11. Ash
ASH
I just had sex with Callum Holt.
I repeat that sentence in my head a couple of times because it makes no sense, yet here we are in my bed: naked, sweaty, and covered in come.
And it doesn’t feel wrong.
A few days ago, I would’ve laughed if someone told me this is where I’d end up the night after my nan died, but—
He was there when I needed him.
He held me tight and didn’t offer anything else other than comfort.
It was me who wanted more, who instigated the situation we’re now in. And I don’t regret a single moment. Dream Callum has always been hot, but waking up to find I was sprawled over the real thing? And that he was hard too? Yeah, that was a million times hotter.
He’s lying on top of me now, face pressed into that spot between my neck and my shoulder, warm breath ghosting over my skin with each exhale.
We’re a mess. I should get up and clean off before trying to sleep a little more, but I like his weight on me.
With him pressing me down into the mattress, it’s like I don’t have to think about what the day’s going to bring.
I can just feel. He’s like one of those weighted blankets, taking all my stress away for a while.
“You okay?” he murmurs against my skin, breaking the spell we’ve been under for the last few minutes.
“Better than I thought I’d be.”
“An orgasm will do that.” There’s no humour, no snark. He’s just stating facts.
And he’s right, but it’s more than that. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Ash.”
Maybe not, but I’m thankful for him all the same. I take a chance and start to stroke my hands up and down his back like he did to me last night. I slide my good hand up into his hair—well, over it because it’s too short to run my fingers through.
He relaxes under my touch, his body heavier as he sinks into me, and he makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a growl and a purr. It startles me into a laugh, my hands pausing mid-stroke. “What was that?”
He tenses, then gives a little shrug. “Feels good. Keep going.”
So I do. I stroke his back and neck slow and steady, and he weighs me down and makes me feel safe. Secure in a way I so desperately need right now.
I must’ve fallen asleep at some point because I wake up alone.
I’m also under the quilt and clean.
How did he do all that without disturbing me? I lie there and poke at my feelings to see what state they’re in. All the grief from yesterday is still there, waiting for me to acknowledge it, and I will, in a bit, when I go into the main house to be with my family.
But alongside it there’s a flare of disappointment.
He left.
He left while I was sleeping and didn’t wake me up to say goodbye or tell me that he was going.
I know we aren’t a thing, we’re not together or anything. But last night felt . . . it might sound cliché as fuck, but it felt special. Like it meant something.
You fucking idiot, Ash.
I sit up and look around, but there’s no note. Not that I’m surprised. Callum Holt doesn’t seem like the note-leaving type. But nevertheless, it adds another layer to that disappointment.
And it’s Saturday today. The day I’m supposed to be going over to the Wild Wolves compound to see Morgan for his big reveal, and I just can’t. I doubt he’s expecting me after our conversation the other day, but I reach for my phone because I promised to let him know.
Unsurprisingly, there are already a few texts waiting for me. Our family group chat is full of everyone checking in, sorting plans for today. I reply to them all confirming I’ll be around.
There’s one from Morgan, telling me he’s not expecting me today or anytime soon. And to let him know if I need anything. I reply to that one too.
But it’s the last message that has my heart rate picking up: Callum’s name stares back at me from the screen and it’s ridiculous how quickly my earlier disappointment vanishes at seeing it there. I’ve not even read what it says yet.
I tap the screen and hold my breath.
Cal: I had to leave. Lynx needed me back here. You were dead to the world, so I let you sleep. You needed it. I didn’t sneak out and I did say goodbye. You just didn’t hear me
I glance at the time and it’s way later than I expected.
Clearly, I did need it.
Sleeping with my brace on hasn’t been the easiest, but sex with Callum seems to have fixed that problem. Maybe I could get him to knock me out that way every night. As soon as I think it, I push it away.
It was a one-off.
We might not have said that out loud, but we both knew it.
Doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore him, though.
Ash: thank you for last night. Not for the sex, pretty sure you got something out of that too. But for everything else. Yesterday was hard. You helped me deal with it
I don’t hit Send right away.
I stare at the message, overthinking it. Is it too much? Too personal?
I laugh at that.
I literally had his come on me a few hours ago.
Fuck it.
I hit Send before I decide to delete the whole thing altogether. I’m not going to sit around and wait for him to respond, though, so I set my phone aside and head for the shower.
I don’t look at my phone when I get out either, forcing myself to get dressed and have breakfast before curiosity finally gets the better of me, and I look, fully prepared for nothing to be there. Well, not nothing, it’s vibrated a couple of times, but it won’t be him.
More group chat messages, which instantly makes me feel guilty for ignoring them. Not doing that again.
But underneath them all is one from Callum. No, two.
Cal: I did get something out of it
Cal: And I know you’re not coming here today to see Morgan. I understand why. But don’t leave it too long, Ash. There’s things you need to know
I read the last text again.
And again.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, followed by a heavy sense of foreboding.
Which I absolutely cannot deal with today.
I leave his text unanswered, because what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? With those six words, he’s reminded me that there are other things I have to worry about, and I don’t have the mental capacity to face it right now.
So I shove it all aside and go spend time with my family.
Everything else can wait.
God help anyone who decides to mess with us today.
I sense him before I see him.
Don’t ask me how.
“It’s been a long day.” I look to the trees as I say it, knowing he’s listening. “I’m fucking exhausted.” I didn’t realise there was so much to organise when someone dies. I was all for leaving it a few days, but I think my mum needed something to focus on.
But I’m tired now, and I want to go to bed and forget it all for a while.
And even though I know I shouldn’t, now he’s here, I want the weight of his body wrapped around me. I want it so bad in this moment, I don’t hesitate to hold my good hand out to the darkness, somehow knowing he can see me.
It takes a few seconds, but I don’t speak, and I don’t lower my arm.
There’s no sound or movement, but a form materialises out of the trees like a ghost. I track his progress as he stalks towards me, all grace and fluid movement.
When he reaches me, he doesn’t say anything either.
He takes my cold hand in his warm one and leads me inside my own house, using the keys he stole from my key ring and never gave back.
I don’t care about that either.
We undress in silence, and just like last night, we slip under my quilt in nothing but our underwear. I yawn so wide my jaw cracks, and Callum’s soft laughter fills the room. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh. It’s a deep, throaty rasp and far sexier than it should be.
It’s a fleeting thought, because I’m too tired to follow where it might lead.
This time he doesn’t wait for the awkwardness to set in.
He lifts his arm and I don’t hesitate to tuck myself into his side with my head on his shoulder, my injured wrist resting on his stomach, and my leg draped over his thigh.
The only person I’ve cuddled with in bed is Morgan. And we never did it quite like this.
I never would’ve pegged Callum Holt as a cuddler either, but he wraps his arms around me, pulls me in close, and we just .
. . fit. He smells good too. I can’t place what it is, but it’s rich and spicy, and that too settles something inside me.
My eyes are heavy, it’s a struggle to keep them open, so I don’t try.
“Night, Ash.” There’s a fondness to his tone that’s new, but it’s said so softly, more like a breath than words, and I wonder if I’m already dreaming.
It still makes me smile, and it feels like the first time I’ve done that since this morning.
I fall asleep like that: wrapped in his warmth with a smile on my face.
I wake up alone again, but unlike yesterday, there’s no disappointment.
I knew he’d be gone this morning. The sheets are cold when I run a hand over them, and I wonder how long he stayed.
The sun is higher than I’m expecting when I glance over at the windows and catch a glimpse of it through the curtains.
What is it about having him here that lets me sleep like the dead?
My phone sits on the bedside table next to me. The screen’s dark, but my pulse kicks up a notch as I reach for it. I scroll past the other notifications until I get to the one I somehow knew would be waiting for me.
Cal: I did sneak out this time, you needed the sleep
Cal: Also, I took your car again, needed a ride. It’s not been stolen
I raise an eyebrow.
Ash: Well technically it has. Since you took it without asking
Cal: You would’ve let me if I had
He’s not wrong.
Before I can come up with a reply, I get a text from Morgan.
Morgan: Hey, how you doing today? I was thinking I could bring your car back and spend a few hours there with everyone. What do you reckon?
My mum and dad love Morgan. So do my brothers. My mum keeps asking about him, and honestly, I just miss spending time with him.
Ash: Yeah, that sounds good. Come whenever
Morgan: Okay. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way
As I’m reading his text, it dawns on me that he’s not asked why my car is back at the compound.
Does he know Callum spent the last two nights in my bed?
The old Morgan would have teased me about it by now if he did, but then again, I’d have told the old Morgan as soon as it happened. I don’t want to examine why I haven’t.
I tap my fingers on my thigh, thinking. Then I’m typing a text to Callum before I change my mind.
Ash: Morgan’s going to bring my car back later
Three dots appear.
Then nothing.
What the fuck does that mean?
Ash: Did you tell anyone where you’ve been the last two nights?
We’ve not talked about it. Why I want him, why he stays. I really fucking hope this doesn’t put a stop to it, because . . . because falling asleep wrapped up in Callum is the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had.
I think about what else happened that first night and blush. Yeah. Not sure I’m ready to talk about that yet either.
Cal: They already knew.
It takes a second for the meaning of that to register.
Ash: How?
I stare at my phone screen, waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting some more, until after about ten minutes, I have to accept that I’m not getting a reply.
Fine.