Chapter Forty-Eight
Maddox
If catatonic were a person, it would be Paige. It’s like her body’s here, but her mind is somewhere else entirely, locked behind a door I don’t know how to open.
Two years is a long time to carry this much guilt.
I told myself I shouldn’t touch her because of the band, the very real possibility that we were on the cusp of getting everything.
But the truth? Those were just safer excuses to hide behind.
No matter how much I tried to cling onto them, underneath it all?
It was because of this. Because how can I deserve something so good when I’m the reason her sister’s gone?
And every time I let myself get lost in her—in her laugh, her mouth, her skin—those few stolen moments when the guilt dissipated, despisal and self-loathing would come roaring back the second it was over.
Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Her eyes search mine like she’s waiting for the punchline, for me to laugh and say just kidding like this is some fucked-up joke.
But I don’t. I can’t. Because it’s the truth. And she deserves to know, no matter how much it breaks her.
“We’d been recording at Big Sky Studios for a while before she showed up,” I say, throat raw, the memory of those studio hours flashing in my mind like a montage, all the talking, the laughing, becoming friends.
“Back when all we’d been doing was playing at shitty venues and recording in cheap studios just to get our music out.
But Big Sky? That was the first time it felt like we weren’t faking it anymore.
And then Penny started working there, and… we loved her.”
“We?” she breathes. “You mean… all of you?” Her voice cracks as she glances at Beau and Eli, the pair of them lowering their gazes as her bottom lip trembles. “You all knew she was my sister?”
I nod, barely, unable to meet her eyes.
“Yeah,” I whisper, wishing the way her eyes shine with unshed tears wasn’t because of me. “She ran our sessions, grabbed coffee, set up our mics. Loved every second of it, you could tell. She didn’t care that it was grunt work; she just wanted to be part of the music.”
Paige’s eyes blink shut, a single tear trailing down her cheek.
“She was…amazing. The light of any room. Always smiling, always laughing, made you feel like you were the most interesting person alive.” I exhale hard, chest cracking open under the weight of everything I should’ve said earlier.
“God, she could be annoying. Constantly teasing Eli, stealing Austin’s snacks.
But you couldn’t even be mad; she just had this way of making you love her for it. ”
Paige’s breath hitches like she’s holding back a sob, a sound I feel in my ribs.
“We were friends,” I say, barely above a whisper. “That’s all it ever was. But…there were moments, glances I didn’t see at the time. And then one night, she kissed me.” Taking a step forward, my heart breaks as she backs away from me.
“It was you,” she breathes out, almost to herself, face pale, eyes wide and glassy.
“What?”
“That night, she called me laughing, telling me how embarrassed she was for trying to kiss someone after misreading signals,” she says, the words coming out in a tumble.
“She never told me who it was, even when I begged, she just kept saying how stupid it all was.” She sniffs, shaking her head.
“I always thought it was some random colleague… I thought… Fuck, I didn’t think it was you.
” Folding in on herself, she buries her face in her hands.
“The diary entries… Jesus, it was right there. And I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it.”
I want to ask what she means, but I can’t. If I don’t get it all out now, I never will.
“It was in the news the next day. The crash. A fucking truck ran a red light, hit her side on,” I rasp, swallowing hard.
“It was my fault. I let her leave, Paige, I let her walk out of that door, embarrassed, humiliated… She never made it home.” I lift my head, not looking at anyone, not Beau, or Eli. Only Paige. “Because of me.”
My hands fist at my sides, nails dig painfully into my palms, and I welcome the pain. Need it.
“I went to the funeral,” I say quietly. “I saw you.”
She lowers her hands, tears streaking her cheeks, eyebrows pulled tight in a mixture of confusion and devastation.
“You looked just like her.” Heaviness threatens to choke me as I stare at her, mascara smudged under her eyes.
“Then two years later, you walked into that audition like the punishment I’d been waiting for.
” She flinches, and I deserve it. “You felt familiar, but I didn’t know why, not until we heard your last name.
But that laugh… I knew I’d heard it before. ”
The betrayal on her face is its own kind of violence. “All this time. And you said nothing? Let me fall for you while lying to me?”
She’s fallen for me?
“Uh, guys…” Eli tries to interrupt, but I ignore him. I’m not done.
“I thought I could handle it,” I say. “I thought if I kept my distance, it’d be fine. But you were just…there. Seeing me in ways no one ever has. Every time I told myself to back off, you made it impossible.”
“Don’t,” she says suddenly. “Just…stop.”
She sinks onto the edge of the armrest like her legs have finally given out. I follow, dropping to my knees in front of her, hands hovering by her thighs like I’m afraid to touch her.
“I tried, Paige. I really fucking tried,” I whisper, giving in and finally cupping her face, wiping away the tears I’ve caused. “I didn’t want to let you in. I fought it so fucking hard, but then I started to fall—”
“No.” The word cuts like glass as she shoves me away, and then she’s gone darting across the room, arms wrapping around herself, shaking.
“Maddox…” Eli’s voice is urgent now, but I can’t look at him. Not when Paige is unravelling right in front of me.
“Not now,” I snap as I rise to my feet.
“Yes, now,” Eli fires back.
I whirl on him, glaring, but he’s holding his phone out, Thea’s name glowing on the screen.
“Ignore it.”
“I can’t,” he says tightly. “This is the fifth time she’s called.”
I rake a hand through my hair, torn. “Fuck. Fine, answer it.”
Eli taps the phone and puts her on speaker, masking his panic with a singsong tone as he says, “Hey, boss.”
“Are you out of your goddamn mind?”
Eli winces, holding the screen farther away from him like Thea could somehow reach through the screen and strangle him.
“When were you going to tell me one of my band members had been drugged? In a fucking bar?”
“Thea, calm—” he starts, expression pinched.
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down,” she snaps. “What the hell happened? And why the hell am I hearing about it from someone who isn’t one of you idiots?”
Paige squeezes her eyes shut, shrinking in on herself. Her nails dig into her arms, head bowed like she’s being scolded at school. But it’s not shame, it’s survival, curling into herself like she’s trying to disappear. And god, I want to take her away from this, away from everything.
“Shit,” Beau mutters before raising his voice. “We had it under control. We—”
“You’re supposed to tell me, Beau. I’m your fucking manager,” she says, exasperated.
“Not let Reign’s bodyguard tell me after the fact.
One of my guys nearly… Jesus Christ.” She exhales sharply, like she’s trying to contain her rage.
“Do you not understand how bad this could’ve been?
Paige could have been assaulted, kidnapped, killed.
And not one of you thought I might need to know? ”
“I’m fine,” Paige says automatically, hollowly, like it’s a reflex rather than the truth.
“Oh God, Paige.” Thea’s voice softens instantly. “Honey, are you okay? Are you safe?”
Paige swallows, but stays silent.
“She’s…okay,” I cut in. “Reign’s tour doctor checked her out. She needs rest and fluids. But I think we need a stand-in for tonight—”
“No,” Paige snaps as color finally rises in her cheeks. “I’m playing.”
My chest tightens at the determined yet broken look on her face. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“That’s not your decision,” she says, steel surrounding her tone. “I’m fucking playing. End of discussion.”
“Paige—” I try to step toward her again, but Thea speaks first.
“Maddox, if she’s up for performing, it might actually be a good idea,” she says carefully, and something in her voice prickles under my skin.
“Why?” I snarl.
She sighs, and I can picture her rubbing at her temples. “Deveraux Records is coming tonight.”
The name hits like an anvil’s been dropped right in the middle of the room. Beau’s and Eli’s heads snap up, and I don’t even need to turn to know Paige just went ramrod straight.
“What did you say?” she whispers.
“The label guy I mentioned? It’s them. They’re sending someone to watch the show. No promises, but it’s happening. So we need everyone on their A-game.”
Paige stares forward, eyes hazy, gaze far away like she’s no longer here.
“Of course it is,” she murmurs, and I see the exact second she fractures. She lifts a trembling hand to her mouth, stumbling back a step, head shaking. “No. No, no, no.”
I move to reach for her, as Beau does too, the pair of us stopping as she rushes to the door.
“Paige…”
Her fingers struggle to grip the handle as every emotion circling her body starts to overwhelm her and takeover.
“Wait,” I call out, and she stops, pausing on the threshold.
“I can’t do this,” she says, voice empty of emotion. Final.
And then, she’s gone.