19. Tase
Tase
S oren is going to hate me for this.
All boils down to him , doesn’t it?
I hate myself for not being able to let Gilli go. For not stepping away when I have every opportunity to. But there she is with her warmth and her suffering.
She’s looking at me with a calm certainty, and the moment goes taut, stretching out into eternity.
When was the last time a woman looked at me the way she does?
Not since Dana and our wedding night.
I’d had my wife for such a short time before cancer worked its way into her brain. I wasn’t able to save her. I’d missed the signs even with my medical schooling.
Too focused on getting ahead, on deserving this practice that fell into my lap, to see what she needed me to see for both of us.
Dana is gone and left a void that still aches to be filled.
Gilli is here, soft, present.
I shift my hands to her hips, jerking her to the edge of the counter and stepping forward between her thighs. She hooks her legs around my waist .
She’s young. So much younger than any woman I’ve been interested in before. Dating isn’t even on my radar.
We have nothing in common. Why am I doing this?
“Tase.”
My name from her lips isn’t a whispered question. It’s not a plea, either. There is a distinct period at the end intended to bring me back to her.
I grip her by the hips, massaging lightly before sliding my way down to her thighs, the curve of her ass. Those hated limbs which look so outstanding I can’t imagine why she would hurt herself because of them.
I have no right to touch her or take advantage of her this way, because that’s what I’m doing. Taking advantage .
She’s already doing me a favor by working and providing her steady hands. What more do I want from her?
Making the first move, Gilli reaches up and holds the back of my neck, drawing me down and biting my lower lip.
Oh, fuck.
She tastes like chocolate.
My hands are back on her waist to keep myself steady. To steady her. To maintain a shred of decency as she kisses my chin, my cheeks, my nose. Plastering small sweet pecks across my face.
She pulls back slightly to look at me, her eyes dark, her glasses slightly smudged. My chest goes tight and my blood hums.
“If you want me to stop, then I will,” she whispers. “But you have to say it.”
She arches her back and presses her breasts against my chest, tilting her head to the side and removing her glasses. I groan as my cock thickens and nudges against the inside of my pants.
It should be hands to my fucking self and certainly not sliding up the inside of her shirt the way I want to. My fingers twitch uncontrollably and my dick throbs in an effort to get to her.
And no internal pep talk is getting me to back up and give her space.
I bury my head against the side of her neck and my tongue darts out to taste her. Kissing down to the sweet swell of her breasts.
Her arms move around my shoulders, her face near enough to mine to catch her need and desire. What am I doing?
Damning myself to an even hotter space in hell.
Gilli whimpers and then my mouth presses to hers, covering whatever other sounds she makes. Heat shoots straight down to my cock as we move together. Our tongues clash and swirl and I’m filled with her taste.
Chocolate, yes, but also honey and salt and fire. She’s everything I've denied myself and I’m suddenly starving. It’s impossible to take a breath without her scent twining through my system.
My nerves ignite like I’ve been zapped with a cattle prod and I need everything she's willing to give me.
“God, Tase .”
There’s my name again, right there on the tip of her tongue, and I swallow it down. Eating her up and kissing her so deep our teeth crash together.
Too long. It’s been too long since I’ve touched a woman this way or been touched right back. It’s a distant thought rattling around in my brain as I drop my fingers to her legs to pry them open, trailing my touch along her inner thighs.
Gilli grabs my wrist to guide my hand higher toward the heat pulsing off her core. Holy fuck is she hot. I’m willing to bet she’s tight, too. So fucking tight she’ll squeeze my cock better than my own fist can.
I grunt when my fingers make contact with her. The borrowed scrubs are loose enough to allow me to feel every soft fold of her lips through the fabric.
Fuck, this is heaven. Or hell. Yes, definitely hell, because as fun as it is to play, there is still a line I’m not supposed to cross.
Even when she’s urging me to cross it.
“I want you,” she mutters against my mouth.
I massage her core with my knuckles until she’s quivering. Is she aching for me the same way I’m aching for her?
I kiss her breasts again, feel the hardness of her nipples against the cloth. I bite one of them through the fabric, my heart thundering in my ears and a small voice telling me to stop growing more distant at her moans.
Biting, nibbling. Caressing and sucking and damn, how great will she look tied to my bed with silk scarves or handcuffs, her legs spread and her arms overhead? Dripping wetness from her pussy while the restraints keep her bound, my little captive.
“Touch me,” she demands.
Her head drops back, giving me perfect access. She cries out when I bite down harder on her nipple, her hands gripping both me and the counter for stability while she rolls her hips.
If she touches me, I’ll lose it.
The second her hand falls on my dick?—
Her mouth finds me again and she sweeps her tongue over mine. I pull my hand from her pussy and drag her forward to feel the hard ridge of my cock. Grinding against her so she knows what she does to me.
My dick is practically bulging out of my pants. Goddammit . This is the first time I’ve not only broken down and screwed around with someone who should be off limits, but at work, no less. At my place of business.
I’m an idiot.
I back away suddenly, my hands in the air. Like I’m a fucking criminal caught red-handed.
“Don’t stop.” Gilli is breathing hard, her lips are pink and swollen from the kisses, her glasses slightly askew, and her hair mussed. “Tase, please. ”
“This isn’t a good idea,” I groan.
“I know it’s not, but I want to do it anyway,” she replies.
“I want to also, as you can see.” I point down to my erection. “Still doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. I won’t touch you again.”
“Is this because of my stepbrother?”
Her face is flushed and it makes me want to fuck her even more. But it doesn’t matter how good it might feel. I’d hate myself even more than I already do when we’re done, and I’m not willing to fuck up my life for quick pleasure.
I’ll find someone else to screw.
How is it working out for you so far?
This is why I should have left town when I had the chance.
“Go before I change my mind,” I demand.
Gilli offers a smile. “You’re not going to change your mind, though. Are you?”
“Making it a challenge won’t help,” I say, shaking my head. “Now go home.”
She pauses for a brief moment before nodding and stumbling a little as she gets down from the counter.
“You’re still weak from not eating.”
How could I not have seen it? I can’t let her drive home like this.
Stepping up and ignoring the throbbing of my erection, I help her stand straight.
“Let me grab some water and I’ll manage,” she assures me. “If you keep touching me, we’re going to have a repeat and you’ll go back on your word.”
“You’re so sure of that, are you?”
“Oh, yes.” But there’s a little bit of skepticism in her voice and her smile cracks. “There’s something between us whether you want to acknowledge it or not.”
I blink at the natural way she offers up the statement. She’s…not wrong. There’s been a connection from the first moment I met her days ago .
Crap, has it only been days? It feels longer. My life stretches out into eternity with me struggling to keep up. Or maybe I’m being pulled along and doing my best to dodge the crap as it comes.
“I’ll drive you home,” I say at the last minute. “I’m not going to have you faint and slide off the road.”
“You’re a gentleman.”
This time I laugh out loud, letting go of her only to grab my coat off the hook and make sure my keys are in the pocket. “That’s not true.”
“No?” Her eyes glint. “Now I’m intrigued.”
I take her by the arm and help her out to the car, a little surprised she isn’t arguing with me about the offer. Little Miss Independent, even if it’s to her detriment.
“Let’s just say I have a great reputation in town, but there are some things about me that people aren’t privy to. Certain proclivities I keep to myself.”
The easy banter is much more tolerable than the anchor of desire.
I help her into the passenger seat of my car, parked in the private space behind the clinic, and gesture to the seatbelt. “Strap in.”
Her smile widens, wild at the edges, and she bats her eyelashes at me. “I’m so weak, would you do it for me?”
It’s a tantalizing offer to reach over and glide my hand across her breasts before the click sounds. But I can’t take the risk. I’m struggling to get air into my lungs as it is, my body overheated.
“Nice try. Just let me make sure the place is locked up for the night. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
She’ll do it, too, because she’s interested. She wants to figure out what makes me tick the same way I’m interested in her.
I head back inside and quickly recheck the front door and turn out the lights. As I’m leaving, I glance once more at the counter where things almost went too far .
What is it about Gilli?
Am I only going for her because she’s off limits? Because Soren is distracted enough by her to enlist our help to get her out of town? Or is it something else?
I drop into the driver’s seat once the clinic is shuttered up tightly for the night. Gilli’s right where I left her, and she grins at me as I start the car. “You’re seriously going to drive me home?” she clarifies.
“To the cabin, yeah.”
Something about the way she says the word home makes me realize it’s not her home. And how can it be, with all the shit going on?