30. Chapter 30
Chapter 30
H ayley laid in her bed, arms wrapped tightly around herself, trying to breathe through the chaos unraveling around her. The air was thick with the weight of what had just happened—Caiden quitting, Jesse deploying, both of them leaving her behind in the span of fucking minutes.
Her stomach twisted violently.
She barely made it to the bathroom before she collapsed to her knees, gripping the edge of the toilet bowl as dry heaves wracked through her body. Panic curled hot and sharp in her throat, clawing its way up alongside the nausea.
Gone. They were both gone.
She squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to breathe. She knew what Jesse’s job was. She knew he didn’t get to choose when he left. But that didn’t stop the ugly fear from creeping in, wrapping around her like a noose.
The weight of it all was crushing her. The pregnancy. The band. The label breathing down her neck. And now Caiden, her best friend, the one person who had always been in her corner, walking away because he couldn’t handle the truth.
She pushed herself upright, hands shaking, stumbling back into the bedroom. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand, her fingers barely working as she typed out a message.
Need to meet. Now.
Zoe’s reply came almost instantly. I’m at my office. Come see me.
* * * * *
Hayley barely registered the band lounging in the reception area—Billy, Kilgor, a few others from their crew—watching her with wary eyes as she stormed past them.
She threw open Zoe’s office door without knocking.
“Did you hear?” Her voice was raw, unsteady.
Zoe barely glanced up from her laptop, already bracing for impact.
“Well, good morning to you too,” she said dryly. “Hear what?”
Hayley dropped into the chair across from her, pressing the heels of her hands into her temples. “Caiden quit.”
Zoe’s fingers stilled on her keyboard. “What?”
Hayley let out a harsh breath. “He fucking quit, Zoe.”
“At the writing session this morning?”
Hayley froze. “No.”
Zoe’s brows pulled together. “Okay?”
Hayley exhaled sharply. “I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t go. I honestly slept in. I’m exhausted. Caiden randomly showed up at my apartment, saying all kinds of crazy shit. He was so damn angry with me.”
Zoe’s gaze sharpened. “Why?”
Hayley looked away.
“Hayley,” Zoe said, her voice like a blade. “Why is Caiden so angry with you? What are you not telling me?”
She sucked in a deep breath. Just say it.
“Because… because I’m back with my ex, who Caiden doesn’t like. Because Caiden thinks it’s a toxic relationship, but he’s wrong.”
Zoe exhaled sharply, shutting her laptop. “Because he’s in love with you.”
It wasn’t a question.
Hayley nodded, jaw tight. “Yeah—wait, do you mean Caiden or my ex?”
“Caiden.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke. The hum of the office space around them felt deafening.
“Well, he shouldn’t be,” Hayley said flatly. “He needs to move on.”
Zoe’s gaze flickered over her face, assessing. “Because?”
“Because I’m pregnant.”
Zoe went very still.
“Shit,” she muttered after a moment, leaning back in her chair. “That’s a problem.”
“No kidding.”
“Fix it, Hayley,” Zoe said. “You aren’t that far along.”
Billy and Kilgor appeared in the doorway, both looking equal parts concerned and resigned. Hayley could already hear the conversation forming.
“What are we going to do without him?”
“The label isn’t going to like this.”
“We’re fucked.”
And the worst part? They weren’t wrong.
Zoe folded her arms. “We were literally in LA yesterday, Hayley. Maybe that would have been a good time to tell me all of this—you know, in the hours we spent in my car? We made commitments. We signed contracts. The label is already spending on the next album, planning tours. We need him, Hayley. You need him.”
The words made her stomach churn. She shifted in her seat, swallowing down the lump in her throat. “I know.”
“And he didn’t just walk out on us,” Zoe added, eyes narrowing. “He walked out on you. Because you didn’t tell him.”
Hayley stiffened. “I haven’t even told my parents yet, let alone my guitarist.”
Zoe gave her a long, unimpressed look. “And here I thought you and Caiden were thick as thieves. That whole time in Australia, acting like the rockstar couple of a lifetime.”
The room went completely still.
“It was all for the show,” Hayley said.
“Fooled me,” Zoe replied slowly. “Did you fool Caiden too?”
Billy’s head snapped up. Kilgor let out a quiet holy shit.
Hayley felt all their eyes on her, pressing down like a weight.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “I—”
“I’m pretty fucking disappointed,” Zoe cut in, her voice clipped. “When were you planning on telling us, Hayley? I have contracts open right now. I’m halfway through signing off on a two-year international tour. The label is locking us into millions of dollars in commitments. That we must deliver on. And you were just going to what—wing it? Be nine months pregnant on tour? Have the baby backstage? Disappear?”
Hayley’s stomach twisted violently.
She hadn’t even let herself think that far ahead.
Everything had been moving so fast—Jesse coming back, finding out she was pregnant, trying to figure out what the hell came next.
And now, everything was crashing down at once.
Zoe sighed, rubbing her temples. “Hayley, you need to fix this. You got us into this mess. Now, fucking fix it. We’re a team. And right now, we need Caiden. The label needs Caiden.”
Hayley clenched her jaw. “What are you saying?”
“Break it off with your ex.” Zoe met her gaze head-on. “Call Caiden. Apologize.”
Hayley’s blood ran cold. “For what?”
“For not telling him the truth before he found out like this. For letting this whole thing spiral.”
Hayley’s hands curled into fists in her lap. The fury burned hot beneath her skin.
Apologize.
To the guy who had just stormed out, throwing ultimatums in her face.
To the guy who had been her best friend until the moment he decided he hated her.
To the guy who couldn’t fucking stand that she had chosen Jesse.
“Caiden is the right guy for your future, Hayley. We both know it.” Zoe tapped her pen, final. “Your ex is an ex for a reason.”
Hayley’s breath was shaky as she stood up, shaking her head. “I need air.”
Zoe didn’t stop her.
No one did.
She stormed out of the office, ignoring the looks, ignoring the way her heart was slamming against her ribs, ignoring the question still ringing in her head.
* * * * *
The city felt too loud, too bright, too much.
Hayley moved fast, arms wrapped tightly around herself, trying to hold in the chaos spiraling inside her. Her stomach churned, a sick mix of nausea and anxiety pressing against her ribs. The fight with Zoe still burned hot in her veins, but beneath it was a deeper exhaustion. One that curled into her bones, heavier than it had ever felt before.
She felt sick.
She felt lost.
And worst of all—she felt alone.
Her phone buzzed.
She almost ignored it. But then she saw the name.
Heath Carrington.
Hayley frowned, swiping to answer. “Hey?”
“Where are you?”
No preamble. No bullshit. Just direct. Straight to the point, like he already knew she wasn’t okay.
Hayley swallowed, glancing around. “Uh, walking downtown.”
“Where?”
She told him the cross street.
There was a pause. Then, “Stay there. I’m on my way.”
The line went dead before she could argue.
Hayley blinked at her phone. What the hell?
She wasn’t in the mood to be around anyone—least of all one of Jesse’s teammates. But something in Heath’s voice, something calm, steady, absolute, kept her feet planted on the sidewalk.
Five minutes later, a white Ford F-250 rumbled to a stop at the curb.
The truck was huge, the kind of vehicle that looked like it could tow an entire damn house if needed. The man who stepped out of it was no different.
Heath Carrington.
Six-three. Built like a brick wall. Broad as hell, shoulders filling out a navy t-shirt that stretched tight over muscles stacked from years of carrying, lifting, patching, fixing. He looked like a man who had spent his entire life holding the weight of others.
Older than Jesse—maybe late thirties—with sharp blue eyes, close-cropped brown hair graying at the temples, and a squared jaw that always looked one second away from locking into a scowl.
But when his gaze landed on her, something in his face softened.
Just a little.
“Hayley.” He opened the passenger door. “Come on. Get in.”
She hesitated.
“Not a request,” he added, his voice even.
Hayley didn’t argue.
She climbed into the cab, pulling the door shut as Heath merged back into traffic.
The truck smelled like sawdust, leather, and coffee, a toolbox shoved in the backseat alongside a mess of supplies. She vaguely remembered Jesse mentioning once that Heath did handyman work on the side. Medic by trade, but also the guy who fixed things, the old-school kind of protector who didn’t just patch wounds—he made sure things didn’t break in the first place.
Hayley exhaled, staring out the window as the city blurred past.
“Why are you here?” she finally asked.
Heath’s hands flexed on the wheel. “The last thing Jesse said to me before he left…” His voice was steady, but there was something weighted beneath it. “He asked me to check on you. To make sure you weren’t doing this alone.”
Hayley’s throat went tight.
Of course he did.
He wouldn’t say it to her. Wouldn’t tell her himself. But he’d make sure someone else was there.
Her stomach twisted painfully.
She clenched her jaw, turning away. “So you’re here to babysit me?”
“No,” Heath said simply. “I’m here to make sure you’re okay.”
She let out a rough, humorless laugh. “And what if I’m not?”
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he made a turn onto the Coronado Bridge, heading toward Jesse’s neighborhood.
“You’re taking me to his place?” she asked, suddenly tense.
Heath nodded. “Safest place for you right now. You know this town. The SEAL community—we take care of our own. I’m right down the street. No one knows you’re there. No one to bother you. You get some space. Figure things out.”
We.
That word settled deep in her chest.
She swallowed hard, staring at the road ahead. “We?”
Heath glanced at her, a small grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You heard me right.”
She processed that in silence as the truck pulled up in front of Jesse’s duplex—a cozy, California bungalow, half of it a small, one-bedroom unit that was distinctly his. The other side of the house was larger—three bedrooms, a proper family home, semi-detached.
Hayley had never noticed before just how small Jesse’s side was. How much of his life fit inside such a compact space—as if he never intended to stay long.
As Heath parked, she hesitated before following him up the walkway.
Once inside, Heath sent a quick text, then moved toward the kitchen. “Coffee?”
She blinked. “Uh… yeah. Decaf, please.”
He raised a brow. “You can have caffeine when you’re pregnant, you know. You just have to limit it. One cup a day won’t kill you.”
She exhaled. “Fine. Just cream.”
He handed her the mug, then opened the fridge, frowning. “I’ll need to bring some groceries.”
Before she could reply, the doorbell rang.
Hayley turned as Heath took the five steps to the door, opening it to reveal a tall, slender woman with familiar features—warm blue eyes, dark blonde hair swept into a casual ponytail, an easy confidence in the way she carried herself.
“My sister,” Heath introduced. “Natalie.”
Natalie stepped inside, giving Hayley a once-over before smiling. “Hey. I would’ve brought scones, but Heath only gave me a five-minute warning.”
Hayley blinked. Heath had called in backup.
“Natalie’s my sister,” Heath continued. “She’s the only one of us who actually settled down like a functional adult. Her husband’s Air Force—stationed at North Island.”
Hayley frowned. “Wait. You’re all military?”
“Adam’s a SEAL too,” Natalie said. “Our older brother. And then there’s Heath. The glue of the family.” She smirked, nudging him. “Even if he acts like a cranky old man.”
Heath rolled his eyes, but Hayley barely heard them.
Her mind was spinning.
This was what the SEAL community was. Taking care of each other. Showing up when someone needed them. No questions. No hesitation.
Natalie walked into the kitchen, grabbing herself a coffee like she belonged there. Like she’d done this a hundred times before.
“I told Heath I’d check in on you,” she said, stirring in a splash of cream. “You’re staying here for a while, right?”
Hayley hesitated, glancing at Heath.
“Until we figure it out,” Heath answered for her.
There it was again. We.
Like she was suddenly part of some unspoken unit, something bigger than herself, something that had nothing to do with music or contracts or the life she’d been struggling to hold onto.
She lowered herself into the chair at the kitchen table, fingers curling around the warmth of the coffee mug in front of her.
“I don’t even know what ‘figuring it out’ means,” she muttered, voice tight.
Natalie sat across from her, folding her arms, her sharp blue eyes studying Hayley with the same no-nonsense focus that Heath had. “Well, let’s start with the basics. What’s actually going on?”
Hayley swallowed hard, blinking against the heat creeping into her eyes.
“Well, I love Jesse,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “And he loves me.”
Natalie’s face softened.
Heath nodded, like he already knew.
Hayley exhaled, gripping the mug tighter. “But I can’t do this. I can’t live like this—waiting by the phone, wondering if he’s alive, putting everything on hold every time he disappears into another mission.”
Her voice wavered. She forced herself to keep talking.
“I spent three years trying to get over him, and now he’s back in my life, and I’m pregnant, and the band is imploding, and he just left again.” Her breath hitched. “Like he always does.”
Heath and Natalie exchanged a look.
Heath was the first to speak. “You’re scared.”
Natalie reached across the table, squeezing her wrist. “Hayley, you’re allowed to be.”
Heath exhaled, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “I get it. I do. I’ve seen what this life does to relationships. I’ve seen the wreckage it leaves behind.”
Hayley swallowed past the lump in her throat. “So what, then? I just accept it? Accept that I’ll never come first?”
Natalie tilted her head, watching her carefully. “You know how Jesse grew up, right?”
Hayley nodded slowly. “I know his dad was a nightmare. I know his mom tried but—”
“Jesse’s never had a real family, Hayley,” Heath finished for her, voice low but firm. “The SEALs? That’s his family. That’s where he learned how to trust people, how to rely on them, how to exist in a world that isn’t just him against everything.”
Hayley let that sink in.
Jesse trusted Heath. Respected him. Looked up to him. She could see it now—the way Heath talked about him, the way Jesse had asked him to check on her.
Like a brother.
Like a father figure he never had.
And if the SEALs were Jesse’s family… then what did that make her?
A fresh wave of emotion crashed over her, threatening to drown her.
Hayley pressed a shaking hand to her forehead, trying to steady the whirlwind inside her. “I don’t know if I can live in his world.”
Natalie’s voice was calm but unyielding. “You don’t have to. It’s him that has to learn how to live in yours.”
The words hit like a slow-building storm, creeping in at the edges of her mind, shifting everything she thought she knew.
Jesse had always been the one pulling her into his chaos. His world. His darkness.
She had spent so long believing it would always be that way—that he would always be that way.
But what if she had it wrong?
What if he had already started fighting his way to her?
She let out a ragged breath, her throat raw. “Is Jesse ever going to be able to put me and the baby first?”
A muscle ticked in Heath’s jaw. His fingers flexed against the counter.
And that hesitation? That pause?
It shattered something deep inside her.
A bitter, broken laugh tore from her lips. “That’s what I thought.”
Heath shook his head. “You do come first to him, Hayley.”
Her chest squeezed. “Then why doesn’t it feel like it?”
Heath let out a long, heavy breath. “Because you can’t see it yet.”
She frowned. “See what?”
“He’s trying, Hayley,” Heath said, his voice steady but intense. “I know it doesn’t look like it. I know it feels like he’s still that guy who’s going to fuck this up. But he’s not.”
“How can you be so sure?” she whispered.
Heath exhaled, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “Because I was there when he almost didn’t make it back. And there was one thing I said to him that turned him around.”
Hayley leaned in, her pulse hammering.
“What did you say?”
Heath’s blue eyes locked onto hers, serious, unflinching.
“Jesse told me he had nothing to live for.” A pause. A beat of silence so heavy it sucked the air from the room.
Then—Heath’s voice dropped, steady and certain.
“I told him he did.”
Hayley swallowed. “What?”
“You.”
The world tilted.
Something inside her snapped.
Heath continued, “I told him that if he wanted you back—if he ever wanted to deserve you—he had to become the man you needed. The man you deserved.”
She stared at Heath, barely breathing, her mind racing back over every moment, every word, every fucking thing Jesse had said and done since coming back.
His sobriety. His discipline. His relentless self-control.
The way he had learned to walk away instead of spiraling. The way he had changed—truly changed.
Not for the SEALs.
Not for himself.
For her.
Jesse got sober to win her back.
Not just to win her—but to be worthy of her.
She let out a shaky breath, her chest tightening, emotions slamming into her so hard she almost doubled over.
Heath’s voice was softer now. “He didn’t get sober for the Navy, Hayley. Not even for himself.” A pause. “He got sober because you were the only thing he ever wanted to be good enough for.”
Tears burned at the edges of her vision.
She pressed her knuckles hard against her mouth, trying to hold it in, trying to breathe.
Because this changed everything.
Everything.
Jesse didn’t just want her. He had built himself from the ground up just to be worthy of her. Somewhere along the line, she had become his lodestar, and he would always—always—come back to her.
* * * * *
Hayley could lie and pretend she was forced to stay.
Blame it on exhaustion. On Heath’s insistence. On Natalie showing up with an overnight bag full of comfortable clothes and a knowing look that said, You’re not going anywhere tonight.
But the truth?
The moment she stepped into Jesse’s apartment, she didn’t want to leave.
She didn’t want to go back to the empty quiet of her own place, where every shadow felt like a memory waiting to drown her.
Here—here, it smelled like him. Felt like him.
Small but his. Cozy, lived-in, full of small things that told the story of the man he had become. A record player with stacks of vinyl. Books lined up on his nightstand, dog-eared and worn. A coffee mug with a tiny crack at the handle because he refused to throw it away.
And his bed.
She curled into it instinctively, burying herself in the sheets, her body sinking into the familiar warmth. His scent wrapped around her, pulling her under.
She had spent so many nights here in the past, tangled up with him, lost in the whirlwind of them.
But this?
This felt different.
This felt like home.
She wasn’t sure when she had drifted off, only that sleep took her before she had time to overthink it.
Sometime in the middle of the night, vibration against the nightstand pulled her from her sleep. The glow of her phone screen sliced through the darkness, illuminating the room in a dim, flickering light.
Hayley blinked, disoriented, her heart hammering against her ribs as she reached for it, the instinct to check overriding everything else.
For a second, she just stared. Unknown Caller.
Her pulse roared in her ears as she swiped to answer. “Hello?”
He had never called before. Not once. Not when he was deployed. Not when he was overseas.
Then—his voice, rough, desperate, real.
“Hayley.”
Her stomach clenched. “Jesse, are you okay?”
He exhaled hard, and something about the way he did it—like he had been holding onto something too tight for too long—made her chest ache.
“I had a window,” he said, voice hoarse. “A chance to call. I took it.”
Her fingers curled tighter around the phone. The space between them felt unbearable.
“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you,” she admitted, voice quiet.
“I only have a minute,” he said. “But I need to talk to you.”
A pause.
Then, raw, broken honesty.
“I love you, Hayley.”
Her breath caught.
“I love you, and I don’t want to spend another second pretending like there’s a world where you and I don’t end up together.”
Her throat tightened. She rolled onto her side, gripping the phone with both hands, eyes squeezed shut.
“Jesse…”
“I don’t know how to do this right,” he admitted, voice cracking at the edges. “But I want to. I want you. I want our kid. I want our family. And I don’t want you to spend one second questioning that back home while I’m gone. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” Tears burned behind her eyes.
“I’ve been talking to my command,” he continued, words rushed, urgent. “About stepping back after this deployment. About moving into a role that gives me more stability… so I can be there for us.”
Her lips parted. “What?”
“I should’ve told you sooner,” he said. “I should’ve fucking told you a million things sooner. But I swear to God, Hayley, I’m doing this. I need this. I need you.”
A lump formed in her throat, thick and heavy. “Jesse—”
“I just need you to wait a little longer.” His voice dropped to something quieter, rougher, pleading. “Because when I come home, I’m coming home for good.”
Hayley pressed her forehead against the pillow, her breath shaky, heart slamming against her ribs.
She had wanted this. Needed this.
But hearing it—really hearing it—felt like standing on the edge of something terrifying and beautiful.
A future. A promise.
Something real.
She swallowed, forcing herself to breathe. “You’re serious?”
“I swear to you, Hayley.”
She closed her eyes.
For the first time in a long, long time… she believed him.
Tears slipped down her cheeks, silent and unstoppable.
“I have to go,” he said.
“I love you, Jesse.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew he heard it.
She felt it in the way he exhaled, in the way his silence filled with something lighter, something steadier.
Like he had been holding his breath for three years—and she had finally given him permission to breathe again.
“I love you too much,” he said finally. “Be good, Hayley. I’ll be home soon enough.”
* * * * *
By day six of Jesse’s deployment, Hayley was somewhere between grief and grace.
She blinked awake to pale morning light cutting through the blinds in his bedroom.
The space beside her was still faintly warm, but she knew that was just muscle memory playing tricks. He was gone. Off doing whatever classified thing SEALs did when they vanished.
She rolled onto her back, one hand resting on her belly. The apartment was still and quiet. The kind of quiet that wasn’t peace—it was waiting.
God, she was tired. Bone-deep tired. Her eyes burned and her head felt thick, like she’d slept too long but not enough. She couldn’t remember if it was Sunday or Monday. Didn’t really care.
Yesterday—or was it the day before?—she’d emailed Zoe.
Hey. Put a pin in everything band-related.
Need time to reflect, reset.
I’ll reach out when I can breathe again.
No explanation. No excuses. Just space.
She kicked off the blankets and sat up slowly, her tank top rumpled, Jesse’s old sweatpants loose on her hips. The air smelled like him. Laundry detergent and motor oil and that hint of cedarwood from his cologne.
She wandered through the quiet, rubbing sleep from her eyes, and opened the closet.
There it was.
His guitar case.
Half-hidden behind a stack of boots and his go-bag, like a secret waiting to be found. She pulled it out, popped the latches. The acoustic inside was worn, smooth, fingerprints ghosted across the fretboard. She remembered this guitar. Remembered being seventeen, sitting on the floor of his garage while he played something quiet and sad, refusing to admit he wrote it himself.
Hayley carried it to the couch and curled into the cushions, tucking her legs under her. She hadn’t picked up a guitar in months. She’d always been more of a piano girl—but she knew enough.
Just enough.
She strummed once. Adjusted the tuning. Let the sound settle into the silence of the apartment like it belonged there.
Then—she started playing.
Not loud. Not polished. Just soft, raw chords. Gentle lullabies that drifted up from some part of her that had gone quiet lately.
A cover. Something nostalgic and aching.
Christina Perri. “You Mean the Whole Wide World to Me.”
Then another.
Until the songs weren’t covers anymore.
They were hers.
She wrote one about the baby. About the little heartbeat tucked inside her.
She didn’t try to make it perfect.
She just let it be soft.
In the days that followed, life narrowed into something quiet and slow. Like her body knew how to survive even when her mind didn’t.
Natalie Carrington dropped by with Heath. They brought groceries and prepped meals. Natalie stood in the kitchen with her sleeves rolled and eyes kind, and Hayley just leaned into it.
“It’s okay to not be okay,” Natalie had said softly, hugging her. “But you’re not doing this alone.”
There were calls with her mom, too.
Tearful ones.
She told her about the baby.
About Jesse.
Her mom cried. Not out of fear, not out of worry. Just joy. That strange, complicated joy only mothers understood.
“You’re going to be brilliant,” she said. “Even if you feel lost, the baby will know you. Just like you always knew me.”
Hayley kept writing.
She filled Jesse’s apartment with songs meant for lullabies and rocking chairs, for 3 a.m. feedings and quiet mornings when the world felt safe.
She started a folder on her desktop: Songs for Baby Blue.
The name stuck.
She read baby books until her eyes crossed. Highlighted things. Dog-eared pages. Made lists. Compared prenatal vitamins. Booked her twelve-week scan. Started talking to her belly without irony.
The worst of the morning sickness had eased. But every now and then, the nausea rolled back through like a wave. She learned to keep ginger chews in her pocket.
Some nights she slept curled on his side of the bed, wearing his shirts, cradling the guitar instead of a pillow.
She wasn’t okay.
But she was healing.
In music.
In quiet.
In the shape of something new taking root in her.
In the soft strum of lullabies for a baby that wasn’t even here yet.
And somewhere, thousands of miles away, she knew Jesse didn’t have a clue what she was building.
But he would.
One day soon.