Chapter 16 Rowan
A beam of light filtered through the gap in the curtains and woke me.
My head ached, heavy and dull, and I knew I hadn’t slept well.
I felt restless, drained. A vague memory of a nightmare lingered, but the details were hazy and just out of reach.
The more I tried to remember, the more it slipped away.
I did vaguely remember Cade, though. Had he been in the dream? The room still smelled faintly like him which was a quiet reminder of something I couldn’t quite grasp.
Surveying my bedroom, I checked the leather armchair in the corner, half expecting to see him sitting in it.
I even peeked under the bed by tipping my head over the side.
I couldn’t be sure if someone had bugged the room or installed a camera, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized I was physically alone.
Memories of Cade and Ryker touching my body flooded my brain. I felt blood rush to my face as I remembered the embarrassing way I had begged to cum after being spanked.
What was actually wrong with me?
One moment, I was terrified, waking up in a strange place, kidnapped by Arca. The next, almost without warning, I was begging these men to do things to me I never thought I’d want.
The change was so sudden, it made my head spin. I barely had time to process the fear before it twisted into something else entirely.
Want.
Need.
Lust.
These men, correction, these psychos, had kidnapped me! They had also punished me, and manipulated my already volatile emotions. I hated them with every fiber of my being. And yet, even now, I wanted nothing more than to feel their hands on me.
How could my emotions flip so quickly?
One moment pure terror; the next, a desperate, confused craving.
It didn’t make sense.
My mind screamed at me to fight, to hate, to run. But my body betrayed me, responding to their touch with eagerness. And beneath it all, I felt ashamed. I was ashamed of how easily I gave in, ashamed of how quickly my fear turned into desire.
I resolved to not give in so easily next time. I would resist them.
Or at least try to.
I was at war within myself, torn between wanting to break free and wanting to surrender completely.
Had my suppressant sobriety made my instincts so powerful that I actually desired their touch?
Sure, I found certain men attractive, but that was as far as it went.
My sex drive had been nonexistent because of the suppressants, and as a result, I was completely inexperienced.
Obviously, I had touched myself, curious and lonely, but it certainly did not feel as good as it had when Ryker had put his fingers inside of me, or better yet, his mouth on me.
I really, really liked it when he used his tongue.
In fact, I had felt nothing so good.
Ever.
Especially when he made my whole center contract with a delicious rolling pleasure. Was that what an orgasm felt like? My body had taken control, causing me to beg for it without even knowing what it was going to feel like.
As good as it had felt to experience my first orgasm, I was definitely still planning on escaping.
I had no interest in continuing to be their pet.
Cade was a control freak, pushing and pulling my emotions in a million directions, making my head swim.
Ryker was clearly sexually deviant based on the things he was saying while he touched me, although I honestly suspected they both were.
If last night was any indication of what the future held, I wanted off this island, immediately! Punishments, forced obedience, submission? No thanks. I wanted to go home. I missed my life that made sense. Back to my guitars, my paintings, my plants.
My poor plants!
If I didn’t water them soon, they would die. Well, maybe not the little cactus in my bathroom. Cacti were funny like that. They died when you tried to keep them alive, and thrived when you accidentally neglected them.
I slipped out of bed, looking down to see that I was wearing a new black T-shirt.
This one was even bigger than the last, and didn’t have Cade’s whiskey scent.
Instead, it smelled like a forest. Not pine or evergreen, but something woodier, musky and earthy.
It reminded me of oakmoss as I breathed it in deeply, basking in the scent.
This newly gained sensitivity to scent was really distracting me.
I wanted to roll around in the shirt, rub it all over my body, specifically between my legs, but I told myself to get-it-together, knowing I would not be alone for long.
Instead, I needed to catalogue the room and get a sense of my surroundings if I stood any chance at escape.
Starting at the window, I threw open the curtains.
The dormitory seemed to be on the third floor of a military barrack-style building.
The building was U-shaped with a large courtyard in the center, which was teeming with soldiers.
Circling the courtyard was a running track where groups of soldiers jogged in pace with each other.
In the distance, there was an asphalt parking lot lined with military vehicles. I could also see a towering chain-link, barbed-wire fence that ran around the perimeter of the campus. I tried to open the window, but it wouldn’t budge.
Next, I checked the nightstand. There was a glass of water on top with a note that said, “Drink Me.” I could almost hear Cade’s voice ordering me around.
I drank it, not because he told me to, but because I was thirsty.
The first drawer had a few items of women’s clothing. An unexpected surge of jealousy coursed through me at the brief thought that they belonged to another woman, but that subsided when I noticed the tags and fresh scent. The clothes were new.
There were some simple lace underwear, a few pairs of socks, and two bras, sized to fit me. I cringed thinking about how they had gotten my bra size right.
The second drawer made my resolve to escape that much stronger. Inside were: a metal pair of handcuffs, a length of rope, a small egg-shaped vibrator, several plugs in various sizes, a ball gag, and finally a pack of zip ties.
No way.
I was gone the first chance I got.
I was not, I repeat, not going to let anyone use any of that stuff on me.
Despite my revulsion, a trace of curiosity rooted in the back of my mind. What exactly did they do with it all? How would they use it all on me? I felt wetness between my legs. Yeah, no, I couldn't go there right now; I needed to get back to trying to escape.
The other nightstand was empty in the bottom drawer, but the top contained a small cosmetics bag.
All of the makeup items were new and expensive.
I couldn’t have afforded any of it, and I didn’t even know where to begin when applying it to my face.
Lily would have been over the moon to doll me up with these products.
Thinking about Lily made my heart pang with longing.
I missed her, Alex and Malcolm. Hell, I even missed bitchy Harper, although I was sure she hated my guts after finding out what I really was.
She probably attributed Billy’s interest in me to "omega black magic" or whatever else she could come up with.
Did they even know where I was? Did they even care? They were my only real friends, the only people who would know I was gone. Thinking about them and my new reality made me feel an immeasurable amount of loneliness and grief, which only fueled my will to escape further.
There was a closet with sliding doors that contained a few more newly purchased items of clothing hung on hangers. Nothing flashy, just some jeans, a few plain v-neck t-shirts, and a thin sweater. Everything was perfectly my size. Great, they had taken my measurements when I was asleep. Creeps.
The closet also held what I assumed were nesting materials for my heat. Blankets and pillows in every texture, shape, and size imaginable, filled the shelves. I let my hand glide over a few folded ones, shivering slightly at the feel of soft silk and thick, cozy knits against my skin.
When my next heat came, instinct would take over, driving me to build a nest with the fabrics I felt most drawn to. At the training center, they taught omegas how to craft elaborate, beautiful nests. They were supposed to be perfect, like everything else expected of us.
But I knew mine wouldn’t be like that.
A flicker of shame rose in my chest at the thought of piecing together something pitiful, small, and sad.
Then the image crept in. An image of Cade and Ryker standing over my nest, eyes filled with disappointment.
.. maybe even regret for choosing me. The thought twisted in my chest, sharp and unwelcome.
I pushed it away, but the quiet sting of it lingered, leaving me more unsettled than I expected.
Why did I care what these men thought of me?
Trying to shake off the gloom settling over me, I turned my attention back to the room, drifting toward the nightstand once more.
I had considered changing into some clothes, but I wasn’t sure if Cade would get angry, and I didn’t want to piss him off and get spanked again.
My best behavior would be required to lull them into a false sense of security.
I had spent 10 years pretending to be submissive.
I could keep up the facade long enough for them to let their guards down so I could escape.
Instead of fully dressing, I opted to just put on a pair of underwear, snapping the tag off and sliding them underneath my oversized shirt. The power inequality between the alphas and me was even more stark when I didn’t have underwear on.
With nothing left to investigate in the room, I worked up the courage to try the door’s handle, twisting it, and saying a brief prayer.
Was I a prisoner, trapped in this little room forever?
It would be a lot harder to escape if I couldn’t even leave the bedroom.
The knob turned all the way, answering my prayer, as the door clicked and swung open.