6 Sloane
October 2016
I sat on the edge of my desk in the dimly lit classroom, the anticipation gnawing at my insides as I waited for the professor to pass out our exams. My last two assignments had been nothing short of creative misfires, each marked with a disappointing score that rattled my confidence. Doubt started to creep in. If I struggled with a college-level writing course, how could I ever hope to land at a major media publication after graduation? The future I had dreamt of—full of ideation, writing, and publishing—felt so uncertain. I fixated on the clock above the door, its second hand ticking away like a time bomb, while the professor slowly made his way around the room. As he approached my row, the blue book slightly trembling in his hand, I could feel my throat constricting, a lump forming as anxiety held me in its grip.
After what felt like an eternity, the exam ended, and I handed mine in with a mix of relief and dread. The weight on my shoulders seemed to dissipate, if only temporarily. Stepping out of the classroom, I plugged my earbuds into my phone and shuffled top hits. “Love Yourself” by Justin Bieber played as I made my way through campus to the parking lot where the bus waited. Just as I started to hum along, my phone vibrated in my pocket and Ethan’s name was on the screen. I thought the flame between us might have burnt out over the last few weeks. Outside of our weekly bus ride banter, I hadn’t seen or heard from him. But now, curiosity and nostalgia stirred within me. I clicked on the notification.
12:17 p.m.
Ethan Brady:Turn around.
I did, and there he was. As he effortlessly navigated the sea of students, I admired him from afar. His stride across campus was a master class in arrogance, but somehow with each step, I liked him just a bit more. His dark hair was ruffled just enough to suggest a calculated carelessness. But what I liked the most about him was his smile, which was now beaming in my direction. With all of the lingering gazes aimed at him, I couldn’t help but feel giddy that at this moment he was fixated on me. It was a peek into what life would be like as Ethan Brady’s girlfriend. What a tease.
“Hey, Hart,” he greeted me, with that stupid grin of his. “What’re the odds we both finished our midterms at the same time?”
“Your timing is always impeccable,” I joked. “How do you think you did?”
“Not sure, hopefully got at least a B. At least we’re done with them now.”
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“Don’t sound so depressed.” He nudged me.
“It’s not that I’m not excited for midterms to be over. I’m just not doing as well as I’d like in my creative writing class. My professor says I lack sensory details. How am I going to get hired if I can’t even write something decent?”
“It sounds like you’re being hard on yourself. I’m sure they’re good, and as you write more, you’ll continue to improve. You know what they say—you’re always your harshest critic.”
“I’m confident in my work to an extent; I think it’s the competition that worries me the most. I’ve just always felt like I’m meant to do something big, and for some reason, New York has felt like the best place for that, but that’s also the city where every other writer is trying to make a name for themselves.” I kept going. “God, that sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud.”
“No, it doesn’t. Your dreams and ambitions aren’t ridiculous. They’re what make you you. And for the record, I can see you being a badass Manhattan businesswoman.”
I didn’t expect Ethan to be good at giving a pep talk, but then again, so far he’d exceeded all expectations I had for him. “Thanks, I needed that.”
“What’re you doing for fall break?”
“Staying here. Lame, I know,” I answered. “I just don’t see the point of going home while my mom works the entire weekend and I watch Netflix alone in her living room. I can do that here. What about you?”
“Me too.” Ethan shrugged, careful not to let me too far in on his thoughts.
We waited for the shuttle to pull up, and without question sat in our usual seats. Out of all of the routines and traditions I created over the past four years, this had become my favorite one.
***
“Sloane?” Lauren called out from her room.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“Can you come here?” She sounded concerned.
I made my way through the kitchen and down the front hall where her bedroom was. A suitcase was on her floor, and her entire wardrobe was in a pile on her bed.
“What the hell is going on here?” My eyes widened.
“Don’t laugh. It’s bad, I know.” She put her head in her hands. “Graham wants me to meet his parents this weekend, and I don’t know what to pack. He said they’re chill, but they’re literally millionaires. Can you help?”
“Just be yourself!” I sat crisscrossed next to the suitcase and examined what she had packed: six pairs of underwear, two sets of pajamas, and a phone charger.
“Okay, why don’t you try on some options? Maybe start with this midi!” I tossed the black dress to her.
Lauren peeled off her sweatshirt and wiggled her way into the dress. “Did you see Ethan today?”
“Yeah, we rode to and from campus together. He said he doesn’t have any fall break plans either.”
“Oh my god, this is perfect. You guys should so hang out! You haven’t since the jersey party, right?” She turned to admire herself in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of her bedroom door. “Love this for dinner Friday. What’s next?”
I tossed her a pair of skinny jeans and a flowy lace top as I pondered the thought.
“Yeah, besides the shuttle, I haven’t seen much of him. Maybe he prefers it that way? I don’t know.” I groaned. “He’s so hard to read.”
“I mean…if you’re asking for my opinion, I think you should just shoot your shot. Send him a text and see what he’s up to tonight! What’s the worst that can happen?”
“I’ll think about it. I need to do some writing prompts to catch up in my creative writing course though. I swear the professor hates me.”
“Sloane.” Lauren turned to face me and I could just tell she was about to get on her soapbox. “You have a three-point-five GPA. You’re going to land a great job and be an amazing writer. You have a semester and a half of college left. Enjoy it! I can’t stand the thought of you sitting in this apartment all weekend alone. Plus, I’m kind of dying to know how Ethan is in bed.”
“Lauren!” I picked up one of the tops on her floor and threw it at her. “I hope you’re kidding.”
“Of course I am. Don’t you want to know?”
My face went flush, and she had the answer she was looking for.
“When are you supposed to leave?” I changed the subject. “And where’s Jordan?”
“She left while you were at class, something about picking up an extra shift before she goes home tonight. I’m supposed to be at his apartment…” She picked up her phone to check the time. “Shit, five minutes ago.”
I threw a casual dress and two extra tops into her suitcase for good measure before zipping it shut.
“Have fun!” I said, sending her off.
“Have sex!” She turned and winked at me before darting down the hall.
I heard the front door shut behind her, and the silence in the apartment quickly became deafening.
What was I going to do for the next four days? Surely, I couldn’t write that much.
I sat on the couch and put an old episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians on the TV. For dinner, I cooked a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese and poured myself a glass of moscato. Is this what living alone postgrad would be like? I kind of liked it. A few minutes into the second episode, I felt my phone buzzing beneath the couch cushions. When I finally retrieved it, I saw my mom’s contact picture displayed on the screen. I loved my mom, but she usually called for one of two reasons: to harass me about my grades or to update me on her dating life. Neither of which I felt like getting into tonight.
Reluctantly, I answered. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hey honey, how’s your break?” she asked.
“Good,” I replied. “How’s work going?”
“Work is work. A guy in cardio quit last month, so I’ve been taking over a lot of his cases until we can find a suitable hire. How were midterms?” Her voice always had a way of sounding both caring and inquisitive at the same time.
“They were pretty good. I’ll let you know next week when we get our grades back.”
There was a shift in her tone, something I had come to recognize over the years. “Well, I saw on your student portal that your creative writing grade is struggling a bit, so I just wanted to check in. What was the exam like?”
“Mom, I thought we agreed you’d stop doing that.” I groaned. “The reason I’m staying here for break is to complete a few online workshops. My professor sent out an extra credit assignment too. I’m fine; you don’t need to helicopter-parent my grades.”
“Well I’m glad to hear that. I just like to make sure you’re not falling behind. Sloane, you’re so talented, and I’ll always support your dreams, honey, but…”
I felt a familiar knot form in my stomach.
“New York isn’t North Carolina. It’s cutthroat. You need to be the best of the best to get any job there, especially in editorial. Just focus on sharpening your craft and continue to network. I know you can do it.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, absorbing her words. I knew she meant well, but it stung nonetheless. “I understand, Mom. I’m trying.”
Her voice softened. “I just want the best for you.”
I forced a smile, even though she couldn’t see it. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Take care, okay? Call me if you need anything,” she said, her voice returning to its usual warmth.
“Will do. Love you.”
As I ended the call, the weight of our conversation lingered in the air. I leaned back, letting out a deep breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. That’s when my phone buzzed again. It was a text from Ethan. A small unexpected relief washed over me, and for a moment, I forgot about the heaviness of my mother’s expectations.
8:01 p.m.
Ethan Brady:Heyo
8:40 p.m.
Me:Hey!
8:42 p.m.
Ethan Brady:Want some company tonight? I think I started to get invested in your nudist show
8:42 p.m.
Me:Sureee you did. Yeah, wanna come down here?
8:45 p.m.
Ethan Brady:Be there in a few
His timing really was impeccable today. I ran into my bedroom to fix my makeup, brush through my fallen curls, and change into leggings and a cropped T-shirt. Fifteen minutes later, Ethan walked through our front door holding a half-empty bottle of American Vodka. I stared at it with a puzzled look.
“I didn’t want to come empty-handed, and this is all we had. Graham’s usually the one that stocks the fridge, especially when it comes to wine. I don’t know the first thing about it,” he explained.
“Lucky for us, Jordan opened a double bottle of Barefoot moscato last night, and there’s still over half left. If we don’t drink it, it’ll just go bad,” I replied as I grabbed two wineglasses from the cabinet.
“Pour ’em up, Hart, but I have to warn you, wine makes me…you know.”
“Sick?”
“Horny.” Ethan smirked, and I could feel my cheeks heat up.
“Alright, enough of that. Can you pick something for us to watch?” I motioned over to the coffee table where we kept all of the remotes in a wooden bowl.
“No Shameless?” he asked, eyebrow raised.
“I’m in the mood for a movie.”
I joined him on the couch and handed him a stemless glass with a heavy pour. Ethan leaned forward to set it on the coffee table, and his arm brushed against my thigh, sending shivers down my spine. He got up to turn off the lights, and the room dimmed, casting a cozy ambiance that made me even more nervous. As he returned and picked up the remote, I watched his hands, the way his fingers moved with grace over the buttons, scrolling through movies on Netflix before landing on a new release.
Halfway through the movie, the wine started to make me feel a little fuzzy, so with the same tipsy confidence as last time, I got closer to him and rested my hand on his thigh. In response he put his arm around me and pulled me in closer, swinging my legs over his. The next thing I knew Ethan’s mouth crashed over mine. This kiss was different from the ones that came before. This kiss was pure hunger. His hand caressed my hip and eventually the other hand found its way under my shirt. My heart was pounding, and I knew he could feel it.
He kissed me harder as I moaned into his mouth and felt him grow beneath me. I brought my hand down to the waistband of his shorts. I was insanely turned on and he was too, as I could tell by how hard he was in my grip.
“Sloane.” His breath was heavy. “Let’s go to your room.”
“Whatever you say,” I whispered into his mouth.
With a strength I didn’t know he had, Ethan picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. He continued to kiss me the entire way down the hall. When we got inside, he slammed the door shut, even though we had the entire apartment to ourselves. I expected him to lay me down on the bed, but instead he put my back flush with the bedroom door and pressed himself into me.
I couldn’t take it any longer. I wanted, needed him.
“Take me to the bed,” I begged as his mouth found its way to my neck and then my ear.
Ethan set me down on the mattress and got on top of me. With each kiss, he took off a different piece of clothing until I was completely naked and he was fully clothed. He stood up and took me in with his eyes. In that moment, the most vulnerable I’d ever been, I somehow felt so comfortable. Everything with Ethan came so easily, so naturally, like he was the person I was meant to share the most intimate parts of myself with. I’d never experienced a connection like that before, and I wondered if he felt the same.
“How long are you going to stare before you join me?” I asked.
“Long enough so that I’ll never forget this sight.” He stripped off his T-shirt, followed by his shorts and boxers in one swift motion. I could see a slight outline of him in the glow that the streetlights casted through the window.
My face was on fire. “You’re making me blush.”
“I want to make you do other things.”
Thank god the lights were off because I swore my face turned crimson red. His body was flush with mine, and he held himself up on his forearms while I crossed my arms behind his neck. He continued to kiss me—my mouth, my neck, my collarbone, my shoulder—and tease me until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Do you have a condom?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” He shot up from the bed and dug his wallet from his basketball shorts, where a small purple packet was tucked away. He knew exactly what was going to happen tonight, or at least hoped it would.
Within seconds he was back to his spot on top of me, and I couldn’t wait to feel him. He pushed some of the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear before kissing me again. He was gentle, and I loved every minute of it. Then he pushed into me with little force, and I let out a small sound.
“Fuck, Sloane,” he groaned as our bodies found their rhythm.
Sex with Ethan was better than I expected it to be. Our bodies were made to do this together, like they’d been waiting their entire lives for this moment. And I never wanted it to end.
***
In the blink of an eye, fall break was over. I had to find my way out of bed—where we spent the rest of the weekend—and become a functioning member of society before Lauren and Jordan got home. I threw out the empty wine bottles, wiped down the counters, and lit a candle in anticipation of their arrival.
“I’m back, bitch!” Lauren made her grand entrance a little after noon.
“Thank god.” I let out a dramatic sigh. “I’ve been dying here without you!”
“I knew it!” She laughed as she set her bags on the kitchen floor and pulled me in for a hug.
“I was kidding. Has your head always been that big?” I joked, but before she could answer Jordan walked through the door.
“You’re having a reunion without me? That’s so sweet!” she said sarcastically.
“What do you guys say we put off our homework just a little bit longer and get lunch and mimosas at Dockside?” I suggested.
“I don’t know, Sloane. I just got home, and I have a lot—” Lauren started.
“Come on! It’s the perfect weather to sit outside, and before we know it, it’ll be offseason. It’s senior year; we only have so many of these moments left!” I begged.
“I don’t need any convincing for a Sunday fun day,” Jordan said. “Let’s all change and meet back here in ten minutes.”
The afternoon sun bathed the parking lot of Ascent as the three of us piled into my trusty Honda Civic. Salt air mixed with the scent of nostalgia told me to roll down the windows and take in some of the last fall moments in our college town. As we drove through the streets of Wilmington, I couldn’t help but wonder where we’d all be this time next year. Change is scary. I wasn’t ready to leave this town yet, but even more than that, I wasn’t ready to lose the only friends I’d ever had. I hoped that we’d find our way together to a new city with new experiences where we could make new memories. Just like this one.
The restaurant came into view, so I rolled up the windows and turned down the music as we pulled into the parking lot. Over the past four years, Sunday debriefs have become one of my favorite parts of college. We seated ourselves and ordered a bottle of André with orange juice on the side while boats made their way down the channel.
“Alright, Laur, out with it. How’d the weekend with the fam go?” Jordan asked, eager for every detail.
“Yeah, you didn’t even text the group chat with updates!” I added.
Lauren’s confession came out in a rush. “Don’t freak out, but I think I’m in love.” Her face turned bright red, and I knew she wasn’t kidding, even though she used a playful tone.
“Spill!” Our response was instant.
“I love his parents, especially his mom. I mean she is just so cool. I sat by the pool with her while the boys fished, and we drank expensive wine while she told me story after story. How she met Graham’s dad, wild college parties, what she did postgrad, all of it. I literally aspire to be her. Enough about me though; how was everyone else’s weekend?”
I drew the focus to Jordan first. “Yeah, what’d you get into, J?”
“I landed a serving gig on a yacht down in Charleston. We made so much in tips, it was insane. Plus, they let us drink whatever we wanted the entire time, and I was with some of my high school friends, so it didn’t really feel like work,” she recounted.
“Both sound like such glamorous weekends, I’m jealous. Ascent wasn’t the same without you guys,” I replied.
“Did you get a lot of writing done?” Lauren’s attention had shifted back to me as our drinks arrived.
Before I could muster up the courage to answer I poured myself a large glass of champagne, followed by a dash of orange juice.
My smirk betrayed my secret before I could get the words out. “I actually didn’t write a single word. Believe it or not, I spent the weekend with Ethan.”
“Oh my god. YES!” Lauren’s excitement was explosive. “We might need another bottle! I can’t believe you didn’t text us!”
“I wasn’t on my phone much.” I blushed.
“Tell us everything! Did you sleep with him? Great, now I’m the only roommate who isn’t banging a neighbor!” Jordan’s mouth was moving at a million miles a minute.
“Jordan!” I looked around to make sure no one overheard the conversation before I continued. “But to answer your question, yes, I did. Eight times.”
“Eight? Holy shit!” She clinked her glass with mine.
“Might I add, me dating Graham doesn’t count toward our friend group rule. I started dating him and then we became friends with his roommates. Sloane definitely broke the rule though. Next bottle on her?” Lauren turned to Jordan.
“Jordan’s the one at the table with a job!” I shot back, my tone teasing yet pointed.
Jordan threw in her own two cents, a smile appearing on her lips. “And the only one at this table not sleeping with a neighbor.”
“Hold up. Let’s circle back to Ethan. So is this just a friends-with-benefits thing or do you have feelings for him?” Lauren wasn’t done interrogating me.
“I don’t know yet.” I frowned slightly. “For me, it’s definitely more than just sex. But for him? I don’t know.”
“I guess we’ll just wait and see how this story unfolds,” Lauren said.
“Love story,” Jordan added.
I didn’t know what to call it, what was happening between us. Whatever it was though, I liked it.