CHAPTER 9
brEVAN
Ifeel dead on my feet when we finally land in Reykjavík. I slept a little on the plane, but my eyes feel like they’re burning. There’s no way I’m going to be able to stay awake until this evening. I’m going to have to find something thoroughly entertaining if I’m going to stay awake.
I’m almost mindlessly following the people in front of me, who are Jerome and Wendy. I keep track of Wendy’s red hair and purple backpack as a means of making sure I remain with the group. As we head for baggage claim, an arm links with mine.
Xile is a beautiful sort of guy. He has hair that’s down to his shoulders; it’s sleek and pretty. I think he’s wearing eyeliner because his hazel eyes look bold. His smile is just… handsome.
“You as beat as I am?” Xile asks.
I nod. “Not sure I’m consciously moving right now. I’m just on autopilot. If I stop, I’ll fall over.”
He grins. “Right? Maybe we can lean on each other. You have big muscles. You can hold us both up, right?”
While I think his comment is meant to be teasing, I wince at his words. My eyes flicker to Anna and Philomena as I remember what they said about me. Only contribution is his muscles.
“Hey,” Xile says. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head and try to smile. “I’m just tired,” I say.
He doesn’t believe me. I can tell.
Usually, I’m really proud of my physique. I work hard at it. It’s not just for show, though. It’s because I need the muscles I have. I use them. They help me play football well. It’s because of them that I have an agent who’s talking to different teams about possibly drafting me in the NFL.
I’d like to scream that I’m not just a stupid athlete but…
I’m not sure I believe that. I want to. I really, really do.
It’s difficult when I’ve felt just like that for my entire life.
I’ve heard variations of the words so many times, I feel like they’re just part of my identity at this point.
How do you shed a piece of who you are and remake it?
Months ago, when I brought the mistake to Byndley, she pointed out that I have a 3.
67 GPA and that it’s a very good GPA. I did a little research, and it seems that the national average common GPA is a 3.
0, with a 4.0 being a ‘perfect A.’ If I’m forcing myself to look as the glass is half full, I’m far closer to a 4.
0 than I am a 3.0, and either way, my GPA is above average.
This should make me feel good. I don’t feel bad about it, but I don’t know if I feel proud of my grade point average. In my mind, I have to work so damn hard for every single class. Does that mean I’m smart? Do I even take challenging courses, or are they just difficult for me?
If someone earns a GPA of 3.67, taking all basic classes that are considered ‘easy,’ and someone else takes all advanced classes and averages the same GPA, what does that say?
An A in basic algebra is not equivalent to an A in differential geometry.
I don’t even know what differential geometry is, but I saw it on the course catalog and looked it up, and… yeah.
“Brevan?”
I blink out of my thoughts. Wow, I really am tired. I think I’m swaying.
“Isn’t that your suitcase?” Xile asks.
“Yep,” I say and move forward to grab it from the belt. Jerome sees the one I’m going for and grabs it before it gets past us. “Thanks.”
I move away from the belt, sliding my gifted carry-on with RDU merch winter gear onto the pull handle, and wait patiently. Xile joins me again and once more links his arm with mine. “Do you mind?” he asks.
“No.”
He sighs. “I’m really tired too.” He leans his head against my shoulder and closes his eyes. He has long lashes. I think they brush his cheeks.
When we all have our things, we’re herded outside, and wow. The chill has my eyes opening wide.
“Damn,” Corwin says.
The sound of unzipping fills the air around me as my classmates pull their new outdoor gear out. I do the same and instantly feel better with my new parka and beanie.
“Best gift ever,” Sarabeth says as she snuggles inside the warmth of her new jacket. I’m nodding along. Couldn’t agree more.
The shuttle bus isn’t as big and extravagant as the one we took from Glensdale to LAX, which is fine. This ride is twenty-two minutes, not eight hours.
And then we’re pulling into one of the coolest places I’ve ever seen. The accommodations we’re staying in are called the Engi Domes, and they’re just as they sound. The rooms are domed. From what I can tell, they’re basically yurts, but they look so damn cool and they’re all facing the mountains.
“Over here, kiddos,” Byndley says. “We’re breaking you into twos and threes. Mercy, Philomena, and Wendy—you’re in seven. Come get your keys.”
I watch as they take their keys from Byndley.
“Hang out and we’ll walk together so we get the same tour. Anna and Sarabeth, nine. Jerome and Samuel, eleven. That leaves Xile, Corwin, and Brevan in fourteen. Katai and I will be in eight. Dr. Weaver is in ten and Dr. Keller is in two. Everyone has their keys?”
We nod our heads.
“Along with your key are a couple maps. Of course, you’re welcome to use GPS, but for those who don’t have international coverage, there are paper maps like we had as kids.
” I grin. Beside me, Xile giggles. “The first is of the Engi Domes site, located where all the domes are, and the surrounding amenities. The second map is of the town of Engi. You’re free to explore, nap, or do as you please until dinner.
I know you’re all as tired as I am, but remember that your internal clock is already messed up, so if you nap, don’t nap too long. No matter how tempting it is.”
When Byndley is finished, we follow a person from the Engi Domes who leads us down the path. Their grounds are covered in snow, giving the entire area a magical feeling. The man points out various parts of the complex, and I mentally note a couple of places I want to check out.
The smoke from the chimney of our dome is far too tempting to take a nap, though. When we’re pointed to ours, I eagerly head inside. There are three beds. One is on the floor, while the other two are in the loft over the bathroom. I volunteer for the loft with Xile.
He gives me a wide smile and wiggles his eyebrows. I’m excited about the loft, too. It looks so cool.
Besides the sleeping accommodations, there’s a wood-burning stove, a couple chairs, and a small kitchenette that can’t truly be called a kitchenette.
There’s a coffeemaker with individual cups of fancy espresso and the like, a teakettle, and a cabinet with nothing in it.
However, the star of the show is the clear panel in the soft shell that overlooks the mountains.
Before I even head up to my bed, I stand in front of the window between Corwin and Xile. Together, we stare. Maybe it’s just because we’re tired, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen something so breathtaking. The mountains are snowy, rising in the near distance like jagged peaks.
“It’s…” Corwin murmurs.
I nod. Xile leans into my side, resting his head on my shoulder and sighs. “It is,” Xile agrees.
We stand there for a long time, staring at the beauty. I only move away when I feel as if I’m truly swaying.
“Come on,” I tell Xile. “I’ll help you get your suitcase up.”
“You’re assuming there’s room for it up there,” Corwin says. “Better check first. I think we’re going to be using this weird little kitchen area as a closet.”
I head up the ladder first and… yeah. “Yep, change of plans. Kitchen closet it is.”
“Not weird at all,” Xile says as he pulls his suitcase to the side. He goes back for mine, and I decide to stay up and crash on the bed there.
It’s comfortable. Maybe the most comfortable bed I’ve ever lain on. There’s a chance that I’m just too exhausted to think otherwise, but for now, it’s heaven. A cloud.
I shift and twist until I’m bundled in the thick blanket and close my eyes. A waft of air hits me, and I manage to peel my eyes open. Xile dropped onto his bed and is lying there, unmoving.
“I’m setting an alarm for an hour,” Corwin says. “Byndley says we can’t sleep the day away, and that woman is a little intimidating.”
I grin and close my eyes. I’m out almost immediately.
An unfamiliar buzzing jerks me awake. I’m so tired that it takes me a minute to remember where I am, and a smile covers my face. This hasn’t all been a dream. I’m really in Iceland!
Xile groans. I turn my head to look at him.
He looks like a big ball of blankets. Rolling onto my stomach, I look out over the loft through the windows, and my breath catches.
What would it be like to wake up to a view of snow-capped mountains all year round?
The skies are clear. There’s mist around the peak of one of the mountains.
“I could wake up to this view every day,” Corwin says.
“I was just thinking that,” I answer.
“It doesn’t feel like I slept at all,” Xile complains.
Grinning, I close my eyes. Immediately, my body begins to get heavy, and I can feel sleep trying to take hold again.
Sighing, I force myself up into a sitting position.
If I don’t get up, I’m going to fall back asleep.
Between the time change and the lack of sleep on the plane, I feel like I haven’t slept in a month.
There are two feet separating my bed from Xile’s. It’s a tight area, but that’s okay. I don’t mind. He doesn’t appear to be moving. His soft snore makes me grin. I’m not sure he’s going to be getting up.
My body feels achy when I push to my feet. I can’t stand straight because of the curve of the dome, so I shuffle to the ladder and carefully make my way down. Once my feet hit the floor, I stretch.
Corwin is sitting up in his bed watching out the window.
Now that I’ve had a little bit of sleep, I can appreciate the space.
The peak of the dome is high overhead, and the structure is open.
It definitely reminds me of the inside of a yurt.
I can see all the crossing of the beams holding it up in some places.
Like a yurt, the material feels like really heavy fabric. Thick. As I study it, I think there are several layers overlapping each other. The window is actually clear plastic. There’s a curtain that’s tied on either side of the window.
I was so tired before that I completely missed… “Is that a jacuzzi outside?” I ask, stepping closer to the window.
Corwin grins. “Appears so. Maybe that’s why our packing list included a bathing suit.”
“I thought it was weird that it was included in the packing list but emphasized no winter outdoor gear.”
He nods. “Same. I found myself searching the map for an island called Iceland that was near the equator.”
I smile and turn to the chair beside the woodstove. It’s a small stove, but it does a damn good job keeping the place warm. “It’s surprisingly spacious in here.”
“It is,” Corwin agrees. “It’s bigger than most underclassman dorms are.”
I tilt my head. “Your dorm was smaller than this?”
“Oh, definitely,” he says. I take a seat on the chair beside the woodstove.
The warmth feels nice. “But not as small as I’ve seen.
It’s so misleading when colleges show the dorms of upperclassmen but leave out what underclassmen have to reside in.
At least at RDU, each dorm has a room picture associated with it, so I knew what I was getting into.
I’d say… taking out the bathroom and shit, and obviously lowering the roof, it was maybe two-thirds the size to share between two people. ”
I look around. “Huh.”
“You athletes have something different?”
“Yes and no. Our bedrooms we shared with one other person, but then there was a common room for every two to three bedrooms, depending on the suite.”
Corwin shakes his head. “My talents lie in mathematics, so I get a small room.”
I’d like to say something in explanation, but I don’t have anything to add. “Sorry.”
He shrugs. “Meh. I’ve been lucky enough to have some great roommates. I have my own room this year.”
“You still live on campus?”
Corwin nods. “Yep. Easier. And I don’t have to find money to pay rent since my room is included in my tuition.”
“That’s fair.”
“You live on campus too, right?”
“It’s required by the athletic department.”
“Maybe because they don’t give you a choice, they make your rooms a little more livable,” Corwin suggests.
“I don’t know if that’s the case. If I had to take a guess, I think that some corporate sponsors helped fund the construction of the athletic dorms and maybe had some say in their design.”
“That’s a thing?”
“It can be.” I nod. “I know that our jersey designs are funded by sponsors, and they get input in design. Same thing with re-turfing the field. That’s why there’s a debate right now between the blue turf and the green turf.”
“Why not just grass?”
“To make a completely level playing field. Less maintenance. RDU has real fields, but Coach wants turf.”
“I’m surprised he hasn’t demanded a pink turf,” Corwin muses.
I grin. “He has. His sponsors disagree. He’s even pointed out that a pink turf might throw off all visiting teams, working to our advantage. They considered his request for a solid week.”
Corwin laughs.
We lapse into silence for a while, but it’s making me drowsy. “I think I’m going to wander around a bit, or I’m gonna fall asleep again.”
He nods. “Yeah, I might as well, too. I slept on the second flight, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve closed my eyes in twenty-four hours.” His eyes flicker up to where Xile is sleeping. “They’d better not keep us awake because they’re sleeping all afternoon.”
My eyebrows scrunch together. “They?” Is there more than one person in that blanket pile?
“Xile.” My confusion must show on my face. “Xile’s non-binary. The pronouns they prefer are they/them, though he/him is usually not something they’ll get offended at.”
I wince. “I didn’t know that.”
Corwin smiles. “Xile’s cool. If your using different pronouns had upset them, they would have said.”
“Good to know. I won’t forget.” The last thing I want to do is make someone who has been super nice to me upset.
I slip into my boots, parka, hat, and gloves to brave the cold. As soon as it touches my face, I shudder. Now I feel more awake.