my side. I was fine.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, a nervous tic, before getting up and pacing in front of the bed.
“Until Ang makes a final decision, they’ll always play these games. She won’t move on. Why? I don’t know, and he won’t let her go.”
“The club comes first. Your family second.” Roxy stopped, dropping her eyes to the ground. “You’re exhausted from being everything to everyone. We’re similar like that.” She took a deep breath. “I won’t be the final weight that breaks you.”
“You should give me a chance to show you. These aren’t empty words, sweetheart.” I threw it out there, hoping she’d catch the pass. “Anytime you want to leave, tell Aces, and he’ll fix your car.”
“You’re insane. Do I have a choice in any of this?” She stared down at me, scanning my face. Her eyes were sad, and I wasn’t sure why. If I asked, wanting to fix whatever it was, I’d prove her point.
“Not really.” I hated how fast I’d said that, but I wasn’t ready to let her walk.
“That’s what I thought. I didn’t have a choice with the Disciples either, but I saved myself by running. I’m saying maybe, but you have to let me go if it breaks. If you break. I don’t want to be chased.”
It was easier to say nothing than make a promise I knew would be a lie. I would always fight for her, but there wasn’t anything else for now. I stood up from the chair, tucking it under the small table near the door.
Pulling out my phone, I clicked some music channel, letting it stream into the room.
She knew me only as Cactus—Sergeant at Arms. What she needed was Grant: the history buff, the traveler, and the man who had made choices based on other people’s decisions.
I slid my club cut off, hanging it from the back of the chair. It didn’t belong in this moment.
“Dance with me,” I said, standing in the gap between the bed and the outside window.
“Why?” The sadness disappeared as her brow furrowed, confused.
“You were busy when I got to the bar, and I didn’t get a dance.”
She sighed, slowing her steps before making her way over. “It’s just a dance. Still not a yes, so leave him alone. He’s just a friend.”
I reached for her, taking her into my arms. “I waited too long after the video call.”
“I deleted your texts without reading them.”
“I know. Eights told me when he sent a picture of you in the saloon the morning after.”
“I thought it was pretty self-explanatory.” She tried to pull away, but I tightened my arms, making sure her cheek was against my shoulder.
“It was. I fucked up.”
“I can’t deal with fuck-ups. I’m too tired.” She picked her head up, shifting back to look me in the eye. “I’m serious. I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything’s changing, and I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
The sadness was back in her eyes, and I understood. I couldn’t blow smoke up her ass. She might have been young enough to be my kid, but she’d lived a life, and it had led her to the same mistrust I had.
“Let me bring you peace, the way you soothe my chaos.” I slowly spun her as we swayed to the music. The song was something soft, but neither of us really heard it.
“I won’t leave the club, but I’m not stuck here. You want to travel, I’ll go back on the road as a nomad. You want to stay here, we stay here, but I need you to give me enough time to show you that this isn’t all bullshit.”
“Maybe.” She laid her forehead against my sternum, wrapping her arms around my neck. “You make me want to feel,” she mumbled.