Chapter 34 Rowan
I pretended to fall asleep on Killian’s chest, breathing deeply to mimic the rhythm of sleep.
We laid together until his knot finally deflated and he gently pulled it free from my core, trying not to wake me.
Slick and seed gushed out of me, and I felt it run down my legs, soaking the bed beneath us.
Killian shifted me off of him, delicately positioning me on my side, and covered my body with a blanket that was coated in his scent.
I felt the bed dip as he stood up and collected his clothing.
A jolt of panic sent my heartbeat into chaos at the thought of him discovering his keycard was missing.
Each beat was louder than the last as I prayed he wouldn’t notice.
He answered my silent prayer by grabbing his pants from the bed, pulling them onto his muscled thighs, and leaning over to kiss my forehead before leaving the room.
The door clicked shut with finality, and with it, the last glimpse of Killian I’d ever see, if my escape went according to plan.
The thought shouldn’t have broken my heart, but it did.
I considered how each of them would react in the morning when they finally discovered I was gone.
Cade would be furious, but beneath the fury would be a deeper wound, the unraveling of order which he clung to desperately.
Control was his anchor, and without it he would fracture.
For once, Ryker would have no humor, and his usual smirk wouldn't be able to hide the devastation in his eyes and the overwhelming regret of not claiming me like the others had.
That regret would be raw and consuming. Talon and his beast would feel the blow like a wound to the soul.
His grieving wolf would howl and pace, clawing from deep inside.
Would Talon be able to control his shift after losing their mate?
Our bond would break, and as the man unraveled, the beast would take over, shattering his restraint.
And last, though my heart resisted, I couldn’t help but imagine Killian’s face when he learned of my betrayal.
It would wound him the most, not just because of his sensitive nature, but because I turned our moment of closeness, something real and fragile, into a weapon.
I used the warmth of my touch, the quiet affection between us, to cloak my betrayal and slip away.
I stole not just his keycard, but the trust he had freely offered me.
In doing so, I would shatter that trust, and he would replace his reverence for me with guarded steel.
He would learn to hate me, not out of anger, but out of heartbreak.
And the tragedy of it all was that as I made my plan to walk away, I realized I cared for him.
Maybe I cared for them all in their own way.
I considered not going through with my plan.
Maybe I could leave the keycard under my bed, and when Killian finally realized it was gone and came looking for it, he would simply think that it had fallen from his pants onto the floor.
My betrayal would not come to pass, and I wouldn’t shatter his trust.
If I didn't leave, was it possible that I could build something honest and real with all of them? It had been such a relief to live my life free from lies and the overwhelming pressure of being caught in them.
Suddenly, another thought and image appeared in my mind.
I saw my small potted cactus, wilted and shriveled, clinging to life as it patiently waited for me to water it.
In my mind, I toured my home, revisiting all my favorite places.
I yearned to curl up in my dad’s old leather armchair and read a book.
As I flipped through memories, and longed to see my little cottage, my resolve to escape cemented itself.
I gripped the keycard tightly and told myself, “I’m going home.”
When Killian's footsteps receded, I slipped out of the bed as stealthily as I could, crouching on the ground and pressing my ear to the door, listening for movement. I would need to be sure no one was in the common space, or my escape would be over before it even began. Muffled voices filtered through the door and I strained my hearing, trying to make out the words. I recognized Cade’s voice.
Killian wasn’t speaking, so I assumed he must have been signing in response. Ryker and Talon soon joined them.
I couldn’t hear the full extent of the conversation as they were talking just out of range of my hearing. But from the bits and pieces I could hear, I learned they were planning to request a transfer back to the Border Front Base. From the sound of it, they wanted to leave soon.
If Arca transferred our unit, they would drag me kicking and screaming along with them. There would be absolutely no hope of escape if that happened, which meant getting my hands on Killian’s key card couldn’t have come at a better time. I was not turning back now that I knew it was my only chance.
“I’m going to go jack-off to thoughts of Kitten’s tight pussy. Hopefully she’ll visit me in my dreams and fuck me, like she fucked the rest of you assholes,” Ryker said.
He was so vulgar, but I couldn’t help smiling over the fact that he wanted me to visit him in his dreams.
“Me too. Not the jacking off part, the leaving to go to bed part,” Talon said. I'm sure he had just rolled his eyes at Ryker.
I listened as two chairs scraped across the floor, and footsteps grew closer and then farther as they receded down the hallway.
I distantly heard two doors close. Cade and Killian continued to sit at the dining room table.
It was completely silent for a long while, so I assumed that if they were communicating, it was through signing.
Cade finally broke the silence, responding to something Killian had said with, “It’s okay, Brother. Rowan will come around, and I’ll adjust my approach. I’ve always found safety in control. It’s how we’ve survived. But she needs more than that. I get it.”
So they had been talking about me.
Was bossy, self-assured Cade really considering what I needed?
He wasn’t planning to apologize, but he said he would give me more.
What did “more” even look like with Cade?
Could he surrender the need to shape everything, let go of his obsession with submission and order, to give me “more?” I imagined Cade freeing himself of his overwhelming need for control—losing himself in me, laughing in that unguarded way he did only when we were alone.
The way he touched me gently, to soothe my nerves and quiet my soul in those rare moments, was what I needed from him consistently.
I shoved those thoughts aside. Why was I even considering it? Cade was the reason Alex had dissolved our friendship. Cade was the reason they kidnapped me and forced me into service with Arca. Cade was the enemy.
They all were.
I listened closely as I heard one chair scrape across the floor and then another.
“I’m going to check on Rowan and give her some more Tylenol. She had a pretty high fever, and she’s due for medicine,” I heard Cade say before a cabinet door opened and he rifled through it.
Shit! He was coming in here!
I scrambled from the floor, slipping back into the bed as quietly as I could, hiding the key card between the pages of Treasure Island, which sat on my nightstand.
I tried to even out my breath, forcing my eyelids to get heavy and my body to become calm.
His steps grew closer, and the door clicked open.
Cade stood in the doorway, watching me. He didn’t move for a while until finally I heard his feet carrying him closer. A warm palm pressed against my forehead, and a whispered voice sounded to wake me from my pretend slumber.
“Rowan. Rowan, wake up, Baby.”
Shit, he called me Baby. Cade rarely used pet names, and my heart lurched at this unusual sweet affection. I rubbed my eyes, pretending to be sleepy before responding.
“Cade? What are you doing?”
“Are you still mad at me?” he asked, ignoring my question.
“Yes,” I responded dryly.
He deserved my anger.
“I’m sorry that your friend said what he said. That must have hurt your feelings.”
I glared at him. That was not a sincere apology, or even an actual apology for that matter. But I supposed it was as close as I would get considering how Cade was.
“And…” I said, imploring him to come closer to true atonement.
“And… you shouldn’t have been a brat and thrown our dishware. I’m going to punish you tomorrow for doing it. You are long overdue. It will hurt, and you will apologize,” he said, just as controlling and bossy as usual.
So much for giving me the “more” he resolved to give.
I smiled saccharinely at him, knowing that I would not be here tomorrow for him to do just that.
“But…” he continued unexpectedly, “Maybe afterwards we can take a trip off base. There’s a market in the city that sells plants.
We can get you a new cactus. There's also an arts and craft store nearby. We can pick out a few things to keep you busy. Ryker will be home with you in the morning while I am on duty, but we can go when my shift’s over in the late afternoon. ”
I stared at him, shocked. There it was. He was actually trying to make amends. Captain Cade Green felt bad for hurting his omega’s feelings, and this was his way of apologizing.
Too bad it was too little too late.
My heart crumbled thinking of what could have been had he only started there.
“Okay. I would like that,” I responded quietly.
“Alright, good. Take these,” he said, holding out a few Tylenol in one hand and a glass of water in his other. “You still have a high fever. If it doesn’t break by tomorrow, I’m taking you to Medical. Are you feeling sick? Any other symptoms I should know about?”
I shook my head from side to side hurriedly, just wanting our conversation to end so he would go to bed and I could continue with my escape plan.
He held the glass to my lips for me to drink as I swallowed the pills.