5. I Am A Mother-Fucking Goddess!
I Am A Mother-Fucking Goddess!
I met Phina in the city on Tuesday morning and we started the day with brunch. I hadn’t drank in a while, so it was nice to have a mimosa or six. The champagne was hitting just right when Martel Sharoski, my personal New York driver and ex-mercenary, drove us to the spa.
I frowned when we pulled up to a discreet doorway with a leaf illuminated above the awning. “This isn’t the spa we usually visit.”
“I changed the plan,” Phina said with a feathery wink of false lashes.
“Huh?” Knowing Hale’s sister, this could be anything. I wasn’t in the mood for injections or IVs or any sort of chemical peel. “What is this place, Seraphina? ”
“It’s a Reiki healing lab. Come on.”
Marty opened the door, and I sent him a desperate look to save me as Phina pulled me inside. The scent of incense assaulted my senses, but my nerves quickly calmed at the soft, tranquil plunking of chimes. Okay, this place seemed pretty chill.
A woman appeared with her hands folded in front of her waist and an easy smile on her natural face. “Welcome to Serenity. Can I help you?”
My gaze traveled down her silk genie pants to her bare feet. Her hair was long and wavy, hanging down to her bare belly where a piercing looped through a thin belted chain.
“We have an appointment for the Reiki healing.”
I looked curiously at the various displays of crystals and pretty glass things. My hands stayed balled at my side because I feared accidentally breaking something fragile.
“Wonderful. You must be Seraphina and Rayne. I’m Skye. Follow me, and I’ll get you settled in the Intentions Cave.”
We were going to a cave? I sent Phina a panicked look, but she appeared unconcerned.
We followed Skye down various flights of stairs that seemed to date back to the last century or older. The musty air smelled of earth and dampness the deeper underground we traveled, and I thought I heard faint trickling along the walls, which were stone and lined with melted candles. The far above sounds of the city muffled, and I grew more concerned the lower we traveled.
The temperature dropped as Skye led us into a small stone room that seemed carved out of some mystical cave. “Make yourselves comfortable.” She lit a candle and held a small bundle of dried herbs in the flame. It smelled a little like reefer.
“What is that?”
“Just some sage to cleanse the space.” She waved the singed bundle to the corners and wafted the aromatic smoke across the walls with a fan made of feathers. I discreetly coughed.
When she finished, she set the bundle in an opalescent shell where it continued to smoke. She lifted a small copper singing bowl and tapped the side with a wooden mallet. As she dragged the mallet around the rim of the bowl, it rang like a bell.
“This space is clean. Set your intentions and take a moment to meditate. Manifest your goals. Iris and Willow will be with you shortly.”
Who the hell were Iris and Willow? As soon as we were alone, I sent Phina a wide-eyed look and waved away the sage smoke. “Seriously?”
She laughed. “Don’t make fun. Let’s try it. We might discover something great. Gwyneth Paltrow does it.”
“Oh, well then, by all means.”
“Shut your eyes and concentrate.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “We’re supposed to be manifesting.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
Seraphina took a deep breath, hummed serenely, and lifted her chin. “It means we set a goal and will it into existence.”
This little rock room would have a bouncer and a line out the door if it were that easy. I mimicked her posture and shut my eyes.
I’d never meditated before, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right.
Did I remember to pack my slippers? I wonder if Andrew found my note about Elara’s ear drops. I should text him about that. Are we allowed to use phones here? There’s probably no signal. Someone could murder us down here, and no one would know. It’s giving… ‘put the lotion in the basket’.
Shit. I’m not doing this right.
I shook my head to scatter my thoughts.
My mind is clear. My mind is clear.
There’s a little purple lamp. That’s cozy. How about a recliner?
I got lost in the imaginary decorating of my mind when the door suddenly opened, scaring the crap out of me.
“Seraphina?”
My imaginary room burst into flames, incinerating to ash. Damn it.
“That’s me.” Phina stood, appearing fully manifested and at peace with her experience thus far.
“Hi, I’m Iris. We’re going to have a wonderful experience today. Are you ready?”
“Yes.” Phina smiled, fully embracing this kooky place.
Iris bowed her head toward me. “Willow will be down for you in a few minutes. You can enjoy the sanctuary a while longer.”
“Great.”
Phina and Iris disappeared, and the energy of the stone room shifted from that of a prison cell to a mausoleum. I must be missing something.
And why was I thinking about spiders. How did one clean a cave?
There are probably those long centipede things down here…
“Oh, God.” Where the fuck was this Willow chick?
I pulled out my phone, but there was no signal this deep in the earth. “Shit.” I used my flashlight to search crevices for bugs but found none.
My foot tapped anxiously and the strange acoustics muffled the sound, making everything feel closer. I didn’t like it. Nor did I feel serene or connected to the universe in this weird majestic place. I just felt trapped.
But I wanted to feel the serenity. I wanted the Paltrow special. I needed the full manifestation experience to improve my life so I could find complete contentment with the state of things.
I took a deep breath of the musty, cool air and focused again.
Set an intention… I want to be present. I am present. I am in a cave deep in the earth. How far is the subway ? —
Nope.
I’m in a majestic sanctuary on a spiritual journey. I own my destiny. I am one with Mother Earth.
That sounded good. The moment I thought about the earth, the trees, and the mountains, I felt connected to something, sort of anchored.
I am manifesting babies. Wait, is that too greedy?
I am manifesting fertility. I’m a fertile woman ready for implantation. My uterus is a beautiful garden wherefore life can grow.
Now I was getting the hang of this.
I will have Hale’s baby. We will conceive a child together. My body is young and healthy.
I kept repeating positive affirmations in my head until I forgot where I was. When the door opened, it scared the crap out of me and I jumped.
“Rayne?”
“Yup.” My heart raced as I recalled I was still stuck in this Ghostbusters dungeon.
“I’m Willow. Are you ready to begin your Reiki healing journey?”
I nodded and stood, grabbing my bag and following her down a narrow hall. We entered a dimly lit room with a massage table. Candles illuminated the shadows, and crystals covered every square inch of the shelves.
“Why don’t you tell me a little about what brings you here today.”
“Um, my sister-in-law brought me here.”
“Okay,” Willow smiled. “That was thoughtful of her. Have you ever done Reiki therapy before?”
“No. I’m a virgin.”
“Well first, let me say thank you for trusting me. I’ve been practicing for nineteen years, and I hope you’ll find the experience mind-opening. Do you have any goals for today?”
“Not really.” As a skeptic, I wanted to see what she inferred from as little information as possible.
“Okay. Then why don’t you settle in on the table so we can get started? Lie on your back and find a comfortable position. I’m going to get warmed up.”
I stared at the table and then back at Willow. “Is this a, uh, naked thing?”
“No.” She chuckled softly in a non-judgmental sort of way. “You can keep your clothes on. Or don’t if that makes you feel more in tune with your surroundings. Reiki works best however you’re most comfortable.”
Definitely clothes on.
I climbed onto the table and laid back. Several dream catchers and crystals hung from the ceiling, flickering as they gently turned and reflected the flickering candlelight.
This room was much more relaxing than the underground cave. Native American flute music played from hidden speakers, instantly putting me at ease. The soft scent of lemongrass and lavender wafted in the air, and my body relaxed on the heated, cushioned surface.
“Let me know if the table gets too warm for you.”
A toasty blanket draped over me, and I shivered. “Ooh.” Now she was speaking my language.
"Let's take a moment to ground and center before we begin. Relax your jaw and close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so.”
I felt very comfortable doing so, so I did.
Gentle fingers lightly pressed to my forehead. “Take a few slow, deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling fully through your mouth.”
I could sense her moving around me, but I didn’t have a clue what she was doing. Was that her hand on my forehead or had she set something there. Mindful not to make it fall, I tried to stay as still as a statue.
“With each breath, feel yourself becoming more relaxed and present in this moment.”
A soft bell rang, then another. The scent of various oils swirled in the air around my face, and I grew more relaxed. The slightest movement sent a breeze over my skin. I sank deeper into the heated table, safely cocooned under the cozy blanket.
This was a million times more my style than a naked massage, so I sighed happily. Was it rude to nap here? Probably.
“Now, I want you to bring your awareness to your body, Rayne. You and your body are one. Feel the weight of your limbs and the power hibernating in your core.”
Did core mean vagina? Or was she talking about my stomach? Should I ask? I didn’t want to disrupt the process so I just concentrated on both.
“Sink into yourself. Feel your body rooted to the earth and grounded like the strong trunk of a tree.”
Strangely, my body did feel heavier. Was this one of those weighted thunder blankets, or was she doing that with only her words ?
“Imagine your roots growing deep into the earth below you. Feel those roots anchoring you securely to the earth's energy, providing you with stability and support.”
Oh, this was nice. Sort of like Mother Earth was protectively holding me in her bosom. I was safe and warm and so very relaxed.
“As you breathe deeply, visualize a beam of light extending from your crown toward the sky. Feel yourself connecting to the universe, drawing on its incredible light and energy and wisdom.”
I was suddenly very wise and lighter than a feather. Maybe this Willow chick was a witch. The good kind, of course, like Glinda.
“Now, imagine the earth's energy rising up through your roots, filling your body with strength and vitality. Her incredible energy empowers you. You possess the natural magic to self-heal. Do you feel how safe and supported you are right now, Rayne?”
“Mm-hm,” I moaned, too comfortable to fully answer.
“You are connected to the wonderful healing energy of the universe all around you.”
Damn right, I was. I was a mother-fucking ethereal goddess.
My breath hitched as her hands pressed lightly onto my shoulders, sliding upward into my hair. She encircled my head, framing the sides of my face and gently massaging my temples, forehead, and scalp.
“You are connected to the divine energy that surrounds you, Rayne. Surrender to the infinite wisdom and guidance of the higher realms so that your spirit can awaken. Open your mind and heart so that you can receive the gifts the universe has in store for you.”
I am open.
Open like a quickie-mart.
Twenty-four-seven, wide open for business.
Universe, come on in…
Something cool rested on my forehead, and I stilled, this time certain it was not her hand. Was she putting crystals on me? It had to be.
“Your inner eye is open to intuition and insight. The physical world does not limit you. Trust your higher self to guide you on your true path.”
I no longer envisioned a dark room with a Barcalounger and lamp. Now, my mind was an enchanted forest with an illuminated path. Birds sang quietly while bees buzzed. Elara’s laugh drifted from beyond the trees as my inner self moved in toward the sound as if walking through a dream.
Willow placed another crystal on me, this time setting it lightly over the shallow indent of my throat. “You speak your truth with clarity and confidence, Rayne, so that you may express your authentic self honestly. Here, you’re free of judgment and have nothing to fear. Tell the universe what you want in your heart of hearts, so that your voice can call it into existence.”
Was I really doing this? I’d laid down a non-believer, but something was shifting inside of me. Maybe it was the calming oils or the crystals. I wasn’t sure. But suddenly I was all in.
“A baby,” I murmured, my voice small and weighed down by emotions.
“The universe accepts your desires and plans to serve you with everything you need.”
Her hands moved to hover over my chest without actually touching me. It was strange that I could feel exactly where she was even though no part of her body touched mine.
“Feel your heart open to love and compassion, not just for others, but for yourself as well.”
It was then that my energy shifted, and my throat constricted. My eyes burned, and my brow furrowed. Self-compassion was not a strong suit of mine.
“I feel your struggle, Rayne. The Anahata , or heart chakra, is your connection to others. I sense that you love very deeply, but sometimes, in the past, this has wounded you. You must let go of past pain and grievances so that forgiveness and healing energy can flow freely into you.”
Things were suddenly getting a little too heavy. I thought of my father, and Elle, and ex-coworkers who drove me crazy. This was starting to feel like therapy more than a spa visit. My relaxing experience intensified, and I desperately wanted to get back to that peaceful feeling I had moments ago.
When I peeked through my lashes, I was surprised to find my eyes wet with tears. Willow placed more crystals on my upper body, her hands moving around me as if pulling away cobwebs and cleaning the energy surrounding my heart.
“I see a bright green light over you. It’s siphoning the negative energy away. Breathe deep and release that negative debris, Rayne.”
I took a deep breath, fighting the constricting tightness of my lungs as the heaviness in my chest increased. Blowing out a breath wasn’t easy. At first, the air shook, and my lips trembled, but then I felt the unwanted weight pulling away, and a sense of openness gradually returned.
“Very good, Rayne.”
She continued to work on my heart chakra. The longer she spent there, the lighter I felt. When she moved to my stomach and concentrated on my solar plexus, she reminded me of my power within. I’d always thought that was IBS, but what did I know?
When she moved lower, she claimed to ignite my spirit, reminding me to have fun and let pleasure guide me. She suspected I had a good sex life, which was true, but she sensed the tension in this area and said it was forming a blockage.
I worried that the blockage might be my crusty, old, geriatric lady parts, but she said it was a mental block that could be easily moved with consistent practice and open-mindedness. I liked her outlook a hell of a lot better than mine.
When the session was over, I felt extremely flowy, as if all that stagnant energy inside of me had become unstuck. The possibility of finally letting go of some of those past pains no longer seemed so impossible.
“Hydration will help flush out the remaining toxins, so drink plenty of water over the next few days. You can maintain your connection to the earth by eating a nourishing diet, rich in plants. Journal, meditate, and spend a little time in nature whenever you feel overwhelmed.”
This woman was a wizard of calm, and I’d do anything she suggested if it meant keeping this peaceful buzz. My ADHD had never been so quiet. I wanted to ask how long this sensation would last, but I figured each client was different.
When I met Seraphina on the main floor, she did not appear as serene as I felt.
“Ready?” she asked, stuffing her wallet into her designer purse.
“I have to pay.”
“I handled it.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
I looked back at Willow, unsure if it was customary to hug a Reiki healer after a session. I decided that might cross some personal boundaries, so I just said, “Thank you so much for everything, Willow. ”
“You’re welcome, Rayne. I’m sure I’ll see you again.”
The moment we were outside on the pavement, Phina mumbled, “Doubtful.”
I frowned at her unusual negative attitude. “Didn’t you like it?”
Marty opened the limo door, and she slid into the back of the car and scoffed. “If I’d known this was a hands-free massage, I never would have booked it.”
“But didn’t you think it was neat how you could feel the energy shifting?”
“What are you talking about? All I felt was awkwardness. She just stood over me pretending to wave energy around.”
I hid a smirk. I was the one who usually felt awkward. Everyone loved a regular massage, but I hated the feeling of a stranger’s hands roaming freely over my bare skin. Ick! But no contact Reiki? I was a big fan!
After lunch and more cocktails, I checked in to The Plaza penthouse and called Hale to tell him about my day. “It was amazing, Hale. I could feel space opening up inside of me.”
“Sounds…neat.”
Okay, the Davenports were just different. They didn’t understand spirituality at this level. I’d obviously gone through some sort of awakening that was beyond his comprehension. Maybe he just needed to experience it for himself.
“Anyway, I ordered some stuff for the house. Just put any shipments aside until I get home if they get there before me.”
“What kind of shipments?”
“Some…crystals and rocks and stuff.” It wasn’t like I was joining a cult. I just liked the way certain pretty things made me feel. There was no difference between this and liking jewelry, and I wasn’t really into jewelry, so maybe this would be my fancy thing.
“I’ll have Alfonse keep an eye out for any packages.”
I frowned. “Why Alfonse? Where are you going?”
“I’m heading to the tarmac right now.”
“What for?” His travel plans were news to me. I put him on speaker and opened the shared calendar app on the phone. He had nothing booked this week.
“I missed my wife.”
I stilled. Warmth spread through all that newly emptied space Willow created in my chest. “You’re coming to New York?”
“I should be there in four hours.”
“Hale!” This was a fabulous surprise .
“What?”
“I wasn’t expecting this.”
“Don’t you want me there?”
“Of course, I want you here! It’s just… You could have come with me.”
“I had meetings today, and I knew you wanted some girl time with Phina.”
“Well, this changes everything! I’m going to nap, so I’ll be awake when you get here.”
“Good plan. I’ll text you as soon as I land.”
As soon as we hung up, I texted Seraphina.
Your brother’s flying in. Can I send Mr. Parcel over to your boutique to pick up an order?
She pinged right back.
Of course! Go online and see what you want. I’ll have Lilly put the order together for you.
A quick perusal of Seraphina’s website and my cart was bursting with porn-tastic lingerie. Hale was going to go nuts!
“Percy?” I rang the bell, and the butler appeared.
“Yes, Madam?”
“They’re putting together an order for me at Seraphina’s boutique. Could you see that it gets here in the next two hours?”
“Of course.”
“Thanks!”
I quickly straightened up the penthouse and moved upstairs. While Percy was preoccupied with other things, I ran a bath. After a long, peaceful soak, I napped. When I awoke, the boutique bag was waiting on the dresser.
I checked my phone. Hale was about thirty minutes away. That gave me plenty of time to prepare.