Chapter Twenty-Two
When Jay got home, he was grinning from ear to ear. What a revelation. All those years he’d known the Davenports and Betsy hadn’t been fooled by his act—yet she’d neither called him out on it nor embarrassed him. She cared about him, despite everything. Cared deeply enough to believe he was a match for her daughter. He’d have to deal with the Davenport men, not to mention convince Erin he was serious about her. But after his talk with Betsy, Jay felt so much better, as though maybe he’d never needed to pretend so hard to be someone he wasn’t.
Nelson was predictably delighted to see him, even though he hadn’t been gone an hour, and happily followed him as Jay paced from room to room, letting his idea percolate until he could see clearly how to execute his plan.
Jay went to his library, pulled down every book he owned on screenwriting—there were quite a few—and carried them into his office. Then he fired up his laptop and sat down. Nelson immediately curled at his feet.
“If it’s a romantic comedy,” he said to him, “you have to start with the meet cute.” Nelson wagged his tail in agreement.
He thought about Erin the twenty-year-old university student he’d first met. She was quiet but so smart. And then he pictured his young self, all brash and acting bold, when really he was just trying to disguise his insecurities and impress people. He could see those two younger versions of himself and Erin so clearly he felt as though he were time traveling.
He remembered vividly the first time he’d entered the Davenport home, walking in behind Arch and meeting the rest of the family, who were already crowded around the kitchen counters, helping out. He remembered seeing Betsy and thinking he’d never known a mother could be that beautiful and so well put together. And she combined her undeniable beauty with genuine niceness. He fell for her immediately.
Howie had treated Jay like one of the boys from the second he arrived. He handed out jobs to everybody, Jay included, so he immediately felt like one of the family—the kind of family he’d read about and watched in TV sitcoms, but until then had never really thought existed. Now that he could see what a real family could and should be like, it opened up a whole new world.
He’d been blown away by statuesque, sun-kissed surfing goddess Mila, and then he’d met Erin. She didn’t dazzle him the way Mila had, but he’d liked her right away. He’d found himself talking to her a lot. He’d probably just been boasting, he thought with a cringe, but she had listened and given him the time of day regardless. That was probably the thing he’d noticed about her most at first—that she was such a good listener.
Suddenly inspired, he began to type. He’d never win an award for his screenwriting, but if every word came from the heart, as these did, then he was halfway there. He thought again of his young self and instead of cringing, tried to laugh at himself. He crafted the scene in a humorous light. Erin as the quiet, smart girl who saw right through the brash showoff trying so hard to impress her. Both of them a little clueless about how they could connect. And now here he was, a whole fifteen years later, taking the plunge and planning to reveal his true, innermost feelings to Erin.
What was even more frightening was that it would be in print. If Erin was still mad at him, she could publish his first attempt at a screenplay in the newspaper, laugh about it with her friends, or post it on social media if she wanted to. He paused, wondering if he was on a fool’s errand, but then he shook his head. There wasn’t a chance in hell Erin would ever behave like that. She was the most gracious, most understanding, most thoughtful human being he’d ever met. And that was why he loved her.
Still, he felt a little woozy when he finally pushed Send.
* * *
The trouble with living in a small apartment was it was so easy to clean. Everything was organized, her laundry was up to date, her bills paid, Boswell fed and walked. After taking the scripts back to Jay with the note, Erin hadn’t heard a word. That had been a couple of days ago.
Until now, she’d been trying to deal with her emotions by herself, but there was one person she could always turn to when she was in a mess, and that was her sister Mila.
She called, and then worried that she was interrupting Mila and Hersch doing something lovey-dovey and fabulous, but after just a few words of greeting, Mila said, “What’s up, Erin? You sound weird.”
That was the nice thing about having a sister as close as hers—there was so much she didn’t have to bother explaining. “I feel confused and restless and I need your help.”
“You want to come up here? Or I can come to you. Or maybe you’d prefer to go surfing?”
Erin knew up here meant Hersch’s beautiful new home in Carmel Valley, and much as she liked Hersch and felt as though he was already part of the family, she didn’t really want to be in an unfamiliar house right now. Erin loved Mila’s cute cottage, but for some reason she wanted to stay put, right here in her safe place. She suggested that Mila drive down, and within half an hour her sister was knocking on her door.
Better still, she was holding a Tupperware container. “Don’t even start with me. Yes, I baked muffins this morning. That’s how badly I am in love with Herschel Greenfield. I, Mila Davenport, baked muffins. Blueberry muffins. What’s more, they’re delicious.”
Erin took the container and ushered her sister inside. She was happy that Mila had been lucky in love, and if her confident, athletic, and wildly independent sister could become a homebody and start baking muffins, who was to say that Jay Malone couldn’t also make a huge change in his life? Okay, maybe his change was a little bigger than baking, but she’d work with what she had.
After Mila had finished making a suitable fuss of Buzzy, who adored her second only to their mom, Erin started the coffee machine. “Coffee?”
Mila nodded, taking a seat at the kitchen table. No matter the time of day, she was never one to turn down caffeine. Erin put the muffins on a pretty ceramic plate and then poured them both a cup of steaming hot coffee.
Mila took a deep sip and waited for Erin to begin. Except now that it came to it, she didn’t know where to start. Because the whole story went beyond Jay, way back in time, and it was one she’d never told before.
She took a muffin and bit into its still-warm center, then exclaimed in delight. “Hey, these are really good!”
Mila laughed. “Don’t sound so surprised. I think the secret is a little lemon peel.”
“Nice touch.” Erin took another bite. “You can come here more often.”
“But you didn’t drag me down here for my fabulous baking. Tell me what’s going on.”
Erin steeled herself and took a deep breath. “It’s Jay Malone.”
Mila all but smacked herself on the forehead. “Call me clairvoyant—I had a feeling it was about him.”
Erin gave her sister a wry smile. She took a sip of coffee and contemplated where she wanted to begin. She wasn’t like Mila—she didn’t rush into things, including conversations. She wanted to choose her words carefully. Since her sister knew her very well, Mila just waited.
When Erin was ready, she let out a long sigh and confessed, “I’m half in love with him.”
“Erin, that’s no surprise to anyone but you. What I can’t figure out is why you’re sitting here with me having blueberry muffins and coffee instead of having hot, wild sex with Jay?”
Erin felt torn. She wanted to tell Mila the whole truth, but she didn’t want to humiliate Jay by dishing the details of their disastrous dinner. So all she said was, “We’ve been getting closer, and I think I’m scared. I think he’s scared too. I’m pretty different from the women he usually dates, and he kind of fell back on his old tricks.”
Mila straightened and her eyes widened. “He didn’t pull a line about you having such a beautiful smile your portrait should hang in the Louvre or something, did he?”
Erin cringed and reluctantly nodded. “Close.” How she wished that wasn’t the truth.
“Oh, Jay,” Mila said, shaking her head in disgust.
“I know.”
Mila sat back and seemed to mull things over. “I think you’re right that Jay is scared too. The thing about Jay is he’s so successful, so slick, and dating hot models is kind of like an immature badge of honor for him. But the fact that he so obviously cares about you tells me that he’s growing up. That he might be ready to make a change.”
Okay, so maybe Erin didn’t love the fact that Mila made such a big distinction between Erin and the supermodels, but the heart of what she was saying was true. She nodded.
Then Mila said, “What if you just go for it? It was my advice from the very beginning. He’s a hot guy, he’s single, you’re single, and now there’s obviously something much deeper developing between you. Jay doesn’t have to be the love of your life, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. You’ve been in kind of a rut, dating those geeky guys who follow you around with sad puppy eyes.”
Erin winced. This was way too close to what Jay had said.
And then Mila leaned across the table and took her hand. “Erin, why don’t you just take a chance? What’s holding you back?”
And then that awful dark feeling of shame began rising within her. She’d never told anyone about what had happened in college. Maybe it was time she did. If Jay could confront the darkness of his past, she could face her demons too.
She took another sip of coffee, steeling herself for what she was about to say. “Mila, there’s something I’ve never told you. I’ve never told anyone. When I was in college, I—I had a date that went bad. Really bad.” She began to tremble.
Mila’s outrage was instant. “What?”
“Don’t worry, the worst didn’t happen. But when I was in my first year and living away from home for the first time, there was this guy. He was so good looking and so confident. I was thrilled that he chose me out of all the other girls on campus. I felt special. But it wasn’t true. He wasn’t interested in me. I found out later that he collected virgins.”
Mila looked disgusted as she said, “What a total lowlife.”
“I can see that now, but at the time I was so confused. We went out a couple of times and then on the third date, he really pushed me for sex. I knew I wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t ready for him especially.”
“Good girl. You showed good instincts, even that young.”
Erin shook her head, the memories churning her stomach, and making her feel cold inside. “But he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He got aggressive. I felt trapped.” It was hard to breathe, still trapped in that memory. “Mila, he called me the most awful names.”
Her sister leaned over and held her hand more tightly than before. “Erin, I’m so sorry.”
“All I can say is, it’s a good thing our brothers taught me some pretty good self-defense moves before I went off to college.” She paused. “I never thought I would need to use them, though.”
Mila looked murderous. “Tell me you took him down.”
“He’d walked me back to my dorm room and then invited himself inside—pretty much barged his way in. I asked him to leave, but he just kept telling me to relax, that he was going to make me feel so good. I’d never had anyone treat me like that and I was scared, but mad too, you know? I was so glad the boys had taught me how to take care of myself. I finally got him out the door a little worse for wear, but not before he turned nasty and called me awful names. He never bothered me again, but he spread some pretty dirty rumors about me. And I guess since then I’ve just avoided men who seem overconfident and brash. Who take up too much space.” She stopped, overwhelmed by the relief of finally telling someone her deepest secret. “So you’re right, I spend time with men who don’t threaten me. And now you know why.”
“Oh honey, why did you never tell me this?”
Erin looked down at her empty plate. “Because I was so ashamed.”
Mila sat there for a moment and then said, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. It’s like you have a kind of victim shame, and you’ve lived with it alone for such a long time. But if you’ve ever felt shame because of that loser, or like you brought it on yourself, then you have to know you most definitely didn’t. That guy was obviously the worst kind of human, and you are the best kind there is.”
Erin felt unfamiliar tears prick at her eyelids. She whispered, “Thank you.”
“And it sounds like you were more than capable of holding your own and getting the hell away from him.” She sat back. “I’m not going to tell anyone else what you just shared with me. That’s for you to do if and when you feel you want to. But I do think you should give some serious thought to telling Jay everything you’ve just told me. If you’re falling in love, you want to start a relationship on even ground, where you’ve both told each other truths that no one else has. That’s what happened with Hersch and me and I can’t imagine it working any other way.”
Erin knew Mila was right. The trouble was, Jay had opened up to Erin and told her things about his past he’d never admitted to anyone before. But then at dinner, when they could have kept talking in this open, honest way she’d enjoyed so much, he’d defaulted straight back into his brash, cocky mode, which had set off alarm bells in Erin’s body.
She and her sister talked more about what had happened, and hearing Mila tell her how proud she was of the way Erin had stood up to a predator made her see herself in a new light. Then the conversation turned to Mila and Hersch and their plans to take a vacation together. Her sister was so deeply in love that Erin had a feeling there would be another Davenport wedding before too long. She was truly happy for her sister, and when Mila left after giving her a big hug, she knew how much she wanted a loving relationship like hers.
But was she ready?