Chapter 29
Chapter
Twenty-Nine
LUCA
Luca: I promise, everything is fine.
I stare at the text message for a good ten minutes before erasing it.
Luca: Someone threatened me. I’m taking care of it.
I delete that one before I accidentally hit send, because I really don’t want him to worry about it.
Luca: I love you, I promise it’s going to be fine. I miss you.
I stare at that one for a long time, my fingers unwilling to delete those three words that I haven’t said to Maddox yet.
My head snaps up when the kitchen door opens and my grandma comes out with a plate piled high with food.
When I got here yesterday, she fed me dinner and put me straight to bed without questioning it.
I slept all morning and into the afternoon…
When I woke up, the entire house smelled like baking and chocolate.
That’s her go-to when she knows I’m stressed. Food. Even better, it’s all sweets. Cookies, a brownie… At the very corner is a sandwich, like she’s at least tried to be responsible. I bypass it and stuff a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth since Zandy isn’t here to steal it.
She waits until I’m done chewing before sitting down across from me and tilting her head. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?”
It’s good that she waited until I was finished, or I probably would have choked on my cookie. I finally look up at her and aim for an innocent expression.
“Who said there’s anything wrong?”
The squeak in my voice does a pretty miserable job of hiding the truth, and the way she looks at me over her glasses like she used to when I’d tell her that “No one bothered me at school, I just have allergies.”
Busted.
“Is it that Professor you called me about before?”
Whoever says grandparents can’t be your parents is full of it, because my grandma has those mom senses down. I haven’t said anything—I didn’t do anything but show up and ask if I could stay for the weekend…
And somehow she knows.
Well, at least part of it.
My lips press together. I knew if I came here, I’d end up asking for advice… and trying to figure out how to do that without outing myself to her is going to be hard.
I’m not sure what I’ll do if I have to come face-to-face with the fact that she can’t accept me for who I am. I think about all of her friends, and how they go to church every Sunday… and I know what kind of things that can teach…
And then I think of her… and the way she makes me cookies, the concern on her face… the way she’s loved me from the day my dad dropped me on her doorstep when I was just a kid and has never looked back.
Heat pools behind my lashes as I drop my gaze.
“I think I love him.”
The pause that fills the air is choking, thick enough that I can barely breathe around it. I stare at the plate of sweets in front of me, trying to make out the shape of the cookies through the tears blurring my eyes…
And then I see a weathered hand reach forward and take one off the plate. “I mean, it’s about time you found someone… but if you’re here, does that mean he isn’t treating you right?”
My eyes lift in near slow motion and I stare at my grandmother, delicately nibbling on a cookie while she watches me with a curious gaze.
“I…” Tears spill over as I blink at her. “I… you don’t care?”
“I mean… he’s probably a little old for you if he’s a college professor, but you are a very mature boy, so…” She takes another nibble, and I can tell she’s intentionally missing the point.
“You don’t care that he’s a man?” I finally spell it out for her, and she smiles. Just that lift of her lips makes the weight of everything else fall away. That’s the same smile she gave me when I got into college, the same smile she gave me when I brought home my first paper I got an A on.
Proud.
Loving.
Solid proof that no matter what happens, my whole world is never going to crumble.
“I…” I can’t form the proper words. I can’t think. I just stare at her until she leans forward.
“Luca, I know your father wasn’t the best man…
and I can say that, because I gave birth to him.
” I’ve never heard her talk poorly about my dad.
We’ve never really talked about him. “But I would never abandon you for following your heart. How could I be upset with you for finding someone who makes you happy?”
I’m still in shock. My mouth opens, shuts… and then finally I get out one more word. “Grandpa?”
She waves her hand. “If he weren’t at work, he’d tell you the same thing. Honestly…” She leans in, patting my hand. “He’s been wondering if you were even interested in people at all.”
My brows dip at that, the words echoing over me slowly. “I… I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t before him. He makes me feel…” I pause again, blowing out a soft breath. “Safe. Like I’m a good person. He makes me…”
“Happy?” she finishes for me, and I nod. “Well then, that’s all that matters, sweetheart.”
That’s all that matters.
God, I’ve been so afraid of what she’d think, so afraid she wouldn’t love me if she knew… and I’m realizing now I should have known better all along.
Which means when I drop my hands to my lap and ask my next question, I don’t have to be afraid.
“What am I supposed to do if someone is trying to come between us?” There’s another beat of silence, and when I look up, her mouth is pinched. “Grandma?”
“Well, does he know it’s happening?”
My heart drops. I haven’t told him what Professor Hilman did—the way he stepped onto the stage and told me I had until Monday to break it off with Maddox or he’d leak the video to the entire school. And then he’d brushed a tear off my cheek and promised he’d make it worth my while.
And… what had I done? I’d run, because I wasn’t sure what to do.
I’d run, because I knew I couldn’t break it off with Maddox, and a small part of me had been considering dropping out of school, because he couldn’t get into trouble if I wasn’t a student there. I’d considered every possibility, but…
“No, he doesn’t know.”
“Well then.” She pats my shoulder gently. “You tell him, and then you figure out how to handle it together. That’s what loving someone is.”
I’m not sure how to tell her that a small part of me is worried Professor Levine might do something a little rash if he figures out what Professor Hilman did, because if I tell him… if I tell him, I need to tell him the entire story. From the beginning. But… he told me about his past.
It’s only fair.
“I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I am,” she stands up as she says it. “I’m going to get you a container so you can take these snacks to go after we have dinner.” When she looks back at me, Grandma’s eyes are twinkling. “And Luca?”
“Hm?” I’m already trying to time out how late it’s going to be if I start driving back right after dinner. I was planning on heading back Sunday morning, but…
“If that person keeps giving you trouble, come back to me. I may be old, but your grandmother still knows how to kick ass when she needs to.”
My jaw drops as I watch her walk away.
I still haven’t sent Maddox the text that’s sitting on my phone, and I’m not even sure if he’s home right now. I have a box of cookies and brownies clutched to my chest… and I can feel my heart thundering as I walk to his door.
I barely have time to knock before it flings open.
He looks bad. His blond hair is disheveled, and his eyes look… haunted. It’s dark out… definitely too late for me to be showing up to someone’s house…
But…
“I’m sorry.” The words spill from my lips before I can stop them, and the hot sting of tears in my eyes is nearly enough to make me run back to my car.
But then he reaches out and catches me around the waist, and suddenly nothing matters.
There’s just his warmth, the scent of him.
There’s the feel of his big body as he pulls me tight and closes the door behind me.
And then there’s his hands on my face as he turns me to look up at him.
“Are you okay?”
“No,” I answer, my voice sounding wet. And then, “But I think I will be. I… I’m sorry I left. It wasn’t anything you did. I needed to think… I was afraid, I—”
His mouth is warm when he presses a soft kiss to my lips, stealing away the stutters that make it impossible for me to tell him what’s happening.
He draws me back with our lips still together and then brings me to the couch, pulling the container of sweets from my fingers and tossing it to the table as he does.
Maddox pulls me until I’m straddling his lap, and with his broad arms wrapped around me and my entire body flush against his… I feel like I can breathe for the first time since Professor Hilman threatened me.
When I pull back, he looks at me, his eyes deep like the ocean…
Waves are powerful, though, and the ocean is deep enough to take a secret and keep it safe. I drop my head down to his shoulder and let out a trembling breath.
“Luca…” And then, “Little lamb…” His fingers skate up my back, drawing soothing patterns against my spine. “Tell me what’s wrong. Did I do something?”
“No,” I manage, pressing my face tighter against the curve of his neck.
“Professor Hilman saw us. He threatened to tell everyone if I didn’t break it off…
” I don’t miss the way his arms spasm around me for just a second, stealing my breath, but then he goes back to those same soothing circles on my back.
“I was thinking about dropping out so he didn’t have a reason to hurt you. He… he…”
I finally raise my head to look at him. I can feel how wet my face is, how much my eyes burn.
But I can see that he’s here—he’s safe. An ocean deep enough to take all my pain and doubt and swallow it down, warm enough to keep me steady and safe, floating in the waves and bathed in the starlight of an endless sky.
“He what?” There’s something just a little dangerous on the edge of the question, but it doesn’t matter.
“When I was a freshman in his class, he used to tell me how smart I was. How proud he was of me. One day he called me into his office and kissed me.” Maddox’s eyes go dark, and I almost don’t say the rest. Almost. “He put his hands down my pants and started to touch me. I tried to tell him no, but he told me I just wasn’t sure about what I wanted, but he’d show me.
” That darkness flashes to something dangerous, and I squirm.
“The only reason he stopped is because another student came in. I’ve been avoiding him ever since, but… when he saw me with you… I…”
I shake my head, some strange twist of shame and relief rocking through me.
“Has he touched you since?” That same dangerous edge is still there, something hot and burning… but Maddox’s hands are still so gentle as he runs them up and down my back.
“He tried… that day I came into your office and I was upset. I didn’t let him, though. I don’t want anyone to touch me but you, Mads. I…”
Oh God…
“Luca…” That anger is still there, trembling behind the surface of his gaze, and maybe it’s not the right time for me to say it, but I can’t help it. My voice breaks when I speak, and tears make the words thick when they come out, aching, drowning.
It’s almost poetic, really. Drowning, aching, overwhelming… the way this has been from the beginning.
“I love you, Maddox Levine.”