Chapter 43
MILA
Song- Gasoline, Halsey
“Thank you for not killing me.” I snuggle against his hot chest in this tiny bed.
“The night isn’t over yet,” he rumbles. “You still haven’t told me what the fuck is going on.”
I take a deep breath and weigh all of my options. “In my line of work, information is valuable.”
He strokes my hip beneath the sheet before pinching my ass, hard enough to make my pussy soak. “This is valuable. Do you want me to spank you so hard, you can’t sit?”
Jesus.
“Promise me you will, but if you want me to keep talking…” My nail flicks over his nipple making him jerk.
“Fine.” His heavy petting feels almost as good as when he’s rough.
“Anyway. Having a vulnerability is a weakness. One that Ivan discovered and is exploiting.” I’m not sure if I want to even tell Nikolai.
I still don’t know if I can trust him since I’ve hurt him.
If I were him, I wouldn’t.
There’s a part of me that wants to let him in. To spill every dirty secret I’ve ever learned. I want to pull him close and open my heart.
But, I can’t.
Keeping everything close to me locked in a cage is the only thing that has kept me alive.
Ivan finding out about Daniil was a mistake I wish I knew how to fix.
I’ve worked for years to keep him safe and away from the atrocities I’ve had to experience. Hiding him, and any affiliation to the darkest corners of society, has been the reason I keep doing what I have been.
To give him a better life. The chance for happiness and success.
Not living in fear and looking over his shoulder.
That time has passed. He’s scarred forever, just because he’s close to me.
“Ivan is good at taking advantage of any situation for his own gain,” Nikolai says quietly.
“Yeah. I’ve learned that.” I give him a long sigh, and weave my fingers across his chest. “He hired Tyler and I to retrieve the diamonds from you.”
His palm snakes out and presses my hand hard to his skin. “Who is that man, Tyler?”
I know he can’t see me roll my eyes, but I do anyway.
“He’s my cousin, but he saved us. Me. When I was young.”
Nikolai tilts his head to look at me. “Cousin? He’s family?”
“Yes.” Leaving it simple, I don’t want to admit how many times I’ve threatened to remove Tyler from this Earth because he pissed me off.
I catch a glimpse of the cracked glass of the clock on the wall. “Is it really that time?”
He fumbles for his phone on the nightstand. “Three in the morning.” He confirms and drops it.
Shit.
I sit up and head into the bathroom to retrieve my clothes.
“Where are you going?” He follows me, but stops at the door.
“I have to get back what was taken from me.” I’m afraid to mention Daniil.
Not because Nikolai would use him against me.
But, because I think right now, he’d try and help me.
Then we’d both die.
I love Elena too much to let her daddy risk his life for me.
I’m not worth saving. I have my seven minutes.
“Tell me. It’s my father, after all.” He grimaces, like it leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
When I grab my jacket, the heavy weight in the pocket stops me.
“Nikolai, do you still have the drive?” I swallow, taking a chance there might be an ounce of caring for me in there.
“Why?” he asks warily.
“I’ll give you these in exchange.” Pulling the velvet bag from my coat, I hold it out to him.
His eyes narrow. “Is that what I think it is?”
I nod, biting my lip. I’m sealing my fate by giving these to him, but at least I’ll be dying for something I love.
He growls and stalks forward, grabbing my chin. “What did I tell you about biting that damn lip?”
I knew he still cared.
“Why are you giving these to me?” With his other hand, he takes the pouch, but he holds my face tilted toward his.
“It’s…complicated.” I’ve already told him too much.
His fingers slide to my throat before he pushes me against the wall. “How close to death do I need to fuck you before you tell me the truth?” His hot breath fans over my cheeks as he digs his hard dick into my hip.
“The next time you see me,” I squeak past the pressure on my neck. “You can suffocate me with your cock until I die, and then pound my ass to bring me back from the gates of hell. Promise.” I don’t expect to live past tomorrow.
“And, what if I want to do that tonight?” His teeth find the soft skin below my ear, and he nips me, hard enough for me to feel the desire pooling in my panties.
“Then I guess I take my secrets to the grave.”
He backs up, staring at my mouth.
“Why do you make this so difficult?” he breathes. “I want you to give in. Tell me.” His grip tightens. “Let me fucking love you again,” he grits through his clenched jaw.
He holds my gaze for what feels like hours before he lets go and leaves.
Standing there, I feel…empty.
When he comes back, the bag is gone from his hand, but he hands me the USB drive.
“I don’t know why this is so important. There was a moment when I thought we could be happy.”
He leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “There was a time when I thought you loved me, too.”
He doesn’t move when I close the gap to press my lips against his.
I only pull away when he reaches out to touch me.
Tears fight to gain hold. “I didn’t want to love you. I thought I couldn’t love. I’m not real, Nikolai. Forget me. I won’t be around for long anyway.”
Before he can say anything to stop me, I turn, step up onto the toilet, and jump out the window.