6. Autumn #2
I usually recommended taking your time, taking a breath, and focusing on the release because it didn’t take too much force, but not today.
Using a two-handed hold and throwing every ounce of my weight behind the action, I grunted like a tennis player, hitting the target hard enough that it would have knocked it down if not for the stellar craftsmanship.
“And take it out on the board.”
Genuine claps and gasps emitted over the second bull’s-eye I’d landed, as well as some semi-terrified gazes, specifically from men in the group.
The one person whose reaction I didn’t see I avoided on purpose, even though I wanted to look at him.
I hated wanting to look at him. This too-good-looking man had no business here.
I made my way to the targets and pulled both axes.
I walked back then put them in their designated boxes.
I went over the remaining activities, going through the motions and running through my usual spiel.
I might have blacked out because as soon as I started, it was over and Bobby looked none the wiser.
Twenty minutes later, I was calmer, and everyone was in full swing. There was laughter over failed throws and whoops over objects that just hit the boards, none of which were close to bull’s-eyes yet. I’d been there before, and I was cheering for them all the same.
I was able to avoid Jamie as he practiced archery, but he came over to my zone seemingly without realizing until it was too late. He looked like he wanted to turn tail and run the other direction, but his friend didn’t notice.
A freckled man offered his hand to me. “Hi, I’m Ren.”
I nodded as I returned his handshake with the same level of intensity. He looked slightly mortified at his formality, but I brushed it off and turned to the true offender.
“And this is James.”
I stood there with my lips half open. James . How did he sound both timid and pretentious at the same time? Ren was practically bouncing while James looked like he’d seen a ghost.
That was somewhat accurate.
“You’re really skilled at this,” Ren said, unaware of the drama unfolding.
“I’m just having a good day.” Would seeing someone you never thought you’d see again constitute a good day? I wasn’t sure. I put on my camp counselor smile. “Thank you though. If you two would like to take the open targets…”
They both did as they were told and picked up an ax.
“So this isn’t so much about strength as it is about focus and form. A little bit of advice: I like to take a breath before I throw because it calms me and helps me focus, but to each their own. Ren, if you’d like to go first.” I pointed at his target.
He threw his ax, and it made it to the target, but the handle made contact, and it fell to the ground.
“Great job. You were barely off. Maybe try releasing the handle a little higher in the arc next time.” I went through the motion without an ax, and Ren followed me through the action. “There’s a lot of trial and error involved.”
He threw again and it caught wood right outside of the target. “I hit it.”
He jumped up and down as Jamie clapped. Ren looked to me for a response, and I gave him a thumbs-up.
“Hey, Autumn,” Kell-i asked from behind me. “Can you show me the form again?”
“Be right back,” I told them, relieved to be pulled away so I could catch my breath. “You might want to use two hands, Kell-i,” I told her as she demonstrated her original form. “It has nothing to do with power but helps you straighten your body correctly.”
“Are you gonna go?” I heard Ren ask Jamie. He was probably worried about needing my go-ahead, but I didn’t turn around.
I heard him skim the target, and it landed on the ground. Kell-i threw her ax and hit the farthest circle of the target. I gave her a high five before turning back to the men. “Try it with two hands, James. You saw how close I got to the target.”
Jamie placed both hands on the ax and pulled back, aiming and practicing a swing.
I turned, waiting for him to throw, but he seemed to notice me out of the corner of his eye, because not only did he miss the target by a mile but he threw it so hard that it left the vicinity of the ax range and landed farther away than I’d ever seen.
Right into the lake.
Ren burst into laughter, garnering the attention of several campers who missed what had happened, but without explanation, their curiosity abated, and they went back to what they were doing.
“Shit.” Jamie waited to walk behind Kell-i and Kell-y once their throws were complete.
I passed my role off to Bobby and started the trek toward the water, ensuring the girls’ area was also clear. He powerwalked his way to the lake, dodging trees as I jogged to catch up.
“This is so embarrassing.” His hands were clenched into fists.
I wanted to laugh because he looked like a toddler not getting his way, but it wasn’t the time. “What are you doing here?”
He did a double take. “What am I doing here? What are you doing here?”
It wasn’t a crazy question. The last time I saw him, I’d planned to become a doctor, but now that sounded as optimistic as a kid saying they would be an astronaut. Ten years had passed since our surprising breakup via an impersonal phone call, and it seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Well, I’m not throwing axes into lakes, that’s for sure.” I didn’t care if I sounded like a petulant child. Did I see the hint of a smile?
We found our way to the ax’s resting place near the rocks.
“I didn’t throw it into the lake. That’s… lake adjacent.” The level of arrogance in that sentence would be astounding if I hadn’t known the man in our formative years. It’d been charming back then, but now I knew he meant it.
It was amazing how cocky he could sound after that throw, but that was Jamie.
He had confidence and swagger. He was the homecoming king, the guy everyone looked to for ideas for the next fun thing to do, and he wore it well.
He was playful, the class clown who also turned out to be the most challenging person to debate.
And the most stubborn. That part, at least, was proving to be true.
I shook the thing so he could see. “It’s wet.”
He placed his hands on his hips. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Stanford?”
“I’m almost thirty. Are you still in college?” Ha! Point, Autumn.
His shoulders fell as if he felt even more embarrassed. If he was going to get information out of me, he’d have to do better than that.
I wasn’t about to make things easier on him. “So, Jamie, how’s your life been since you kicked me to the curb?” Oops .
“I prefer not to have this conversation when you’re holding a weapon.” His captivating smile came out.
My knees weakened just a little bit. Goddamn that handsome bastard. “You’re right. Why don’t I just throw it into the lake?”
“Autumn.”
“Jamie.”
Just say it. “What are you doing here when you have a degree from Stanford?” He didn’t know I didn’t finish. He didn’t know anything about me. Not anymore.
“I didn’t realize you would be here. I didn’t expect—”
I analyzed the words he didn’t say. If he’d known I was here, he probably wouldn’t have come. And that hurt.
I cleared my throat. “Things have changed.”
“And I’d like to hear about them,” he started. “And I guess I’d like to apologize for…”
You guess?
“It’s been ten years. You don’t need to apologize, and we don’t have to get past anything.
I’m over it.” I smiled my best I’m over it smile.
I avoided his gaze, which meant I had nowhere else to look but his biceps.
He had much more muscle than before. And damn, did the ten years difference look good on him.
His eyes, however, were on my thigh tattoo, a wildflower piece about ten inches long that started at the low part of my hip. I tugged at my jean shorts, but they didn’t cover the thing entirely, so I gave up.
“It’s really, really nice to see you.”
Did he think I didn’t pick up on that extra really? Because I really, really did.
I rolled the ax handle between my fingers, and he stared at my hand, slightly scared. I rolled it again and extended the handle to him. He didn’t take it. Smart.
“So you… What I mean is… How are you?” The recovery on this kid.
“I’m doing great, just great. How about you?”
“I’m great,” he said, though he didn’t sound like he believed it. “I’m here with my friend. He signed me up.”
“That’s great.”
Great tally: four.
“I work here,” I stated the obvious, like an idiot.
He didn’t say “got that” like the teenager I’d known would have.
“I’m a counselor. But that’s not all I do.
” Why couldn’t I think of what else I did here?
And since when was I embarrassed to call myself a camp counselor?
“I do other things. And I live here year-round with Hazel, Leo, and Jack… Have you met Jack?”
He stiffened slightly. “No, I haven’t. My counselor is Lamar.”
“Oh, he’s great. I love Lamar. And Jack is… Well, he’s awesome, as I’m sure you’ll find out.” This was beginning to feel like the longest conversation ever.
He smiled at me, and I tried to hide my mortification.
“You look good.”
I laughed at the clichéd response. “You too.”
I wasn’t going to lie to the man. He looked so much better than good.
He rubbed his neck, which drew my attention to the spot I’d loved to kiss and breathe in back when we were together.
He leaned in closer, and I caught a whiff of his amber and spice scent.
So much better than the Axe body spray he’d worn like all the boys in our high school.
I glanced down and took in the rest of him. He had filled out. He was more muscular, as if the man spent all his free time at the gym. And could he have gained height? There was no way, right?
I actively avoided looking at his muscles, no matter how hard I wanted to gaze at them. Maybe run my finger down each line and ridge or fully investigate with my tongue.
I changed the subject because we were on shaky ground. “Are you still living in the Pacific Northwest?”
I needed to keep him talking. Otherwise, he’d ask me something senseless, like whether I had downtime to talk .
“Yeah, Seattle,” he confirmed. Looked like my sources were correct.
“So, you’re a lawyer then?”
“I’ve been practicing for a while now. I live and work downtown.” He didn’t ask about my work, but that was probably because my career spoke for itself. For the most part. “What about Nancy and Robert? Are they still in their old place?”
I nodded. We’d lived in a small suburb just outside the city.
My dad still lived there with my stepmom in a five-bedroom house fit for a larger family.
It’d been a lot for us even back then. My biological mom, however, was…
Wherever moms who left their kids went. Probably Florida.
Ever since I was ten, I liked to think it was in some hick-ass town in Florida.
Somewhere she had spotty cell reception and no friends. It was what she deserved.
Maybe I was slightly vindictive over her. Back then, I hadn’t gotten that way about Jamie. All I got when I thought about our breakup was sad. Even now. God, seeing him had me feeling like I was seventeen again.
Thankfully, we made it to the field, and things were literally in full swing again. I walked to a target that wasn’t being used. He pursed his lips as I picked up an ax from the box on the ground.
“Hey, James, you can borrow one of my axes if you want. Yours might be too… Slippery.” Ren dropped his ax into its designated location and watched his friend.
“Go away, Ren.” Jamie held back his laugh.
Ren looked from him to me and back again, putting up his hands, his eyes penitent.
I piled on. “Whoa there, turbo. I think you may want to start with something easy. Let me see if we have a beginner’s ax.” We didn’t have one. There was no such thing. “It’s bright orange and made of plastic so you don’t injure yourself or others.”
Ren snorted and looked away quickly, making another attempt at the target.
“Beginner’s ax? You know I don’t have that bad of a swing, right?” Jamie took a dry ax from the box.
I shrugged. “Can I teach you something? Okay, so you hold it like this.” I mirrored my typical stance, my feet the right distance apart. “You don’t pull back as far as last time, and you hit the board. The trick is more aim, less fear.”
Jamie mimicked me, throwing his ax again and hitting wood.
“Look at that.”
He waited for the people throwing around him to pause before retrieving his own. Then he threw for a second time and hit the middle ring. I’d seen this happen hundreds of times, but goddamn if this one didn’t turn me on.
Don’t fall back into old habits.
He was only here for a week. Why was I even thinking about that? That was irrelevant. Nothing could happen. Nothing would happen, not if I wanted to keep my heart intact. Because the last time I saw him, I hadn’t thought it was going to be the last time. He hadn’t given me a choice.