27. Tea
Chapter 27
Tea
Once a loon baby hits week twelve, it moves into the fledgling age.
Their primary feathers are fully formed, they are able to swim and fish similarly to their parents, and they learn how to protect themselves from predators.
This is the stage where the fledgling will take their first flight and will separate from their parents when the mates leave the lake and migrate to the ocean.
Tea stood on the beach, watching Archer’s sailboat in the distance.
She couldn’t stop crying.
His words pinged around in her head.
You’re scared to be with me fully because like you said, our future together is not guaranteed.
A slender hand rubbed her back.
“You ready, sweetheart?”
She exhaled.
“Sure.”
She followed her mother to her car, the back packed to the brim with her suitcases and her snake plant.
The sun was making its descent, and they needed to get on the road so they could make it to the motel they booked outside Madison before it got too late.
She reached for the car handle.
“Wait, I think your grandparents are walking over here.”
Tea frowned.
“Didn’t we already say goodbye?” She really didn’t want to face Nan’s disappointment again.
Her mom squinted at them as they made their way across the lawn.
“It looks like she might be holding a present?”
They waited patiently.
A soft loon hoot echoed from nearby.
She looked at the lake, then realized the sound was coming from the sky.
Three loons were in flight, soaring across the lake.
One of them was still relatively brown, the other two in their usual black, white, and grey feathers.
It was the loon family.
Her mouth fell open.
“Mom, do you see this?”
Mom glanced back and forth.
“See what?”
She pointed to the sky.
“The loon baby! Pebble is taking his first flight!”
Mom’s eyes widened as she looked up at the sky.
“Those are loons?”
She grinned, watching the birds as they circled the lake.
Eventually the mates veered off, giving the baby the space to fly and be on his own.
The sight of it made her sentimental, sadness squeezing her ribcage.
The circle of life, in one short summer.
She was still watching Pebble fly circles around the lake when Nan approached.
She shoved a white box into her hands, tied with a green ribbon.
“Take it.”
“What is it?”
Nan shook her head.
“Do not open it until you drive out of here.”
She frowned.
“Why?”
“Because Tough Grandma said so.”
Her grandmother didn’t even hug her, simply turned on her heels and walked off.
Pop shrugged, then wrapped Tea in his arms and gave her a smooch on the cheek.
“Love you, angel. Come back soon.”
She melted in his embrace.
“I’ll try.”
They climbed into the car.
Tea eyed the lake one last time, watching the yellow sail drift among the water, and the loon that flew above it.
“Bye,” she whispered.
Mom rolled her car slowly down the dirt road and out of the resort.
Tea hadn’t seen many of the owners as they left, but she did that on purpose.
She wanted to leave quietly.
The box remained on her lap for a few minutes, unopened, as Mom drove along the winding roads leading out of Silver Falls.
“Well, are you going to open it?” she asked.
“I’m a little scared to,” Tea responded.
Mom sighed. “Do it. It can’t be that bad.”
Tea gingerly untied the bow, then tipped the box open.
The inside was fluffed with tissue paper, with one item and one note.
The item was a picture frame, one that she’d tried to leave behind.
It was the photo of her and Archer, blue teeth, smiling at the camera.
She bit her lip as she picked up the note.
Don’t make the same mistake.
She shook her head, shoving both of them back in the box, placing it on the ground, and kicking it in the corner, far away from her reach.
It didn’t matter what she did.
Every decision she was poised to make seemed like the wrong one.
They stopped at a diner in Madison for dinner.
The place looked completely dead, which worked in their favor.
They took a booth in the far back corner, away from the counter and the workers, giving them a safe space to eat in peace.
Tea poked at her salad with her fork.
She knew she should eat something, but she didn’t have an appetite for it.
Not after looking at that picture, the image of Archer haunting her.
Memories of the boy she used to play with at the lake.
Moments with the man she spent wrapped up in this summer, the way he gently cradled her and made her feel safe.
Mom bit her club sandwich, then wiped her hands with a napkin.
“Honey, enough sulking. Spill.”
She kept playing with her food.
“What is there to say?”
“Maybe you can finally tell me what’s going on with you and Archer?”
She put down her fork and glanced out the window, the sky dusty as dusk settled in.
“He told me he loves me.”
When Mom didn’t respond, Tea turned to face her.
She was leaning back, arms crossed, not looking surprised in the slightest.
She circled her hand, signaling her to continue.
“And?”
“And what?”
“Did you say it back?”
She pursed her lips and glanced away again.
“Oh, Tea bear, why not?”
“Because I can’t,” she whispered.
She could sense Mom leaning in.
“Can’t, or won’t?”
Tea brought her knees close and hugged them.
Screw manners.
“Do you love him?”
She placed her cheek on her knee, facing Mom again.
Her eyes softened. “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell him?”
“Because it wouldn’t have mattered. I still would have left.”
“Why?”
Tea’s forehead pinched as she sat up.
“Why? Mom, you drove all the way out here to pick me up.”
“Sweetheart, I needed a break from the hospital. And that should not be the reason you throw all of this away.”
“I’m not throwing it away! You’re all alone out there. I couldn’t abandon you.”
Mom was silent for a beat.
“So you decided against staying with him because you were afraid I would be all alone?”
“He doesn’t want long distance…”
“I don’t mean stay in a relationship, I mean stay in Minnesota .” Mom scratched her head.
“Why are you pushing him away?”
“Because…” Emotion clogged her throat.
She had no words to respond.
“This is so much worse than I thought,” Mom grumbled after she didn’t respond.
Tea frowned. “Why?”
She let out a frustrated exhale.
“Because you’re too worried about me to go out there and live your life, sweetheart. You were in Chicago for a few years, and I was perfectly fine by myself.”
“Yes, but you always knew I was going to come back. Mom, we lost him. I can’t leave you too.”
Mom tutted.
“Can I tell you what I think?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No, you don’t.” She folded her hands in her lap.
“I think you are using me as an excuse to avoid facing what you’re actually afraid of.”
“Which is what?”
“Letting yourself take chances.” She waved around her, like she had a magic wand.
“Letting yourself be in love and try new things. Letting yourself actually face your grief instead of stuffing it away like you have all these years.”
It was almost identical to what Archer told her.
Deep down, Tea knew they were both right.
But it didn’t make any of it easier.
She moved her knees to sit crisscross on the bench.
“That’s not fair. You stuffed it away too.”
Mom shook her head.
“No I didn’t. Remember I went to therapy for a while? And encouraged you to do the same, but you refused?”
Tea pressed her lips into a thin line.
“Then why didn’t we ever talk about it?”
“Because you didn’t want to. I tried to bring it up, but it was always too hard. You changed the subject or wanted to do something fun in the city. I gave up after a while and told myself that you needed space to heal. I feel like I failed you as a mom because I saw my kid suffering and didn’t do anything to fix it.”
“You didn’t fail as a mom,” she replied softly.
Tea watched her take another bite of her sandwich, chewing thoughtfully.
She swallowed. “When we go back, I don’t want things to go back to the way they were.”
“How so?”
“For starters, you’re not living with me.”
Tea didn’t say anything.
Mom crossed her arms. “I admit, I’ve liked my independence over the years. It’s allowed me to, well, um, have a life of my own.”
“What do you mean?”
She cocked her head.
“I like having space to myself, to invite people into.”
Her eyes widened.
“Like, men?”
“ Yes , men. Did you think I’ve been celibate all this time?”
Tea’s mouth fell open.
“You’ve been dating ? Since when?”
“Since you left for Chicago. I got on one of those new dating apps. Turns out, there are a lot of lonely people out there in the same situation I’m in.”
She was flabbergasted.
“Do you think you’ll ever remarry?”
Mom shrugged.
“Maybe. Did you really think I would remain single my whole life?”
Tea hesitated.
“Well, no. I guess I didn’t think about it too much.”
“And is that perhaps because you didn’t want to think about what comes next? To let yourself move on?”
Archer’s words came back to her at that moment, about how afraid she was to let someone in.
Letting someone in felt like freefalling.
You weren’t sure what came next.
You weren’t sure if everything would work out.
But…was she really going to live her life standing on the edge, afraid to jump?
“Honey?”
She blinked.
“Mmhmm?”
“Do you actually want this job at the bank?”
She hesitated, then shook her head.
“Then why go back? What do you actually want to do?”
Tea thought about it for a moment.
“I really liked working for Archer this summer.”
“Why? Because you’re in love with him and won’t admit it?”
She rolled her eyes.
“I liked making his business easier for him by taking over the finances and the admin stuff. He was way more relaxed about the whole thing and by the end of the summer, he started really enjoying it.” She paused.
“Also, Jorge was talking about how his lab is looking for someone to take on their finances. It was hard not to sit through that conversation and think that I could absolutely kill it at that job.”
“It sounds like you’d much rather work for small businesses than a large one.”
She sighed.
“Yes, but I don’t have much experience yet. Shouldn’t I go do the internship and see what happens?”
“Eh, no, I don’t think so.” Mom shrugged.
“You technically got experience working with Archer this summer. Couldn’t that count?”
Tea tapped her fork, thinking it through.
“I think the more important question here is…do you actually want to go back? Or are you only doing it because of me?”
She gazed at her mom but didn’t respond.
“I know that look. You know I’m right, but you’re too stubborn to admit it. Just like your father.” Mom pointed to the car.
“You have your entire life packed up in that vehicle. Like I said at the beginning of the summer, you could go anywhere .” She leaned in.
“So…where do you want to go?”