Chapter 10 #2
The food was excellent. The scallops melted in her mouth.
Mal swore his steak was the best he’d tasted in a long time.
Everyone else in the room seemed equally impressed, except maybe Myra and Clay.
Thorn was standing by their table. A conversation was taking place.
When he departed, he took Myra’s plate with him.
Bernadine wondered if the woman was allergic to something or simply not happy with the food.
As he returned with another plate and set it before Myra, Bernadine made a note to ask him about the encounter when she got the chance.
On the drive back to Bernadine’s home, she said to Mal, “What a great evening.”
“Ditto.”
“I didn’t see Tamar, though.”
“Trent said she wanted to wait for all the hoopla to die down first so she could enjoy the place in peace.”
Bernadine understood. “I hope she’ll like it as much as we did.”
“Me too.”
“What’s up with you this weekend?” she asked. They planned to spend the weekend apart.
“I’m going to drive up to Oklahoma City and see Aaron.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yeah. Do some fishing. Hang out. Get to know each other.”
“Sounds like a plan. How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know. Depends on how it goes, but I’ll text you to keep you posted.”
“Okay.”
He pulled into her driveway.
“When are you leaving?” she asked.
“Probably midmorning.”
“Okay. Be safe on the road.”
“Will do.” He paused and took her in for a silent moment. “Crystal still leaving for Denver tomorrow?”
She nodded but couldn’t hide her sadness.
“You know she’s going to be okay.”
“I do, but will I? is the question. For the first time since we became family, she won’t be within hugging distance. I’ve been wearing my big-girl face, but inside I’m a mess.”
“It’s just a measure of how much you love her.”
“I know. Still hurts, though.”
“I can go see Aaron some other time, if that’ll help.”
She shook her head. “No, you go on and go. I’ll get over myself sooner or later.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am.”
She saw his concern and loved him for it.
“Give me a kiss, pretty lady.”
She obliged.
“Love you,” he said.
“Love you back. Give Aaron a hello from me.”
“Will do. Call me if you need to.”
“Will do.”
Bernadine got out, let herself in the door, and waved goodbye. He gave her a short beep with the horn and headed back to town.
Inside, she changed clothes and tried to shake off the melancholy, but even after such a spectacular evening at the Three Spinsters, it was difficult.
She knew she needed to get over herself.
Crys was on her way to her future and didn’t need her mom’s moping weighing her down.
She knew she’d eventually make peace with her child moving away, but it wouldn’t be that evening.
Her phone buzzed. It was a text from Tina letting Bernadine know she and her soccer player were at Tina’s place in Chicago and would be heading to Miami in the morning.
Night of magic on tap, Tina wrote.
Bernadine smiled and typed back: Travel safe. Have fun. Don’t hurt that young man.
Going to do my best!
UP IN HEAVEN, the Spinsters were ecstatic.
“I love our restaurant,” Daisy said excitedly. “Did you see that chandelier?”
Rachel added, “Chef wasted no expense. I’m so pleased he moved here.”
“I am too,” Lucinda said. “The food, the ambiance, the beautiful surroundings . . . everyone dressed so gorgeously. We couldn’t’ve asked for a better tribute. I hope it will be around for a long time to come.”
They raised their small glasses of brandy. “To the Three Spinsters!”
“Hear! Hear!”
EARLY THE NEXT morning, Tamar was seated on her porch scrolling through her tablet for the day’s news when Mal drove up. Smiling, she set the tablet aside and waited for him to join her. “Morning,” she said as he stepped onto the porch.
“Morning. Did you sleep well?”
“I did.” She hadn’t had any nightmares since the one with Jimmy Redding being whipped, and she was grateful. “How was the big to-do last night?”
“Pretty awesome. Everything about the new place is fantastic. You’ll like it.”
“Good. What’s up with you this morning?”
“Wanted to stop by to let you know I’m leaving town for a few days.”
“Where you headed?”
“Oklahoma City. Going fishing with Aaron Newton.”
Her lips tightened. “I told you how I feel about him.”
“You did.”
“So why are you going?”
Exasperation crossed his face, but he replied simply, “I want to get to know him.”
“Why?”
“We’re blood, Tamar.”
“Tainted blood.”
“That’s not fair. We had nothing to do with your wedding day, or in picking our father.”
“But you have a say now.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means you can respect my wishes.”
“My connecting with Aaron has nothing to do with disrespecting you, Tamar.”
“It does. Joel made me look like a fool that day.”
“Joel did. Not Aaron.”
“Same thing.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is,” she countered testily. “Aaron favors Joel so much, just seeing him makes me furious all over again.”
“And seeing me?”
The ramifications of responding caught her so off guard, words failed her.
“That’s what I figured,” he replied quietly.
“No, you’re wrong.”
“No, I’m not. Even as a kid I knew something was off about how you felt about me.”
“I’m your mother. I loved you.”
“But not enough to let me call you Mama the way other kids did theirs. It was always ‘call me Tamar.’ Why was that? And why did I spend more time hanging out with Nana and Papa than you? Why were you always too busy to read to me, to play with me, to just damn be with me?”
“Mal—I—”
He shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m no longer that little boy reading in my room alone every night. I still love you as much now as I did then.”
Hearing and seeing his pain broke her heart.
“I’ll text you when I get to Aaron’s and when I’m headed home. Take care of yourself.” He stepped off the porch and walked back to his truck.
As he drove off, tears stung her eyes, and she was left wondering how to make him understand why she felt the way she did about Joel Newton, and how that betrayal impacted her role as his mother.
Yes, she’d initially resented his birth, but he hadn’t asked to be born, so as he grew older, she’d convinced herself that she’d set the resentment aside.
Truthfully, she hadn’t. For over six decades, she’d lied to herself and to him, never imagining he knew the truth.
Now, guilt warred with shame, yet she still clung to her personal pain.
She’d been the one humiliated on her wedding day.
She’d been the one who’d had to bear the gossip and shunning tied to bearing a child out of wedlock.
She wanted nothing to do with any Newtons, and yes, she expected her son to respect that decision and act accordingly.
A small part of her questioned the fairness of that, but she ignored it because she was Tamar.
Before Mal’s visit, her plan for the morning had centered on planting zinnia seeds in the flower beds by her front porch, so she headed to the shed to get the gear she needed, hoping the work would take her mind off quarrelling with Mal.
She loved zinnias. The tall, colorful blooms did well in the Kansas summer heat, required very little maintenance, and the hummingbirds, bees, and butterflies loved them just as much.
She used her battery-powered tiller to loosen the soil, added some compost to give the soil a boost, then knelt on an old bed pillow covered with a black trash bag and began placing the small seeds in the ground.
They came packaged in a variety of sizes and colors, but she always chose the Giants, which she placed in the back of the beds, and the little Thumbelinas that would line the front.
Last year’s Giants grew over five feet tall, and she hoped this year’s crop would equal that.
Once done, her old bones protested as she gingerly tried to get to her feet.
Her first attempt failed. She didn’t have the strength in her thighs anymore to propel herself off her knees.
Cursing old age, she looked around for something to brace herself with so she could stand, and was reaching for the tiller, when she heard Marie’s voice call out, “Hold on, Tamar. Let me help you.”
She wanted to deny the need for assistance, but she was grateful Marie had shown up.
Marie soon had her on her feet. “You really should have somebody doing your planting for you, Tamar. You’re going to hurt yourself one day out here alone.”
Getting old was bad enough. Being fussed at by the young’uns only made things worse. “Just help me over to the porch,” Tamar said.
Marie went silent just as Tamar wanted and escorted her over to the steps. Seated, Tamar caught her breath. “Thanks, Marie.”
“You’re welcome. I picked up your mail at the post office. It’s in the car. Let me get it.”
When she returned, Tamar took the small cache of envelopes and spoke to the lingering concern on Marie’s face. “I’m okay. Just had trouble standing up.”
“And where’s your cane?”
“Up by the door.”
Marie shook her head as if Tamar had no sense at all and retrieved the cane. Handing it over, she said, “You sit. I’m going to get you some water and then put all this stuff back in the shed.”
“I can do it, Marie.”
Marie ignored her, vexing Tamar even more.
Once everything was stored away, Marie came back and sat beside her. “I meant what I said about you getting help. You know we’d not mind.”
“Hate being dependent.”
“You’d rather hurt yourself and be lying out here on the ground until Paula or Kelly and Bobby come home, I take it.”
Tamar made a face. “You’re as much a pain in the butt as your mother was.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment. The rest of these folks around here may tremble when you roar, but I don’t. You are no longer allowed to do physical activity alone, Ms. Matriarch.”
“Says who?”
“Says me, and if I have to rope your family in to helping me lay down the law, I can do that.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Neither is breaking a hip. And that cane isn’t an accessory, it’s a necessity.”
“So now you’re spitting bars?”
Marie smiled. “Whatever it takes to keep you alive and well, and in one piece.” Marie’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out of the back pocket of her jeans and checked the display. “Text message from Mal. He’s on his way to OK City.”
“He told me.”
Marie apparently heard the tartness in her tone. “You have a problem with him leaving town?”
“No, I have a problem with why he’s leaving town.”
Marie studied her for a moment before asking, “Is this about Aaron Newton?”
“It is.”
“I heard you pulled your shotgun on him.”
“I did. He was trespassing. I asked him to leave, and he didn’t do it fast enough.”
Marie’s confusion was plain. “What do you have against him? Had you met him before?”
“No, but he’s Joel’s son.”
“And?”
“I don’t want anything to do with any Newton, and I told Mal that.”
“They’re half sibs, Tamar. Their wanting to know each other is perfectly normal and, honestly, has nothing to do with you.”
Tamar turned stormy eyes Marie’s way.
From behind her blue cat-eye glasses, Marie stared right back. “You can give me the stink eye all you want. It doesn’t change things. Joel Newton hurt you, not Aaron. Besides, Mal has always wanted a brother. He and I are only children. We both wanted siblings.”
Tamar didn’t respond.
“I can’t believe you’re really trying to tell Mal who he can have in his life at his age. He’s not nine, Tamar. Good grief.”
“I’m his mother. He should be supporting me.”
Marie threw up her hands. “You wouldn’t even let Mal call you Mama growing up. You don’t get to play that card now.”
Tamar swallowed her guilt and looked away.
Marie continued, “I will never forget the day we beat the Franklin Little League baseball team. We might’ve been ten or eleven years old.
They showed up in their fancy white uniforms, new gloves, and cleats.
Some of us didn’t even have gloves, and we definitely didn’t have cleats.
Mal was our pitcher, and when the game was over, we whipped them seven to zip.
Mal struck out all their batters, and he was so geeked that when we came home, he ran through your front door yelling, ‘Mama! Mama!’ He was so excited to tell you what happened, and do you remember what you said? ”
For the life of her, she couldn’t. “No.”
“The first thing out of your mouth was, ‘How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t call me Mama. Call me Tamar.’ And the look on his face.
He was so crushed. He said softly, ‘Sorry, I forget.’ He left us all standing there in the kitchen and went to his room. I felt so bad for him I wanted to cry.”
Emotion filled Tamar’s throat. Tamar had known Marie since birth, and she was the only person in Henry Adams with the guts to call her out when needed. Recognizing this as one of those moments, Tamar replied quietly, “I’m going inside now, Marie. Thank you for the help.”
“Sure.” Marie stood and returned to her car.
After watching Marie drive away, Tamar went into her room, sat on the edge of her bed, and wept.
UP IN HEAVEN, the Spinsters shook their heads at Tamar’s hubris but empathized with her pain.