Chapter 24 #2
He nods, his brow furrowing over blue eyes just like mine. “It was pretty rough, but Mom helped me a lot. Are you worried about Maddie?”
“No.” I shake my head, choosing my words. “I’ve been thinking about how you used to take me to Sunday School and drop me off, then pick me up after because you didn’t believe in that stuff.”
“Okay… not what I expected.” He winces, putting his hands on his hips. He takes a deep breath, looking out over the marsh. “I was going through a pretty hard time back then, a sort-of dark night of the soul as people call it.”
I think about those words, and I think it’s exactly where I’ve been for seven years. A long, long, dark night… I wonder why I’ve waited so long to have this conversation with him. Everyone talks to my dad when things get tough.
“Miss Priddy had told us how Jesus walked on the water, and I was so scared to ask you about it. Ryan said you’d get mad, but you told me never to keep things from you. You said to come to you, no matter what it was.”
A smile softens his features. “That hasn’t changed.”
I take a step closer to where he’s standing, studying the tall grasses mixed with spiky palmettos in the brackish water. The rivers here all lead out to the sea.
Dad and his brothers have worked hard to keep this little town nestled between Kiawah and Hilton Head pristine. So many developers would love to turn it into a high-end tourist destination.
“I asked you if it was magic, but you said it was a story about faith.”
“Did I use the word faith?” He squints one eye at me.
“You said it was about having faith we could do things we didn’t believe we could. Like Peter believed he could walk on the water.”
“Right, I remember now,” he nods. “Seems like it didn’t turn out so well for ole Pete.”
“He got scared, and he started to sink.” My chest is tight as I remember.
Looking up at the trees, I can still see myself as that little boy riding in the backseat of my dad’s truck. He was the smartest person I knew, and after we lost Mom, he became my safety net, my rock. I hung on every word he said, and for every problem, I knew he had the solution.
“You remember that day pretty well,” he says. “I hope I gave you a decent explanation.”
“You did. You said if I believed I could do something, I had to have faith that I could. Even when it got scary.”
Water ripples as it flows around the plants, over rocks. A frog takes this opportunity to sing a long note.
Dad nods, putting a strong hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “That’s some good advice, even if I did give it to you.”
He makes me smile, and I follow him slowly up the pier toward the house. Dad’s brothers, my aunts and cousins, my stepmom, and my grandmothers are all gathering to visit, share food, and catch up before I have to leave again.
I don’t have much time, and I need to ask him the question that brought me here.
“I’ve met someone, Dad.” He stops, turning to face me as I continue. “She’s my teammate’s cousin, and the three of us sort-of lived together for about a month. She’s really smart and beautiful… and young.”
His brow furrows. “How young?”
“Seven years.”
“Your mama Britt is seven years younger than I am.”
“It’s not the age difference that’s bothering me… It’s me.”
This is the part that makes me uncomfortable. I shift on my feet as if I’m trying to find the least painful posture in which to say the words.
“When I lost Angie, I made a vow. I never wanted to give another person the power to hurt me that bad again.”
He gives me an understanding nod. “You’ve found someone who’s changed your mind?”
My chest is tight, but I push through it. “I can’t date, Dad. I’m too old, and I’ve got Maddie… It’s not fair to her.”
“Maddie will be okay.” His eyes move between mine. “But it sounds like you’re worried about more than your daughter.”
“I get really jealous. Before I came here, I saw her hugging her ex-boyfriend, and I… I wanted to kill the guy.” Heat is in my chest.
A smile cracks my dad’s face. “Don’t tell me anything incriminating. I don’t want to have to arrest you.”
“That’s my point. I’ve never been a jealous guy.”
He looks up, thoughtful. “In my experience, jealousy is usually about something else. Something you don’t want to say out loud. Do you think you can’t trust her?”
“No. I know I can.”
His blue eyes pierce right through me, right to the truth. “Then what’s that jealousy really about?”
I lift my hands, pressing the heels over my damp eyes. I have to confess the truth. I have to say what’s lurking behind these feelings, what’s driving me here.
“I’m scared, Dad. I love her. I love her in a way I don’t understand, and I’m afraid I’ll lose her.
” My chest seizes, and I confess it all.
“I don’t know if it’s some kind of… PTSD?
I only know I can’t go through that kind of pain again.
I barely survived it the first time, but with Gina… I wouldn’t get over it.”
He closes the space between us in two easy strides, pulling me into a hug. My shoulder is in his chest, and he places a hand on my back, giving me a few solid pats and a brief squeeze.
My dad. My rock. The one person I’ve always been safe with, who I can always be vulnerable around. He holds onto me, just like he did the first time I was afraid, when I was just a boy.
“Love is a risk, son.” His tone is gentle. “But when you take that risk, you get the most beautiful thing in return.”
“How will I know?”
“Ask her to marry you.”
My brows shoot up, and I huff a laugh, shaking my head. “It’s too soon.”
“Is it?” He frowns. “Sounds to me like you know what you want now.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean she knows.”
“Then she’ll say no, and you can stop worrying about it.”
The pain in my chest breaks, and I rub my hand over my forehead, looking up to exhale a chuckle. “That might be the best small-town advice you’ve ever given me.”
“You’re a small-town guy.”
“I guess I am.”
“Listen to me.” He puts a hand on the top of my shoulder.
“I’ve never been more terrified in my life than when I thought I’d lost Britt.
That’s how you know it’s a love that will last. When you can’t breathe without the person.
When the pain of being apart from them is so great, it drives you to do anything for them. ”
I want someone to burn…
“What if these feelings are too big for me?”
“They’re as big as your heart. Trust your old man, and have faith. You’re too young to be alone.” He nudges my arm, giving me a teasing wink. “And get that hair cut.”
That makes me laugh, and it feels good to let it out. I’m glad I came here. I know what I need to do. “Thanks, Dad.”