Chapter 5
CHAPTER
FIVE
I took a look around my parents’ house. This was supposed to be “home,” but it hadn’t felt that way since I was a kid. “You can never go home” became my mantra as soon as I left for Basic.
Standing here in their kitchen while the whole house slept, waiting for Santa’s arrival on Christmas morning, I was clearly a guest. A visitor. A ghost.
I could bring it for my mom and sisters. My dad saw through me though. He was an old soldier himself.
I didn’t even flinch when his footsteps sounded down the hall. By the clock on the stove, it was just shy of 0400.
“Bad dreams?” he asked as he joined me in the kitchen.
I chuckled, but it was humorless. “Something like that.”
It was actually a dream about Sarah that had woken me up. And it was not bad at all. Fortunately for me, the raging erection that accompanied it went away within minutes of standing in my childhood home and looking at the lights twinkling on the Christmas tree.
“What are you doing up, old man?” I asked my dad, who was now standing in front of the open refrigerator.
He swiped the milk carton off the top shelf and reached up into the cabinet to grab a glass. “Want some?”
“Sure.”
He wasn’t going to answer my question. That was my dad’s MO. If he didn’t like a question, he simply refused to answer. We learned as kids that if you pushed him, you weren’t going to get the answer you wanted.
Two glasses rested on the Formica countertop as he steadily filled them with milk. “Chocolate?”
I smiled. It was my favorite growing up. I retrieved the tin of Nesquik my mother kept around for the grandkids.
He stirred the cocoa into our milk then gestured to the table. We both carried our glasses into the dining area and took seats on the red-and-white-checkered chairs.
My dad was nearing sixty. His hair was now completely gray, what hair he had left. He wore glasses all the time now, and new wrinkles had cropped up since my last visit. “I worry about you, Jamie.”
That was a full-on intervention for my dad, who was typically a man of few words and even fewer emotions.
“Worry about me?” I scoffed. “Why? I haven’t done a deployment in years. Been pretty steady at Fort Meade.”
My father’s blue-gray eyes held mine as he set down his glass of milk.
“I know you’re different than your sisters.
But they’re all married and settled down.
With kids. Your mom worries you’re never gonna find The One and have a family.
And for real this time—not like that disaster when you were nineteen.
” He did a solid impression of my mom, and it made me chuckle.
“You said you were worried.” I took another sip of milk, letting the rich cocoa flavor coat my tongue. “Is this about you or Mom?”
“Well, she’s been worried for like a decade now—”
“Decade? I’m not even thirty yet, old man!” I defended myself with a chuckle, but the humor was my attempt to brush off their concerns.
“I’ve only joined her in the past year or two, Jamie. But it’s a legitimate question, whether or not you’re going to settle down and have a family. You know you can do that and have your military career too.”
“I know, Dad. I haven’t mentioned it to you and Mom, but I’m finishing some coursework. There’s a commission and likely a deployment in my future.”
His eyebrows jerked up to his hairline, and he sat up straighter in his chair. “You’re gonna be an officer.”
I couldn’t stop a smile from spreading my lips. “This winter or early spring. You know how it goes.”
“And another deployment?”
I nodded. “We’ll see what happens when I get back, you know?”
The gruffness returned, quickly snuffing out the pride he felt for my commissioning. “So you don’t have anyone special in your life?”
I nearly choked on the gulp of chocolate milk I’d just swallowed. I was about to blurt out a no, but the image of my voluptuous goddess Sarah filled my mind. I must have made a funny face or sound because my dad’s lips quirked up.
“Who is she?” His knowing smile warned me not to lie.
“Oh…well, I mean…nothing serious. I do have a friend I see from time to time.”
“Oh, yeah?” His eyebrows waggled—they actually waggled. What the fuck, Dad? “What’s she like?”
I sucked in a breath, thought about downing the rest of my chocolate milk in one gulp, but my dad looked impatient for answers.
“Well, her name is Sarah. She’s a single mom—a little older than me. A sociology professor at the university where I teach ROTC classes.”
My father didn’t react to any of those tidbits. He just nodded. “I’m glad you have someone, son. Your mom and I worry about you being lonely.”
It struck me how lonely I would be if it weren’t for Sarah. I’d only known her for a few months, but…yeah, prior to that, I was lonely. I went home from work at night, curled up with a book, and didn’t speak to another soul until work the next day.
I only saw Sarah once a week or so, but she’d become part of my routine. I looked forward to seeing her. She filled a vacancy in my life I hadn’t even admitted was there.
I smiled. “Yeah, she’s a good friend.”
He grinned and nodded, and we both seemed to have an understanding of exactly what role Sarah played in my life.
A temporary one.
Right?