14. Gilli
Gilli
I drop into bed still tasting Aiden on my lips.
Why is it so simple to talk to him but it’s not so simple to kiss him?
Probably because there are strings attached to any involvement beyond a friendly conversation. He may not hate me the same way Soren does, but our family’s history with each other, and their connection… It makes it impossible for me to go any further than a stolen kiss.
He was quick to end it, anyway.
Aiden had the strength to walk away when I would have gone too far. When I would have opened for him if he’d only given me the green light.
I turn on my side and draw the sheet up beneath my chin.
My pussy throbs and I stretch a hand between my thighs, reaching for myself. Pleasure cascades from the first brush of my index finger against my clit.
Not smart . Not with the boys there so close, just on the other side of my bedroom door.
Eyes on the end game rather than the middle pieces, I remind myself, and diddle away.
Men are obstacles keeping me from the life I’ve been trying to create for myself. Even the ones offering help who sound sincere are obstacles.
I can justify working with Tase despite a certain sexual attraction because the experience will help whether it goes on my resume or not.
Getting involved with Aiden is Off The Table.
Hopefully the life I want, the future I’m working toward, is still on the table after all of this.
I draw my finger in circles around my clit, thinking about Aiden, and climax with a shuddering sigh as I clench my legs together harder.
Eventually, restlessness turns into sleep, something deep and dreamless that leaves me with a small ache behind my eyes when I open them in the morning.
Rather than the slender beam of light I’m used to seeing at pre-dawn, full sunlight streams in through the curtains. I sit up sharply. My hair falls into my face as I fumble again for the phone I don’t have.
The analog clock shows it’s already after nine.
I blow out a breath and pat my chest over my rapidly beating heart.
I’m safe . Aren’t I?
Dressed in a long skirt and sweater, I head out into the kitchen. Aiden’s got the sliding glass doors open, and he’s sitting outside on the small patio. I busy myself with a cup of coffee before joining him.
Tendrils of mist curl over the lake.
“Morning.”
Aiden looks my way from the corner of his eye. “Morning to you.”
“Where’s Soren?” I ask.
“Out early. Seems like you weren’t the only one who wanted to get away. I think we ran him out of the house.”
“Good,” I mutter, and instantly regret it. I swipe a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my face. “Sorry. Look, Aiden?— ”
He hurries to cut me off. “Don’t say anything.”
I swallow back a smirk. “You don’t know what I’m going to say.”
“I have a good feeling it’s about last night.”
“Yeah, well, it is. I’m sorry I was such a brat.” Shit, I’m not used to apologizing. “I was rude and a little stubborn.”
Aiden laughs before his features settle into his familiar crooked smile. “A little?”
“Very stubborn,” I correct as I gulp more coffee.
He stares at me for a moment longer before patting the empty seat beside him. “Come on, then. Better grab another sweater or something. You’ll get chilled quickly.”
I snag one of the blankets from the couch before I settle into the free Adirondack. “Where did Soren go?”
“Fishing,” Aiden answers, adjusting his legs and giving me ample room. “It’s what he does when he’s stressed. He never says anything. He just leaves. You know?”
I sniff and say, “We all have our quirks.”
But pretty damn hypocritical of him to throw my departure in my face when he did the same thing. A little female rage won’t hurt me, in this case.
Steam coils up from the heat of the coffee against the cool morning. I draw the blanket over my lap.
When was the last time I stopped and enjoyed a morning this way?
Usually I’m either up with the alarm for work or I’m tackling my list of chores and getting ready for the second shift. My alter ego online takes up more mental and physical space than I thought it would.
Going in, you figure point and shoot. Right?
You assume people will pay for anything as long as you show them some tits or ass. Then you start considering angles and lighting and costume changes. You bring in toys, a special light ring, and use some of the first big tips that come in to get really decent equipment.
All of which is back at my apartment .
Did those dudes go back and destroy things? Or are they still there waiting for me?
I shudder.
“By the way,” Aiden says, breaking our pleasant silence, “you did a piss poor job last night skipping stones, but that’s okay. I figure I can teach you.”
I chuckle. “There’s not a whole lot of water in the middle of Baltimore to practice.”
He gives what sounds like a contented sigh. “This place has always been special to us. Despite the bullshit with Uncle Alistair, we’ve always had the cabin, the lake.” Aiden’s eyes shoot to me. “You’ve never wanted to come before. Any reason?”
He’s done with me and offering me an opening I’d better take.
“If I tell you it has to do with my mother, would you believe me?”
His lips twitch. “What about her?”
“She’s Honey,” I say, taking another sip of coffee. “What else is there to say?”
“You know what? Yeah, I’ll believe it.” He laughs. “She’s a piece of work. She’s probably done a number on you. I try to keep my distance from her, too, if I’m honest.”
I twist around to look at him. “You travel in the same circles, with your relationship to Alistair. It’s got to be much harder for you to avoid her than it is for me.”
“Sometimes,” Aiden agrees.
Silence hangs between us for a long moment until Aiden turns to me, his face curious and open. The kind of expression that invites you to talk. But the eye contact…
It’s a bit too much for me.
I clear my throat and hike my glasses higher up my nose. He has questions. A whole heap of them I’m not ready to talk about yet. I’m not even sure I’m ready for another kiss.
“You’ve got a good relationship with your parents, though?” I ask, fumbling for something to keep him talking and not me.
He snorts and laces his hands behind his head. “Ah, there’s nothing like a deep dive into family history early in the morning.”
The tension in my chest softens the longer I’m with him. “Sure, but we’re here. What else do you want to talk about? Something surface level? Like what’s your favorite color?”
“Red, “Aiden answers automatically. He drops his eyes. “Surface level used to appeal to me once, back in high school and college when I thought I was the Shit. Capital S.”
I totally see it. “But that changed along the way?”
He stares at the lake for a long moment. “I have a good relationship with my parents,” he finally replies. “They stuck by me through some hard times, really had my back. The same with Soren.”
“I’d assume most parents generally support their kids. It hasn’t been my experience, but whatever.” I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on the blanket.
“I wasn’t a nice man, Gilli,” Aiden says. “Probably not what you want to hear.”
“Oh?”
I wait for him to continue. This feels like a pivotal moment, somehow, one where I need to take a step back and actively listen rather than blithely talk.
“I used to have a big ego. Okay, I still have a big ego, but I learned that just because I want to act tough doesn’t mean I can put other people down to boost myself up.”
Aiden stops and reaches over to grab my coffee, stealing a sip before he returns it to me with a screwed up expression. The sweetener .
“I treated some people badly and one woman in particular. It didn’t end well for either of us and the fallout made me the man I am today. Just because she was different, you know?”
He shakes his head, stretching his arms overhead. “When we tell you there are bad people out there, we speak from personal experience too. I was a bully. Now I see what it’s like to be on the other side, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for what I did.”
He glances over to me and his gaze drops to my lips.
“I spent a lot of time thinking I didn’t deserve a second chance,” he finishes.
I try to picture Aiden as a younger guy. He’s still young at twenty-six, but rather high school and college age. Before the accident. He must have been one of those life of the party types. Maybe even a real douchebag, if I believe him.
“I know the feeling,” I say. “But you do deserve a second chance. Everyone does.”
Aiden sighs and lifts his gaze to my eyes. Something in his expression warms and my mind shifts to the kiss from last night. Brief yet promising so much more. I see red, but it’s not the red of fury or anger. It’s the red of passion and neon lights and thigh highs with lace.
His favorite color.
“I guess what I’m trying to say, Gilli, is that whatever secrets you keep, you’re not alone. We all have our dark pasts and our skeletons in the closet. So if you ever feel ready to tell me what brought you here…it can stay between us, if it makes you feel better.”
I have to give him something real. Not because I owe him but because it feels wrong to keep being shallow in the face of his realness.
I gnaw my lower lip, tugging at a stray piece of hair. “I’m not ready to tell you everything. It would be a long story, and I’m not sure either of us is in the right frame of mind to hear it. Especially me.”
My mouth has gone dry and I sweep my tongue over my teeth.
“Fair enough,” Aiden agrees carefully.
“I’ve done everything I can in my life to get out of the trailer park. And I guess, sometimes, I struggle now because I feel like I’m still there. Mentally. Like I’m trapped in being small no matter how many risks I take.”
“And you consider yourself a risk taker?”