Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
MADDOX
“No,” I say, fighting not to lose my patience. It seems like the more I talk and give instruction, the harder these students in my intro to theater class rebel against it. Most are here for an elective to fill their course load, but I refuse to allow them to slack off because they think they can.
Any student who has taken my class in the past needs to pass along to incoming students that I don’t play that bullshit when they step into my theater. I own this room and they’ll fall in line how they’re supposed to or they’ll get failed.
Sighing in frustration, I ask the scrawny man in front of me, “Did I say shout or use your diaphragm?”
He genuinely looks confused. “That’s the same thing.”
Stepping over to him, I shout, “Are you sure?” He jumps as if I struck him.
Then, using my diaphragm, I repeat the same question.
He shakes his head. “Exactly. Using your diaphragm projects your voice but protects your vocal cords. If an actor shouted their lines after doing a play night after night, their voices would be shot in no time. Your voice comes from here.” I place my hand on my upper belly.
“Not there.” I touch my throat. “Again.”
He swallows roughly, then nods before repeating the line, this time the way I told him to.
“Yes,” I practically hiss, my patience wearing thin.
“Just like that. You.” I point to a freshman who looks like she’s about to piss her pants.
“Same line, same manner.” She gets it quickly, actually listening to what the fuck I said instead of doing her own thing.
I break the class into groups so they can work on their lines together, then turn around toward the stage where Luca is. He’s smiling softly as he watches me, eyes twinkling in a knowing way.
It’s been two weeks since he came over to my place and I can’t wait until we can do it again. But he’s in his senior year and getting ready for grad school. He has to work hard to get into the program he wants and can’t just spend all his nights with me.
As much as I tell myself I don’t want him to spend all his nights with me, I smile when I still smell faint traces of him on my sheets.
It’s fucking pathetic that I haven’t changed them since that night.
I need to make up my fucking mind. I’m not always so… flighty. After my past, I know my boundaries, know what I want from the men I’m involved with, to protect myself.
But little Luca, with his sweetness and his innocence, is bulldozing all that pain and hurt I’ve been through by just being him, showing me who he is and what he wants with no reservation. It’s more than I got in my years’ long relationship that made me how I am.
Maybe… fuck, I don’t know. But looking into his eyes, seeing how much trust and emotion is behind his gaze, I need to figure out if I want our arrangement to remain just physical so I’m not stringing him along.
But I’m too selfish to give him up while I fight with my indecision.
Fuck, I wish I could talk to Crista about all this. She knows all the shit from my past. She could tell me what the fuck I should do.
I scoff as I turn back towards my class. I’m a man in my forties—I don’t need someone to tell me what I have to do.
But it could help to run some shit by her, to make sure I’m doing right by Luca, even if we’re just sharing our bodies.
I can’t tell her, though. She’ll only tell me not to get involved with a student or I’ll ruin my career.
I’m not stupid, I know what could happen if we’re caught—more to Luca than to me.
I’m tenured, so short of murder, there’s no way they can fire me.
But our relationship would follow Luca his entire collegiate career.
He might not get into the grad program here, and he’d leave me for ruining his life.
Goddammit! It’s all such a fucking mess, so confusing. I should have left him at Mask, should have told him to leave instead of taking him back to that room.
But looking over my shoulder, seeing his sweet, innocent face and guileless eyes… nah, I don’t regret it.
I just regret not getting help for my past so I could be a better man for him.
Blowing out a long breath, I move the students along to the next act of the play.
After the disaster that is my intro class, I dismiss my students and have Luca collect the play scripts while I head back to my office. I don’t have classes for the next two blocks, so there’s time to update grades and assignments and implement this system Luca set up for me.
I’m only alone for a few minutes when Luca slips into my office, pressing the door closed behind him. The sound of the lock clicking makes my heart race.
“Hey, Professor,” he says in that breathy way I love. I also love when he calls me Professor. I’m not sure how Maddox would sound on his lips, but Professor sounds downright sinful.
“Luca.” I open my legs and Luca comes around the desk, sitting on my lap without prompting.
I thumb over his bottom lip and his eyes flutter closed, a soft smile tipping up his lips. “I’m almost done with my psych group project. One more session and we should be good to turn it in.”
A smile wants to bloom across my face, but I keep it contained, not wanting to appear too eager. “That means…?”
He drops his eyes, looking at me through his lashes. “That means I can come over… and stay the night?” His voice goes up at the end in a question.
“You can come over anytime, little lamb.” I bring him in for a quick kiss. “This weekend?”
“Yes, please. I think my roommate will be gone. He used to be in the dorm with me all the time, but now that he has a scary boyfriend, he spends a lot of time with him.”
“Who’s your roommate?”
“Zander Braithe. The quarterback?”
I nod, smiling. “I know him well. He’s a good guy.”
“He is,” Luca says, a warm smile on his face.
The only thing that keeps my jealousy at bay is that it’s not the same smile he reserves for me.
And Luca says he has a boyfriend. If Zander kissing Kerian Slade, the quarterback from Meridian University, on television meant anything, that’s who Luca is talking about.
Slade doesn’t look like the type who would share his man, not even with someone as sweet as Luca, so I have nothing to worry about.
“But,” Luca continues. “He used to be around a lot more. I never really understood much when he had me watch games with him, but it was nice to have him around. Now that he’s gone, it’s kind of lonely.”
Grinning, I pull him higher onto my lap. “You’re welcome to come over anytime you need entertainment.” My voice drops to a low growl as I say, “I have a few ways to keep you entertained.”
Luca does that little noise in the back of his throat I’ve come to recognize as being both curious and aroused. “I… mmm… I actually have a few ideas of my own.”
Winging up a brow, I say, “Yeah? Tell me, little lamb.”
He bites his bottom lip, his brown eyes almost fathomless. “Yeah. I was… uhm… doing research.”
“Mhm,” I say, standing with him in my arms and placing him on my desk.
Luca automatically wraps his legs around my waist and his slender hands grip at my back. “Maybe we can…” I drop my lips to his neck and tease the skin there, kissing and licking at him. “Oh, God.” He tips his head back, allowing me to nibble at him more.
Against his throat, I whisper, “Maybe we can…”
His fingers clench at my back, digging in deep. “Can I ride you?” he blurts out, stopping me cold.
Pulling back, I look down at his face, seeing his pupils blown and red high on his cheeks. “Is that what you want, Luca?”
He searches my gaze for a few seconds, then nods slowly. “I want to watch you while you watch me.”
My mouth is on his, my tongue halfway down his throat before I realize I’ve even moved. The thought of Luca on top of me, moving his slender hips, taking all of my dick in his tiny hole…
Fuck, I want him now.
Luca’s hands thread through my hair, following my kiss like the good boy he is. He’s so hard against me, his dick practically—
“Knock, knock,” Crista says as she opens my door. I snatch my mouth from Luca’s and stare at her, eyes wide.
“Oh my God,” Luca whispers in fear, pushing me away as he adjusts his clothes. “Oh God. Oh… oh… shit. Sorry.”
“Luca,” I say, holding a hand out for him. He steps out of my reach, spins in a circle as if looking for something, then hurries past Crista, his head down, face pale like someone just died.
“Dammit, Luca,” I say, trying to go after him, but Crista blocks my way. “Move,” I growl.
“No, I can’t. We need to talk. I promise you can go to him when I’m done, but you’re not going to get out of this. Not after what I just saw.”
Short of bulldozing her out of the way, I can’t get around Crista. Fuck, Luca’s going to be hurt that I didn’t come after him immediately and assure him everything will be okay.
Will it, though? Crista’s my girl and I love her, but she doesn’t play that shit about professors and students. She’s seen professors get burned too many times not to read me the fucking riot act.
It’s not like I can deny what she just saw, so the “it wasn’t me” defense won’t work. What can I say?
Try being fucking honest.
Huffing, I take a seat behind my desk, looking her squarely in the eyes.
She sits on her favorite part of my desk, crossing her arms over her chest. “So, when you said you had something to do those few weeks ago…” I don’t answer, just dip my head in answer.
“Well,” she says with a sigh. “I guess it could be worse. Could be your actual student. I called it, though.” I let out a long breath when I see her smile.
“You didn’t,” I mutter.
“Totally did. He’s just your type—a cute, innocent-looking twink. But Mad, come on. Fucking him in your office with the door unlocked?”
I rack my brain and I could have sworn Luca locked the door when he came in. I’ll have to get maintenance to have a look at it in case it’s broken.
“Won’t happen again,” I say.
“Good. Because next time—”
“Won’t be a next time,” I interrupt.
“Next time…” She looks at me pointedly so I don’t interrupt. “It might be someone who could ruin your career.” She looks me over, an even bigger smile spread across her face. “You haven’t been a dick for the past month or so. Is it because you were fucking him on the regular?”
“Go away, Crista,” I mutter. “I won’t talk to you about what I do with my love life.”
“I think I just saw what you do with your love life,” she quips.
“Why are we friends again?”
“Because I’m the only one who will put up with your shit.” Her smile drops as she asks, “Is this serious?”
I squirm, because isn’t that the question of the fucking day? Exhaling roughly, I say, “I’m not sure.”
“Because of what happened when you were a student here?”
Throat tight, I nod. “Probably should have gone to therapy after that.”
“Never too late,” Crista shrugs without a hint of humor. “But I think it’s time you let that go. You’ve punished yourself enough for it.”
I know she’s right, but shit is so unfinished. I got no answers, didn’t close any chapters. I was forced to deal with the consequences of a mess I didn’t make. It’s unfair, but it’s even more unfair to drag Luca through my unresolved shit.
“What do I do?” slips from my lips before I can stop it.
Crista stares at me, assessing me evenly. I fidget, not knowing what she’s looking for but not liking how she’s practically peering into my soul.
“Be honest with yourself,” she says. “Don’t ask yourself what you should do, but what you want to do.
Do you want him?” I open my mouth but she talks over me.
“For more than his body. For more than sex. When you look at Luca, do you see someone who can warm your bed, or someone who can warm your heart?”
When I don’t answer right away, she pushes off my desk and heads to the door. “Oh, and Mad?”
“Hmm?” My throat won’t work for me to say much more.
“Go after him. I can tell he’s a sensitive kid. Don’t leave him hanging after he just thought his entire future was going to go up in smoke.”
She leaves me alone with my thoughts…
But only for a moment. Then I’m out of my chair, racing over to the dorms to go see Luca.