Chapter 12
Soren eyed Ender as the Gorgon sat down on the couch and pretended like he wasn’t there, the man just staring off into space. Clearly, Ender wanted to be left alone, and was willing to pretend he was, now that the door had closed, sealing them inside.
And Soren would like to leave his brother alone, but unfortunately, the damn snake was hiding something.
Smiling sharply, he asked, “I’m curious, Ender, why the sudden urge to know about the cargo? Or better yet, again I ask, why the fuck are you here?”
The Gorgon’s gaze snapped into focus, his eyes narrowing on him. “Drop it.”
“I won’t. Because before a few days ago, I would have said that there was nothing in this forsaken universe that would have prompted you to willingly leave your safe space within the month before the anniversary of our family’s deaths. And certainly not a damn urge to get in on the ‘action’ again.”
Ender just glared.
“Glare all you want, little brother, but I’m not stupid enough to think something is not up.”
“Stop. Pushing,” the Gorgon ground out.
“All I do is stop!” Soren snapped in frustration. “All I do is hold back. I’m tired of holding back, and I’m tired of you fucking hiding things from me!”
Ender let out a cold, low chuckle as he slowly relaxed back, lounging now. “Then why are you still here with me, Soren? Because I’ll tell you what…things are sure as shit not gonna change.”
Soren looked into his little brother’s face and saw Ender…
yet also a stranger. Sometimes, the latter was all he saw, and it crushed part of him more each time it happened.
Looks-wise, the Gorgon hadn’t changed much in too many years to count.
He had the same long white hair, pointed ears, button nose, square jaw, plush lips, and everything.
It was only when you got to the man’s amber eyes, with his slightly vertically elongated pupils, that the change was apparent.
The lack of spark that used to be there…
Sometimes, all that was there was this burning disgust with the world and life…
Ender was his family, though few knew it. They both usually kept that tie a secret until they were alone. Though Ender barely ever acknowledged it…unless it was to be sarcastic, or to lash out.
Not that it mattered. No one would guess. His ass had been adopted, so…what was there to guess? A bird raised by a couple of snakes…that’s what he was.
But regardless who knew, or how strained their ties had become, Ender was, and always would be, his little brother.
Aside from that, he was also his best friend.
The first came naturally, while the second came as soon as the little shit had begun to talk.
Soren was five years older, but as soon as the brat started speaking, it was a done deal.
But this wasn’t the same Ender as back then, and he wasn’t the same either… Yet…he couldn’t let the man go…
“Why do you keep pushing me away, Ender?” he rasped, his voice breaking despite trying to hold back his emotions.
Ender stared at the man, someone who arguably was the person he trusted most in the world.
His big brother in all definitions of the word, aside from blood.
A friend he knew would never purposely try to hurt him, and yet…
as he looked at the hurt in the Harpy’s all too familiar stormy-gray eyes, at a face he had seen for over hundreds of years, part of him wished Soren would go away and never return.
The fact was, his brother was a reminder…
A reminder of a better time. A reminder of when he had once been happy…
The last one he had. Soren was the last person he had to remind him that he had once woken up every morning with a smile on his face, instead of pain in his chest as he instantly remembered everything he had fucking lost. And every single fucking time he saw the Harpy, and noticed how dower he had become, how little the man smiled now, it just drove home that Ender was slowly but surely dragging Soren down with him.
“Why do you keep staying, Soren?”
The Harpy smiled, but it was all pain. “I stay because you are my brother, my friend, my best friend, my family. I stay because I love you, you crazy ass snake. And because I’m stubbornly not willing to let go of you.
But Ender, I need you to…” The man swallowed, his eyes glistening with tears now.
“To realize that I lost them too… That I have guilt too. That I am struggling too… That…” Soren trailed off, rubbing his face with a sigh, but that pain-filled smile was still in place.
Ender, of course, knew all of this already. And while he wanted to help his brother—his friend—the problem was that he was numb.
In front of him stood a man he knew he cared for, knew he loved, and he would damn sure be devastated if anything happened to him, yet Soren’s pain…stirred nothing inside him.
It was selfish, he knew. But then, he’d been this selfish for fucking years.
His own pain never let up enough to allow his brother a chance to mourn freely and loudly…
Ender couldn’t see past his own hurt to even acknowledge or comfort the man.
The sympathy he should have felt, the empathy, it wasn’t there anymore…
“I can’t help you. The friend, the little brother, you are looking for died with them all those years ago.
” Ender laughed when Soren’s expression didn’t change.
Standing up, approached the Harpy. “Come now, Toddles. Surely you knew all that’s left is a shell.
You forced me to fucking keep going, to live, but you still failed.
You got the body, but the soul died, regardless of whether I’m still kicking or not. ”
“You only wish you were a shell. But deep down, under those fucking scales and the shields you are cowering behind, you—” Soren poked him in the chest. “—are fucking in there. Or is it someone else screaming out in pain as they call out to people that have been dead and burned to fucking ashes for centuries now?!”
Ender flinched back, the words feeling like strikes, before his anger flared up. Hissing loudly, he flashed his fangs as they dropped.
The sound grew louder when Soren started to poke him in the chest again, harder this time with each word he spoke.
“You don’t fucking scare me, Ender.” The man laughed.
“You have never fucking scared me! And that’s not going to change now.
But I do know you are hiding something. Let’s just hope it doesn’t blow up in all our damn faces. ” With that, the Harpy stormed away.
Ender winced as soon as the door closed again behind the man. Sighing heavily, he rubbed his face before flopping back down on the couch with a groan. “Hell, Soren, you are just as fucking trapped as I am.”
And the man would remain trapped for as long as he refused to give Ender up…the fool. Two fools, that’s what they were.
He sighed again. Tired indeed.