14. Jamie #2
“For those of you who are here all summer, it must be hard to—” I rubbed the back of my neck.
“You mean how does one get a partner when they’re traipsing through the woods all year?”
We had always been in sync with each other, but I wondered how transparent I’d been for her to draw that conclusion that quickly.
Autumn nodded slowly and sucked in a breath. “It’s really, really hard.”
“But Jack and Gia…”
“Are the exception. We joke about how the man who’s afraid of horses ended up with the horse girl.” She chuckled. “He says it was fate and that he was lucky Gia stopped by at all. She had a week left of her internship, and they got together,” she said, as if it made the most sense in the world.
“ A week ?”
“A lot can happen in a week.” I’d heard that once before.
I wondered if there wasn’t a hidden meaning to her words. And I couldn’t say I wasn’t wishing for this week to change things. How I wanted them to change was a question I wasn’t willing to ask myself.
She dove in quickly. “So they had a whirlwind romance. And they’ve been doing long-distance ever since.”
“And you don’t agree with that?” I could sense it in the way she said “long-distance” as if it was a burden more than anything.
“I think that can only last so long.” She sighed. “And I don’t love the idea of my best friend running away.”
Those words held extra weight.
“You think he’d be running away?”
“Maybe ‘running away’ is the wrong phrasing. I think… He was lonely. He wants to settle down. Wants kids. Hazel and Leo have been clear that even though we’re in an atypical situation, if we wanted to bring our real lives into this camp, they’d make accommodations so we can stay.
As much as Gia loves visiting, I don’t think she’s interested in living here. ”
“It takes a special person to want to live in a commune,” I jabbed.
She tilted her head in my direction and rolled her eyes. “It’s not a commune.”
It was exactly the reaction I’d been looking for. “I’m just kidding. There’s a lot to be said about a group of people who can create a family and be able to rely on each other.”
“It really is.” There was a warmth in her tone that made me glad she’d found what she’d been looking for. I just hoped everyone else realized how lucky they were to have her.
She paused in front of a small cabin, standing on a single-step porch under a flickering light bulb. It was bigger than the pod cabins that surrounded it. It was taller than the others, with a bright blue door and a chimney, so there had to be a fireplace.
“So this is where you live.” The cabin just made sense. It was the right size for someone who lived here year-round. I wanted to get inside and see more, learn everything I could about her life.
“This is where I live.”
Nervousness filled me, taking me back to a different time, the first time I’d been on her front steps as she dangled her keys between her fingers as if she were about to go inside. She hadn’t gone inside then, and I wished she’d do the same now.
“I like it. From the outside, at least.” The words fell from my mouth without thought. It didn’t appear to bother her.
She just laughed. “Oh, you’re not seeing the inside.”
My cocky smile came out of hiding. “Why’s that?”
“Because you’ve already been in my naked presence once tonight, and I’m not going for two times. You’re not that lucky.”
Shit, she went right for it.
“Who says I was expecting to get naked?” I asked, and the blush returned to her cheeks. I decided to bring it out even more. “There are a lot of things you can do with clothes on. You are well-versed in this.”
Then she did something that used to spin butterflies in my stomach. She tugged her lip between her teeth.
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re telling me you’ve never invited a camper to see the inside?”
She gave me a hint of a smile. “No, I… That wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“It’s not like there’s a power imbalance, Autumn. You’d probably make a camper’s dream come true.” I stepped closer, touching her icy hand.
She squeezed my fingers as if it were a reflex, a need. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do.” I closed the rest of the gap between us, reaching my other hand to the spot on her neck that I remembered her loving, massaging her with my fingers. She leaned into it, her wet hair brushing against my knuckles.
“You were always really good at that,” she breathed, and I felt like the luckiest man in the world for being the one to touch her.
How did I go from being worried she’d ax my favorite appendage to having my fingers against her skin in a little over a day?
If I had my way, I’d be holding her close, kissing her neck, making her moan my name.
“I’m good at a lot of things.”
She didn’t look surprised. She licked her lips, her eyes fluttering closed. I tilted my forehead against hers, and she moved hers against mine.
“Jamie,” she breathed. A moth flew up between us, hovering at her porch light. Neither of us moved, unable to be taken out of the moment.
“What is it, beautiful?”
She pulled her head away from me and stared into my eyes. “I…” Her pained expression filled me with dread. “I can’t.”
“I know. I’m sorry—” I tried, failing to recover.
That lit a fire in her, and instantly, I knew it was a mistake. “Sorry? You’re sorry.”
I backpedaled. “I didn’t mean it, Autumn. It’s that whole situation, and the night and…”
“Please give me more excuses for why you don’t want to kiss me.”
“Can we take a step back?” I asked. She nodded and backed away from me. “No, Autumn, wait—”
“Let’s just act like it didn’t happen, Jamie.”
There was a double meaning to her words, and our almost-kiss tonight wasn’t the reason they were laced with venom. She sniffed, rubbing the back of her hand over her mouth, and shook her head. Then she turned and walked away, typing a code into her door and closing it behind her.
I stared at it, as if that could change my circumstances, wishing I could do something, wondering if I should just take that step and knock. To fix this. But I didn’t. I didn’t even know how.
Shit, it was official. I was being thoughtless, and it was affecting another person. Someone I didn’t want to hurt again. And I had the whole walk back to my pod to ruminate on this.
The fire was out, but some campers were still away from the vicinity. All the lights were out except for Lamar’s, and it felt especially quiet, probably a cosmic sign that I needed to sit in the mess I made. Thoughts of my failure were interrupted when I heard a small giggle next to my cabin.
I stopped in my tracks, tilting my head to see where it came from.
It looked like someone had the same idea I’d had in mind before being kicked to the curb. Maybe this place was rubbing off on me, but I couldn’t help it. It was dark as hell, but I still had to see.
That was when I recognized camp counselor Nat’s long French braids, her perfectly manicured pink fingernails running through my fellow podmate’s distinct short red hair.
I did a double take. It couldn’t be true.
Clear as day, there was Jack’s girlfriend with her tongue down Nat’s throat.
To call tonight a clusterfuck would be an understatement.