Chapter 22
Harry
The sounds of the airport spun around me. It was chaos, but it helped me think of something other than the look in Dom’s eyes as I told him to get out of my office.
It hadn’t even been a week. I didn’t think it would be so bad, or that I’d miss him so much after everything he’d done to me.
I couldn’t remember the last time we’d spent that long apart.
Even when we were both swamped with work, he still made sure we saw each other, even if he had to break into my office at midnight.
I was surrounded by noise: screaming children, happy chatter, and joy at people reuniting. But all I could see were huge boards above us announcing arrivals and departures.
I should have been tracking Molly’s plane, and I was, in part. But for the past half hour, my eyes kept flitting between the arrival for her Oslo flight and a flight to Newcastle that departed in forty minutes. The last call for boarding was blaring out over the speakers.
I could have done it. Just went straight up to the desk, whizzed through security and threw myself on the plane moments before it left. Then I could sit there for an hour panicking about what I was even going to do when I showed up at Dom's family’s house.
Unlike with Molly, I’d met all of Dom’s family at our graduation eight years ago, and heard stories about them from him.
He’d prepped me solidly beforehand, ‘just in case’.
The advice mostly revolved around avoiding his parents at all costs.
I met them a few days after graduation when they interrupted my family dinner at a local restaurant, and then I’d understood why he’d acted that way.
But I had come to the airport for Molly.
I was there to pick up my fiancée, the woman I was meant to have missed for over a month.
The person I thought I’d been growing closer to during that time.
I’d been imagining this moment since she left; running towards her, gathering her up in my arms, both of us sighing into each other as we apologised.
Then we would go home, and make love like we'd acted out through our texts.
But everything was ruined now. I wasn’t even sure why I was there.
She might have said on the phone that she wanted to try, but she broke up with me.
It was Molly who didn’t contact me once when she was away.
She could have saved me so much heartache by being honest. But it was pointless laying blame on her for Dom’s actions.
I didn’t feel like I should be the one who made more of an effort when she left me like that. But that was always her complaint: my lack of effort.
All I did was think of Dom. Over and over again, playing out every conversation we’d had since Molly left, failing to convince myself I hated him. I’d even read through all of ‘Molly’s’ messages to see why I didn’t work out it was Dom sooner.
Even after all of that, I still considered getting on a plane and going to him. It was pathetic, but I missed him so deeply that there was a burning ache in my chest that turned with the raw pain of his betrayal. One I knew could only be soothed by him.
And I knew how much he struggled with his family. He was always drained whenever he spent time with them, and he became clingy with Cat and me afterward.
A faint voice called my name, but I was so absorbed in thoughts of Dom that it wasn’t until she was five feet from me that I realised it was Molly.
Mismatched clothes and a cardigan hung from her shoulders. Her brown hair was haywire as usual, and a huge smile split her face.
“Harry!” she cried out again. Her cheeks pink and her eyes sparkling as her excited laugh echoed in my ears like a siren.
As soon as she was close enough, she dropped her suitcase and threw her arms around me.
The straps of her rucksack dug into my shoulders, but it faded away as I inhaled her familiar scent and let out a breath.
Wrapping my arms around her, I notched them through the straps to hug her properly, sinking into her and her familiarity.
“It’s so good to see you again,” she murmured in my ear. I numbly nodded, guilt blooming inside me at those simple words.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t meet her eyes after everything that had happened with Dom. I could barely stand up. I didn’t know how I was meant to pretend everything was okay when it obviously wasn’t. But I didn’t have the energy to try.
“I’m so happy! I thought I was going to burst when I got off the plane! I’ve missed you so much!”
Molly pulled back, her gaze softening as she lifted her hands. She cupped my cheeks, leaning forwards to scatter kisses across my face.
I wish I could have felt something, positive or negative. I wished there was some spark to show me what was happening to me, but everything was numb.
My head sagged as I let her hold the weight of me. She nuzzled my nose, and forced my head up to meet my eyes. But it was so different from the way Dom did it after he told me he loved me.
“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she said, releasing my face to pull me into another hug. “I’m sorry I was so inconsiderate. I shouldn’t have left you like that; it was cruel. I wasn’t even thinking about you. Just me, and what I wanted, and how I felt. And that’s all I was doing… just thinking about me.”
Reeling back from her, I scanned her face. She was really hitting me with her speeches as soon as we saw each other again.
I couldn’t deal with it. My body was telling me I needed to sleep while my mind caught up to what she was saying. She was right, but she was saying it to a stranger.
What was I supposed to do when it felt like an icicle was stabbed through my heart?
“I’ve missed you, you know?” she said, meeting my gaze straight on, but failing to see what lay there. “I was awake every night thinking how much I wanted to talk and apologise. But you made it so clear you didn’t want to speak to me. So I respected your feelings.”
No, Dom made it clear. Dom told her not to get in contact. Fucking Dom made sure he had me all to himself, so he could completely fuck with me and ruin everything.
And she could have at least tried to contact me…
Then I would have stopped Dom before we went too far. But she didn’t, not even once.
Or not even that. Even if Dom was removed from the equation, from her point of view, she hadn’t even texted me about the vote. She’d had five weeks, and nothing.
Molly sighed, her smile still easy and free. I knew I looked awful, but I couldn’t tell if she noticed. Or cared.
She kept going. “I’ve just been thinking about how good we are together, and how important this relationship is to me. I’ve really taken time to consider what it means to be part of your life, and to share everything with you.”
I wanted to sit down, to just drop all my weight and have something else carry me instead of having to hold myself up all the time.
“Let’s go,” I said as I released her, picking up her suitcase and taking her hand to lead her through the crowds.
“Harry?” She kept up beside me as she walked, matching my stride as I aimed for the main exit. The enormous glass doors that lit the departures lounge parted as people filed in and out. “What’s wrong?” she said, finally paying proper attention to me.
Her confusion was genuine, and I didn’t blame her.
“I’m just tired.” I sighed. It was a poor excuse, but better than nothing.
“Of course, yeah, let’s go home and we can relax. I guess you’ve got to be up for work tomorrow as well?”
“No. I took the day off.”
“You did?” Her face brightened. I hadn’t skipped a day of work for her since I started at The Foundation, so she knew what it meant.
“So we have time to prepare for the party,” I said, but I wanted nothing to do with it.
It was either cancel the party last minute and make excuses to everyone, or go through with it and break up with her later. It was obvious what the more sensible option was.
I was so desperate for some kind of normalcy through all the chaos that it was easy for me to wrap my hand around her shoulder and hold her close. But then she began again.
“Then we can have a lie-in tomorrow! That will be amazing! It was such a long journey getting through those fjords. The postal boat to the house is so cool, but it was cold! I loved it though. You know…”
Her voice faded as I led her to the taxi rank, trailing to the closest one and opening the door.
“We’re not getting your car?” she asked.
“No, sorry, I’m too exhausted to drive.”
“Oh, okay.” I wasn’t feeling enough to care that she sounded disappointed. I wasn’t sure why she was either. If I were behind the wheel, I didn’t know what would happen.
Molly slid into the back, and I joined her, giving our address to the driver as she spoke, “You know, we’ve been through so many amazing things together, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to waste what we have—”
“Please, Molly,” I cut her off, my voice strained. “I’m sorry, but can we talk when we get home? I’m not feeling well.”
Which translated into: I hate myself for what I’ve done to you, and I hate Dom even more.
Or: I don’t know how to look at you without collapsing.
You put me in a horrible situation and now you’ve come back and are talking about how good we are together.
Like nothing changed, like you didn’t just dump me and run off to Norway to do God knows what at your sister’s wedding.
Followed by: And the main reason I denied my feelings for Dom was because I wanted to stay faithful to you when you left me, right before I made my case to the Board, saying you didn’t want to talk to me.
She looked so hurt, and a new guilt broke through my numbness and stabbed me. I thought I would be used to the feeling, and that I could handle it. But as I watched her chatting away, it hit home what an awful person I truly was.
I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but I failed miserably.
All of Mum’s bloody training and I hadn't made it work when I needed it the most.
“I want to change for you, and stop putting so much pressure on you,” she said.
“No, you don’t.” I shook my head. Because if she did, we would save the conversation until tomorrow. “I was the one ignoring you.”
“I need to be more accepting of what kind of life you’re leading,” she said as she cosied into me, and the driver turned out of the airport.
More irritation flickered in me. I forgot that that was what she did. Who cared if I didn’t want to talk. She had something on her mind, so she needed to share.
“I was just too absorbed in work,” I said, “and I got caught up in my head, and I wasn’t paying attention to you when you were right in front of me.”
I was so good at helping everyone in my life, but I couldn’t undo what had happened, no matter how brightly she grinned at me and promised to be forgiving.
“No wonder you got annoyed and frustrated with me. I would feel the same way if I’d been in your position,” I said. I shouldn’t have apologised, but the guilt over what I had done with Dom was crushing me, and I wished I could have fixed it cleanly.
“But you just work so many hours,” she replied.
“I’m sorry,” I said again. It just felt like I was having the conversation simply to make her feel better. I didn’t want her to hate me, or look at me with disgust and anger, despite everything I felt, too.
“It’s okay, Harry. I know we both have to change if we want this to work and…”
I had to stop losing focus. All I could feel was a numb ache. I wanted Dom there to joke and laugh and make everything easier, and my need for him pulsed inside me.
“… and I thought we could take a holiday to the beach, just the three of us. I know Mr Snuggles will love—”
“Molly, sorry,” I said, cutting her off again. “Could we talk properly tomorrow? I want to make sure I give you the attention you deserve.” And I needed more time to sort out my feelings. More than the five weeks I’d already had.
She squeezed my hand, paired with another smile that used to make me grin every time I saw it.
“Of course. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you about how my sister…”
I leaned back in the seat, trying not to drift off as she recounted her time away. She ignored any request I made, but at least she filled the silence so I didn’t have to think about Dom.