Chapter 14
Cage
I gently run my fingers through my girl's long hair as she sleeps softly against my chest, and my heart hammers when I feel her move.
“You need to let go of the guilt,” Drew whispers and I swallow hard, my hand tightening around her hair as I lower my head, resting my forehead against her head.
After having sex yet again, I rode us to the Dark Angels clubhouse.
Everyone welcomed us with open arms. Blade’s mom instantly took my girl aside and introduced her to a few other women before we said our goodnights.
Not once did Drew bring up my confession.
If anything, she acted like I hadn’t said anything at all.
“I thought you were asleep,” I murmur against her head.
She hums, gently running her finger along her name on my chest. “I can’t sleep without getting this out.
I knew you didn’t want to hear it earlier, which is why I let you create a distraction,” she admits, my heart fluttering again.
“You need to stop holding onto the guilt, because Bellamy, it was not your fault.” My eyes tear up, and my nose stings as she looks up and cups my cheek and she asks, “How in the hell were you supposed to know such evil existed?”
“Because the Chargers have raped our women, they’ve killed our men.” I try, and she instantly shakes her head.
“But that doesn’t mean you knew evil as that existed,” she says fiercely.
She reminds me, “She killed your baby out of selfishness. She killed a twelve-year-old out of greed. No one knows that kind of evil exists in the world, especially not in a teenage girl. You were eighteen, trying to do the right thing. You didn’t know she was that cruel.
You didn’t know she was going to flip like that.
Honestly, Bell, you have punished yourself enough, and I hate that I’m saying this, but you’ve punished your parents enough. ”
"Little bird," I say, squeezing my eyes tightly at her truth and she gently presses her lips against mine.
"I’ve seen you ignore your mom’s calls, your sister’s. You’re punishing them, Bellamy, along with yourself. You need to stop because it wasn’t your fault!" she says fiercely.
“I’ve messed up a lot over the years, baby,” I confess and our eyes lock.
Hurt and anger for me shine back, making me fall even more in love with her.
“I know,” she whispers. “And you had every right to—you were hurting. But now, you need to make things right. Don’t push your family away because of your misplaced guilt. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know…”
I squeeze my eyes shut again as my phone vibrates on the bedside table, even though it’s one in the morning and I flinch at the noise and movement.
“Answer her, Bellamy, make her night…” Drew whispers, and I squeeze her tighter to me and press my lips against her head before I nod.
She moves off me and I slowly climb out of bed as my phone stops buzzing. I quickly put on my jeans, grab my phone, and go to the door before I look back at Drew. She gives me an encouraging smile, and I half smile back.
As I said, this girl is slowly bringing me back.
I leave the room and walk down the hallway.
The prospect behind the bar gives me a head nod while several clubwhores, as they call them here, look over my bare chest with greed and lust, but I ignore them and walk outside before taking a seat on the bench seat, and I twist my phone in my hand a few times.
“It is not your fault….”
My girls' words echo, and I know they’re true, but I’ve fucked up so much over the years, and she’s right, I have unintentionally punished my mom.
Sighing, I bring up the missed call, then press it and put the phone to my ear.
It rings five times, and just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail, my mom's shocked voice echoes in my ear.
“Bellamy?” she answers with a choke, and I smile slightly.
“Hi, Mom,” I answer, and she lets out a sob, and my guilt kicks up a notch. “Mom…” I murmur soothingly, and she hiccups, “I’ve missed you, my boy,” and I flinch, hating myself even more.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper, “I just needed to let loose, I guess, to let my anger out.”
“I know,” she says, “but it wasn’t your fault, Bellamy, you didn’t know.”
“Yeah, so I’ve been told,” I mutter as I eye the window where I’m staying, and I admit, “My girl, she helped me today, and I think I might have finally opened my eyes because of her.”
Mom's quiet for a moment before she asks, “You’ve got a girl?” and I hum, not surprised the brothers or Dad haven’t told her.
“I do,” I admit. “I have to tell you, Mom, you’d love her.
She’s a ballerina and has been in lots of shows.
She still performs, but only to raise money for others.
She teaches in her own studio, which she rents and lives above, where I now live.
She’s family-oriented. She convinced me to give you a call and explained that even though I’m punishing myself, I’m unintentionally punishing you and Dad. For that, I am so sorry, Mom.”
“I think I like her already,” Mom chokes, and I smile slightly, which slowly fades when she asks, “If you’re living with her, does that mean you’re not coming home?”
“Al, who are you speaking to at one in the morning?” I hear my dad snap, but she doesn’t answer him, instead, she’s waiting for my answer. Knowing Mom, she’s probably put me on speaker.
“I don’t know, Mom,” I admit before I hear Dad suck in a breath.
See, speaker.
I sigh and admit, “Even though I’m slowly learning Angie’s death wasn’t my fault, that I couldn’t have known that bitch would have turned that evil as my girl says, I just don’t know if being in Hill Crest is the right path for me,” and I run my hand through my hair.
Drew took it out of the bun hours ago, running her fingers through it.
“You said her name,” Mom chokes, and I swallow hard.
“My girl, she’s, fuck, she’s slowly bringing me back, and I’m slowly bringing her up more.
If I see something I think she may have liked, I’ll tell Drew instantly and tonight,” I sigh, “Tonight I finally opened up to her, and she listened, she didn’t jump in, she didn’t give her two cents.
Except for getting pissed on my behalf when I mentioned the abortion, she waited until around ten minutes ago to tell me I was an idiot for blaming myself.
She knew what I needed and when I needed it. ”
“I really like this girl,” Mom rasps and Dad says, “Come home, son,” and I swallow hard, ready to decline but before I can he states, “I don’t mean right now, you still have time, you still have three months, I just mean, when your girl has healed you, pack her shit, and bring both of you home.”
“It isn’t that simple, Dad, I’ve done a lot of shit–”
He cuts me off and snaps, “It is that simple, this is your home, this presidency patch is yours!”
The door opens behind me, and my body tingles like always when she's near. I lift my right arm before Drew takes a seat beside me, and I look at her and smile, seeing she’s still in my cut.
Whenever we visit allies, unless your woman has an old lady patch, if you see the woman as yours, she must wear your cut for protection, and fuck, she looks hot in my cut.
“Everything okay?” Drew whispers, and I hear Mom suck in a breath, and I put the phone on speaker as I reply, “Of course, baby, why don’t you say hi to my parents.”
Drew smiles widely, realizing I’m still on the phone with them, and says, “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Martinez…”
I chuckle at how formal she is with the parentals, and Mom huffs, “Mrs. Martinez sounds old, you can call me Alesia or Al, sweetheart, and you can call my husband, Chains.”
Drew furrows her brows and says, “I really don’t want to know why your father's road name is Chains, do I?”
I hear Dad laugh in the background while I shake my head and admit, “No, you don’t,” and she really fucking doesn’t.
Somehow telling her he choked a man and killed him with a chain because he attacked my mom won’t be the best of ideas.
She struggled when I admitted I killed Toya. At least I think she did, she didn’t bring it up, I think club life is something she may struggle with. The things we have to do, that is just another reason why I don’t know if going home is a good idea.
“He killed someone with them, didn’t he?” she confirms out of the blue, and I choke out a laugh at how easy she said it.
Okay, never mind her struggling, my mind is just making up shit.
“The man tried to attack me,” Mom admits, and Drew nods, and I just blink.
“At least I know why you got the name Cage with how many times you got locked up,” she murmurs.
I grin as Dad, who finally sounds a little bit calmer, him begging me to come home forgotten for now, admits, “Actually, sweetheart, he got his road name because he liked to fight in a cage in the underground fight club.”
Drew's mouth parts slightly before she looks at me with shock.
“I don’t know whether to drool over that or hit you for willingly locking yourself up to be potentially beaten up,” she mutters, and I swear my grin widens.
“Little bird, drool, always drool,” I state, and Mom cackles.
“I really do like her,” she repeats and I shake my head as she and Drew begin a conversation about the Broadway shows and competitions she did and how she hung up her slippers, so to speak, to teach.
My mom gushed and begged for tickets for when she next has a show and I wrap my arm around my little bird’s shoulders and listen with a small smile, all while silently hoping my dad doesn’t chime in.
I won't have him put Drew on the spot, especially when I don’t know what I’m going to do about the club.
Right now, I just want to focus on my girl and how I can keep her safe when I couldn’t keep Angie safe.
No matter how much I’m slowly beginning to see it wasn’t my fault, thanks to my girl’s support, it doesn’t ease the guilt that I brought Toya into our lives.
It doesn’t ease the guilt that I haven’t been to see my little sister.
Shame I didn’t realize soon enough that it isn’t always the cut that is the problem, that I, being me even without the patch, paints a target on my girl's back.