Chapter 18
CALYPSO
T he hospital room smells sterile, cold, and empty, but it’s not the walls or the machines that make my stomach churn, it’s the damn silence between me and Farris.
I should’ve been ready for this. The second I saw Farris standing at the foot of my hospital bed, his eyes dark with grief and rage, I knew he’d already made up his mind, knew he thought he’d lost everything.
And I let him walk away.
I should’ve stopped him. Should’ve reached for him, should’ve fought harder. But the weight of the war, the pain of my injuries, of the secret I still carried held me down like a fucking anchor. I wanted to scream the truth after him. That he was wrong, that our baby was still alive.
But by the time my lips could form the words, he was already gone.
The Royal Harlots and Royal Bastards cleaned up the mess. The Bloody Femmes are back in hiding. The Black Market Railroad is burning to the ground.
And my slimy ex, Dave Train? He’s rotting in a shallow grave. None of that means shit if I don’t get Farris back.
I don’t blame him for walking out. I saw it in his eyes, he thought he failed.
He thought he couldn’t protect me, thought the war had taken something from us that we’d never get back.
But he didn’t fail. I’m still here. The baby is still here.
And now, I need to tell him the truth and fight for him.
I’ve been stuck in here for weeks going bat shit crazy. The doctors won’t let me leave yet because of my Lupus, and they want me to have a solid plan before they discharge me.
I’m supposed to be healing, supposed to rest, but all I can think about is the way Farris’s eyes looked when he found out the truth. The way his face closed off, the way he walked away without a word.
I know what he thinks, he thinks I lost the baby. That’s what he saw when he looked at me. That’s what he believes, but that’s not the truth. I’m still pregnant. My baby’s still here. And Farris doesn’t even know.
I feel the weight of it in my chest, a burning, gnawing ache that won’t go away.
I should’ve told him sooner, should’ve found the right words to make him understand.
But I was scared. Scared that he wouldn’t want this, scared he would think it was just another complication, another thing for him to fight for.
But I didn’t get the chance to tell him before everything went to hell, and now, he’s gone. He doesn’t know the one thing that can change everything.
My hand shakes as I lift it to my growing stomach. My baby is still here, and I will make sure Farris knows that. I won’t let him walk away from us. I won’t let him think for a second that we’re not his to protect, his to love.
I inhale, the steady beeping of the machines in the background a reminder of my fragility, but it’s not what I’m focused on right now. I need to get out of here. I need to find Farris.
Allura’s been hovering in the corner, her arms crossed, her eyes hard with concern.
She’s been the one to hold my hand through this, the one to help me understand that I’m not alone.
She’s been a constant since I was shot, but I can’t lean on her forever.
Not now. Not when there’s a man out there who needs to hear the truth.
“He doesn’t know,” I say, my voice hoarse.
Allura raises an eyebrow, her jaw tight. “You have to tell him, Calypso. You can’t keep this from him.”
“I don’t want to keep this from him,” I reply, my fingers gripping the edge of the bed. “I didn’t want him to think I was just another complication.”
“You made that choice,” she shoots back, her voice clipped. “But now, you’ve got to fight for him.”
I take a deep breath. She’s right. I’ve been a coward. Farris is too important to me, too important to this baby, for me to keep hiding. I don’t care how hard it is to face him. I’m going to do it. I’ll get through it. I have to.
The memories of the battle in the warehouse are still fresh in my mind.
Bodies falling, blood staining the floors, the fear in Farris’s eyes when he saw me shot.
The way he looked at me with horror. That’s the moment I realized the truth of our relationship.
He loves me. Even if he doesn’t understand it yet, he does.
And I love him, too.
I swing my legs off the bed, wincing at the soreness in my chest. The doctors keep telling me I need to rest, but I don’t give a shit. I need to find him.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Allura warns, but her tone lacks conviction. She knows what I’m about to do. She releases a heavy sigh. “At least let me help you.”
“No,” I say firmly, pushing myself up. I steady myself on the edge of the bed. “I’ll do this myself. I need to see him, Allura. I need to fix this.”
She hesitates for a moment, then nods. “You’re not alone, Calypso. Just don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I change as quickly as I can out of the God awful hospital gown and into a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt that doesn’t hide my baby bump very well.
Allura did have to help me when I lost my breath, but she didn’t say a word.
She hands me a new cut since mine was ruined, and I slide it on.
The feeling is like a second skin. The nurses gave me a tough time about leaving, but I ignored them as I walked toward the elevator.
The elevator ride down to the parking garage is quiet.
My heart is pounding in my chest, a mixture of fear and resolve twisting inside me.
I’m scared, terrified even, but it’s not just the thought of Farris’s rejection that scares me.
It’s the fact that he doesn’t know the truth.
The truth that might fix everything. The truth that might bring us back together.
I slide onto my bike, straddling it with care, ignoring the dull throb in my chest. The engine roars to life beneath me, and for a moment, I feel like I can breathe again.
I ride out of the hospital parking lot, my thoughts a tangled mess of doubt and determination.
I’m going to find him. I’m going to make sure he knows.
When Allura and I pull up to the clubhouse, the sun is setting, casting long shadows over the parking lot. My pulse quickens. I can see the bikes. Farris’s bike is parked in front, the chrome glinting in the fading light.
I push my bike to a stop and walk toward the door, my breath shallow. I’m not sure what I’ll say when I see him, but I know I can’t wait any longer. I walk down the long corridor and into the Common room. Allura is waiting outside, letting me handle this on my own.
The music is loud. The scent of whiskey and smoke is thick in the air. Bikers and club girls are everywhere, draped over couches, drinking, talking in hushed voices about the war they were in. But I don’t give a shit about any of them because I see him.
Farris is at the bar, bottle in hand, eyes locked on nothing. He looks haunted, exhausted, and broken in a way I’ve never seen before. His back is to me, his posture rigid. I know the second he feels me. His shoulders tense, and his head turns just enough for me to see the edge of his jaw.
I take a step forward, and heart is thumping louder now. I can’t back down, not now. The second I step toward him, Blayze moves into my path.
I grit my teeth. “Move.”
Blayze shakes his head. “He doesn’t want to see you, Lyp.”
I don’t give a fuck. “He doesn’t get a choice,” I snap. “This isn’t over.”
Blayze sighs, rubbing a hand over his jaw, but I see a slight nod. He steps aside, and I don’t waste another second.
“Farris,” I whisper. Farris doesn’t even turn as I approach. When I grab the bottle from his hand and slam it onto the bar, he goes dead fucking still. “Look at me,” I demand.
Nothing. “Farris.” Still nothing. Fuck this.
He doesn’t move at first. Then, slowly, he turns to face me.
His eyes are dark and haunted, and I can see their pain and anger.
He looks like he’s been through hell, and maybe he has.
I can’t blame him for being angry with me.
But I won’t let him believe I don’t need him, that this baby doesn’t need him.
“You thought you lost me,” I whisper. “You thought you lost us.”
“You think I don’t know what that’s like?” I continue, voice sharp. “You think I don’t feel that every second I breathe?”
His blue eyes flash, and his body coils tight like he’s ready to snap. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I challenge. “Tell you the truth?”
His throat bobs. “It doesn’t change anything.”
Wrong fucking answer.
“It changes everything.” My breath is shaking, my pulse hammering, but I don’t break eye contact.
“I should’ve told you,” I begin, my voice breaking. “I should’ve told you sooner. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t find the words. I was scared, Farris. I didn’t want you to walk away from me.” Farris’s jaw clenches, his hands gripping the edge of the bar so tight I hear the wood creak.
“You… you lied to me,” he says, his voice low and rough. His eyes search mine, but I can’t tell if he’s angry, hurt, or both.
“I didn’t lie to you,” I say quickly, stepping closer. Farris raises an eyebrow. “Ok, I did at first, but I didn’t lie to you at the hospital.”
I unzip my cut and place my hands against my belly. “I didn’t lose the baby. I’m pregnant, Farris.”
The words hang in the air between us, thick with emotion. I watch as his expression shifts from confusion to disbelief to something else, something that looks like hope, but it’s buried deep.
“You’re pregnant?” His voice cracks, and I nod, my throat tight. “You didn’t… You didn’t tell me.”
“I should have,” I admit, my heart in my throat. “You deserved to know.”
For a long moment, neither of us speaks. I don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t know if he’ll walk away again or if he’ll stay.
But then, slowly, he takes a step closer, his hands reach out, fingers trembling slightly, as if he’s afraid I might disappear. He hesitates to touch our baby.
“You’re really pregnant?” he asks softly, his voice thick with emotion.
I grab his hand and press it against my stomach. Farris goes rigid. His breath hitches, his fingers twitching like he doesn’t dare believe it. Like, if he moves, the world might crumble all over again. I cover his hand with mine, holding it there. Letting him feel, letting him know.
“The baby’s still here, Farris.” His body jolts like I just shot him. His eyes snap to mine, wide, searching, desperate. I nod, voice breaking. “You didn’t lose us.”
Farris’s breath shudders out of him. His hand presses harder against my stomach, like he needs to anchor himself to the truth.
And then, suddenly, he’s moving. One second, he’s standing there in shock, and the next, he’s hauling me against him, crashing his mouth onto mine. Farris kisses me like he’s been drowning for weeks, and I’m the only thing keeping him alive.
His hands are everywhere. One grips the back of my neck, the other stays against my stomach, his palm warm, reverent, like he still can’t believe it.
I moan against his lips, my fingers digging into his cut, holding on as he devours me. He tastes like whiskey, blood, and pure desperation. I kiss him back with everything I have because I need him to know. I need him to feel. I need him to come back to me.
When we finally break apart, I’m breathless, wrecked, and shaking. Farris stares down at me, his chest rising and falling like he’s trying to fucking breathe again.
His hand doesn’t leave my stomach. “Say it again,” he rasps.
I swallow hard, looking him straight in the eye. “The baby is still here.”
His jaw trembles, and for the first time, Farris Law Dog Dalton looks breakable.
I reach up, brushing a hand over his scruffy jaw. “You didn’t fail me.” My voice softens, a whisper. “You never could.”
His throat bobs as he squeezes his eyes shut, inhaling deeply, struggling to hold himself together. He pulls back, his hold tight, possessive, and everything I’ve been wanting. “God, Calypso.” Farris’s breath is warm against my hair. “I’m sorry. I should’ve never walked away.”
I close my eyes, pressing myself against him. “Don’t leave me again,” I whisper, the fear still lingering in my chest.
There’s still shit to fix, damage to undo.
Farris pulls back, his gaze darkening again. “You lied to me.”
I brace myself. “I did.”
His grip on my waist tightens. “That’s not gonna happen again.”
I exhale. “No. It’s not.”
Farris nods, but his expression turns lethal. “Good.”
He rests his forehead against mine, his voice rough and broken. “I love you, Amanda.”
I close my eyes, letting the words settle into my bones. “I love you too, Farris.”
Even though Dave Train is gone and the Bloody Femmes are in hiding, we’re not out of the fire yet.
There are still pieces of this war that haven’t burned.
And if there’s one thing I know about Farris Law Dog Dalton?
He’s not done ripping apart anyone who tried to take us down. I’ll be right beside him.