Chapter 21 Hannah
Hannah
Dom stands at the stove finishing the eggs, and I tuck a blanket over my mom’s legs on the couch and turn on NCIS, my heart in my throat.
My mom is happy, smiling huge over her morning adventures with Tony DiNozzo—a.k.a. Dom—but I’m in a tailspin as I try to figure out what in the hell I’m going to do from here.
A year ago, I added chimes on every door so that I would hear if anyone—my mom—was leaving the house.
Six months ago, I added a few security cameras that focused on the spots of the house I thought were the weak points and had them linked to my phone so I’d get notifications.
And after I walked out of the shower to two detectives sitting in my kitchen—that my mom let in without me realizing—I added a smart doorbell and another security camera in the front.
But even after all that, my mom still managed to walk out of the house this morning without me realizing.
Fuck.
I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever really be able to keep her safe.
I have to sleep, I have to shower, I have to go to the bathroom—I can’t be alert twenty-four hours a day, and even if I could, I don’t think it’s exactly the best option.
As it is, I have Lovie to help me some of the time, but the truth is, it’s starting to seem like I need full-time care from two people instead of one.
The idea of paying for that—of finding a way to make that work when I’m barely making ends meet as it is—hurts my stomach something fierce. Sure, my job at CMA has helped me stay afloat, but I’m not making enough money to hire a whole other Lovie.
I can’t even imagine how many sex calls I’d have to take to hit those kinds of numbers.
I move back into the kitchen just as Dom is scraping the final eggs out of the pan and onto a plate. He holds them out to me, a sad but kind expression souring the normally handsome smile right off his lips.
His face is full of pity—for me—and my jaw aches from the pressure with which I clench it.
“Thank you,” I say quietly, hoping not to disturb my mom now that she’s distracted. “I don’t even want to think about what might have happened if you hadn’t been out there. I didn’t know you were staying the night again.”
Dom shrugs. “I was pretty tired, and I know it helped you sleep better when you knew someone was keeping watch. No big deal.”
I laugh softly, the sound hollow and forced, because it is a big deal. No one has ever done things like this for me before. No one has ever made me feel this safe. No one has ever made me feel like Dom has—like I can count on him for anything.
“Plus, I had your battery anyway, so when I woke up when Lovie was leaving this morning, I figured I’d throw it in for you before I took off. That’s when your mom came out.”
I study the plate of eggs closely and twist my fork in my hands.
I blow out a breath and set my plate down on the counter, sinking my head into my hands. Dom is quick to put two comforting hands to my shoulders, the heat from his chest seeping straight into my back as he whispers in my ear, “It’s going to be okay, Hannah.”
His voice is low and soothing, and it vibrates through me, making my heart race. I can’t stop myself from leaning back slightly, just enough to feel him more fully against me. The temperature of his body, the solid strength of him—it’s all too much and not enough at the same time.
“Is it?” I whisper, my voice trembling a little. “Because I really don’t know anymore.”
“You’re doing everything you can and figuring it out as you go. That’s the best anyone can do.”
I look over my shoulder to meet his steady gaze. “Yeah, but is the best I can do good enough? I’m not so sure.”
Dom’s eyes search mine for a long moment before his hands find my hips and turn me to face him. The shift is electrifying. He holds the connection and moves his body so close to mine that I can feel the warmth of his breath on my skin.
“You’ve created a safe and loving environment for your mom and taken on responsibilities that I couldn’t even imagine facing at twenty-five. Hannah, it is good enough. Sure, there might be some holes in the security right now, but you’re going to figure them out, and if you can’t, I’ll help you.”
“But is this it?” I ask softly. “Is this really the future? Tight security and never-ending marathons of NCIS as a crutch? Is this what I have to offer my mom for the rest of her life?” I shake my head. I’m just . . . fucked.
I want to give her more. I want more for myself, of course, but I really want more for her. She’s more than a show, even if her mind isn’t what it used to be.
“Hannah, you know what I see when I look at your mom?”
I search his eyes.
“I see a woman who is loved unconditionally by her daughter,” he whispers. “I see an incredibly happy woman who is able to live her mind’s version of life to its fullest because of everything her daughter has done and sacrificed for her.”
Tears prick my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, Hannah. Every day, you’re giving your mother the best quality of life that’s possible for her.”
“Thank you for saying that,” I whisper, my lip quivering a little.
“You deserved to hear it.”
My gaze flits from his eyes to his lips, and Dom’s body sways toward mine just slightly. His space becomes mine as we sink into the emotion together. My heart thrums and my throat gets thick as my mouth becomes more and more desperate for his kiss.
I wanted to kiss him last night in his car. Badly. But I forced myself to go into my house before I gave in to it. And that feeling hasn’t waned. If anything, it’s grown stronger.
I know it’s not going to help. I know it’s inappropriate for what we are to each other, and I know it crosses lines that can’t be uncrossed, and still . . . I want it anyway.
I hold my breath and wait, giving him the space to make the move or put on the brakes, but desperately hoping for the former. I need the connection, I need the hope, and I need him.
As his hand comes up, I feel time slow to a crawl. His fingers sink into the strands of my hair at the side of my head. He leans forward and so do I, our lips skimming the surface, and just at the feel of his mouth on mine, a zap of lightning jolts down my spine and forces my eyes shut.
The pressure is soft, and the slow pace is excruciating, but when his lips finally settle onto mine, it feels like my very soul is flipping inside out, yearning to merge with his.
Time stops. The room disappears. And all my senses are focused on how it feels to kiss Dominic. It’s magic, this kiss, something like I’ve never experienced. It’s tender, but there’s a passionate tension within each swipe of our tongues.
His mouth is firm and soft, and his tongue might as well be silk. The way he guides the kiss, takes control in the best kind of way, has my body feeling so incredibly relaxed even as my heart pounds furiously inside my chest.
I could live inside this kiss for an eternity and still want more time.
I could crawl up his body and wrap my thighs around his hips and press myself into him, and it would still not feel like enough.
I could—
A gunshot goes off on the TV, startling us both, and it’s followed by a scream from Sherry as she covers her eyes, somehow still surprised even with all the times she’s seen it.
The sound jolts us out of the moment, snapping the invisible thread pulling us together.
Dom takes a step back, his hands falling to his sides, and I feel the loss of his warmth like a physical ache.
We move to opposite counters, our eyes wide as we try to make sense of what we’ve just done.
But there isn’t an easy answer, and there’s no going back. Something shifted between us, and I know we both felt it. It’s a line crossed, a boundary broken, and the scariest part of all is that I don’t want to stop.
I expect Dom to storm out or put up a wall himself, but he catches me off guard completely, his face breaking into a smile.
That smile—it’s not just charming; it’s warm and knowing. It’s the kind of smile that makes me feel like he’s seeing all of me, even the parts I try to hide, and he likes what he sees. It sends a rush of heat through me, and I have to grip the counter to steady myself.
“Want to go somewhere today?”
“Go somewhere?” I ask, tilting my head to the side in surprise. “Lovie’s off today and tomorrow. I have my mom by myself.”
“I know.” Dom’s smile doesn’t budge. “I meant the three of us.”
I glance back at my mom, worry creasing the skin between my eyebrows as I consider taking her somewhere she’s never been before and what that’ll mean for her comfort.
It’s risky, and I haven’t attempted it in years.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. My mo—Sherry is really particular about her environment. ”
“So am I. But I promise, this will be good. She’ll have fun and be safe.”
“How do I know if I can trust you?” I challenge softly, my voice carrying the weight of more than just this moment. It’s not just about my mom—it’s about me. How much of myself am I willing to trust him with?
But he lights up with a genuine laugh, and it eases some of the tension knotted in my chest. “I’m one of the good guys, remember. Special Agent Tony DiNozzo. And you’re Ziva David. And as long as I’m around, I promise you don’t have to do this alone.”
His words settle over me like a blanket. I don’t know why, but I believe him. I believe that as long as Dom is here, I’m not alone. It’s a dangerous thought, one that makes me feel safe and seen in a way I haven’t allowed myself to feel in a long time.
Dominic Dunn is starting to feel an awful lot like my safe place. And that might be the most dangerous thought I’ve had yet.
But even that isn’t enough to stop me.
“Okay, Tony. I guess we’re going out.”