Chapter 19
Cage
My heart hammers as I stare at the photo, my past flashing before me, and I don’t just mean the cocaine, the prison stints, or even the women. I’m talking about my sister dying after overhearing Toya, about the baby that would have been seven right now, that had a heartbeat, that was terminated.
Shit.
I drop my head with a heavy sigh, struggling to steady my breath as a craving for a line surges through me and I grip the ultrasound photo harder.
It’s five in the fucking morning, and I should be in bed right now, holding my girl while silently promising her that everything will be okay. Not sitting on the couch staring at the photo and allowing my past to fuck up my head.
She thinks I believe she trapped me, but I know she didn’t.
I know she took her pill religiously. I know she isn’t ready for kids, just like I’m not.
Fuck, I didn’t even want kids or see them in my future until I met Drew.
Fate is fucking with me again, just like it did getting that bitch pregnant.
It fucked with me when Angie was killed just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I eye the photo before looking at my phone. I swallow hard as I grab the device and bring up a number I haven’t called in a long time. Without thinking too much of it, I press on it and put the device to my ear.
He answers on the first ring, but instead of saying hello, he says, “Well, it’s about time, brother.”
“I need your help, Blaze,” I admit quietly as I drop my head.
I haven’t spoken to him since I killed Drake, and I haven’t even personally dialed his number in who knows how fucking long.
“I’m in town,” he admits, “Got in about half an hour ago, my room number is 112.”
“I’ll be five minutes,” I say before hanging up, and I stand as I put the photo in my pocket. I grab my cut off the back of the couch as my eyes travel to our room, and I swallow hard yet again.
Fuck.
Taking a deep breath, I grab my keys and walk out.
I need to get my head sorted before I can have a full conversation with my girl. I don’t want her to believe I don’t want this baby. Even though I didn’t see kids in my future, I’ve envisioned her pregnancy, I just didn’t expect it this soon.
Fuck me and my super sperm.
***
“What the fuck are you doing in town?” I ask as soon as Blaze opens the door, and the fucker just smirks.
“Came to convince you to come home,” he admits, and I scoff as I shove him aside and storm into the room before pacing and he questions, “Brother?”
I stop and look at a now concerned-looking Blaze, and I choke, “I want a line,” and he freezes.
“Where in the fuck is your girl?” he demands as he shuts the door, and I admit, “At home, asleep.”
“Okay, first, it isn’t your home, it’s just a place you both are laying your heads,” he snaps as he points at me, “Two, why in the fuck haven’t you woken her if you need a line? You know she’s your rock.”
“Because I don’t want to break her heart,” I whisper, and he narrows his light green eyes.
“Please fucking tell me you haven’t cheated on her!” he demands, and I scoff.
“Cheat on her? I’d rather chop my own cock off, the woman is my fucking world, I want to marry her,” I snap back, and he looks at me like I’ve lost the plot.
“Then why in the fuck would you break her heart?” he asks, perplexed, and I admit, “Because we just found out that she’s twelve weeks pregnant, despite her being on the pill,” and he drops his arms in shock, his mouth dropping, and I nod before I begin to pace again.
I rant, “I love her, I really fucking love her. She’s brought me back, she’s made me happy and given me a purpose, but fuck, a dad?
Me? I’m a fuck up, Blaze, a big fucking fuck up!
The drugs, prison, the women, fuck, I snorted coke off bitches chests.
But, my girl? My amazing girl, looked the other way, she didn’t judge me for it, and now we’re having a baby,” I stop and look towards my concerned friend, and I choke, “What if I fuck the kid up? What if I can’t keep it safe like I couldn’t keep my baby all those years ago safe?
” I flinch and gasp, “What if I lose my girl?”
“Fuck,” he curses, seeing I’m beginning to hyperventilate at the thought of losing Drew. He quickly rushes over to me, grabs my neck, and places his forehead against mine.
“You won’t lose her, brother,” he says vehemently, “Something I came to learn, she loves you to the point that wherever you go, she will fucking follow despite having family and connections in this town. Despite owning her own business and having clients. She knows about Toya, she knows about Angie, the drugs, prison, how far you had fallen because of guilt, she knows everything, brother. She knows, and she is still here, she’s still with you, she still fucking loves you! ”
I shake my head and choke, “I don’t think I’d make a good dad.”
“You will,” he instantly replies softly, “This kid is going to be lucky because it’ll have two parents that. Even though you're scared, you both will love it unconditionally, and it’ll have several uncles that will treat it like their own, myself included,” and he hugs me to him as my eyes sting.
He whispers, “Come home, brother, come home and let us, your family, get you through this. Understand how lucky this kid is to have you as a dad, bring your girl home and I fucking promise, the club will keep them both safe, we’re not kids anymore.”
I squeeze my eyes tight and breathe heavy as he says, “I’ve grown up with a druggie, I lived a shitty life, and brother, you are not a fucking druggie, you're a big brother that lost his way through guilt.”
My heart breaks just as my phone rings and I flinch, then mutter, “Fuck, I didn’t leave Drew a note,” and Blaze sighs, “Something tells me she’s going to kill you.”
I huff out a chuckle as he steps back, concern in his eyes. I grab my phone—a picture of my girl spinning in her studio making me smile—before I answer and put it on speaker.
“Hey, baby,” I say with hesitation, and Blaze bites his bottom lip to stop his laughter, and I give him the middle finger.
“Three questions, Bellamy,” she says curtly, and fuck, even Blaze winces at the anger lacing her voice.
I clear my throat, and I encourage, “Go on…”
“Number one,” she says, “are you in the vicinity?”
Shit.
Blaze's eyes widen, and I answer, “I am,” and she hums, then asks hesitantly, “Okay, number two, have you relapsed?”
“No, I haven’t relapsed, baby,” I reply with so much love that even Blaze has softened hearing her question.
“Last question,” she says as she clears her throat, “did you bang your head?”
I frown at Blaze, who looks at the phone in confusion, and I answer, “Uh, no, I didn’t hit my head.”
“Huh, funny, because the Bellamy I know wouldn’t disappear before I woke up after telling him his stupid ass magic sperm beat my contraception without leaving a goddamn note. I figured he must have hit his stupid big head, leaving me completely terrified!” she shouts, and I wince.
Uh-oh.
“I think I fucked up,” I say more to Blaze, who winces when Drew snaps, “No fucking shit!”
I flinch at her cursing, startled because my girl never curses. Guilt floods me, and I say softly, “Little Bird, I’m sorry, I just didn’t think to leave a note.”
Blaze drops his head at my words, and I wince seeing my fuck up when she shouts, “You didn’t think? Are you kidding me? If this were the other way around, you would have burned the goddamn town down!”
I nod because yeah, she has a point, and Blaze snorts, “I like her,” and I grin at his words while Drew groans, “Please tell me you did not just let me have a meltdown with one of your brothers around, Bellamy Benjamin Martinez?!”
My eyes widen at the full name, and Blaze full-blown laughs as he stutters, “Fuck, i-it must be love if she knows your middle name!”
I scowl at the fucker before saying softly to my girl, “Little bird, do you want to meet us at the diner? You can officially meet Blaze.”
“No,” she instantly snaps, and Blaze scowls at the phone, his laughter truly gone, and a hint of hurt shines in his eyes, and I wince.
He knows she met Trick and they had a good time and she’s mentioned a lot how much she wanted to meet Blaze, but the problem is that I’ve pissed her off.
“Little bird,” I sigh, but she cuts me off and growls, “I don’t need a buffer for when I strangle you, Bellamy!”
Blaze bites down hard on his bottom lip while I flinch at her threat, the image of Drake's broken dick coming to me, and I quickly manipulate, “Little bird, you just hurt him, he thinks you don’t want to meet him,” and Blaze turns around quickly as his shoulders shake.
Drew’s quiet for a moment before she sniffs.
“I’ll be there in twenty,” she says before hanging up and Blaze lets his laughter out as he turns back around and opens his mouth.
I put my hand up, and he looks at me in confusion—until my phone rings again.
I answer it, but before I can say anything, Drew snaps, “I love you!” then she hangs up again.
Blaze loses it once more as I smirk and shake my head. “Fuck, her hormones are already all over the place,” I grunt with humor as Blaze calms himself down.
“Brother, you didn’t leave her a note after she told you she was pregnant and you vanished. That wasn’t hormones, that was fear, she has every right to be pissed,” he chuckles.
“Brother, she kneed her ex so hard in the cock she broke it,” I remind him and he winces then says, “We better hurry then, especially when she probably knows you manipulated her into feeling bad for me just so she didn’t kill you for not leaving her a note,” and I groan before walking towards the door and fear rushes through me again.
“Brotherhood brother, we’ve got your back, you can do this, you can be a dad, I know it and so does your girl.”
I swallow hard and nod before I walk out of the motel, then begin the trek towards the diner and fucking hope and pray Drew loves my dick enough not to break it.
When we get close, I take a deep breath, seeing Drew wearing my hoodie standing outside the diner, her arms crossed, and Blaze snorts but coughs to cover it like a dick.
“Hey, baby,” I say when close, and she scowls at me, making me sigh and admit, “I wanted a line,” and her scowl drops along with her arms.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” she asks with hurt, and I fucking hate myself for this, but I admit, “Because I didn’t want you to hurt knowing I was scared about becoming a dad.”
“Bellamy,” she whispers as she walks towards me and presses into my body. My arms wrap around her as she says, “You’re most certainly not the only one who is scared. I wasn’t joking when I thought it could end up like my sister.”
I drop my forehead against hers, and she chokes, “The only reason why I’m not freaking out is that I know I have you, because I know, together, we will get through this.
You are my rock, just like I’m yours. If you get that need, don’t walk out to try and hide the pain from me, lean on me like I have leaned on you every single day since we met. ”
I snort and press my lips against hers before I move my right hand between us and place it underneath the hoodie. I smile slightly feeling our baby for the first time.
“How in the fuck did I not notice that you have a baby bump?” I murmur, and Blaze quickly interjects, “Uh, Cage, you uh, you’re not supposed to say those kinds of things to a pregnant woman, you’re basically calling her fat,” and my eyes widen as I lock them with my girl’s narrowed ones.
Shit.
“You like my cock,” I instantly state, and Blaze laughs as she shoves me away before introducing herself to him.
“Hi, I’m Drew, can I have an alibi for when I bury your brother?” she says, holding her hand out, and I chuckle as he pulls her in for a hug and whispers, “Thank you for saving him,” and I swear to fuck my eyes tear up as Drew holds Blaze tightly and murmurs, “Any time.”
As she pulls back, she tries, “So, about the alibi?” and Blaze chuckles but nods, “You’ve got it,” and I joke, “So much for having my back,” and he grins.
“Have you met your girl? She’s fucking awesome,” he says, and I lock eyes with Drew, smiling softly at the glow I didn’t realize she had.
“Yeah, she is,” I agree, and her cheeks heat, making me grin as I hold my arm out and she walks into my side without hesitation. I walk her inside the diner, where she and Blaze hit it off, all while my mind spins.
How can I take her back to the club and put her and our child in danger?
I haven’t seen any Chargers in weeks, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t around. Maybe I need to have a conversation in church and discuss Trick taking my place because my family, I won’t put them at risk, not for leather and not for my brothers.