Chapter 72 Ender’s World
“How are we even supposed to…handle that? He…” Killian trailed off on a sigh, before looking to Cyrus, frowning on noticing how clenched the man’s jaw was, the Fate obviously grinding his fangs again. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live… I just…” Cyrus roughly rubbed his face. “There are just a lot of things going through my head. You know…after I killed those people, he told me… ‘Welcome to the other side of the law’, and I guess, he’s not wrong.”
“I’m sorry, Cyrus.”
“For what?”
“For not realizing earlier how hard this was for you.”
A small but tense smile slipped onto the Fate’s face. “It’s fine. And really, I don’t matter right now. We need to figure out how to handle whatever that was, so he doesn’t end up hurting himself.”
“That would be you cornering him and triggering him to tailspin into the deep depths of his paranoid fucked-up brain,” Soren drawled from behind them.
Killian glanced back at the Harpy, glaring. “Moonlighting as a spy now, are you?”
“No, I just happened to be in the hall, and I know him well enough, and how he reacts to being called out on his bullshit. I will say, before you really start to worry about it, or even think about taking those babies from him, he’s not usually this stubborn or bad.
The pregnancy is just making everything worse. ”
“We wouldn’t!” Killian snapped, his words echoed by Cyrus.
“I know, but some may think he would end up harming the babies, but he wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t ever harm children, no matter what mental state he is in.
” The Harpy sighed. “I can’t tell you his story, that you’ll have to hear from him.
But I will say, he was happy when he found out he was pregnant.
He even let slip that he’d tried before, but gave up after a few years of it not working out. He wants those babies badly.
“As strong as he pretends to be, and as much as he tries to claim he died back then, with our family and all our friends, he didn’t.
He is just a sad, lonely man who was badly hurt, and therefore, keeps hiding away so he isn’t hurt further.
It is, however, best to not corner him further the moment you see his hackles start to rise up.
I'm not saying to let him get away with shit, but at least, while he’s still pregnant, caution is best. Good luck.
” With that said, the man walked past them and disappeared down the stairs.
They were quiet for a moment before they both sighed heavily.
Cyrus leaned back, the grass feeling nice under his hands as he eyed the chickens clucking and pecking at the ground around him, many of them seeming to glare anytime they looked his way.
He and Killian were alone in the coop room, but then, the birds were menaces, and aside from them, only Ender, Quill, and Zenny seemed to willingly go into the area.
“They don’t glare at you,” Cyrus noted.
“I don’t yell at them.”
He snorted when Killian hugged one of the chickens, who seemed to be looking up lovingly at him, before hesitantly saying, “Killian…I’m not sure I can do this.”
The Siren frowned. “Fatherhood?”
Well, part of him wanted to say yes, because what the fuck did he know about being a parent?
It wasn’t as if his had been that great.
Relatively speaking, they were good in that his financial needs were always met, and they never hit him, it was just everything else.
But that wasn’t what he’d been talking about, so…
“No, live in Ender’s world. I don’t think I have it in me to commit crime after crime. I—” He swallowed hard. “—I feel sick to my stomach after what I did. Shaky even. It feels wrong to me.”
“Do you regret it?’
“No, that’s the fucked up part. I don’t. I hate that I did it, that I had to do it, but I know that if I was in the same situation, I’d do it again. I don’t know how many more times I would be able to though.” Cyrus rubbed his face with a groan. “I just don’t know.”
“Then you won’t do it again, or commit any more crimes. At least, not any more violent ones.”
“But then, what do I do? Nothing?”
“Maybe we can look into jobs locally?”
“How? Wear a disguise every day? The risk would be too high, with my family actively looking for me. And if they find me, they could find this place.”
“Okay, never mind local jobs, what about something to do with helping people? When we first got here, he had me looking into this list of people. I eventually realized they were all connected, in that they didn’t really exist, because they were people Cryptid Means had helped to rescue from traffickers, and other horrible, shitty situations. They saved them, gave them new lives.
“Ender has this helpline. Or rather, he has a system set up, it's the same one that kept Seri safe before Severo found him. Surely there is something with that where you could be involved. While it’s likely not above board, and probably is still illegal and questionable, he’s helped a lot of innocent people, and I feel it would be something your morals could accept. ”
“Maybe… Regardless of his methods, he has saved more people than he has hurt, and even those he’s hurt, one couldn’t really call them…
people. It’s why I disagree with many of my family members who want him and his group gone.
” Cyrus let out a groan. “Fucking hell, my family.
Who are they to even preach fucking morals to anyone anymore. Ah, fuck, Severo…
“I seem to be fucking up people’s lives lately, but I suppose I always did.
I don’t know why my family is so obsessed with finding me!
I can’t think it’s just to find you. I mean, sure, it’s harder to replace a Director of Intelligence and Technology, but there are still people!
And me, there are numerous uncles, aunts, cousins, and others that could easily take my place. Like…I’m replaceable!”
“Cyrus Bartholomew Grimm, you are not replaceable!” Killian said sternly. “Where the hell did your confidence go? You have never been this filled with doubt.”
“Aha—I am now.” His voice shook as he spoke, and tears began to form in his eyes, despite trying to stop them. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
When one tear broke free, knowing full well that Killian hated dealing with them, Cyrus quickly turned his head away.
The Siren cupped his jaw, and he didn’t fight as the man turned his face back towards him. “I hate when people cry. It makes me feel awkward, but you are my fiancé, and I love you. Your tears, I’m fine with seeing.” Killian brushed the first tear away. “Though I do still hate them.”
A sad chuckle slipped past Cyrus’ lips, causing more tears to break free.
“Here I am bitching about myself. It’s ridiculous.
I was always so sure of my actions, but I was just full of shit.
Even now, going on about the crimes he commits, when he actually helps people. Who did I really help? My own ego?
“And what's worse, I am literally feeling sick to my stomach, because I killed a bunch of fucking black market, drug selling, traffickers, who would have helped their bastard boss tear our children from his body in cold blood!”
Killian flinched back. “You had a vision?”
“Yes…”
He wrapped his arms around the Siren when the man hugged him.
“Cyrus, you have to know you’ve done a lot of good too. Don’t doubt that.”
“I’m a damn fool.”
“You aren’t.”
“I am, because if you had asked me if any of my family would dare try to destroy an innocent person just to get their way, I would…idiotically say never.” He pulled back. “I think I had pushed it from my mind that they were already doing this weeks ago. Fates have rules. We have our… Ha, rules…
“My parents were right. The rules were only there to keep us in line, but the truth is…they are readily there to be used against us when it serves the family’s purpose… I feel so lost.”
“You have for months now, haven’t you?”
Smiling sadly, he looked in the Siren’s eyes, seeing them filled with worry. “Yes…”
Killian hesitated for a moment before softly asking, “Do you regret it? Saving me, that is.”