12. Tase
Tase
T he pug in pet boarding won’t stop screaming.
It howls like I’ve chopped off its leg, and several of the other dogs with us for the weekend join the din.
The sounds rattle around my skull, and if I didn’t have a headache when I came in, I sure as shit have a migraine now.
I drop my head against the cool wall and draw overheated air into my lungs while the pug lets out another ear-piercing yowl.
I have to get back into the room and finish the emergency surgery. By myself. What choice do I have? The dog is on the table, sedated.
I shouldn’t have left her alone in the first place.
Straightening, I feel every inch of my thirty-two years of life and more as I head back into the room. Fuck, am I only thirty-two? Didn’t I just turn seventy-five or something?
I’d found maggots in infected stitches of a dog who came in for a checkup when she stopped eating. I had spayed her only a week prior but the owners didn’t give two shits about keeping the surgical area clean. The dog’s insides were ready to burst through the stitches.
“Doc, someone is here to talk to you!” Belle’s voice sounds from the front, and half a heartbeat later the pug is at it again.
“I’m busy!”
“You’re gonna want to speak to her,” Belle insists.
I groan. “Please, god, don’t let it be an emergency.”
Short-staffed is an understatement and I know the waiting room is full. The half day is quickly turning into a ten-hour shift.
I’ll be lucky to get out of here before the sun sets.
I push into Surgery One and the door swings behind me.
“Hey, Tase?”
I glance up sharply at the familiar voice. Somewhat familiar, I sluggishly correct.
“Are you back here?” the woman asks.
I’m rooted to the spot beside the exam table, halfway ignoring the voice, until Gillian pops her head around the corner. She eyes me up and down before her attention snags on the bloodstain on the breast of my jacket and the dog on the table.
“I was just wondering if?—”
“Gillian? What are you doing here? I’m in the middle of surgery.”
Her grin seems genuine. “Looks like you’re short-staffed. Do you need help, Tase?”
The innocent offer constricts my gut and I sneer at her. “It’s Doctor Walton.” Why am I correcting her? “And what the hell do you think?”
And what the hell is up with my sudden attitude?
I can’t waste any more time than I already have. I’d wanted a breather. That’s all. I head further into the exam room, keenly aware of her presence behind me.
Once inside, the foul scent of decay permeates my nostrils and I draw my mask back into place.
“Don’t,” I warn before Gillian steps in as well.
The door swings fully shut and blocks her out.
But a few minutes later, she’s back, striding into Surgery One dressed in a spare set of scrubs and pulling on latex gloves. She’s got a mask over her features, clean glasses, and her dark eyes meet mine.
“You’re not serious, Gillian,” I growl.
“Tell me what we’ve got,” she demands.
“You shouldn’t be here. This isn’t a game. Maggots have tunneled inside vital organs.”
Why am I even explaining it to her?
She isn’t looking at me, though. She’s examining the endotracheal tube in the dog’s windpipe.
“I’ve seen something similar before, but never to this extent,” Gillian says. “I’ve assisted in surgeries. What do you need from me?”
“To get the fuck out.”
I’m short, snappy, and she doesn’t seem to give a shit about my bad attitude.
She merely stands up to her full height and points down at the wound.
“You stopped in the middle of surgery. That’s how I know it’s bad, because I’m sure you’ve seen some terrible things but even you needed a minute.
I’m registered, licensed, and ready to help.
So tell me what you need and stop wasting time. ”
Her hair is tied on the top of her head, still damp from a shower apparently, and there’s a small smudge of something like grease above her right eye. She must have missed it.
“Licensed?” I move into place and pick up a pair of tweezers to resume removing the maggots one by one. “You’re serious?”
“I thought you heard the other night. I’m registered in Maryland. I’m not sure what requirements there are for New Jersey, but I know what I’m doing.”
Knots constrict in my gut and I hear them, like chains. Clink . “So you know that we remove maggots by hand. It’s time-consuming.”
She moves closer and without getting in my way, she works alongside me. She’s a steady presence at my side. My awareness kicks up a notch.
“I know the larvae have to be removed carefully, as maggots can release an enzyme to kill living tissue,” she says, gripping a pair of fine tipped tweezers.
“That enzyme in large quantities can cause tissue death or shock.”
“Yes. Now stow your terrible attitude because I do my best work in silence.”
She’s competent, I’ll give her that.
Gillian moves with the confidence of a woman who knows her skills and trusts them. It’s a delicate dance where we both work in tandem, and the few moments of silence are comforting rather than stressful.
“Like I said, I worked on a similar case at my old clinic,” she tells me after a bit. “The infection hadn’t reached this point, but the dog came to us in pitiful condition. Someone hit the old hound and it must have been on the side of the road for a full day before someone stopped to bring it in.”
“People suck sometimes,” I agree sharply.
She hums in the back of her throat, a sound of agreement. “There are good people out there too, though. Those who care. Who devote their lives to speaking up for those who don’t have a voice.”
She remains composed with every removal.
“You’re too young to have seen those horrors.”
“I chose to go into this work. To make a difference,” she says tersely.
“Have you always been an animal lover?”
“You could say that. We never had pets growing up, but I saw how the neighbors treated theirs. Tying their dogs outside on chains all day despite the heat and the weather. I just want to do better.”
My eyes narrow. “And you came here today to help me? ”
She grabs a wipe to clear an area of blood. “I came here to help myself, I admit it. Helping you is a bonus.”
She can handle things. She’s clearly seen too much in her short life if the sight in front of her doesn’t faze her. Gillian barely bats an eye as we work to clean away maggots and dead tissue.
My brows draw down. “You’re old enough to be registered?”
“Twenty,” she snaps. “I worked hard to get ahead.”
She’s much younger than I am. “Clearly. How far do you want to go?”
“I’m researching schools for veterinary medicine, but it’s slow going.” She removes another maggot and adds it to the tray. “It’s expensive. You must have worked hard too, to have your own clinic at your age.”
“It pays to know the right people. The old vet was my ex’s father and someone I knew my entire life.”
Shouldn’t a pretty girl like Gillian be out there enjoying life rather than being here? Forcing herself to work when she has no skin in this game? I’m not going to turn away help, but it makes a guy wonder.
We pluck out the last maggot and I begin the tedious process of cleaning out the wound site.
“I got lucky,” I add. “Not everyone is in the position I am. Most practices are floundering because the vet would rather find a practice to buy in an area where they’re guaranteed to make money. Bigger cities. No one wants to go the small town route anymore.”
Why am I telling her these things?
“But you’re here.” She sounds curious.
“I’m a fool. I’ve wanted to get out for years, yet I stay. I can’t bring myself to leave.”
“You say it like it’s some kind of terrible thing, but I see it as a testament to your character.”
I glance over at her with a challenge in my gaze. “I grew up in this town. My parents raised me here, so I know the people and I know their needs. How could I be selfish and abandon them?”
Acrid bitterness churns suddenly and I shift away from her. I’ve recited the excuse so many times, it’s by rote at this point. I can’t tell her the truth. I’m too chicken-shit to leave, and now that I’ve dug a comfortable hole, I’m not sure I ever will.
I should’ve left when I had the chance. Instead, I’m still here. Still hurting.
“Like I said.” Gillian moves a little closer. “A testament to your character. Now, where are your sterilized needles?”
I point to a spot on the tray and she moves to grab the needles and get them set up for my use.
“What are you doing here, Gillian? Seriously?” I ask. “I know you won’t tell Soren and Aiden the truth about your presence, but I think I deserve to know.”
She looks up at me and bats those long black lashes. “I’m selfish too, Tase. I’m spinning in circles and I can’t find anything to hold to get my bearings. I came to your clinic because I needed a familiar setting. A stone to stand on.”
We finish up the stitching together, the dance nearly completed. “If you’re looking for a job, I can’t hire you permanently. I appreciate your help today. But I have a new girl coming in on Monday.”
“I don’t want to be hired permanently. Just let me assist a little.
” She bites down on her lip. “I’m young, true, and I know enough to understand that when I’ve made a problem in my life, I’m the only one with the power to fix things.
This will help me. Even if it’s only for today, it will help you as well. ”
She lifts the corners of her mouth.
“You’re so sure of yourself,” I murmur, staring at her.
What’s up with this girl, and how does she effortlessly dig furrows in my skin? They’re large enough for someone to slip in if I’m not careful.
“I’ve seen the crowd in your waiting room,” she says. “If you don’t get some help, then your poor receptionist is going to go out of her mind and the poodle might start nipping at your ankles.”
Together, we finish getting the dog situated in a clean kennel with an IV drip.
“I’ll go check on your next appointment and we’ll see how quickly we can get everyone out of here.”
Gillian winks at me before heading back into the lobby, and the moment she’s out of my presence, I groan.
Fuck me.
This is a terrible idea. But stress and necessity make for strange bedfellows sometimes. On multiple levels this is clearly asking for trouble.
Gillian is on the run.
It’s obvious in the way she answers questions in a deflecting manner. She shies away from getting personal unless it’s something she feels comfortable sharing, and it isn’t an introvert deal. I know her type.
Plus the fact that she’s Soren’s stepsister. He’s got a whole bag of mixed emotions when it comes to his family and his past, and as his friend, it’s not up to me to pry his issues apart. It’s not on me to force him to heal when he isn’t ready.
Not to mention she’ll probably be gone soon. This seems to be a temporary stopgap.
Once she figures out how to handle her issues, she’ll be back on the road.
My nostrils flare when Gillian pops her head in and finds me still in the same place.
“Mrs. Patterson says she was supposed to be seen at noon and she has a doctor’s appointment at three,” she pipes in.
I toss my gloves in the trash. “Then we’d better get her into exam room 4, please.”
Maybe the biggest issue, and one I hadn’t counted on, is the temptation. Gillian is beautiful and easy to talk to. She’s got a confident touch, and an odd way of twitching her nose when she’s concentrating on something.
She’s also smart, witty, and driven. And those luscious curves?—
My cock gives a jolt and I glance down at it, slightly horrified. Now is the wrong time for that.
God, how long has it been since I’ve buried myself in a sexy young woman?
Too long . There’s only been one person since Dana.
Gillian isn’t exactly forbidden, but if I decide to let her help me for more than a few hours, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself.
Soren is overprotective. She needs to be hands-off.
But at the end of the day the clock strikes six, and it’s only Gillian and I left in the clinic.
The front door is locked and the lights are off except in the employee lounge. She tosses her last pair of soiled gloves in the garbage before moving to the sink and spreading soap suds across her hands.
She looks tired, but happy. The creases around her eyes are deeper than they were when she first arrived.
I have to admit, having her around was a particular delight. Not only does Gillian know what she’s doing but she refuses to falter. Her energy remains consistent without flagging.
“This obviously isn’t your first full day in a clinic, but what did you think of us in Holly Brook?” I can’t help but ask. “Is this really the life for you?”
Her smile remains in place and her hands damp as she steps up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist for a hug. She presses her head to my chest and my heart gives a resounding thud.
The only thing Gillian says is, “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. You’re the one who did me a favor,” I mutter awkwardly.
My arms hang at my sides. I’m hesitant to return the hug even though the constrictions in my chest and back start to relax at her touch and warmth spreads through me.
This isn’t false affection. Gillian holds on to me tightly. But I’m not her stone in the storm. I’m not the one she needs to squeeze as though she’ll shatter at any second.
I’m unstable.
I force my arms up to cradle her, daring to touch and hating myself for wanting more.
“Thanks for giving me a chance. For letting me help and get out of my own head.”
She tilts her chin up to look at me and I am lost.
Those eyes of hers. Green with brown-gold around the irises. They’re luminous. They’re large and potent and full of emotions I haven’t felt in a long time.
She’s got the credentials. It wouldn’t be illegal if she volunteers her time here. “Come back on Monday and I’ll see if I can use you.”
She makes no move, only continues to look at me.
Fuck . This, right here, is what I have to avoid. Even though I don’t want to be alone. Even though Dana’s death is light years away and no one else has come close to making me feel the way she did.
How easy would it be to kiss Gillian right now? To have the heat spread through my entire system and taste the smile on those plump lips?
I blink and take a step back. “Don’t let me down, Gillian.”
She chuckles, letting her arms drop. “That’s Gilli to you.”