CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
VAYEN
Overwhelm.
Flashes of the forest, spears of too-bright sunlight slicing through the leafless canopy overhead and assaulting my eyes.
Overwhelm.
I shielded myself with the back of my hand, blinking furiously as I attempted to ground myself.
Overwhelm.
The sound of a gentle creek, louder than it should have been, pulsing in my ears with the intensity of my own heartbeat.
Something… something wasn’t right.
Where in the depths was I?
I lost my footing then, dropping to the forest floor and slamming my fist into the slick, dead leaves beneath me. I groaned, my entire body aching with the strangest sensation.
What… the fuck…
I heaved, an uncontrollable purge of the contents of my stomach onto the ground before me. It did little to assist with the pounding of my head, and Naeno, did it taste wretched. But at least the flashing had stopped.
Suddenly, there was a pulse behind me, an atmospheric shiver that pushed the breath from my lungs. I lunged forward, careful to avoid my sick, in a weak attempt to create as much distance between me and whatever the depths—
No. It couldn’t be.
I’d cast a wayward glance back to identify my enemy, and then I was no longer running, because it wasn’t an animal, or a creature, or even an unassuming villager moseying in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It was the Threshold.
I stared into the wall of gloom, its frenzied writhing unlike anything I had ever seen before. The ache in my skull grew with the strain of my confusion.
I had crossed. Of that, I was certain. But the details were a blurry canvas just out of reach. I searched my thoughts frantically, eyes darting around the wood in the hopes of identifying a clue of some kind, when a shock of pale hair in the distance surged my mind with her.
Alyssum.
We had entered the Threshold together. I was holding her hand. I’d promised her it would all be okay, and then… nothing. I forced myself to relive the moment, grasping desperately for what came next, but there was only darkness where memory should have been.
It didn’t matter now.
All that mattered was her.
I pulled myself up with the assistance of an ironbark, gaze flitting about the wood to ensure we were alone.
If we’d crossed successfully, that meant we were in enemy territory.
I’d fight if I had to, but for some unreachable reason, I wasn’t in a state to do so.
I had to get to her, and then we needed to find shelter. The whys would come later.
I stumbled through the forest, boots shuffling through the mud as I struggled to lift my feet properly. I’d never lost consciousness upon crossing; why now, of all times? Had something happened the Threshold didn’t want me to remember?
I pushed the thoughts from my mind, instead focusing on that blanket of pale blonde hair that should have been safely hidden beneath her cowl. Where had it gone? And what on Morwyn was she doing?
Alyssum stood several paces from the Threshold, her chin lifted straight up towards the sky.
She was unmoving, her focus clearly singular but unknown to me.
If she hadn’t been upright, I would have thought her unconscious, but there she stood, a pale-haired, glowing-eyed pillar that would draw anyone’s eye.
Even as a powerful gust of wind blew through the trees, sending her hair whipping all about, she was uncaring. Unconcerned.
“Alyssum,” I called out, voice hoarse in my throat. “Alyssum, what’s happened?”
I was closing in, hand outstretched in my concern, when finally she turned to peer into my eyes. But the look on her face halted my movement.
There wasn’t a word for her expression. Fear was too common, dread wasn’t strong enough, and even panic didn’t seem apt.
Her features, upon landing on my own, were screwed up in the most horrific display of distress I’d ever witnessed in a human being.
If possible, she was even more pale, terror bloomed in her eyes, and her mouth opened to loose a blood-curdling scream. Then, she was running.
“Alyssum!” I cursed.
I didn’t want to cause her further distress—I’d literally just promised I wouldn’t do that—but she needed to stop screaming.
Lunamor’s search for her would be endless, and given that they’d witnessed her crossing, I doubted very much they wouldn’t have patrols stationed all along the northeast side of the Threshold.
So I summoned what little strength I had left and surged forward, forcing her to the ground.
Depths, the woman was stronger than she looked.
I sat atop her, but she grappled relentlessly, her fists pounding at my chest and wild eyes doing their best to avoid me.
Her screaming wouldn’t cease, even as I yelled, “Alyssum, stop! They’ll hear you!
”—so I reached down and clasped her mouth tightly, silencing her shrieks.
In that moment, she stilled, and I took the opportunity to lean forward, forcing her eyes to connect with mine. If she was addled from the fog as I had inexplicably been, perhaps this would help. So I held her chin in place, positioning myself so that I was only a whisper from her.
“Alyssum,” I said, training my voice into as comforting a tone as I could manage. “I am not going to hurt you. I’m only trying to—”
Then I heard the strangest noise, accompanied by a jolt in my side—a rip of leather, a muffled hit.
A deep, wet thunk had me gasping, and my eyes widened with the realization that the sound was Alyssum’s dagger burying into my side.
I hadn’t felt the pain, but it was as if acknowledging the truth of her actions beckoned it forth.
A sudden sharpness, seeping outward from where silver had parted my flesh.
The pain’s edges were bathed in fire, spreading through my abdomen as an impossible pressure buried inside of me.
I couldn’t breathe. I could hardly think. I released Alyssum, wincing as I forced myself to stand, though my periphery was already blurring beneath the strain.
I looked down, brow knitted in pained assessment. Not the worst aim, I thought. I gripped the hilt of the dagger I’d only just fashioned her with, yanking it from my side with a sharp hiss.
“Fucking depths,” I gritted out, now holding the wound.
I could feel myself fading. I wasn’t sure if it was shock, or the thick, warm blood pooling down my hip, or merely the aftereffects of whatever had happened to us in the Threshold. It mattered little, I thought, as I fell to the forest floor, writhing in agony.
“Alyssum,” I choked out.
But it wasn’t necessary to call for her, because she hovered over me, brandishing the very weapon she’d plunged into my side.
She angled the bloody blade towards my face, her tear-streaked cheeks wobbling as she bit back sobs.
And when she screamed, she spoke aloud the three words I had been praying I would never have to hear from her.
“WHO—ARE—YOU?”
I stopped fighting then, the fragile hope I’d carried with me on this journey splitting in two.
In its fissure there was suffering, a poison spreading through my body, leaving not one crevice—not my heart, not my soul—spared.
Worse than any flesh wound could hope to be.
Because as my mind plunged into the darkness that desperately wanted to reclaim me, a simple truth rang true, dousing me in a grief that was so thick I might have choked on it if I weren’t already choking on my own blood: Alyssum Lunamor, the woman I knew with every fiber of my being was destined to be loved by me, had probably taken my life. But I had also taken hers.
I could no longer see her, my vision blurring into itself, eyes fluttering closed. But I felt when she jostled my abdomen, her screams piercing the cocoon of quiet closing in on my senses.
“WHO—ARE—YOU?”
I understood now what being broken felt like. It was a fracture I never deserved to heal from, and as that singular, forbidden word echoed in my mind, I allowed it to drag me under.
Vacant…
Vacant…
Va—
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