Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CALVIN
“Let’s go for a run,” Jamie said as he helped himself to water from my office refrigerator after he’d entered without knocking.
“Where’s my secretary?”
“Not at her desk. I thought I heard her down the hall. Why?”
“Because you keep letting yourself in.”
“I’d do the same if she was here.”
“Yeah, but at least there’d be a warning.”
“Fine, I’ll start knocking, but let’s go. I need to talk to you, and you’ll want to be out of the office for it.”
Jamie’s easy smile was tight around the corners. He’d had the same expression when he told me he wasn’t going to college as we’d always planned because he’d already signed a contract for the military. And it was the same expression he wore when he arrived at my apartment to drive me to the hospital after my grandmother had a stroke. Fuck .
“Yeah, let me change into workout clothes.”
We were out the door in less than fifteen minutes and headed for the harbor park. We’d run these paths as teenagers in high school, and we still did it several times a week. At about the same height, we kept a matched pace. Our breathing was harsh when we reached the park. The water played peek-a-boo as we ran across paths covered in fallen leaves, but the last bit was the hardest. There was a sharp bluff that pushed our muscles to the extreme. At the top, my leg muscles were shaky with effort. It’d been a helluva a lot easier twenty years ago.
“All right, what is it?” I trusted Jamie with my life but had no appetite for prolonging the suspense.
“He’s meeting someone.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Every few days, he leaves mid-shift and goes to the bank before returning to the restaurant.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s meeting someone, and you know it.”
“Do you check that account?”
“Fuck no, it’s his.”
“Jesus, this kid’s dick must be amazing. I get it. The big D is a good time, but being a dumbass about it makes you the dumbass. The simplest explanation is probably the true one. Well, I did, and he’s taking out money.”
“When was the first time he went?”
“The twelfth.”
God-fucking-dammit. The night he came home and said he wanted me to fuck him because he was tired of waiting. My gut said Jamie was wrong, and everything about Micah said to trust him. The tracker wasn’t screaming trust on my behalf, but I stood by intuition. Micah might be doing something I wouldn’t like, but it didn’t have to mean he was conning me or meeting someone else. But I couldn’t ask him about it without revealing I’d gone along with the tracker. Shit.
My original bullshit reason about needing interference at parties had quickly fallen to the wayside the minute he’d taken the job at the restaurant. No one who wanted an easy ride slogged it out as the lowest rung in a restaurant kitchen. He came home exhausted and smelling of sweat and grease. No question, Micah earned his paycheck at Wild Fern.
He’d blended so seamlessly into my life and home. On nights Micah wasn’t working, we spent our evenings playing Gin Rummy like we needed to prep for a tournament. Since he’d popped my gay sex cherry, it usually ended in strip rummy. Neither of us complained.
I went alone to most of the events and bailed with the excuse that I needed to get home. Micah had admitted he wasn’t a fan of attending the functions, and I’d stopped asking him to go with me unless it was absolutely necessary. And it usually wasn’t.
No doubt something was going on, but I doubted it was what Jamie thought. Whatever it was, Micah hadn’t talked to Nix about it despite their budding friendship. Nix’s first loyalty was my family, and he would have come to me. That left only one person he’d possibly turn to for help, which wasn’t anywhere close to a given.
Beckett Hagen. And even if Micah had spoken to him about why he was visiting the bank in the middle of a shift, there was no way Beckett would tell me about it. His loyalty fell squarely with Micah.
Despite my momentary jealousy of him in the shed, Hagen wasn’t interested in being more than Micah’s friend. Since they’d started their silent book club—my small donation ensured they got their favorite location for every meeting—they’d become genuine friends. Maybe I needed to make a friend of my own.
“Nothing to say?”
“I know you’re going to tell me I’m a fucking idiot, but I don’t think he’s conning me or meeting someone behind my back. Whatever reason he’s going there or withdrawing the money, it’s not that.”
“You’re a fucking idiot. I could tail him.”
“No.”
“Why are you being so fucking dumb about this?” Jamie exploded at me. He gave an apologetic wave to the couple who’d shot him a confused look. “You know some shady shit is happening, and you won’t look into it? Won’t investigate it? What do you know about him? I know the sob story about his parents and then his brother fucking off, so he ended up in foster care, but where’s the proof that he’s not screwing you over now? I haven’t looked into him because I wanted to respect your wishes, but Christ on a cracker, this is goddamn stupid. Do you know how much you’re worth?”
“That was the impression he gave you?”
“No, but that’s the point. You’re not supposed to know because that’s what makes it a good con, you goddamn idiot. It’s what makes him a good con.” Jamie’s last dig was in that incredibly punchable, sardonic tone. I restrained, but only barely.
“I know you’re worried, but you’re wrong about him.”
“Don’t you think I want to be wrong about him?” Jamie barked. “I’d be fucking thrilled to be wrong. Something is up with him, and you’d rather bury your goddamned head in the sand than find out what it is. And that’s pissing me off.”
“Will,” I said when I stood to greet him as he walked up to my table in the diner, “thank you for joining me for lunch.”
He looked wary, but I could hardly blame him for that. It had taken my secretary some time to hunt down his information, and then she had to call on my behalf to set up lunch since I was on my way to a board meeting. It would have taken Jamie five minutes, but damned if I’d ask him. The less he knew about this, the better. He’d decided Micah was conning me, and there was no changing his mind.
“Thanks for inviting me. I was a little surprised to tell you the truth.” Will settled himself at the table after shrugging off his jacket. “Your secretary said you had a private matter to discuss, and I’m having difficulty figuring out what it could be.”
Everything about Will screamed competence, from his trim button-down to his stylish, slim-cut slacks. His easy demeanor couldn’t disguise he was perceptive as hell. My initial plan had been to pump him for information while giving away nothing of my own. Given his well-played opening move, that would be foolish.
“I need to know about being a Daddy.”
“I’m surprised a man your age doesn’t know how babies are made.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t think I do.” Will’s expression remained as neutral and friendly as it had when he sat down. He did not blink.
“Before I say anything more, you’ll keep this confidential?”
“I’m a social worker, not a lawyer, but yes, within reason. Give me a second, please.”
Will left the table, and I saw him outside the window on his phone. I suspected he was speaking with Hagen. The call ended quickly, and a few minutes after he left, Will was back at the table, staring at me contemplatively. “Let’s take our lunch to go and head to the park. It’s a nice enough day for it.”
With our food ordered and in hand, we left the restaurant quietly. Neither of us spoke about anything until we were at the picnic tables at the pocket park at the end of the block. Nix would silently shake his head at the dirt smudging my suit, but his judgment would be worth it if for some insight into dynamics I hadn’t probably considered. My internet searches had led me to porn, articles, blogs, and a few how-tos, but my research was still lacking. What I hadn’t been able to do was talk to anyone with direct experience with a Daddy/boy dynamic. The videos might have confirmed my not-straight status but didn’t do much for insight into helping Micah trust me as his Daddy.
“Why are you asking me about Daddies?” Will’s straightforward question took me off-guard. I guess we were skipping the small talk portion.
“Because I’m Micah’s Daddy, and I want to be a better one. And I think you’re Hagen’s. I’m failing him.” Every part of me screamed to stand up, ditch my effing delicious chowder in the nearby trash, and leave. “Micah, not Hagen.”
“Yeah, I figured out that part,” Will retorted dryly. “Why do you think you’re failing him?”
“Because he doesn’t trust me. You know how we met?” Will nodded, so I continued, “I need him to know he can come to me for anything, and he doesn’t think he can.”
“Have you established a safeword?”
“Yes.”
“That’s something at least. Expectations of both of you?”
“We have some guidelines, but I can’t command him to trust me.”
“How the hell can you expect him to trust you if you haven’t shown your investment in him.” Will looked indignant on Micah’s behalf. “I called Beckett to make sure he was okay with explaining our dynamic. I’ll paraphrase for him: Micah is good people . For Beckett, that’s as good as it gets. I’ll leave out the fucks.” Will smiled fondly, but its sentiment vanished when his gaze returned to mine.
“I’m gonna have to talk about my feelings, aren’t I?”
“Did you think you could avoid it?”
“Ideally, yes.”
“Too bad.” Will dug into his soup with more enthusiasm than he’d shown since we started this lunch. “You need to do more than tell him that you’re invested in him. A picture on a website can be explained away. He needs to see proof you mean the words you’ve been spouting.”
“I have shown him.”
“Fucking doesn’t count.”
“We do more than that.”
“Business events don’t count either. Has he met your family?”
“They’re out of town.”
“With no phones? Interesting.”
“This doesn’t feel very social worker-ish.”
“I’m on my lunch break.” Will sighed. “Here’s the thing…you need to prove you’re in for the hard stuff. If he needs to believe you’ll stand between him and the world, then do that. It’s not about money. I barely know the guy, but Beckett does, and he’s a damn good judge of character. Yeah, money makes things easier, but Micah doesn’t need that from you. He’s resourceful, and he has Beckett and, by extension, me. Micah needs to understand you’re his soft place to land.”
“Yeah.” A one-word response was the best I could offer.
“You should eat before it gets too cold.” Will waved his fingers at my soup.
“I thought you’d be nicer.”
“You don’t need nice, and you don’t need bullshit. You need bottom-line information.” Will got to his feet and gathered his trash. “Does Micah work tomorrow?” I shook my head. “Great, you two come to dinner. See you at six.”
Will’s words tumbled around in my head for the remainder of the afternoon. If Micah needed confirmation that my intention was to keep him, then I needed to start integrating him into my life. Big and small. He needed dedicated space in my closet instead of the clothes that had migrated over being shoved wherever there was space. He needed driving lessons and to be added to my insurance. He needed to be added to the family group chat. He needed photographic proof in my office that he wasn’t a dirty little secret hidden on the island.
Micah needed tangible proof that he was in my life, not on the fringes. Easiest way? Clue in the parentals. I fired off a quick message to the group chat that I needed them to gather in a stateroom in about five minutes and get on a Zoom call with me. Now, I just needed to hunt down Micah. From the sound of it, he was hanging out with Nix in the kitchen.
“Hey, sweet boy, whatcha doing?” Micah whirled around when I spoke from the doorway. Nix offered an inelegant snort at my endearment.
“Putting away the groceries,” Nix answered with a wink to Micah.
“You are most definitely not who I was talking to.” I came up behind Micah, put my hands on his shoulders, and kissed the side of his neck. When he leaned back against me, I knew I’d hit my mark. “This sweet boy has you beat by a mile.”
“Da—Calvin, you shouldn’t say stuff like that.”
“Micah, it’s fine,” Nix interrupted. “Call him Daddy, and don’t worry about it.”
“I don’t want to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable?”
Micah’s concern for others always blew me away. He always put himself last, and I needed him to know I’d always put him first, even if I’d done a shit job of explaining that up to this point.
“I spent way too long in the military to get worked up over a nickname. Sometimes they mean something, and sometimes it’s just words.” Micah nodded, and then Nix turned to address me. “I’m guessing you’re about to steal my helper?”
“Yep, sure am.” I grabbed Micah’s hand and led him into the library, where I’d already dropped my laptop. “Have a seat on the couch. They’ll be on in a second.”
“Who’ll be on?”
“My parents and Pop. I told them to join me on Zoom.”
“But why did you need me?”
“So they can meet you.”
Yes, I knew I was blindsiding him, but I also knew that if I’d told him ahead of time, he’d worry pointlessly about it. Now, I could make sure it was no more than a five-minute conversation that he didn’t have an opportunity to get anxious about in advance.
My parents popped up on the screen before Micah could bail.
“Cal! Look, you’re not working yourself to death. Excellent choice,” my mom said with a laugh. Stephanie Rutledge looked exactly like what she was: a wealthy older woman who wasn’t quite ready to give up her youth. “Oh, hello! I didn’t realize you had company with you?” Her confusion was obvious.
“Mom, this is Micah. He’s not company. He’s my boyfriend.” There was a round of choking from everyone. My mom and Micah locked eyes through the screen. My dad and Pop whipped their heads to stare at the screen. Pop recovered first.
“Hi, Micah. It’s wonderful to meet you. I’m Charles Rutledge. You can call me Charles or Pop like Cal does. This is my son Chuck and daughter-in-law Stephanie.
“Please call me Steph, and it’s lovely to meet you.”
Once the shock subsided, my family rolled with it. Just as I’d predicted.
“Nice to meet all of you. I’ve heard wonderful things about you.”
“I’m glad you made the right call,” Pop said with a knowing smirk.
“Now that we know about you, I expect we’ll hear the same about you,” my dad added in his booming voice. The elbow my mom gave him might have cracked a rib. “I mean, we are looking forward to getting to know you.” At Mom’s satisfied nod, Dad slumped down in the chair and rubbed his side. Well, that was enough for now.
“We can’t stay on, but I wanted you guys to meet. Goodbye.” I closed the meeting before they had a chance to say there was plenty of time left for them to stay on.
“Daddy, what was that about?” Micah asked with wide eyes.
“That, baby, was me claiming you.”
“Come in.”
With my hand on the small of his back, I ushered Micah through the doorway of Beckett and Will’s A-frame cabin. Micah had admitted in the car how nervous he was, but I hoped my reassurances that Will had happily issued the invitation had been enough to calm him. Surrounded by brambles, it was more a fairy cottage than a person’s home. The interior, on the other hand, was all warm wood and cozy textures. Beckett led us to the kitchen, where Will was chopping ingredients for a salad.
“Hey, guys, thanks for joining us.” Beckett had moved to stand next to him and wrapped his heavily muscled arm around Will’s waist. Will, in turn, raised up to kiss his cheek and said, “Sweetheart, thank you for getting the door.” Beckett grunted.
“I love it. Thanks for having us over,” I said, then dropped my arm across Micah’s shoulders and hauled him to my side. He mimicked Beckett and melted into me.
“What are you making? It smells delicious.”
“Chicken with a wine sauce. We’re having mashed potatoes and a salad too, so hopefully, it’ll come together.”
“It always does, Daddy.” Beckett’s eyes went wide when he realized what he’d called Will. “I mean…shit.” Gone was the self-assured cop, and in his place was a man who needed the reassurance of his person.
“Don’t worry about it, baby.” Will looked up at Beckett with steel and love in his voice. “Calvin and Micah are friends. It’s perfectly fine to be who we are around them.” He radiated calm and control. At his reassurances, Beckett relaxed.
“Your Daddy is right, Officer Hagen. Please be yourself around us, and since we’re now officially friends, please call me Cal.”
“You just heard me call my boyfriend Daddy. Pretty sure we can drop the fucking officer shit,” Beckett muttered.
“I call Cal Daddy too,” Micah interjected softly.
I squeezed him closer and dropped a kiss on his soft brown curls. In his ear, I whispered, “You’re so goddamn brave for stepping out so Beckett feels better.”
Beckett grunted again, Will laughed softly, and Micah blushed furiously. It was difficult to tell whether this dinner was going well or not.
“Micah, you want to see the library?” Beckett asked shyly.
“Yes!” Micah gushed.
They rushed out of the room and fell into a more natural rhythm once they were out of our presence. Together, they were fine. It was the Daddies, and by that, I mean only me, that made it weird. I watched as Will noticed Micah’s ever-present backpack, but he didn’t comment.
“You know they aren’t coming back, right?” Will asked dryly.
“Yeah, he had Micah at library . Whenever I can’t find Micah at home, it’s because he’s in ours and completely oblivious to anyone calling his name.”
“What a gift you’ve given him.”
“What does that mean?”
“When you met, Micah was living in your shed after being on the streets, and I’m not sure where he was before, but most don’t go from great to homeless overnight. And now he’s secure enough to lose himself in his reading without hypervigilance. You aren’t failing him.” Will returned to his chopping before he asked, “When will you tell him you love him?”
“What?” I sputtered. Will’s chuckle wasn’t reassuring.
“When it’s right, it’s right. When you know, you know.”
When I met Micah, I’d wanted him on a visceral level. His lips had begged for exploration, and I’d wanted to sink my fingers into his wild curls. Seeing him shiver in the cold in his ridiculous outfit had infuriated me to the core.
When I was away, I wanted him near me, and when he was near me, I wanted to be inside him. He was smart, kind, and funny in a quiet way. His work ethic and bravery awed me. The idea he could leave my house to live his best life elsewhere filled me with dread.
Micah’s best life needed to be with me. And if the life I had to offer wasn’t what he wanted, I’d toss it aside and create a brand-new one with him.
“Let’s go find those boys of ours,” Will said as he put aside his salad ingredients and headed for the staircase at the far side of the living room.
As expected, Beckett and Micah were upstairs with their noses buried in books. Beckett’s looked vampire-esque and Micah’s was about the history of redlining in the United States. Neither looked up until we were directly next to our respective partners.
Without a word, Beckett opened his arms, and Will settled himself on his lap. Beckett held him like a favorite teddy bear. I pulled Micah from the chair, sat down myself, and Micah crawled onto my lap. He snuggled in and continued with his book. I basked in the contentment of having this wildly intelligent and equally sexy man in my arms. For a moment, time stood still for all of us. There were no deadlines, no work schedules, no unknown problems, nothing. This had been what Will was talking about.
My parents described their love story as being chaotic and tumultuous. Both were wildly passionate people who loved each other fiercely but also drove the other insane. They enjoyed fighting—it was never over anything that truly mattered—so they could make up. On important matters, they were in lockstep.
Micah wasn’t a tempest. He was an easy morning. His presence alone was enough to calm and center me. When he was around, I wanted to stop and soak in his presence. Until we were alone, and then I wanted to rail him until we were both sweaty, sticky messes. Since lunch, the label for my feelings had been at the forefront of my mind.
After Will announced our dinner would be in danger if we didn’t eat soon, we dutifully followed him downstairs. Once relaxed, Hagen’s dry observations were surprisingly funny, given his perpetually stoic expression. He and Micah gently teased each other while Will and I beamed like the proud Daddies we were, seeing our guarded men let down their barriers to create a genuine friendship.
“Micah, I heard a rumor about you,” Will said with a sly smile. “Beckett says you are quite the card shark at Gin Rummy. Has my boy been lying to me?”
“Cal”—at my raised eyebrow, Micah cleared his throat and started again—“I meant to say, Daddy showed me how to play, and I like the math of it. Shark would be overkill.”
“How about we play a few hands after dinner? I was pretty good back in college.”
“Will, you’re gonna get your ass kicked,” I taunted with a grin
Micah wiped the floor with us all, and I’d never been prouder.