18. Gilli
Gilli
I press my back to the door and inhale slowly through my nose.
Leaving Aiden wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do. Even if I still feel unsatisfied.
Fuck me .
That’s what I need. I need to be fucked so entirely well that I feel the intrusion on my insides for days afterward.
I want the press and glide of a man against my chest, to feel the slam of his hips against mine, and how easily my legs wrap around his waist.
Sleep is a long time coming but the few hours I get are restful and deep. In the morning, groggy, the impression lingers—the dreams were sweet even without the details easily recalled.
Probably for the best.
Things are already awkward enough.
Soon a jittery excitement grows and occupies my thoughts. Today I start volunteering at Tase’s veterinary clinic.
The shower is over quickly and I’m out the door before the boys know it’s morning .
I’ve got no scrubs of my own, so a loose shirt and jeans will have to do.
The engine turns over and makes a horrendous clicking sound, designed to wake up anyone within a radius of miles. But it eventually comes to life and starts to warm up, with stale air blasting from the dashboard.
Better to get an early start than to wait around to see the play of emotions on Aiden’s face once he wakes up.
And Soren?—
I drop my head against the steering wheel hard, my fingers gripping white-knuckled. Soren would never forgive me for what almost happened last night with his cousin. Or maybe he’d use it as ammunition against me—and I’m not sure which of those options is worse.
I’ve never been one to shy away from jumping in feet first even when a situation might call for discretion. It’s never come up with any boyfriends in the past.
Why now?
Why does it count more now ?
I throw the car into reverse and tires crunch over gravel as I maneuver around the other two parked vehicles.
Boyfriend is a loose term. I’ve only had one long-term relationship, and it lasted for a year in high school. Since then, I’ve kept things light. Always.
I sleep with whoever I want to sleep with, and break it off when things aren’t moving in a direction that feels good to me, the right direction.
What even is the right direction anymore?
My caution with Aiden is strange. And necessary. I don’t want him to get hurt by any involvement with me. It’s bad enough my sisters will more than likely be a target if Maxxx8U isn’t bored of me yet.
From everything I’d read, he (or she—women can be stalkers too) is not the type to get bored.
Once he has a target in sight, he keeps at it until he either has the treasure he wants or people die .
Aiden won’t understand and I’m sorry for it. I’m sorry for leading him on and putting him in the middle of my desire for him and my desire to keep them safe.
I navigate down the long driveway to the main road and turn towards town. I’ve got to call my sisters. Just to make sure that everything is all right with them.
Maybe I can snag an opportunity today, before the clinic opens. Or tonight, if one of the guys will let me use their phone.
I swallow over a scoff. Yeah, right. Soren’ll never let me borrow his phone again. And who knows what kind of smut is saved on Aiden’s cell, anyway.
He thinks about me .
I think about him, too. At night when I can’t sleep and I slide my hand between my legs, I imagine his fingers. Or Soren’s fingers, his beard tickling the inside of my thighs.
I think about Tase and his lanky frame throwing me over the side of the bed, because I just know there’s strength in those long limbs. I don’t even know him, but he features prominently in Gilli’s Nighttime Fantasies.
All three of them, actually.
Which means I really need to get this solved and get the fuck out before I make a mess of things.
I drive through town, the streets already busy despite the early hour. It’s Monday. Everyone is heading to work, and with the promise of good weather in the coming weeks, no doubt preparations are being made for an influx of tourists.
This is the kind of small town vibe that people crave when they need an escape from the city.
I find a place to park further down the street from the clinic and keep watch over my shoulder for anything suspicious. Soon enough, though, the serenity of the early morning calms me and I’m in a better mood by the time I push through the unlocked front door of the clinic.
Tase rounds the desk at the same time and looks up from his files at the sound of footsteps. Our eyes lock.
Christ, is it possible to have multiple crushes on multiple real-life men at the same time? I used to have crushes on celebrities, but never more than one or two at a time once I decided to give them my entire girlish affection.
Now I scour Tase from top to bottom, the way his lab coat fits and the dark richness of those whiskey-colored eyes.
His brow furrows. “You’re right on time.”
He says it like he’s surprised.
“I usually like to be early,” I say. “But I couldn’t remember what time you open.”
He winces, lifting two fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose, and I struggle to hide my smile. He went a little too hard last night. I see it in the lines around his eyes. Not that any of them will ever admit to it.
“Point me in a direction and I’ll do whatever you need,” I urge.
“You and Kayla will both be starting today. Belle can show you the ropes. I’ll help where I’m able, but I hope you’ll both be familiar with what’s expected in a working practice.”
Belle, the slightly overworked but pretty girl from Saturday, comes around from the back and her smile grows when she sees me.
“Gillian, this is Belle.” Tase is gruff with the introductions.
“I know you,” she says. “You came in the other day and saved my ass.”
Tase buries his nose in the files. “Take Gillian to the break room and find her an extra pair of scrubs. Introduce her to Kayla.”
I might be early, but I’m the last one to arrive. Shit . So much for first-day impressions.
Soon enough, we’re so swamped with the morning rush it’s impossible to worry about the implications of what happened last night with Aiden .
But the fantasy of what I want to do with Tase is growing by the minute.
The more time we spend dancing around each other, the more I warm to him. He doesn’t say much and what he does unleash is ruthless and funny and smart. Witty.
He always catches himself before he goes too far but it’s impossible to mistake his dry flirtations for anything else.
Or, and this is probably right, I’m starved for affection to make me feel better about myself and my body issues. That’s what this is .
I’ve isolated myself from the world for too long and gotten comfortable there. Being in front of a camera is not the same as interacting with the general public or going out on dates.
The attention I get from the private users on my account is world’s apart from real, honest attention from a man who sees me for me.
Or as much of myself as I’ll allow anyone to see.
Having Tase compliment my steady hands is a different beast. Having Aiden say nice things about me, or jerk off to me, is a dream come true. Even Soren’s brush against my nipples, like he couldn’t stop himself?—
I’m only fooling myself.
It’s all because I’m new. Just a shiny new toy for them to play with and get their hands on. Once the novelty wears off, then they’ll all feel the way Soren does and want me gone. I’m sure of it.
The four of us make do for the rest of the morning until it comes time for lunch. Belle has been manning the phones to the best of her abilities, which thankfully leaves her little time to ask me those “getting to know you” questions.
Kayla and I pull double duty, escorting patients into the exam rooms and running preliminary examinations before working with Tase.
Doctor Walton , I mean. Keep it professional .
At least everyone is friendly. Kayla and Belle are both about my age, although Belle is a year younger. Kayla is going prematurely gray at the temples and has the rest of her raven-wing hair pulled back into a long swinging ponytail.
She claps me on the shoulder and squeezes briefly on her way by. “I never thought it would be this busy on my first day. Serves me right for thinking this would be an easy gig,” she says.
I won’t be here long enough to make friends. I just have to endure it until I figure out a way to survive and then I’ll be back in Baltimore. We’re like ships passing in the night.
But whenever I’m in a room alone with Tase, I lose my mind. His nearness is doing strange things to me. It’s easy to see now that he is the kind of man who values competency, but he values a pretty face almost as much.
What does that say about him as a person? That he prefers to surround himself with beautiful young women as helpers? Is that just the pool he taps into locally, or were each of them chosen for a reason?
What does that say about me? I don’t fit into the formula at all.
I shrug. I’m not being paid for this. I’m happy to help out. Why am I worried about what he likes, anyway? It doesn’t matter.
None of this matters.
I remind myself of the life I left behind. I’d completely forgotten to call my sisters, too. Damn.
Our last client of the day is the owner of the pug, coming to pick the dog up after a long weekend of boarding. The pug offers a final screeched song before he’s carried out.
The odd quiet rings in my ears. I’d gotten used to the constant melody of noises throughout the day.
I pull the borrowed scrub top off, shaking it out before tossing it in a bag of laundry. My stomach gives a loud painful snarl and I push my palm against the sudden cramp.
“What’s the matter?”
Well, shit .
Of course Tase is still around.
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. Just hunger pangs.”
Silence greets me and when I turn around, he’s staring at me. My stomach gives another growl and I try to laugh off the embarrassment.
“Sorry about that. I haven’t eaten all day.”
“What do you mean, you haven’t eaten all day?”
I shrug. “No time.”