Clarity
Raven
“You are going to feel guilty, but we both know staying in this situation is hurting you all,” he said softly.
I could feel how bad he felt saying that, but it was the truth.
“Putting aside everything... let’s play a game.
I ask a question, and you pick which one you would choose,” he added, slapping his thigh as the idea popped into his head.
Putting aside everything… the curse included. Because that was what I used to make myself feel better every time I felt guilty for how I was treating Damon, but that was not an excuse.
“Okay…” I said, playing with the tab on my can.
“Now, picture them both standing right there... which one will you hug first?” I frowned as the answer came to me.
“Liam… because-”
“We’re not justifying why here. Block that all out and just think about your instant answers, I don’t want any breaks, you have to answer fast, okay? Whoever comes to mind first.”
“Okay,” I groaned.
“Both are hurt in a battle with rogues. Which one will you tend to first?”
“Liam,” I said, feeling another flash of guilt through me. No matter the answer, I still felt guilty.
“If you did something that they told you not to, who will you confess to first?”
“Damon.”
“Who do you want to fuck?”
“Li- hey!” Taylor chuckled.
“Soo… you done it yet? Details… now!”
“Stop it! We haven’t!” I said, blushing as I remembered what had happened earlier.
Oh, my dear Goddess, that was naughty! Liam was naughty… that side of him…. My heart skipped a beat, and I pushed it away.
“Okay, then, which one do you want to cuddle up to in bed?”
“Liam…”
“Cuddle with over a movie?”
“Both?” I pouted. “They both came to mind!”
“So, something you would do with a friend…” Taylor said. “Okay… out of curiosity, which one have you kissed?”
“Both, but Damon only once,” I replied, pouting.
“Damn, girl! Dare I ask how many times you’ve kissed Liam?” He teased. I sighed.
“It’s because Damon said-”
“Stop justifying it. We are talking about your feelings here,” he said softly, giving my hand a squeeze before dipping his fries into the ketchup.
I nodded, thinking about Damon once more.
Deep down, I knew who I favoured, but I hated myself for it.
“There’s no guilt or shame in loving someone.
.. it doesn’t make you bad to feel stronger for one over the other.
Can you imagine being with Damon and rejecting Liam? ”
Life without Liam…
My heart clenched painfully, and my eyes stung. The fear of the curse and what if that became a reality. His words from earlier echoed in my mind,
“When you are mine…”
I knew he could sense my hesitation… it hurt so damn much. I was an awful mate to both. I placed my face in my hands as the tears came, no longer able to hold them back.
“Damn, I’m sorry, Raven!” Taylor’s panicked voice came.
I shook my head, but I was unable to stop. I knew what I had to do, but just thinking about it broke me. I didn’t want to hurt him… I couldn’t hurt him. I sobbed loudly, clamping my hands over my mouth as I bent down, pressing my forehead to my knees as I tried to stop my tears.
Taylor’s arms wrapped around me and held me tight.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Raven… I’m damn sorry…”
Don’t be... you just made me realise I am doing more damage than good, I whispered through the link.
He stroked my back, and I felt ridiculous crying like this, but I realised all my life, I just stayed quiet because it was easier.
We couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t do this anymore.
I wanted all my firsts to be special, not constantly worrying about what the other might be thinking or the fact that I kept feeling guilty.
“I’m going to say this to myself as much as to you,” Taylor said, kissing the top of my head.
“Life isn’t perfect or easy… the stories of soul mates and their eternal love are only sugar-coated versions of reality.
Look at those power couples around us… Alpha Elijah and Luna Scarlett’s.
Sure we know them as this amazing couple who love each other deeply and have the chemistry to die for…
but they did not have it easy — even on their journeys, there were difficulties.
We need to create our own love stories and overcome our differences, issues, and hardships to make them perfect.
.. but also remember that we need to get to that perfect part.
To remember that the pain we’re feeling right now is part of that journey, a part we need to overcome…
” I nodded as I tried to steady my breathing and calm down.
“I know... you’re right... I’m scared knowing I might hurt someone and knowing that I’m already hurting Damon, Liam… myself…”
“I know, baby girl, but that’s life, and you are one badass queen who has got this.” I wished I could tell him I was just an ordinary wallflower, not a badass queen... but he’s being sweet, so I won’t argue.
“I’m tired…tired of it all,” I whispered.
“It’s okay to be,” he replied. I pulled away slightly and looked at him with a tilt of my head.
“So… what about you?” I asked, wiping my tears away. He looked down.
“I need to talk to Channing. He deserves to know… but I have been delaying it,” he admitted, his eyes pained.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be. I’ll figure it out,” he comforted me. I nodded and took a deep breath.
“Okay, we are going to do what we need to do,” I said with renewed determination, feeling a lot better after crying and talking to him. He gave me a small smile and nodded.
“Yeah… we will.”
We had cleared up the takeaway boxes and settled down, nibbling at the cotton candy, when Liam’s voice came through the link, making my cheeks burn at the memory of earlier.
Raven?
Yeah? I asked, my heart thumping.
Your father’s trial is this coming Monday. Are you okay with testifying openly or privately…? My heart skipped a beat. So he was actually listening to Uncle El. I felt so happy about that. I smiled softly.
“I can do it openly,” I said, my heart thumping, but I needed to be brave.
I knew the pack was probably already talking about me behind my back with the entire two-mate situation, but I would not let it put me down. If Liam was willing to do this by trial, something he didn’t want to do, then I would also testify.
I’m willing to do so at the trial, I said softly.
Perfect. So, uh… what are you up to? He asked. I smiled at the awkwardness in his tone.
Thinking about you and playing with myself? I said as seriously as possible. His pause of silence made me unable to hold back my laughter. Haha! Did I make you blush?
I don’t blush, came his reply, but I could tell he was pouting. But I know how to make you blush.
Oh, don’t play that with me, Blue Eyes, I said, glad he wasn’t there in person. I’m at Taylor’s! You are disturbing me!
Cool, enjoy, but one last thing… I didn’t expect you to have a Brazilian wax. It’s really sexy... I like it. Scratch that; I fucking love it, and it’s a damn turn-on.
My eyes flew open, my cheeks burning at his words, and I wasn’t able to reply. His chuckle came through the link.
Have fun, came his triumphant farewell, leaving me red-faced and completely speechless!
Taylor and I watched another movie after.
We talked about our sucky situations as we ate all the snacks and even grabbed some beer from the fridge, comforting each other when we needed it and laughing at our lame attempts at singing.
Yes, we were both tone-deaf and sounded horrifying, but we had fun and lots of giggles.
Taylor was an amazing friend, and although we weren’t close as children, it felt like I had known him forever. I mean, I did, but not like this.
The credits of the second movie had ended, and the TV had switched off, but Taylor and I were still awake, lying side by side on the bed and staring at the shadows that were cast across the ceiling thanks to the moonlight shining through the cracks in the curtains and tree branches.
“Raven…”
“Yeah?” I said, yawning as I rubbed my eyes sleepily.
“You know, when we were little… when I was weird and awkward, that shy kid no one wanted to know or play with, you used to always greet me and talk to me…”
“You were not weird; you were cute and adorable,” I insisted, trying to keep my eyes open.
“Mmm, you’d think that... but you were this little, tiny girl, like the smallest one in the pack, and everyone used to say you had a growth issue... cause you were like six, wearing two-year-old clothes...” he said drowsily.
“Yeah… I remember… I’m sure it was three years clothing….” He chuckled sleepily.
“You were like a damn little doll… walking and talking yet so damn doll-sized… well… you always had this big smile on your face and always talked to me, complimenting me on what I was wearing, my hair… saying good morning… and although it was something small, it made my day… so, thank you….” He yawned, turning onto his side to face me.
“I never even knew your name for many years…”
“Hmm? You didn’t?” I asked, turning my head to look at him.
“No, I used to call you the girl who looks like a doll… until I heard Liam calling you once… I’m older than you, but I was timid, and back then, you were so brave…
you still are. You’re damn perfect, and no matter what you do, I’m going to support you, okay?
” His eyes fluttered shut, and I yawned again.
“Mmm, thanks… I’ll always support you, too…” I remembered saying before my eyes fluttered shut and sleep welcomed me into its folds…
My eyes flew open, my heart pounding. I sat up, looking around the room. It took me a moment to realise I had fallen asleep at Taylor’s. His back was to me, and he was snoring lightly.