CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ALYSSUM
Ismiled tightly as I passed the Sentinels on the upper balcony. I was worried they might detect something in my countenance, or spot a stray drop of blood, but they only bowed their heads, never allowing their eyes to wander after confirming my identity.
I searched high and low for my father, panic multiplying with each passing moment.
The King of Lunamor was the definition of self-serving, and he could even be cruel, but never for cruelty’s sake, surely.
The scars on my back prickled, and I dug my fingernails into my palm—not now, please.
That unfortunate memory aside, how well did I truly know him?
If he had indeed given Rowland permission to cart me off at will, like an undersized goat or a sack of scentless sage, perhaps even less than I’d thought.
If Father was willing to treat me as his property, and not his daughter, why did I think he would hear my pleas for mercy?
Memories collided in my mind as I peered into the great hall.
I couldn’t see my father amidst the villagers piling food onto their plates, but I could still feel Rowland’s body pressed up against mine, his manhood a solid threat against my lower back.
My breath caught in my throat, and I drew a hand there, softly running my fingers over the agitated skin. The pain of my own touch grounded me.
I continued to scan the crowd, forcing my attention to the swarm of villagers whose sole focus was the merriment of the feast. I spotted Petunia, her silver-streaked hair even more disheveled than usual as she commanded her staff with outstretched arms and splotched cheeks.
I saw the florist, his gestures loose with drink as he surveyed the florals of the great hall with scrutiny.
But it wasn’t until my eyes found Nora, her honey-brown curls pulled into a wrapped bun dotted with yellow flowers, that my chest seized.
Nora, I need you.
The dam of my emotions was threatening to break. If I could find myself in her company, I might dissolve then and there—but at least I wouldn’t be alone as I gathered my courage for what I was about to do.
I readied myself to push through the crowd, but was halted by the scene before me. Nora’s bright eyes, lit with amusement; her smile, barely-there in its coyness; the way she shifted her weight between each foot, her skirts swaying with the movement—and all for Linus.
He towered over her, pulling a flower from her bun and pressing it to his nose with curled lips, an unwarranted affection clear as day on the features that mirrored my own.
The person I trusted the most, and the person I trusted the least.
Now it was my stomach seizing instead of my heart. I exhaled sharply, a weak attempt to solidify the ground beneath my feet, for I felt it might give way any moment.
Focus. I could not concern myself with Nora and who she batted her eyelashes for, however misguided.
For the first time, it was my father that I needed, and with no sight of him, I was doing little more than wasting time.
Whatever was transpiring between Linus and Nora, I could address it another day, when my life and happiness weren’t hanging in the balance.
With newfound resolve, I turned on my heel and began making my way to the royal chambers. I’d barely fled the great hall when a voice that usually would have sparked excitement instead prompted a curse to hover on my tongue.
“Princess,” Anise called from behind me, the word low and throaty.
I ceased walking and pressed my eyes closed, immediately recognizing the volatility of the situation I’d found myself in. But there was no outrunning the woman who taught me how to run in the first place.
“Now is not the time,” I barked, hoping my tone would dissuade her from confronting me. But even as I spoke I knew it was hopeless, and without delay, she clasped my upper arm and wheeled me around. Not one for festivities, she was still clad in her Captain’s uniform.
Anise’s dark eyes gave me a quick once-over before starting back at the top and thoroughly assessing each and every visible bit of skin. Her attention fell to my cheek and neck with painstaking clarity. “What… the fuck…” she breathed, her chest pumping with each inhale.
“Stop,” I commanded, gaze intensifying as I jerked my arm from her grasp.
“I need you to control yourself.” But my voice cracked, and her expression broke apart before me, drawn-together eyebrows and downturned lips pummeling my resolve.
I forced a smile as I glanced at the nearest Sentinel, his attention fleeing to the floor.
With a deep, controlled inhale that wished to be a scream, I continued on my journey to the royal chambers.
“Where do you think you’re—”
“Follow me.”
Anise’s boots scuffed against the bright orange runner rug lining the corridors. With her on my heels, I felt my chin lifting, shoulders lowering, and characteristic demeanor as the Princess of Lunamor returning.
Safety.
It wasn’t long before we rounded into my bedchambers.
I quickly shut the door and fastened the lock behind us before pressing my forehead against the wood with a muffled cry.
In a moment of weakness, I slammed my fist into the wall.
I could hear Anise shuffle forward, but I held my hand out, prompting her to stop.
There was no preparing for what was to come.
So I turned towards in, jaw clenched, resolved.
Anise stood there silently, her expression deeply pained as she watched me endure.
“Well, I met Prince Rowland,” I said, humorless laughter sending pent-up tears cascading down my cheeks. The laugh extended uncontrollably into a blooming delirium, breathless gasps pressurizing my chest and crinkling my crying eyes. “I don’t… I can’t…”
Anise’s body crashed into mine, and she held me so tight I thought I might break. “You’re safe,” she said confidently, her grip stiff as I collapsed against her. “You’re safe with me.”
I stayed there for a moment, reveling in the amorphous feeling of losing myself in her arms. “I froze,” I admitted. “I had my dagger. I just couldn’t…” The wail that threatened to burst my throat open was so massive I had to force it back down. Instead, I breathed painfully over the stifled noise.
“Look at me,” Anise said, her tone stern as she grabbed my shoulders and held me at arm’s length, eyes locked. I always found the dark tones of her irises so comforting, but they did little now to quell the fear that had taken root. “You froze because your body knew you couldn’t win.”
Those were not the words I’d expected to hear.
“What?”
“The Hollows…” Anise trailed off, as if there was so much she wanted to say but couldn’t. “The training they undergo is different from ours. There’s no way you could have overpowered him.”
I wrenched free of her grasp, cheeks heated with fury. “Then why in the depths would you tell me to unsheathe my dagger?”
“Because I’d rather you die fighting,” she cried, face contorting.
“You knew he might kill me,” I choked out. “You knew, and the best warning you could come up with was ‘I’ve heard he’s mad’?”
“And what would you have had me do instead?” Anise stepped deeper into my room, running a hand through the dark, chin-length strands of her hair. “We both know your fate. The Treaty—”
“Forgive me if I’m misremembering, but I believe this morning the words ‘fuck the Treaty’ came out of your mouth.” I wanted to scream at her, but there were Sentinels stationed at the end of the corridor, and if anyone caught wind of her blasphemous statement, she might not survive the punishment.
Anise cast a wary glance around my bedchamber, as if someone could be hiding in the corner. “I am in an impossible situation,” she said finally, her dark eyes glistening against the sconce’s firelight as tears began to pool.
“No,” I said, compassionless. “I am in an impossible situation! You—”
Anise rushed forward, her hands tangling in my hair as she pressed me against my chamber door. Her lips hovered over mine, gaze hazy with desire and anguish.
“Don’t.” I pushed her away with more force than she deserved.
Mere hours ago, all I had wanted was for her to seal our attraction with a kiss, and perhaps even more…
but the risk of being caught had been too great.
I yearned to return to that moment, and for the version of me whose body was ready to experience raw, passionate pleasure.
But I could still feel Rowland’s erection against me, and the pulsing on my neck from where he’d bruised my skin.
“I can’t. Not like this. Not after…” The words died in my throat.
Shame radiated from Anise in palpable waves, but I would not succumb to the urge to comfort her; my life was at stake, and it was imperative that I set aside any feelings—romantic or otherwise—that might interfere with my focus.
Just as she had. Besides, she spoke the truth: it would have been a risk to warn me.
Not only for her, but also for her family.
Logically, I understood that, but my heart beat furiously beneath my chest, refusing to accept that she couldn’t have done more, if only my safety had been at the forefront of her mind.
If only someone… anyone… could prioritize me.
I inhaled deeply as I straightened my corset.
It was then Rowland’s ruby brooch caught my eye, and without hesitation, I ripped it from my shirt and threw it across the room with all of my strength.
It hit my mirror with a crack, the glass spiderwebbing outward from the impact. Then, I rounded on Anise.