Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
After leaving him to wake up alone, after dashing his hopes about what we were, he avoids me.
I barely see him the following few days, and he’s slept in his bed alone every night.
I’m not sure if he’s giving me space or if he’s upset with me, but I’m too scared to ask.
I do need to address this with him. I need him to understand where I’m coming from. I need him to just listen, even if only for a moment. I feel bereft without him crawling into my bed at night. The chasm growing between us is unbearable.
I hate it.
“Caleb?” I ask, a determined energy moving through me as I square my shoulders.
I’m going to speak to him, and he’s going to give me a chance to explain.
He has to, I think as I walk into the apartment.
I know he’s here because his jacket is draped over the couch and his shoes are discarded near the front door.
“In here,” he calls from the bedroom.
Just his voice has my heart pattering violently in my chest. He doesn’t sound angry…he just sounds resigned.
“Sorry I’m home late…” My eyes catch on the plastic bag he’s packing. “What’s that?”
He huffs and grabs a balled-up shirt from the bed, stuffing it in the bag.
“Taking a mini-vacation.”
“Why?” I ask my fingers tapping against my folded arms.
“Need to get away. Think a bit.”
“Think about what?”
This is not going according to plan.
He sighs loudly but says nothing, just moves to the bathroom, trying to grab his toothbrush, but I snag his bag before he can. I shuffle through it and then stare at him.
“You’ve packed three pairs of socks and an undershirt,” I say.
“You interrupted my packing process. It’s normally very precise,” he replies, moving back into the bedroom and dumping everything out to start over.
He tries again, but watching him stuff everything haphazardly into the bag forces me up next to him to help him fold and place everything in the bag. Orderly. Neatly. Or as best I can when he doesn’t own a duffel bag or even a backpack.
Then I hold it out to him.
“Thanks,” he says, almost shy.
I give a small nod. “You’re welcome.”
He moves back to the bathroom to pack his toothbrush and his deodorant.
“Toothpaste,” I remind him, and watch as he grabs that too and sets it at the top of his bag. Doesn’t even bother to stuff it inside. It dangles there, a bit like me at the moment. “Can I ask where you’re going?”
“Dunno. Somewhere.” He sighs, looking lost. Sad.
I did this to him, I think, just as the toothpaste teeters and falls to the ground. He bends over and swipes it up with a dismayed sigh.
“How long will you be gone?”
“Tonight and tomorrow.”
“That’s all?”
“Yep.”
“Can I…can I come with you?” I ask, and his eyes flash up to meet mine. I wait a beat, an inhaled breath, and then he nods. He looks hopeful again, the gloom hovering over him dissipating almost entirely.
“Yeah, man. You can come with me. If you want to.”
I don’t overthink it. I just know that I miss him. And this might be what we need to repair what I broke. So, without asking too many questions so he can’t change his mind, I quickly grab my suitcase and start packing it.
“We’re only going to be gone for a night,” he says as I grab several shirts and pants, placing them in the suitcase.
“I know, but it’s always good to be prepared.”
I make sure to grab the lube as well, making Caleb choke slightly when he sees it. At least he still wants me. It’s been so long since I’ve had him.
When my suitcase is finally packed, I move to the kitchen to pack a bag of food and water. Just in case of an emergency.
And ten minutes later, we’re buckled in my car, and I ask, “So, where are we going?”
He looks over at me sheepishly. “Dunno.”
My eyebrows rise. “You don’t know?”
“I was just winging it, man. Had no plans. Just wanted to get away.”
“Okay, well, can I make a suggestion then?” I ask.
“Yeah, Whit. Go ahead.”
“I know a place, and I’d like to experience it with you. Does that work?”
His mouth twitches up into a small smile. “Yeah, babe. I’d like that.”
That name. It makes my heart flutter and my cheeks flame. But I say nothing, just type the place into my GPS, and the directions flicker onto the screen.
“It’s about two hours away. Is that okay?”
“Yeah.”
He leans back in the passenger seat, head tipped against the window. He’s watching the cars drive by, but every few seconds, I can feel his eyes on me. He’s terrible at hiding how he feels. And I’m just as bad. I invited myself on this trip, desperate to keep him near me.
Just for a while longer.
For as long as I can hold on to him.
We make our way out of town, switching freeways a few times, the landscape turning more arid and dry the farther east we go. I can feel his nervous, eager energy buzzing between us like a live wire.
By the time I park the car and step out, he’s rushing me, wrapping himself around me so tightly that I lose the ability to breathe.
It’s then that I realize this was inevitable.
I missed him terribly.
“You okay?” I ask, brushing my hand up his back and feeling him tremble.
“Yeah, I just…just wanted to touch you.”
I don’t let him go when I utter, “You can touch me all you want.”
He inhales me, the two of us wrapped around each other for a few long minutes before Caleb finally pulls away.
It’s then that he takes in the scenery. We’re in the middle of the desert. Large Joshua trees litter the horizon, and small, round tents surround us.
“What is this place?” he asks, and I offer him a small smile.
“They’re called yurts. Come on. Let me show you.”
We go to the small office and check in with a woman whose scent is a little too strong, even for someone who spends a lot of time outdoors. Caleb tries not to react to it, holding his breath until we make our way back outside. It’s only then that he lets out a long exhale.
I say nothing about it, just grab onto Caleb’s hand and lead him to the yurt we’ve been assigned. It’s tucked at the back of the campsite, the one with the blue door. I push it open, and we step inside, the space opening up around us.
He gasps as he takes it all in. There’s a queen bed in the middle of the room, a thick comforter on top. He drops onto it and sprawls out, his gaze lifting to the skylight overhead.
“It’s for stargazing,” I explain as he stands up and makes another full circle, his eyes taking in the overstuffed chair on the other end of the space and a small ‘kitchen’, which is basically a table with a coffee maker on it.
“Do you like it?” I ask, feeling suddenly nervous that this may not be something he’s into. He does like four-wheeling, but this isn’t like camping. More like glamping.
His eyes flash to mine. “Thought I’d be staying in a Motel 6 tonight, so this is an improvement.”
I set our bags on the chair and move toward him.
“We can just stay in bed the whole time,” I suggest, and Caleb bites his bottom lip.
“Presumptuous much?”
My cheeks flame, but he just pulls me into him.
“Just kidding. You know me. I’m down for being naked with you all the time. Where are the bathrooms?”
“Just outside. They’re outhouses.”
His eyebrows rise, and he lets out a laugh.
I can’t help but join in. “I know. It’s not really my thing, but I knew you’d love it. When my family traveled to Morocco, I stayed in one of these, and I loved it. I’ve wanted to come out here for a while now, and I thought tonight was a great time.”
“You made a good assumption. I love it. Never stayed in a yurt before. Didn’t even know what a yurt was until now.”
I stare at him, my heart fluttering in my chest.
“So, what now?” he finally asks.
I gesture toward the door. “How about we just sit outside for a bit? See the stars we can’t see in the city?”
He follows me outside, the sun already setting. It’s cold in the desert in the fall, and I shiver as the temperature drops.
“I don’t think I expected the cold,” Caleb says, and I huff a small laugh. Of course he didn’t. If I let him leave the first time, he’d have come here with no jacket and extra socks. He’d have frozen to death.
“I have a blanket in the car.”
“That sounds nice.”
I grab it, and when I return, I settle Caleb on my lap, his back against my chest, wrapping the blanket around us. My hands slide around his middle, and I rest my chin on his shoulder, nuzzling against him. He smells exactly like what I’ve missed.
“It’s beautiful out here,” he murmurs, his chin tilted up to take in the twinkling sky.
“You’re beautiful,” I reply without thinking.
His body melts into mine at those words, and he turns slightly, kissing me roughly. My hand drifts from his face, down his chest, and right between his legs, rubbing against his hard length.
“You’re pretty, too, Whit,” Caleb says when he pulls away from me. He’s breathless, his eyes wild as I continue to tease him with my hand.
“Let’s go inside. We can stargaze and make out at the same time,” Caleb says, and I let him pull me inside.
When the door is closed behind us, Caleb pulls his shirt and pants off, kicking them onto the floor in a haphazard heap. Then he crawls into the bed, my eyes locked on him. When I attempt to slide in next to him, he shakes his head.
“Nope, underwear can stay on, but no clothes in bed. I want to touch you. It’s been too long.”
I stare at him, and when he arches an eyebrow at me, I sigh, pulling everything off except my boxers. Then I crawl in next to him.
“Better,” he murmurs, clearly pleased I listened without fighting it. Then we lie next to each other, our eyes lifted to that skylight, watching the stars sparkle above us.
“This is awesome. I love it,” Caleb says, linking our hands and bringing mine up for a kiss.
The touch of him always warms me. “I’m glad you like it.”
We’re silent for a long moment, and then Caleb rolls over and presses against me. My hand runs up the length of his spine as he throws a thigh over mine.
“Sorry, not sorry. Can’t stay away,” he mutters, running his hand along my torso and nuzzling his face into my neck.