Chapter 23
DASKA
She chose me. She wants me.
My throat was too tight to speak. I reached for her instead, cupping her face gently, feeling her soft skin against my palms. Her eyes were bright, fixed on mine with an intensity that made something primal and possessive surge through my blood.
"Ellie," I managed, my voice rough. "I…"
But the words tangled in my mouth, clumsy and inadequate. How did I tell her what she meant to me? How did I explain that every morning I woke hoping to see her face, that every night I lay awake listening for her breathing, that the thought of losing her made my chest feel like it was caving in?
I couldn't. Not in her language. Not in mine.
So I kissed her instead.
I kissed her slowly. There was no urgency in it, no desperation, nothing of the fear that had been living in my chest for the last day. Just her. Just this. The warmth of her lips and the press of her hands and the soft sound of the fire and the distant drums far below us, fading to nothing.
When I finally lifted my head, her eyes were still closed.
Her lashes lay dark against her cheeks, and there were still traces of the red ochre Sira had painted on her brow, and the marks I had drawn on her skin with my own blood, drying in the firelight.
She looked, I thought, like something from the old stories.
She opened her eyes and smiled up at me. I found myself suddenly filled with so much joy, I could barely keep it inside. I needed to move.
“Come," I said, taking her hand. "I want to show you something."
She blinked. "Now?"
"Yes, now." I grabbed two deerskins from the pile near the hearth, slinging them over my shoulder, and tugged her gently toward the entrance. "Trust me."
The cold air hit us as soon as we stepped outside the moon hearth, sharp and biting after the warmth of the fire. Ellie gasped and I felt her hesitate, but I kept hold of her hand and pulled her forward.
"Daska, it's freezing," she protested, laughing slightly. "Where are we?"
"Close," I promised. "Very close. Just around…here."
We rounded the rocky outcropping that sheltered the moon hearth from the wind, and I heard her breath catch.
The hot spring lay before us, steam rising in lazy spirals into the afternoon sky, sheltered by the outcropping and the curve of the mountain, we were hidden.
Private. The moon hearth and this spring were kept separate from the pack's daily life for exactly this reason, so newly mated couples could have time alone, time to learn about each other without curious eyes watching.
"Oh," Ellie breathed, her eyes wide. "Daska, this is..."
"For us," I said quietly. "Mating place. Very old."
She stepped closer to the edge, her hand still clasped in mine, and I watched her take it in—the carvings on the stones, the names worn smooth by time, the marks left by countless couples who'd stood here just like we were standing now.
Will she understand? Will she know what this means?
"These symbols," she said softly, tracing one with her eyes. "What do they say?"
"Names. Promises." I moved to stand beside her, pointing to a spiral carved deep into the rock.
"This one is... 'forever.' This…" I touched an arc, “…
'together.' Some are just names. Some are…
" I hesitated, searching for the word. "…
wishes. For children. For long life. For.
.." I gestured vaguely, frustrated by the limits of her language.
"Love," she finished quietly.
"Yes. Love."
She looked up at me, her expression soft and wondering, and I felt my chest tighten again.
Don't mess this up. Don't scare her. Just... just be gentle.
I spread one of the deerskins on the ground near the water's edge, gesturing for her to sit, and wrapped the second around her shoulders before the cold could seep in. Then I knelt beside her, suddenly uncertain what to do with my hands.
I want to touch her. I want to pull her close and never let go. But what if she needs space? What if—
"The water's warm?" she asked, breaking into my spiralling thoughts.
"Yes. Very warm. Good for..." I gestured vaguely at my shoulders, my back, trying to convey the way the heat sank into tired muscles and eased old pains.
“Oh, a hot bath,” she murmured, her eyes widening.
“Bath?”
She smiled at me. “My word for…” she gestured at the spring and I nodded.
“Do you need help? With your clothing?”
She glanced down at her outfit, blushing a little. “Yes, think I do. But…”
“But what?” Was she nervous. She didn’t want to be naked in front of me, but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I was pushing her.
She looked up and smiled. “Not want take off… too beautiful.”
Relief spread through me, and pride too.
Jalar made beautiful clothing and Ess was known for her beadwork at the summer gatherings.
They often made outfits for trade, and I was glad I had gone to them the previous evening to beg for a trade.
Ellie looked beautiful in the cream hide, but I had already seen her tunic open, and I knew she was even more beautiful underneath.
I didn’t want to push her though, so I laughed instead, and began unlacing my own clothing instead.
I focused on removing my foot coverings and stepping out of my legwear without stumbling and making myself look stupid, but I was aware of Ellie’s eyes on me the whole time. The cold air bit at my skin, raising gooseflesh along my arms and chest, but I ignored it and walked into the water.
The heat was immediate and overwhelming, almost too much after the chill, but I waded in until I was waist-deep and then turned back to face her.
She was watching me.
Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed, and there was something in her gaze that made heat coil low in my belly. Not just curiosity. Interest. Want.
She's looking at me the way I look at her.
The realization sent a jolt through me so powerful I had to fight to keep my breathing steady.
I extended my hand, trying to project calm I didn't feel. "Water is warm," I said, my voice rougher than I intended. "Safe. I... I won't touch unless you say."
It was a promise. A vow.
She stood slowly, her movements hesitant, and began to unlace her tunic.
Don't stare. Don't make her uncomfortable. Look away.
I couldn't.
I watched as she peeled away her tunic, leggings, and undergarments, until she stood pale and perfect in the sunlight, and every coherent thought fled my mind.
She hesitated at the water's edge, her arms crossed over her chest like she was trying to hide, and I saw the vulnerability in her posture as she stepped into the water.
I moved forward immediately, taking her hand before she could lose her balance, and guided her deeper.
She gasped as the heat wrapped around her, her fingers tightening on mine, and I steadied her with a hand at her waist.
"Good?" I asked.
She nodded, her breathing shallow, and I felt the tension in her body slowly ease as she adjusted to the temperature.
The water rose around her waist, and she exhaled slowly, her shoulders dropping, the tight defensive curl of her arms loosening as the heat did its work.
I stood close enough to steady her if she needed it, far enough to give her room to breathe.
She tipped her head back.
Just that. Just let her head fall back on her neck, eyes closing, the pale line of her throat exposed to the cold air above the waterline while the rest of her was wrapped in warmth.
Her hair was still braided, the bone beads clicking softly as she moved, and the ochre mark on her brow had smeared slightly at the edges, softening into her skin.
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I had thought that before. Many times, in many different lights—firelight, dawn light, the grey flat light of overcast mornings when she sat outside my cave eating whatever I'd set beside her without seeming to notice she was doing it, her attention entirely on whatever small task she'd given herself.
I had thought it every time, and every time it hit me with the same force, like something I couldn't quite brace for no matter how many times it came.
But this was different.
This was my mate. Mine. She chose me.
"Daska?"
"Yes."
“Before we… I need to tell you something.” She looked down at the surface of the water, and I realised she was nervous.
“You can tell me anything,” I said.
“I know, I just… I don’t want to hurt you.”
My heart skipped a beat, but I forced myself to stay calm.
“Ellie, if you need to say something, I promise I’m strong enough to hear it.” I hoped I was, anyway.
She looked up at me, and nodded.
“Last night, Rivik told about Karik, and about mating you. I got angry him.”
“Understandable.”
“No, I mean. I got really angry. I thought he was trying to force me into something, trying to force you, and I… I was confused and I yelled at him, and…”
“And what?”
“And he kissed me.” Hey eyes met mine full on, and I saw the worry in them. I forced down the raging bear inside who wanted to roar at the thought of someone kissing our mate. It’s Rivik, I told myself. He can’t help it. He’s trying to fight the bond too, just like we did at first.
“Ellie-“
“There’s more. I kissed him too. I don’t know why, there something…
something between us, and I couldn’t... Urgh!
” She made a frustrated sound and I realised she was struggling with trying to explain in a language she only knew the basics of.
“I know that’s… bad, but I couldn’t… stop, and then he touched me. ”
My heart was racing now, though the anger was simmering, I was feeling something else too. Something I didn’t quite want to admit to her yet.
“Rivik touched you?”
She looked down. “Yes.”
“Where?”
Her eyes flew up to mine, and her cheeks turned pink. “Don’t know word.”
“Show me.”
She turned an even darker pink then slowly slid her hand beneath the water. My cock hardened under the surface as I pictured them together, and I licked my lips and took a deep breath.