Chapter 8 #2
“Ava.” Her name falls from my lips, just above a whisper. “I need more than the late-night texts and visits from you.” The words fall out of my mouth, practicing what I’ll say when she opens the door. “I need more.”
I cringe at how pathetic I sound, even to my own ears—it’s no secret that I am one pathetic man when it comes to Ava Williams, but there’s a fine line between pathetically infatuated and just fucking pathetic.
And I don’t know if right now is the time to figure out where that line is.
I shake my head, rubbing a hand across my mouth.
I pace further away from her door and down the hall as I try again. “Ava,” I start, keeping my voice low. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and I want you to know how lucky I am to be the person you call when you need—oh my fuck.”
Really?
I can’t even finish that thought without wanting to punch myself in the face.
Pulling at the strands of my hair, I’m thankful that the hallway has stayed empty—I don’t need anyone seeing how ridiculous I look, mumbling like an idiot.
Walking even further from her door, heading toward the stairs I just came from, I try one more time.
“Ava, I can’t stop thinking about you.” Okay, could be worse.
“I think about you from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, and, motherfucker, she will slam the door in my face if I say this bullshit.”
My cheeks heat at how embarrassing this is, and I’m not even in front of her yet.
I’m tempted to just open the door to the stairs and get right back in my car. She’ll never even know I was here—no harm, no foul.
But then I think about the way her curls perfectly frame her face, and the way her eyes are a type of hazel I’ve never seen before—brown with flecks of gold and a ring of green on the outside of her irises.
I could look into them forever if she’d let me.
And I really wish she would.
I think of the way she can communicate with one lift of her brow, one roll of her eyes, one tilt of her head.
I think of how there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to hear her laugh—the rich, breathy sound that she only lets escape her lips every now and again.
I think of her smile, and how her plump, rosy lips turn up in the most mesmerizing way—and how she really makes you work for a smile that shows her teeth.
I’ve only ever seen it directed at others, and I truly think I would spend the rest of my life trying to get her to smile that way at me—even if it’s just once.
I inhale, letting my shoulders rise as my lungs fill before exhaling with a sigh.
Turning back toward her apartment, I try one last time.
“Ava,” I whisper to myself, “I don’t know what I’m doing, or if I’m blowing whatever chance I thought I had with you by showing up here tonight. But I’m crazy about you. Crazy enough to tell you this, even if it scares the shit out of me. Even if you don’t feel the same way.”
Could be better, could be worse, but it’s honestly the best I’ve got right now.
Back at her door, I raise my hand to knock, tapping my knuckles against the door, and pocketing my hands.
It feels like an eternity before I hear footsteps on the other side, and then they freeze.
She must look through the peephole because there’s a moment where all movement ceases, and I fight to keep my feet in place—even though it feels like my fight or flight is activating, and I’m in no mood to fight.
But before I can bolt, I hear the lock turn.
No going back now.
“Anderson?” Ava’s eyes flare for half a second. She looks over her shoulder, her expression smoothing into something polite. Her voice comes out steady yet hushed. “What are you doing here?”
I definitely caught her off guard, but the way she turns to glance behind her again has me feeling like I made a huge mistake.
That’s when I realize—it’s fucking Valentine’s Day.
Did I just barge in on her date?
A wave of paralyzing possessiveness wracks my body, my jaw clamping down so tightly that I think I may break a molar. With my fucked up sleep schedule and the rush to come over here—not to mention the phone call from my brother—it didn’t even cross my mind.
Trying to keep my features schooled, my initial plan of what I wanted to say goes out the window, and I immediately resort to damage control, tamping down my misplaced jealousy.
“Sorry to show up here unannounced.” I clear my throat as blood rushes directly to my cheeks.
I take a hand out of my pocket to run through my hair, just to do something with my hands.
“Today of all days, “ I add with a chuckle, but it comes out forced.
Her brows knit together and raise slightly, her eyes slowly blinking as if she’s waiting for me to clarify as she turns around for a third time to check on something—or someone—behind her.
She seems antsy now, like she has something to go back to—something I interrupted—which makes me feel even stupider
“Valentine’s Day?” I offer before clearing my throat.
“Oh,” she says, looking genuinely confused for a moment before her eyes widen. “Oh,” she repeats, only this time, she looks like she’s about to close the door in my face—and I kind of wish she would. It would save both of us from my excruciating embarrassment.
I wave my hands in front of me, as if I could somehow help my mortification dissipate from the air around us. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d have company. I’ll just g—”
“No, no. That’s not it,” she cuts me off.
Her hands are still out the door, holding it close to her as if she doesn’t want me to see into her apartment.
“Well, yes, I do have company,” she continues, “but not that kind of company.” She rushes out the words before looking behind her again.
“I don’t know what you’re here for, but my sister is staying with me. ”
I wish she’d slap me across the face—I’m close to doing it for her after letting my jealousy cloud my thoughts enough to forget about her sister.
I’m about to apologize again when Ava continues, “And we have her—”
She freezes, not finishing the sentence.
She goes still, her mouth slightly parted as she takes in a sharp exhale.
A thought just crossed her mind.
One so important that it ceased any other.
With one more glance over her shoulder, her eyes meet mine, and there’s a question there.
I don’t know what it is, but I already know my answer is yes.