Chapter 25 A Reluctant Decision #2
You know, Zack, don’t make the same mistake I did… you never know what might be if you give it a shot, rather than living unhappily with a ‘what if he rejects me’. Her words were true. I was scared of him rejecting me, or me hurting him.
Her situation was more fucked up than mine and if I kept this up, I might just lose my mate to someone else before even giving it a shot. Maybe I did need to talk to Taylor about this.
It was evening, and I had actually taken the damn plunge and asked Taylor to meet me outside the pack grounds.
It was my night off and I thought if we were going to talk, we needed to do it away from the pack.
Maybe I was reckless and jumped the gun, but apart from Raven’s slap, she hadn’t acted as appalled as I thought she might.
It was getting fucking hard without Taylor, but the fear of rejection overrode that need.
I strummed my fingers on the steering wheel until I saw him walk out in his puffer jacket, fitted jeans that hugged his legs perfectly, and those damn fucking gorgeous eyes. He was fucking hot.
He opened the door and got in, and I swallowed, keeping my gaze ahead.
“Hey, Zack.” Even the way he said my name was a fucking turn on in itself.
“Hey, Tay.”
Our eyes met, and when he fucking looked at my lips, I licked them, looking away quickly. We needed to fucking talk. Twenty minutes later, I parked up outside a restaurant and Taylor cocked a brow.
“Never knew this was a date,” he said, smiling.
“It’s not a date,” I replied, frowning. I doubt he’ll stick around when he knows my fucking truth.
We entered, and I gave my name, having made a reservation in one of the private rooms. Taylor whistled.
“You sure this isn’t a date?”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said, frowning.
“Damn, someone’s pretty uptight. You need to loosen up,” he whispered. His hot breath brushed my ear, sending blood to my dick.
“You’ll be the one loosening up, not me,” I shot back, smirking when I saw his neck redden. Yeah, thought so.
The waitress showed us to our room and gave us both a smile.
“I’ll leave you with the menu and I’ll bring-”
“Just give us two of your premium grill share platters and make sure the meat is well done,” I said, “and two bottles of coke.” The waitress nodded and left us to it.
“At least you could have asked me what I wanted,” Taylor said when we both sat down. I cocked a brow.
“You would have ordered exactly that,” I said, stretching my arm across the back of the booth. He smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, true.” Our eyes met, and that same fucking sexual tension between us settled in again. I looked away. I needed to tell him…
“Tay… there’s a reason I brought you here…”
His eyes softened and worry filled them.
“It seemed too good to be true,” he muttered, looking away.
Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. Reaching over, I took his hand in mine, not missing the way his heart raced or the tingles that coursed through me at our contact.
“After I tell you, you may not even want to see my face again,” I said quietly. He gave me that smile that made my heart feel funny and shook his head.
“I don’t think anything you do could ever make me not want to see you again,” he replied softly.
I don’t fucking deserve you, Tay…
I blew out a breath. Alright, I was ready to tell him...
Taylor
My heart was racing as I stared over at my sexy as hell mate, in his leather jacket, fitted shirt, and that pout that’s always set on his sexy face. Goddess, I’d let him do me all the fucking time. Just the thought was turning me on, but the worry and guilt in his eyes had me on edge.
When the waitress returned, Zack retracted his hands, much to my disappointment.
She left us with our drinks and food, closing the door behind her.
Soft music was playing in the background, and I honestly could have just pretended we were on a surprise date if it wasn’t for how apprehensive Zack was acting.
“Zack, what is it?”
“When I was eighteen… I kind of got into a sexual relationship with this she-wolf... but when I met you, I wanted to break it off. The thing is…” He ran his hand through his messy hair, his heart thudding. I knew Zack had had a few relationships, but I also knew our connection was strong.
“Zack, why are you nervous?”
“She was mated, alright? She had a mate and I still let it happen,” he said. The guilt on his face tugged at my heart. That didn’t sit right with me, but he was young when it happened.
“Zack, you were eighteen. It’s okay. We make mistakes, I don’t think any less of you.”
“I’m not done yet,” he said quietly. I frowned, waiting, watching him fight the conflict of whatever was bothering him. “Her mate was injured in the battle of Hecate’s Betrayal. She just…”
His pain was so fucking strong that my stomach twisted. What the hell was it? I get that it was fucked up…it was really fucking messed up… but it was a-
“It was Anna. Channing’s mate.”
His words hit me like a fucking kick in the gut. My stomach somersaulted, and not in a good way. The pain I was feeling was so fucking strong. Guilt, anger, sadness, betrayal, anguish…
Of all people why his mate? Channing… Channing who fucking….
“Do you want to know how Channing was hurt, Zack? How he got into the state he’s in, just so his future Delta could screw his mate?” I asked hoarsely. Zack looked up at me, his eyes pained.
“Tay-”
“He saved my life! If it wasn’t for Channing sacrificing himself, I wouldn’t be here today,” I said, standing up. He had been right. After hearing that, I couldn’t look at him.
“Tay, I’m fucking sorry,” he said, those gorgeous hazel eyes of his full of regret.
I shook my head, unable to look him in the eye. It was crushing, dammit, this hurt.
“Tay!” He grabbed my arm when I reached the door, those damn sparks coursing through us both. Our hearts raced, but I couldn’t do this, not right now.
“Let go of me, Zack,” I said, shoving him off. Even that hurt. I left the room, just needing some damn space.
“Taylor!”
The moment I was out of sight and out of that place that had suddenly felt too small, I shifted, not caring that I left behind my phone or anything.
I broke into a run, rushing into the woods.
I howled into the darkness, wanting to get rid of that crushing pain in my chest. It felt like I was suffocating…
All I could think of was Channing, the man who had destroyed his life for me, had been betrayed by my mate…
I had already felt guilty for that night, but now…
I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face. It hurt so fucking bad. I’m fucking sorry, Channing, I should have died that night. You should have let me fucking die. Whimpering I curled up, wanting the pain to go away, but it didn’t. Why didn’t it?
After a short while, I felt someone pushing through the link.
Taylor! Where are you? Please be okay, Raven’s voice came through the link.
I’m okay, Raven, I said, trying to sound normal.
No, babe, you’re not. Please tell me. I’m so sorry, she whispered, and I could tell she was near tears.
Why are you sorry? What had Zack told her and why?
Please tell me where you are? She pleaded. She was stubborn, and I had no energy to argue.
I’m just outside the pack walls, down by rocky edge near the river, I said, Do not tell anyone else where I am or I will run. I could use someone to talk to, and she knew he was my mate.
I won’t, I’m coming, she whispered.
All I could think about was Channing’s smile. Despite the fact that he was in a wheelchair, he still tried to remain positive. For a werewolf, a life like that… it was fucking awful…
I don’t know how much time passed, but it wasn’t that long before I saw Raven’s dark and light grey wolf come running, her two unique coloured eyes glowing as she dropped a bundle of clothes next to me and nuzzled my head.
I’m so sorry, Taylor, I told Zack to tell you, this is my fault, she whispered tearfully.
Don’t blame yourself. Guess it was better he told me sooner than later, I mumbled back. She nudged my wolf, settling down next to me and staring into my eyes.
I could see the guilt she was feeling, but I looked away, burying my head in my paws. I heard her shift back, grabbing the oversized hoodie and pulling it on. She sat next to me, pulling my head into her lap, and hugged me tightly.
She didn’t ask me anything, and I was grateful. I wondered what happened between her and Zack, what he had told her, but right then I didn’t want to think about him. All I could think of was the fact that my mate had messed around with my brother’s mate, and it was all my damn fault.
After a good while, when the moon was up and it was very quiet, the steady sound of the rushing river like a blissful song, she spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Her fresh floral scent was calming. I could probably stay there for a lot longer, but I did not want anyone like the Alpha coming for my head. Although that didn’t sound bad right now; Channing had risked his life for me, so I wouldn’t do myself harm.
No, I said quietly. Let’s go home. She stood up and shifted into a wolf before we both trudged back towards the pack grounds.
Zack is worried about you. He does care for you. He feels so guilty, he didn’t want to hurt you.
He hurt me the moment he agreed to that relationship, I said, my voice harsher than it was meant to be.
I know… I know how bad decisions can result in something worse, she said softly.
Don’t be sorry, Raven, I’m glad it’s come out. We were almost at the packhouse when I stopped. I have somewhere to go.
Where are you going? She asked.
I want to visit Channing.
Are you going to tell him? She asked worriedly.
I honestly don’t know… I replied. That crushing guilt was consuming me once more. She looked worried, but after giving me a gentle nuzzle, she headed towards the packhouse entrance.
Take care, Taylor. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Thanks for tonight, I simply said before I turned away…