Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sem is stalking me. It’s the one small comfort I get, knowing he’s reporting back to Caleb. After kissing him in the shower, I realized I want to be better for him.
So I force myself to finish up my classes. I pull myself together piece by piece, showing him I can do this.
Even though he doesn’t call me, I charge my phone.
Even though he’s not home, I still make my bed.
I wash the dishes.
I shower.
My parents continue to call, but I block them. I’m resolved on this.
I know I can no longer continue down this path mapped out for me. When I met Caleb, a new one was forged, carved from the love he gave me. I don’t know where it leads, but if it ends with him, then I know that’s the one I’ll choose.
The only person I’m in contact with is Emily. I let her know what’s coming. She begs me not to, to reconsider, but I’ve already put it all in motion. She won’t be hurt in this. It will all fall on me.
She will come out as the victim and will still get the money owed. I made sure of it.
If one party breaks the engagement, the other still receives their due.
It is all falling into place.
The more I move toward my goal, the more I know I’m making the right decision. The more I know that this is what I want.
For so long, I felt trapped, like I had no other options, but Caleb was right. I do.
I’ve always had them. And it’s so simple. A clear, concise choice.
The more that I drift from the path they carved out for me, the more I realize the new one is where I’m meant to be.
It will be harder.
But it will be worth it.
It has to be.
The tie I’m wearing is suffocating, but I can still draw breath because he texted me earlier. A simple hello, asking how I’m doing.
I take that. Hoard it in my chest.
I’m still on his mind. He’s still thinking of me. He still cares.
It won’t all be for naught.
“You’re late,” my father says as I step into the house I grew up in. Memories filter through me. None of them good. All of them miserable and cold, just like the swirling marble beneath my feet.
“I know,” I say, squaring my shoulders and forcing my gaze to meet his.
His lips turn down, and his hand reaches out, squeezing my arm a little too tightly.
I don’t show him it hurts. I breathe through the pain and school my face instead.
“You’ve kept the guests waiting. You will pay for this.”
I say nothing, just offer a small nod as his hand unclenches from my screaming muscles.
“Come,” he says, and I follow behind him. The foyer gives way to a large open space with high ceilings and several chandeliers hanging from above. The glow they cast is warm and inviting, so unlike the people who live here.
I’ve always hated this space. These parties. I had to attend each one, but I could never take part in them. I was forced to stand silently by my parents’ side, obediently answering questions from the guests about all my accomplishments.
Waiting for them to grow bored with me so I could be dismissed.
I lived for the freedom of being told I could leave.
And now I’m walking toward that once more.
My hands tremble slightly, but I close them into fists, so no one notices.
Guests greet me as I pass, congratulating me on the engagement. All I can do is nod, keeping my face impassive. My eyes swivel around the grand space, catching sight of Emily and my mother on the far side of the room.
They look as they always do.
My mother drunk.
Emily resigned.
Our eyes meet, and Emily gives me a soft nod. She knows everything that will unfold, everything I have planned, and yet has said nothing.
I appreciate her care in this situation. I only hope she can find the same freedom one day.
“Mam?,” I say when I step in front of her. Her eyes are glassy, her cheeks flushed.
“Whit.”
I lean down and press a kiss to her cheek. She smells like whiskey and perfume. I hate the smell.
I just want to go back to the scent of Caleb. Of pine and soap. Of everything pure and bright.
Holding my breath, I stand up and give a nod to Emily, who hands me a flute of champagne.
“You look nervous.”
“I am.”
My mother wanders off toward the bar as my father comes up next to me. He can never leave me alone too long, always hovering, always controlling.
The feel of him touching my shoulder has me shuddering. I quickly drink down the wine, feeling the bubbles burn as I swallow.
“You’re to give your speech now. Then we can eat.”
I don’t look at him as I nod, knowing that it’s time. Time to finally make my way back to him.
Emily and I walk side by side to the front of the room, the music in the background fading to nothing as I take hold of the microphone.
My tongue unsticks from the roof of my mouth and wets my dry lips.
“Thank you all for coming,” I say, my words slightly broken but growing in strength the more I speak. “I know this is an important night for my parents.”
I meet my father’s eyes, feel the derision simmering from him, and find my resolve.
Find my voice.
“Mam? ?i Tat?, I’m done being something I’m not. I’m not marrying her.”
The room falls silent, a few gasps of shock emanating from the crowd, as Emily turns her gaze up to mine, her eyes wide. She’s a good actress.
“I’m in love with someone else. Another man. I’m gay.”
My father rushes forward, and I know that I only have seconds left before he wrenches the microphone from my hand.
“This engagement is a sham, a bribe for my trust fund, and I won’t be a part of it. I’m giving it up. All of it. You can have your money. I don’t want—”
His large hand rips the mic from me as he loudly says, “He is nervous. Excuse us.”
He grabs my arm tightly, dragging me toward a nearby door. One that leads into an office.
I try to escape, but he’s stronger than me, and when the door closes behind us, he shoves me backward. I stumble, knowing what’s coming. Knowing that it may take a few days to recover from this.
But this will be the last time he touches me.
I meet his angry stare, his body vibrating with it.
“You insulted me. Shamed me in front of everyone.”
I say nothing as he steps toward me, his fist raised.
When the strike comes, I feel it—the whip of my neck, the blood in my mouth—but when it’s done, I just meet his gaze with nothing more than cool hatred.
“I’ve signed it all away. The lawyer already processed the paperwork. You have nothing on me anymore.”
His nostrils flare, his teeth grinding.
“You would give it all up for another man?” he spits.
I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.
“Yes. And if you try to interfere with my life after this, I will make sure every dark and dirty secret you’ve hidden from the public comes to light. I swear it.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“You’ve underestimated me, Tat?. I would. It’s already been set up. The truth is just a phone call away. You’ll give Emily what you’ve promised her, and you’ll stay the fuck away from me from now on. It’s over.”
His hand moves up to hit me once more, but I dodge it, picking up a hardback book from the desk behind me and slamming it into his face. He’s knocked sideways, giving me time to rush from the room, appearing in the crowd, my mouth bleeding, my eye slightly bruised.
They see it all.
What he’s done to me in the quiet confines of this house.
If only they knew what I’d suffered through the years.
He comes roaring out, but I am prepared for this. For his retaliation.
I turn toward him as a burst of light flickers around the room. The two photographers I hired to document all of this appear in the crowd.
No one else would dare go against him, and this is obvious from the lack of phones recording this. He won’t tarnish his image in front of the cameras. If this were made public, it would be a terrible thing for his ego.
My father stops his forward momentum, and I turn toward him, wiping the blood from my lip with my thumb. Something like a weight has been lifted from my chest, and for the first time in my life, my lungs fill all the way.
“Sunt liber s? fac ce vreau,” I tell him, seeing his eyes flare at my declaration, and then, without a backward glance, I stride out of the house, away from my past and toward my future.
I leave it all behind.
The only thing I managed to do was transfer the little money I’d invested into an account to cover my last semester of college.
Everything else I’ll have to figure out day by day. But I have no regrets. None. Not on the long flight back to California, not on the bus ride to campus.
I still have the apartment until May at least, the rent having been paid in advance.
I set down the small box of things that I had shipped from my parents’ house and look around the space.
It’s empty without him here.
I need to find him.
I know he’s back on campus because Aunt Del has been leaving me messages updating me on everything. I haven’t had the heart to answer any of them, but I did listen to each message, drawing strength from each word.
I will call her back.
I’ll beg her to forgive me.
Until then, I need to find Caleb and ask him to take me back.
Plead with him to forgive me.
If he even looks my way, I’ll know that I have a chance. His face always tells me exactly what I need to know. That maybe he could fall in love with me once more.
I grab a sweater and run a hand through my hair.
I’m a jittery mess; my hands haven’t stilled since I left New York.
I pull out my phone and scroll through the text messages. There’s one from Bev, letting me know the club is hosting a New Year’s get-together. Sounds like an awful time, but knowing Caleb, he’ll be there. He’s nothing if not social.
God, please let him be there.
Making my way from the apartment, I decide to walk to campus. It takes longer than I expect, and I worry I’ve missed out on the meetup entirely, but when I finally arrive, I pull the door open to the gymnasium and freeze when I catch sight of him.
My breath leaves my lungs in a rush. He’s more beautiful than I remember.