Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The following month is a blur of late nights spent making out, sex, and more sex. Caleb is ravenous. He warned me he would be, but I didn’t believe it. What straight guy goes from liking girls to taking it up the ass?
No one.
I think I’ve found the exception to the rule.
Of course it would be Caleb.
He’s broken every expectation I’ve had of him.
There are some days when I don’t think I can keep up with his sex drive.
The first week after staying in the yurt, my entire body ached from the physical exertion of driving into him and maneuvering his muscular body until we both found relief.
After a few days of this, he’d caught on to how exhausted I was.
He always seems able to read me better than I can read myself.
So, the following week, he did all the work.
Lifting himself onto me, riding me. I’m not sure what I like more, being in control or watching Caleb get off on using me.
And yet still, I always come back for more.
After an overly long debate meeting, I unlock the front door and walk into the apartment, immediately spotting the discarded clothes on the floor.
The mess should annoy me, but for some reason, it doesn’t.
I’m too enamored with him to let it get to me.
I set my keys down and turn to see Caleb leaning back against the couch, completely naked.
His muscular thighs are spread wide, his hand slowly stroking his cock, his eyes hooded as he watches me move toward him.
I pretend to be annoyed and arch an eyebrow. He merely strokes himself faster.
“You know, the serious look you’re giving me is only making me hotter,” Caleb says.
My eyebrow lifts higher, and Caleb groans. “What if I’d brought a guest over, Caleb? Is this really the first impression you want to make?”
Caleb smiles at me, and I melt a little inside. Is it possible that he’s gotten even hotter in the past few weeks?
I think it’s entirely possible.
He arches his hips, full-on fucking his fist now. “Come over here, Whit. I’ve been waiting for you. Need you.”
I scoff at how needy he is, but I love it and am already deciding which way I want him. This morning, I took him from behind, his back to my chest, slipping inside of him while he was still half-asleep. The way he moaned, the way his body eagerly took me inside of him.
I know we still don’t know each other that well, but this doesn’t feel fleeting in the way it should.
I want to wake up next to him for the rest of my life.
“You had me this morning.”
“Not enough. Need more. Always more.”
I roll my eyes in faux exasperation, but drop my messenger bag and tug off my shirt and pants as quickly as possible.
And when I enter him, he groans my name. It etches into my brain— the sound of him, the way he looks as he comes.
I’ll never forget this.
I’ll never forget him.
Caleb is dozing on the couch, his head in my lap as the TV plays quietly in the background.
I’m not watching it, just watching him. My fingers thread through his tousled hair.
It’s longer than it was a month ago. He needs a haircut.
Though I do like this as well. More to grab on to when I plow into him.
Fuck. Apparently, I like anything Caleb. He’s made me rethink my entire future.
For the first time, I’ve actively sought other options for my life. I’ve always just moved through my life with a feeling of resignation and hopelessness.
But now I feel brave, courageous.
I feel like maybe things might go my way.
After initially speaking with the lawyer I hired, I had hope that maybe something could be done. He sounded optimistic, like perhaps he’d be able to find a loophole in the contract.
My phone buzzes in my bag, and I lean over to grab it. Seeing the familiar number on the screen, my heart speeds up. This is the call I’ve been waiting for, the one that has given me some measure of hope, so I answer it without hesitation.
“Yes?” I say as quietly as I can.
Caleb clutches my thigh at the interruption and sighs softly, still asleep.
I continue to massage his scalp as the lawyer on the other end of the line confirms it is indeed me. And then his voice lowers.
Disappointment.
He’s going to deliver bad news.
“Unfortunately, this isn’t what you want to hear…”
My stomach clenches, and bile moves up my esophagus.
“There’s nothing to be done?”
“No, you must meet the conditions of the agreement for your funds to be released.”
I need to go through with it.
With everything.
My chest constricts, and I gulp down air as I thank him and hang up. I can’t breathe. The room is closing in on me as panic creeps up my spine.
“Whit?” Caleb says sleepily, his blue eyes blinking up at me. “You okay?” he asks again when I don’t answer, concern lacing his voice.
“I…” I clutch at my chest. My vision blurs, and I lean forward, placing my head between my legs, doing my best not to pass out.
The sliver of hope I’d had is gone. I hadn’t even imagined things could be any different until I met Caleb. And for a month, one blissful, life-changing month, I’d let myself hope. But it’s all lost. Everything is ruined.
“Whit?” Caleb says, those strong, thick hands rubbing my back so softly. So gentle. Always so gentle with me.
I can’t lose him. I can’t.
But it’s inevitable.
“Fine. Just…need…a minute,” I gasp.
He’s so patient with me, waiting until my breathing comes easier and my vision isn’t blurred at the edges. I still want to throw up, want to purge this feeling out of me. I want to curl into myself and lose myself to the darkness.
“What was that?” he asks, cupping my face in his palms and pressing a kiss to my sweaty forehead.
“Just bad news,” I whisper, and Caleb nods.
“You want to share?”
I shake my head. I can’t do it. Not yet. The anniversary of his mom’s death is coming up. Then Thanksgiving. Not yet. Not yet.
“Is it serious?”
I shake my head, even though it is. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my body.
The choice I have to make.
Is it even a choice?
“I…I overreacted. I’m…I’ll be fine,” I tell him, clutching at his hand and turning it to kiss that rough palm.
Because I have to be fine with whatever I choose.
And I don’t know if I can choose a future with him.
Not after everything I’ve been through. My parents owe me for what they put me through.
I’ve earned it with my blood and tears. Can I give it all up? For him?
Caleb’s thumbs rub over my cheeks. “Okay.”
He doesn’t sound convinced. Not that I expect him to. I’m a liar in the worst way. Selfish, thoughtless.
He will never forgive me once this is over.
My eyes water, and Caleb’s face crumples as he pulls me into his chest and holds me.
I should never have let him be my roommate. I should have let him go about his life, never knowing me. It would have been simpler, better. But I was too greedy. Wanted him too much.
And now look what I’ve done.
I’m set to ruin him.
I need to pull away before I do more damage. I need to end this.
Soon, I tell myself. Just one more day.
Let me have one more day.
My attempts to keep Caleb at arm’s length only go so far. He stares at me like a wounded puppy, his eyes sad, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. I try to remain cold and aloof, but it’s hard when he looks at me like that.
I find myself spending far too much time outside the apartment, trying to give us both some breathing room. I walk through the park, along the streets, and even head to the outdoor mall and meander through the shops.
It’s there that I wander into a jewelry store—knowing I can never have what I want, but tempted to pretend.
“Can I help you?” a distinguished man asks from behind a glass counter.
I peer over at him and freeze, unsure if pretending is good for my mental health, but knowing that hope is the only thing that’s keeping me from crumbling.
My feet unstick from the ground and move toward him.
“I’d like to buy a ring. For my fiancé.”
Those words, the way my lungs balloon in my chest.
“Ah, you’ll find them over here…” the man says before I stop him with a shake of my head.
“It’s for another man.”
Those words, a public admission to someone I don’t know.
He stops, eyes me, and then gives me a soft nod. “Of course. Right this way.”
I follow, my eyes skimming the rings, my heart pattering violently in my chest. I shouldn’t.
And yet, when I see it, I do. I can picture it perfectly on his finger, a symbol of him wearing a part of me.
It’s tucked into my pocket on the way home like a dirty secret.
It makes something inside of me twist. It’s painful, awful. I don’t enjoy hiding him. I want to live in the light, but still, I tuck that ring away where no one can find it, burying it along with the hope of my future.
“Come with me to the meetup. It’s Friendsgiving, babe,” Caleb says, pulling a shirt on and walking toward me as soon as I’ve sat down for the evening. Even though I have no intention of moving, I can’t help but stare at him as he walks toward me.
He’s a vision.
“I don’t want to socialize,” I mutter, and Caleb sighs.
“Alright, well, guess I’ll just go alone then.”
I peer up at him from behind my Kindle. He’s once more looking at me like that again. Sad. I’ve upset him. My chest constricts, and I find myself unable to breathe for a moment.
It’s all becoming too much.
How much longer can I do this? “Fine, but I have to shower first.”
His frown transforms into something brilliant, and he strides over to me, leaning down and pulling me into a filthy kiss.
My cock perks up even as the same feeling of dread bursts through my chest.
“See you soon. I’ll save you a seat.”
As soon as he disappears through the door, I set the Kindle down and pick up my phone.
I stare down at the slew of messages from my mom, my dad, and a few from Emily. The only good thing about her is that she seems just as disinterested in this entire arrangement as I am. She knows just as well as I do what we need to do to get what we’re owed.