MACKENZIE
He walks in at around one in the morning.
I’m already tucked in, naked again, waiting, the lights dim in the room.
He goes to the shower first, and I listen to the running water before his electric razor echoes in the bathroom, and then the fresh smell of aftershave wafts through the room as he walks in.
I watch him through almost shut eyes, pretending I haven’t waited for him and I'm not overly excited that we are on speaking terms again.
He wears boxers, and his chest glimmers from the beads of water narrowly escaping the smooth brushing of the towel.
His regular clothes end up in a chair as if he wants to have them handy tomorrow morning when he goes back––God only knows where.
His phone hits the bottom of a drawer.
Finally, he rolls the covers to the side and slides next to me. The mattress dips, and my heart skips a beat or two.
I can’t fully see him with my head tilted to the side, and I can no longer pretend I’m still asleep as I’m too curious not to roll over, tuck my elbow under my head, and study him.
He has his eyes closed, his chest bare, the covers sitting short of the waistband of his boxers.
Surprisingly, he speaks first.
“I didn’t want us to end up like this,” he says with much sorrow in his voice. His voice is hoarse and deep like the pits of hell. “I don’t want you to be my hostage. I would’ve liked you to be here by your own will.”
His words blow my soul to smithereens.
I roll my lip under my teeth and wait for him to deliver another blow.
“But, sadly, here we are, and there are only two choices. I can spare your life. I can get you a new passport and a new identity if you wish, and I can move you across the world. You can have a good life, reinvent yourself, never worry about money, and be aware that if you ever run your mouth, my people will find you before the police.”
“I will never run my mouth,” I say in a strained voice, and he cracks an eye open and looks at me. “You know that…” I add softly.
“It’s not only about the cops. Living with me makes you a living target. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you much and have you with me from the beginning.”
As twisted as it is, a glimmer of hope springs to life.
He liked me from the beginning?
“Yes, I wanted you from the beginning,” he says as if it’s the worst thing that could’ve happened to him.
And as if he knows what goes through my mind.
A smile tilts his lips.
“I liked your bushy pussy and all…” he jokes, and a good feeling wraps around my hope.
But his smile dies out quickly.
“Sadly… Life is fun and games until someone gets hurt. And I don’t want that person to be you. I have enough on my conscience.”
A few moments tick away before he speaks again.
“I thought about sending you away. And it’s probably the best option for both of us.
“But…?”
He tilts his gaze to me.
“Sending you away is making your lonelier ten times over. Or a hundred times. You’d be like a fish in the water, at least in the beginning, since you’re used to it. And then you’ll have to live like a captive in that big ass empty world of yours until someone who knows nothing about you, and you’ll have to lie forever to, gives you a semblance of a normal life.”
The picture that he’s painted rattles my mind.
“What is the other option?” I ask quietly.
He sighs, and I gather it’s not a good one.
“The other option is to give up on everything. Your past, your world as you know it, your ambition for a career or a job. Whatever else you wanted to accomplish…”
The room turns darker as I try to understand what he’s saying to me.
“And?” I murmur.
“And stay with me,” he says.
Our eyes meet.
He slowly nods.
“You’ll be losing most of your life,” he says. “And you’ll risk everything you have for me.”
I feel like time itself wraps around my neck.
“What will that life look like?” I ask, shaking inside.
“I don’t know yet. We’ll have to figure it out. I’ll teach you some things so you’re prepared for the worst and to defend yourself. You might not be cut out for my world, and we might get back to option number one at some point.”
“And other than that?”
“You will live with me.”
“Like a mistress?”
“Mistress?” he smiles. “I’ve never heard this word in a while.”
“I’m serious, Callan.”
“Do you want to marry me? You couldn’t last two days in this house. Let’s see if you’ll make it alive first.”
“Do you want to marry me?” I ask.
He notices the fear in my eyes and brings his hand to my face.
“Are you afraid of the idea or me?” he asks.
“I’m not afraid,” I say, barely pushing the words out.
I’m not afraid?
I’m having a panic attack as we speak.
I stare at him like a sphinx caught in the jaws of time.
He pushes up on his elbow and splays his fingers over my face.
“I wish I could propose to you, Mackenzie, but by doing so, I’d be asking you if you’re willing to risk your life for me. And I can’t do that. It would mean that I don’t have feelings for you.”
“Feelings for me?” I say, my voice breaking.
“Yes, feelings for you. I’ve been fighting this idea since I met you, and no matter what I did, I was constantly drawn back and had to face it again and again. I was so mad when I saw you in my office. Because I felt like life had set us up. My whole identity is built around making some tough decisions. And the last thing I wanted was for you to be such a decision. You almost got killed that night at the park. You are just a girl who wants to pay her bills, have a good friend in her life, and sleep soundly at night, knowing that she won’t be homeless the following day. I can give you a life of luxury and remove all your existential fears, but all I’ll do is replace them with something worse.”
I mull over his words, appreciating his honesty.
“You won’t keep me captive,” I murmur, trying to take it step by step.
“Once we establish trust, of course not.”
He studies my eyes.
“Don’t even think about it, Mackenzie. I don’t want you to feel pressured into choosing something so unwise.”
I think about it for a moment.
“We’re not choosing anything tonight,” I say.
“Correct.”
“But I can still tell you how I feel about this.”
“Yes.”
It takes me a few moments to come up with an answer.
“I’m not afraid of you. I’ve never been afraid of you… But I’m afraid of the world you have just described. I’ve already lived in that world. That world made me take pictures of a shirtless man wearing Santa pants and almost got me killed. So, see, there are many ways to go. Fate is fate. You can’t avoid it. The thing is, I couldn’t stop thinking about you after spending time with you on New Year’s Eve. I knew you hadn’t promised me anything, but I got angry as if you had. I was mad in your office the other day. And I was furious because I lost my job. Can you imagine that?”
I smile, my eyes watering, a couple of tears breaking away from my lashes.
“I thought I cared about my job when, in fact, I was mad because the truth had surfaced, and I knew changes were coming, and I feared they weren’t good.”
I brush my tears off with the back of my fingers.
“Frankly, you abducting me didn’t mean squat to me. I’ve seen worse. But you no longer being within my reach hurt me the most.”
His eyes glint with emotion as he listens to me.
“I missed you,” he says tenderly, and I try so hard and unsuccessfully to keep the rest of my tears at bay.
“I missed you too,” I say quietly so he doesn’t hear the tears in my voice.
“You can cry, baby…” he murmurs, running his thumb below my eyes and comforting me the best he can.
And I try not to. Because I don’t want to look bad, yet when he pulls me into his chest, I let it all out since I can’t not be grateful for him being so gracious to me and offering me a safe space to heal.
He kisses my tears away, and I kiss his burning lips in return, finding my way back to him, learning that life, in the end, is a mismatch of good and bad and stupid risks and wise risks, and with him, I’m ready to take them all.
His hands travel down my body, and mine push his boxers down, and we start a new journey, set to be longer and more profound while allowing our bodies to feed on each other with snow falling in the background and his painful past and mine tiptoeing its way out of the room.
“I love you, baby,” he says much later when I press my head against his chest, calm and sated, no longer fearing anything.
“I love you, too,” I say, ready to take that risk with him, knowing that he is making it all worthwhile.
Thank you for reading Callan (The Bard Dynasty).
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Ewan, Alistair, and Duncan standalone stories will also be part of the series.
If you enjoy Steamy Romance featuring swoon worthy billionaires, check out my other series.
The Night of the Kings, Night of the Diamonds, Shades of Love, Love Your Enemy, House of Lions, and Golden Heir Series, and also the Kiss Duet.