15. Soren
Soren
I ’m thinking about her. Again .
I’m thinking about how I saw her and Aiden kissing outside last night.
Except the scene is seared into my mind and it doesn’t matter how loud the engine of the utility vehicle sounds. Or where I’m going, searching for the best fishing spots down the lakeshore.
I don’t blame my cousin for it. Gilli is young and beautiful. And single.
She’s the perfect plaything, and we’ve been here often enough to know the pickings are slim.
How can you resist a feast when it’s right in front of your face?
The trees thin on the right side of the trail, so I pull over and park. This is one of the best spots for lake trout. It’ll be good to clear my head for a few hours and not think about?—
The kiss.
It flashes in my mind again and I growl out loud, hoping the sound will cut through whatever's going on with me. No luck .
“There’s no reason in the world for them to fight their attraction to each other if that’s what’s going on—” I try to tell myself.
But god damn it.
Why am I confused and fucking conflicted?
Am I hyper-focused on it because Gilli’s a disturbance? I’m the one in control of my reality, and although I can’t pull the strings of everyone in it, I know when to go and when to stay. If someone pisses me off and I’m not doing business with them, I leave. It’s simple.
So why can’t I make peace with that?
Gilli is a destroyer of peace, that’s why.
I grab the tackle box and my fishing rod. The trees aren’t as full as they’ll be in the peak of summer, allowing more sunlight to dapple the rocky shore. A large boulder to the right looks like the perfect place to set up my gear.
There’s no one else around.
When the lakefront properties first were offered for sale, my father, selfish prick that he is, had the bright idea to snatch them up. All of them.
Premium real estate, he’d told my mother in those days. A good investment for the future.
Now his acumen provides us our own natural playground without too many neighbors getting in the way of the silence. People out here like their space and privacy.
I grab one of the lures from the tackle box and thread it through the end of the line. Fishing usually calms me down, although I rarely keep anything I catch. I’m more of a catch and release guy outside of a few trout when I’m hungry.
Today my fingers tremble.
Once the lure is set, I draw on the rubber boots all the way to my thighs and wade out past a few dead tree trunks in the water. The day is shaping up to be clear and perfect with more hints of spring in the budding maples along the bank .
Gilli and Aiden were standing in the water last night and probably freezing her tits and his testicles off.
Why do I give a shit?
It’s never bothered me before, what Aiden does. Gilli hasn’t been in my life despite our legal ties, and it seems like both of us work to keep it that way.
I swing the rod over my shoulder and cast out, letting it fly before it lands in the water with a soft plink .
I’ve witnessed how Aiden reels in his catches.
We’ve even shared a time or two, on rare occasions when we both had our sights set on the same woman and found her amenable to taking us both.
It’s nothing new. But he can have any chick he wants.
He can reconnect with a handful of others from his past if he wants.
Why is he dead fucking set on Gilli?
The absolutely horrendous resentment inside of me makes me force myself into motion.
I should be nicer to her .
She’s not leaving. That much is clear from the past couple of days. If we keep butting heads, it’s going to ruin the rest of my vacation.
But I can’t quite shake the desire to hurt her emotionally. And through her, the woman who destroyed my family. It’s vengeance for my mother. Redemption for her.
Even when I know it’s not Gilli’s fault.
She’s available. She’s right in front of me. She’s there , giving me back what I’m dishing out round after round after round.
I probably should’ve packed camping equipment to stay out by the lake tonight. To give myself a bit more breathing room. I’m hot under the collar in more ways than one.
We’re definitely headed for a split, I think with a snort. But I won’t lose. It’s become a huge part of my adulthood.
“I can’t back down and I can’t make her leave,” I say out loud .
By the same token, I’m not willing to go either. So, which one of us will break first?
It’s late afternoon when I pull the utility vehicle to a stop in front of the cabin. Aiden’s truck is gone and the house quiet as a tomb.
The crash of breaking limbs sounds from the left, along the trails behind the cabin, heading away from the lake. Probably not a trespasser, since they’re practically announcing their presence.
Has to be Gilli .
Another sharp snap, a stick cracked underfoot, and I know where the girl’s headed.
“Do you realize you’re thundering through the underbrush like an idiot?” I call out to announce my presence. “You’re making enough noise to wake the dead.”
It’s easy to catch up to her.
She’s working her arms to maintain a brisk walk but the movement only highlights the jiggle of her ass. It bounces with every step, and the back yoga pants hug those sweet curves.
Holy fuck, talk about peach-shaped. Or is it apple?
The woman’s got a fuckable ass and round enough to bounce a quarter off of.
“Gilli, what are you doing?”
“I’d think it’s obvious.” Gilli doesn’t slow down but she does flash me one of her knowing smiles over the shoulder. I hate it. “I’m getting my exercise. Trying to stay busy. There isn’t a whole lot to do here if you aren’t into fishing or maintenance work.”
Those are jabs for me and I let them bounce off. The same as that imaginary quarter.
My dick twitches like a fleshy Benedict Arnold.
She lunges forward, stretching, turning her arms in circles to work out her shoulders.
Gilli might be hustling, but I’m faster than she is. My long-legged stride covers the distance separating us and I step in front of her to block her path.
She says nothing as she lifts from the lunge, glaring at me with her chest rising and falling. Her hands slide into the pockets of her yoga pants—pockets!—and she defiantly lifts her chin.
I’m so goddamn mad at her, at everything she stands for and the place she comes from. The person she comes from. She’s guilty by association.
“I’m not in the mood for another screaming match,” Gilli says to cut me off before I start.
“You really aren’t gonna leave?” I ask her. “You don’t miss your life in Baltimore?”
She sniffs, squatting, working her triceps now. “Everyone needs a vacation.”
Except she’s still lying about it. Lying by omission at this point because we know she’s not here for a vacation.
“This is a good place,” she continues, breaking eye contact to stare up at the trees. “I can imagine how beautiful it is in the summer, with the leaves full and the wind blowing across the water. It’s why you come here every year, isn’t it? The peace?”
She’s not asking me for anything. Only to accept her, to make room for her in this spot that means so much to me. Gilli doesn’t even want to be accepted as a family member or a friend.
But I can’t control myself around her. I can’t calm down long enough to say anything nice to her despite the ache in my heart.
She pushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear as she straightens and looks at me, bracing for an answer she won’t like.
“I come here because it’s the one place your mom refuses to come.
Don’t forget that little piece of the puzzle,” I force myself to say, steady and collected.
Because frustration is so much better than vulnerability.
“It’s beneath her now. It reminds her too much of the shitty trailer park life she left behind. ”
And everyone in it .
“Wow.” Gilli lifts her hands together for a slow clap. “If you’re gunning for a Shithead of the Year award, Soren, you’re well on your way. You’ve got my vote.” She raises her brows at me. “What’s next? You taking this drama queen act on the road?”
My eyes practically bug out of my skull. “What’s next is you hit the road.”
She huffs, annoyed with me. I’m annoyed at myself.
“Aren’t you tired of this? It’s like you’re obsessed. You’re physically incapable of just going about your life and ignoring me.”
“Because you’re…you’re here ,” I grunt out. “You’re in my face and in my space and I hate it.”
“Good.” Her glare ramps up a notch. Any peek of a smile she once offered when commenting on the scenery is obliterated. Her eyes are dark, like two black periods in the middle of a white page. “I’m glad you hate me because the feeling is mutual.”
We’re close to an edge, one we’ve danced around since her arrival, and I have two choices: to retreat or to dive in feet first.
I’ve always been the type to dive in.
“You have to feel something for someone in order to hate them. Which is why I hate your mother.” I step closer, right in her personal space. Her chest rises and falls, practically brushing against mine. “With you? There’s nothing. I said I hate you but I was wrong.”
This time, Gilli swings at me. I catch her fist in mine, my fingers wrapping around her much smaller fist. She grits her teeth, sneering, before she lets the other arm fly.
I swallow over a grin and turn her around, using her momentum to my advantage, and pull her toward me.
Wrapping my arms around her torso, I squeeze gently. A reminder to her that I’ve got her in a compromising position. Shame washes over me, practically knocking the wind out of me.
What the fuck am I doing?
I should let her go.
My reaction time is slow, though. Especially when she grinds her heel down on the top of my foot. The soft sneakers I’m wearing do nothing to protect me, and a flash of pain zips up my leg
I release her with a yelp, and she shifts to face me again. Lifting her leg like she’s going to kick me in the fucking nuts. I manage to catch her foot between my knees at the last instant.