CHAPTER 18
KENDRICK
It’s been easy to see that Brevan doesn’t do well when he’s under the microscope with everyone’s attention on him. He’s not afraid to voice his thoughts and ideas, but he’s immediately self-conscious if they’re not received well.
I remember what Zarek overheard the girls say about him, and I have a feeling it’s not the first time he’s heard those words or something similar regarding himself. Brevan is far from a dumb jock. Maybe the most promising future we’ve imagined together on this trip has come from Brevan’s idea.
Humble, sweet Brevan. You don’t become self-conscious like he is with tons of encouragement and support.
Which leads me to believe he’s heard similar words for so long that he believes them.
That’s only backed up by Byndley’s report on Brevan stopping by the office months ago to tell us there’s been a mistake in his invitation to the program.
Hmm, maybe that’s the answer. Brevan was chosen by his coach. Over a hundred students on his team and Coach Lemon chose Brevan, knowing that this young man was the best candidate to be a student ambassador.
That very well might be the answer. It’s not like we need the students to pull transcripts. Administration has access. We have their student files. Anything we need to know academia-wise, we can find. What we need is a handful of someones voluntarily suggesting students who fit a profile.
That profile needs to include someone who doesn’t talk about people they don’t know, like the two girls did about Brevan.
Anna and Philomena have been good members of the group aside from that one incident, but nevertheless, that doesn’t give them a free pass for making someone feel like shit about themselves.
Seeing how the people assembled here have enthusiastically embraced Brevan’s idea and excitedly talk about it as if we’ll be able to get it into place as soon as we get back makes Brevan relax.
There’s not much pride in his expression as he looks around, almost as if he’s not the one who thought it up.
He’s simply happy that they like the idea. He’s content to sit back and listen, lunch long since forgotten. I’ve been watching him far more than I should be, but I can tell how observant he is. Though… not quite so much when he’s being flirted with.
Brevan pays attention to people. He studies them and listens to everything they say.
He’s not aware when Xile flirts with him.
I might have thought this was an act except that we spent a few hours at the pub playing trivia last night, and though Xile never missed an opportunity to flirt or make an innuendo, Brevan was entirely oblivious to it.
That might also point back to his self-consciousness. There’s a chance he doesn’t see himself as someone that another person might desire, so he can’t fathom that someone is showing an interest.
We break around two. It’s a little after the time we’d intended to break, but the kids weren’t eager to leave as they continued to talk about the possibilities.
When Magnus announced we were done for the day and that we’d see everyone tomorrow, discussion turned to tomorrow’s events.
The tóreargleei University kids changed track of the conversation to tell mine about tomorrow’s community day.
I linger long enough to make sure my kids leave. When we’re outside, Byndley calls, “The shuttle to the Domes will be leaving in fifteen. You’re not required to get on! You’re all adults, so I’m going to remind you we have a long day tomorrow, so make sure you get some sleep.”
Several ‘Yes, ma’ams’ filled the air. Byndley meets my eye before climbing onto the shuttle. I linger as I talk to a couple of the students, keeping my eye on Brevan, especially since Anna and Philomena approach him.
Brevan begins backing away, but they get in his path, stopping him.
My gut twists, and I’m ready to go over there before I hear Anna’s words, and they make me pause.
“Brevan, can we talk to you for a minute?”
Brevan looks at her warily, his cheeks already red, though that might be from the cool air. He inclines his head, not meeting either girls’ eyes. I follow their progress off the sidewalk and out of the way to a somewhat distant location for a private conversation.
Fortunately for me, they’re not far enough away that I can’t hear.
“I think maybe you overheard our conversation at the airport in L.A.,” Anna says. Brevan shuffles on his feet, giving her a single, minute bob of his head in agreement. “I’m sorry. It was mean, and I was wrong. Those words should never have left my mouth.”
“Okay,” Brevan says.
“We don’t really think those things we said,” Philomena says. “You’re incredible, and we were just being assholes for no reason.”
“If you didn’t mean them, you wouldn’t have said them,” Brevan points out.
“Okay, you’re right,” Philomena amends. “We thought them. Wrongfully. Not knowing you at all, and based solely on your appearance and the fact that you’re really quiet. But not only should mean things remain inside thoughts, but we wrongfully judged you.”
Brevan nods. “Okay.”
“You don’t have to forgive us,” Anna says. “I understand. But we wanted to apologize. Not just because we were jerks, and we were wrong, but because you’re really incredible, and we think that’s something you should hear.”
“Thank you,” Brevan says.
“We’re going to head to the market and see about renting a jeep to explore. Want to join us?” Philomena asks. “Let us make it up to you?”
Brevan shakes his head. “No, thank you. I appreciate the invitation, but I’m going to go back to the domes and study.”
“It’s spring break,” Anna says, frowning.
“I have a paper to write.”
The girls exchange a look. “Okay. We’re very sorry and hope that someday you’ll forgive us, though it’s okay if you don’t. You don’t owe us anything,” Philomena says.
Brevan gives them a small smile. “Thanks.”
The girls wave and wander off. Brevan doesn’t get on the shuttle but begins walking down the road instead. I excuse myself from the small group I’m standing with and stop to tell Byndley I’m going to walk back.
It takes me a few minutes to catch up since I don’t want it to be entirely obvious I’m following Brevan like a creep. He pauses at a coffee shop and stops inside to order. That’s a perfect opportunity to join him.
Brevan’s smile when I step up beside him in line is much bigger than any of those he offered the girls. “Hi,” he greets.
“How are you, Brevan?”
He nods, shrugs one shoulder. “Good. Today was a lot of fun. I don’t always think about how lucky I am at Rainbow Dorset, but after talking with Aueur and Einar today, I feel very fortunate.”
“I’m glad that Rainbow Dorset makes you forget that.”
Brevan looks at me with confusion. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want any of my students to think about how fortunate they are to have a safe, secure, happy, and healthy place to get an education. This is how it should be everywhere. This should be normal. I’m glad that RDU provides that.”
He sighs. “It’s… hard to hear what some people go through. It makes me sick to my stomach. Even worse is knowing that some people never escape the awful in the world.”
“When I was younger, I wanted to change the world. I wanted to force everyone to get over their shit and treat other humans with kindness and respect.”
“You don’t want that anymore?” he asks, eyebrows knitted together.
“Oh, I do. But I’m now realistic. I can’t change the world.
It’s misleading to tell our young to reach for the stars and they’ll be able to make a difference in the world, because that’s not realistic.
It’s setting that child up for failure. Maybe a better adage is encouraging them to change lives.
If you can make one life better, then maybe you’ve led a successful life. ”
“Huh.”
“I still want to force everyone to be better humans, but I know that’s not going to happen.
People are so caught up in their own opinions and agendas, and feel like they have a right to shove it down other people’s throats.
What would make me any different if I tried to force them to be better people? ”
“I don’t think that’s the same thing.”
“It is. I’ve come to this realization grudgingly, even if I don’t like that answer.
So, I changed my life goal. I can’t change someone.
You’re never going to make someone change anyway.
The only way someone will change is if the desire to change comes from within themselves.
So I looked at what was in my power. What tools do I have that I can use to make someone’s life better? ”
“And you found RDU.”
“I found RDU. A place that had the foundation to help people that need it. I’m no longer trying to convince people to change when they don’t want to.
If you choose to be hateful while still trying to convince yourself that your hate comes from a place of love because of your beliefs, I think those people are going to have a very rude awakening when they face judgement.
That’s of their own doing and, not to sound like an ass, but I hope they burn in hell. ”
Brevan grins.
“I’m choosing to do good because I believe everyone is human and deserves the same opportunities and safety that the supposed ‘majority’ experience.
That’s why I’ve dedicated my life to continuing RDU’s advancement.
Not because they’re special and deserve special treatment, but because they deserve fair treatment.
That’s why I don’t want my students or staff to feel fortunate.
I want them to feel normal, whatever that means. ”
Brevan looks down, a smile on his face. His name is called, and he steps forward to take his drink from the barista. “Do you want a drink, Dr. Keller?”
“No, thank you. And we’re off the clock. You can call me Kendrick now.”
He inclines his head again, and we move toward the door. I watch him from the corner of my eye as he sips his drink.
“You didn’t want to go exploring this afternoon?” I ask.
Brevan raises one shoulder. “I have a paper to write.”
“For which class?”
His eyes flicker toward me. “Not a class. For Coach.”
“Ah.” I try to piece this together. “I didn’t realize Coach Frost has his athletes write him papers.”
He bows his head. I’ve decided this is a sign of his feeling bashful. “He does when he thinks we need to be taught something that we’re not getting from a class or otherwise.”
“What did he assign you?”
Brevan sighs. “To tell him why I deserve to be here.”
“Here? In Iceland? On the football team? Or are we talking on a cosmic scale, so here as in alive?”
He flashes me a smile. “Here in Iceland.”
“You don’t think you should be.”
He chews the inside of his lip before taking another sip. “I don’t know,” he admits, though I feel like that’s an improvement on an outright no. “Maybe. I guess I still need some convincing.”
I let the subject drop as we continue toward the domes. I don’t want him to feel like he’s being put on the spot, so I bring the conversation back around to this afternoon. “Everyone loved your exchange student idea.”
“Did you?” he asks, glancing my way.
“I did. As Dr. Albertson said, I’m surprised we didn’t already think of it sooner. I’m looking forward to getting back and seeing how to get it up and running for the fall semester.”
His eyes widen. “So soon?”
I smile and knock my shoulder against his.
“It’s an incredible idea, Brevan. It’ll help streamline everything we want to accomplish between the two schools, and I think it’ll help us bring the environment we’re looking for to fruition on a much quicker timeline.
It’s one thing to explain to someone over the phone or in an email how something works, looks, and performs, and why.
But if someone was there to help it along?
So our partners have hands-on and visual aids?
” I shake my head. “In fact, I think we can do this not just with students but with faculty, too. Students will be able to help with student life and inclusion. But faculty will be able to do what faculty do.”
“I didn’t think of the teachers. That’s a good idea.”
“All yours.”
“I only thought about the students,” he says.
“You did, but I bet it wouldn’t have taken you long to bring up staff, too.”
He smiles. It’s easy to see he’s not convinced of that. But he smiles all the same, and I’ll take that as a win.