CHAPTER FORTY-ONE #4
“What about the others? Are they different now, too? Will they be able to phase?”
“If only,” Catrin said, sighing deeply. “At first, I wondered if the curse might be lifting… but it’s only Vayen experiencing these changes. It seems she may be an anomaly.”
“How strange.” I huffed a dissatisfied breath. “I suppose it’s unlikely we can solve these mysteries today.”
A small laugh escaped Catrin, and she shook her head back and forth at me, clearly amused with my antics. “I suppose you’re right.”
When my smile mirrored hers, it felt strange on my face. As though smiling wasn’t something I ought to be doing.
Catrin, as perceptive as ever, took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t think so,” I managed, voice faltering. “But this is no time to fall apart. I won’t speak for Vayen, but I have the distinct impression that the danger we’ve been met with is only going to grow as we ascend that damnable mountain.”
Catrin scooted forward to grab my forearm, her brows pulling together with determination. “Lyssa, you don’t have to go to Castle Sor if you don’t want to. The choice is yours and yours alone.”
“What?” I could hardly grasp the words she spoke. I offered only a disbelieving scoff, withdrawing my hand from hers. “After all that’s happened, I’m suddenly allowed to say no?”
“Especially after all that’s happened. Don’t you see?
” Catrin rubbed her palms over her thighs, pink sleeves contrasting with the dark hue of her pants.
“After the blood pit, Vayen was frantic. She’d convinced herself that we didn’t have time to try and talk you into ascending the mountain, and honestly, in that moment, with Berig injured and Milo petrified, I’m ashamed to admit I found it hard to disagree with her. ”
She avoided my gaze entirely, the notch in her brow deepening.
“But the more I thought on it, the more I realized it was only a desperate action born of fear. With Milo, Naeno knows it hasn’t been easy, but it was a smoother transition for him than for the rest. He doesn’t remember Grenloch.
He’s never even phased. For him, Grenythwood Village is home.
The blood pit… well, Vayen kept him shielded for as long as she could, but the last couple of years we thought it might be best to prepare him for what was to come.
And that was when the night terrors started.
” She stared at one of the glyphs on the wall with wide, sorrowful eyes.
I was uncomfortable when the feeling washed over me—a fury that was too bright to contain, spreading undeterred in my chest. I wanted to sic wolf Vayen on Gavner, to watch as she sank her thick canines into his head and dispelled, once and for all, the fear that he had woven into these people’s hearts.
I breathed slowly, a fruitless attempt to dissuade the rage.
It seemed my anger had been growing for quite some time, and any release threatened to break the dam I had constructed to maintain my sanity. But I could not fall apart now.
Catrin cleared her throat, undoubtedly attempting to dislodge her own mounting emotions. “I don’t expect you to forgive any of us, but please know it was our love for Milo that prompted such a misguided decision.”
There was a small part of me that wanted to stay indignantly furious, but I knew in my heart that if their life had been my own, I likely would have done the exact same thing.
There were aspects of Vayen’s behavior that left wounds only time would be able to heal, but as her soft fur brushed up against my leg with each heavy breath she snuffled out, I knew that mending our friendship might just be possible. Especially if Catrin spoke truth.
“So I could return to Grenythwood Village right now, if I wanted to?” I asked, pressing my thumb into the opposite palm as I considered what that might look like.
With a huff of a laugh, Catrin stood, making her way to the table where she’d set her bags.
“You could ride back with me, but I’d recommend waiting until morning.
Vayen will be no use to us in her current state, and I’d wager there’s not even the slightest chance she would allow you to return home without her protection. ”
Without her protection.
Warmth spilled down my spine. Vayen had protected me, and she would continue to protect me, it seemed. I might not have needed her protection had she left me alone, yet my indignation had trouble staying lit. A fact I had little interest in acknowledging.
“So you’re heading back today?” I asked, hoping to pivot the conversation. I tried my best not to sound disappointed, but Catrin offered a perceptively sympathetic smile anyway.
“I am,” she said. “I’m needed at the village, especially with Vayen gone.”
“How is Berig? Is he feeling better?” Better after Vayen nearly pulverized him, a fate that may await Milo come the next blood pit. The thought soured my tongue, but I tried to push it away and focus on Catrin as she faced me with another one of those sad smiles she was full of today.
“He is. He’s not ready to wrestle with Milo just yet, much to his dismay, but I imagine he’ll be romping around the village and conjuring up trouble before we know it.” The mention of Berig seemed to quicken Catrin’s pace as she double-checked her bags and slung them over her shoulders.
“Time for me to ride,” she said with a full-bodied sigh.
Catrin stood at the foot of my bed, gazing upon me as if I really were her niece.
“I’m so glad you’re okay. It may not seem it now, but the memories will fade somewhat, and you will become whole again.
I promise. Even more so if you drink your broth,” she added, her sharp eyes still warm in her insistence.
“I will, I will,” I said obediently, reaching out for the clay jar I had placed on my bedside table. I took a tentative sip to appease her, grateful and surprised in equal measures that it didn’t taste like dirt. “Thank you for this. And, thank you for your influence on Vayen.”
Catrin paused on her way out the door, casting me a quirked brow. “Pardon?”
I cut off my sip of the salty, savory broth to answer her. “Whatever it was you said to convince her that kidnapping and forcing me up the mountain wasn’t the right thing to do—that it should be my choice. You’ll never know how much that means to me.”
“I appreciate your gratitude, but it’s misplaced.”
“Oh?”
“We came to our conclusions separately.” She stared at sleeping wolf Vayen now, her features softening when Vayen’s paw twitched.
“You did?” I tucked my chin, finding it difficult to believe Vayen abandoned her quest without prompting.
“It was rather irritating, actually. I arrived with a lengthy monologue prepared, complete with several reasons why we’d made a grave error and how you’d never survive the trials if your heart wasn’t set on it anyway.
But I barely spoke a word of my daring, eloquent speech before Vayen said she regretted the whole thing.
I’m sure she’ll tell you, I’ve no doubt, but truly…
whatever she saw in those woods, it altered her perspective. Ask her yourself.”
With that, Catrin had rendered me speechless.
Had the stars answered my prayers then? Not in the way I’d have hoped, but I had to admit, the end result was the same: my life was my own again, to do with as I wished.
I had a larger burden with me now, a weight of emotion and newfound fear that I would have to excavate myself from, but the choice to do so was ultimately mine.
Catrin’s goodbye was bittersweet. I took great comfort in the casually spoken words, “I’ll see you at home,” for Grenythwood Village had become my home, and I couldn’t wait to return.
In the meantime, I needed to drink her lovely broth and rest up; I required the full use of my faculties for the conversation I planned to have with Vayen, for—even as I curled up beside her on the bed, cocooned in her perpetual warmth and all-consuming scent—I had no intention of sparing her of the apologies she owed me.