Chapter 12
He never should have come, but something had overruled his gut feeling, and he’d come anyway.
When he’d learned of the dead soldiers, his first thought had been of Cait.
The murders had happened far too close to her cottage for his comfort, and his instinct had been to demand that she move closer to the big house.
Now she was prying and thinking things she shouldn’t be thinking.
She was getting too close to the truth, and it was time for him to leave before more was revealed.
He’d send Adair to check on her next time.
“Ye’re no’ going to argue?” she asked with a twinkle in those dark green eyes that put him on edge.
“There’s nothing to argue.”
She was seeing too much. He wanted to kick himself for letting her see a part of him that he let no one see.
He was tired, weary of the games that she rightfully accused him of playing.
Things were escalating from all directions.
One enemy he could face. He wasn’t certain he could take on two at the same time.
“Ye’re no’ a traitor,” she said softly.
“I never said I was.”
“But others do, and ye never disagree with them. Ye let them believe it. Why?”
Graham certainly believed it. “It’s best we don’t go there, Cait.”
“Because it’s dangerous what ye’re doing. Ye pretend to side with the English. Ye dine with them. Ye befriend the officers and learn what ye can so ye can report against them. It’s brilliant but deadly at the same time. And ye think I’m the one in danger?”
Damn, but he needed to get out of there and stay away from her. She was far too astute. “You best not be repeating that.”
“I would never reveal yer secrets.”
“There are no secrets to reveal.” He was beginning to sound desperate, he knew. The knowledge she’d gleaned from him could get them both killed. Palmer and the rest of his so-called friends wouldn’t take it lightly that they were being played as fools.
“How many Scotsmen have ye saved by doing this?”
“Not enough.”
“The dead soldiers? Was that yer doing?”
“No. I don’t know who killed them, and it worries me.”
“Is someone trying to blame ye for it?”
“Not yet.”
“Ye think they might?”
“I don’t know. I think they would have already if that was their plan, but I just don’t know.”
“The fire?”
“Another thing I don’t know.”
“The ship ye lost?”
He shook his head because he didn’t know that, either.
“I asked Sutherland if he had information on the fire.”
God almighty, but she would be his undoing in more ways than one. “When did you see Sutherland?”
“He stops by periodically.”
“Why?” He didn’t like the thought of Sutherland coming by the cottage.
Sutherland was newlywed and in love with his wife, so Iain dismissed the thought almost immediately, but Sutherland was up to his eyes in things that Cait had no business being involved in.
But you know she is. You knew that the first night you spent here, up in the hayloft.
You’ve refused to admit it to yourself. “Please don’t tell me ye’re aiding Sutherland. ”
She stood and took the empty plate to the counter, where she fiddled with the knife and the loaf of bread. Iain got up and held her wrist to still her. She looked up at him, her lips parted, her green eyes wide.
“Damn it, Cait. Tell me you’re not involved in Sutherland’s Staran.”
“I have no idea what ye’re talking about.” Her gaze slid away.
“I saw you. The night I slept in your barn, I saw you meet someone, and then half a dozen people left your home. Where were you hiding them?”
She yanked her wrist from his hold and stepped back. “Ye don’t have the right to demand answers from me.”
“If you’re involved in something that could get you in trouble with the English, I have every right. I’m your clan leader, and this is my land.”
Her face paled and her lips thinned in anger. “Don’t push me,” she said. “I will move off this land if I have to.”
It shouldn’t matter to him if she left, but it did matter, and he told himself it was because John had been his best friend, his commander, and his only confidant.
But he knew all of that to be a lie. He didn’t want her leaving for personal reasons, reasons he was not quite able to admit to himself.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he said softly.
“Then stop telling me what to do.”
He grinned, and after a moment she grinned back.
“We’re bickering,” he said.
“We are.”
“I don’t recall the last time I bickered with anyone.”
“Because everyone is afraid to bicker with ye.”
“They are? Why?”
“Because ye’re intimidating and not very approachable.”
He was offended. “I’m approachable.”
She rolled her eyes. “Nay, ye aren’t.”
“People are afraid of me?”
“Nay, but they’re wary of ye.”
He’d carefully cultivated that reputation so people wouldn’t get close, but he still wanted them to come to him if they needed to. “You’re not wary of me.”
She shrugged. “I’ve nothing to lose and have neither the time nor the energy for such things.”
“Is that why you help Sutherland? Because you have nothing to lose?”
She pushed her finger into his chest and smiled. “Nice try.”
He sighed. “Cait…”
“Nay.” She shook her head and stepped back. “We’ll not discuss this any longer.”
He glared at her, not liking that she was telling him what to do but most of all not liking his inability to make her understand how dangerous her actions were.
He leaned back and crossed his arms. “I care about you.” He was almost as surprised as she was when he said it, but he wasn’t about to take the words back.
He wasn’t above using every weapon in his arsenal to convince her to stop her foolish actions.
“What did ye say?”
“I said I have feelings for you.” His heart was thundering harder than in any battle. His hands were sweating suddenly. He was fairly certain he’d never been this nervous.
She took a step back and held her hands up as if she could push his words back at him. “No, ye don’t. Ye’re just angry that I won’t do what ye want.”
“No.”
“Stop it, Iain Campbell. Just stop it.” She was looking distressed, and he was a bit hurt that his proclamation had been met with so much angst. “Ye don’t know what ye’re saying.”
“I always know what I’m saying.” Now that he’d admitted it out loud, he was convinced it was the right thing to say. That didn’t mean his feelings didn’t frighten him as much as they apparently frightened Cait.
“This…It’s not…” She blew out a breath.
“I like ye flustered.”
“Stop this! Ye don’t like me. Ye don’t have feelings for me. Ye can’t.”
“And why can’t I?”
“I…” She looked away and bit her lower lip.
“I’m sorry it distresses you so much.”
She glanced back at him. “This is unexpected.”
“As it is for me.”
“Of course nothing can come of it.”
“Why?”
“Ye can’t be serious. Because I don’t want this, and ye’re…” She flapped her hand at him. “You.”
“I’m me and you’re you and we’re two separate people. I understand all of that. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe I should have waited, or maybe I should have kept my feelings to myself forever, but I want you to know why I’m so concerned that you’re out here all alone.”
“I’m fine.”
“For now. But things are getting worse. My God, Cait, English soldiers were killed on my land. Until I find out who did this, no Campbell is safe.” A guilty looked crossed her face and he stilled. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. I understand what ye’re saying, and I’m touched by yer…concern for me.”
“You’re hiding something.”
“I’m no’ hiding anything. I have a life. It’s private, and ye don’t need to know everything.”
She was right, and he was angry that she was right. If he’d thought that telling her about his feelings would make her pliant, then he was sorely mistaken. Cait would never be pliant, and that was frustrating as hell.
What was she hiding? Something other than her aid to Sutherland and the refugees he was harboring. Something worse?
“You’re right, of course. I have no business prying into your life. But please promise me that you’ll be careful.”
She seemed hesitant to do even that but finally nodded. “Very well.”
“And promise that if things get too difficult, you’ll come to me for help.”
She narrowed her eyes, apparently thinking that option through. “Very well.”
“I mean it, Cait. Don’t just say it so I’ll go away.”
She sighed. “I’m no’. I’ll be careful, and I’ll send for ye if I need anything.”
“I don’t like you helping Sutherland. What he’s doing is dangerous.”
She looked at him shrewdly. “And what ye’re doing isn’t?”
He paused. “That’s different.”
“The difference is that what Sutherland does is behind the English’s back. Ye play yer games to their face. I don’t know which is the most dangerous, but I think it might be you.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“And I know what I’m doing. Ye have to trust me.”
“It’s not you I don’t trust.”
“Sutherland will never cause me harm.”
“I know that.” He trusted Sutherland, more so now that they’d worked together on a few things. Sutherland was a Highland warrior through and through, and he was loyal, tough, and dependable. He reminded Iain a lot of John.
They seemed to have come to an impasse. She wasn’t leaving her home or ceasing her activities, and he couldn’t force her.
“Let me know what ye find out about the soldiers.”
“I will.” He stood there awkwardly. When did she become important to him? When did her welfare matter more than an obligation to an old friend?
Cait was looking at him, so fresh and pretty. As always, her hair was falling out of its pins and curling down her neck. Her lips were rosy and slightly parted, and Iain found himself leaning toward them.
And then he was kissing her. She made a surprised sound but didn’t pull away. It was a light touch, barely a whisper, but it fueled his desire for her. A desire he’d not known he possessed until this day, and all it once it was consuming him like flames leaping onto dry tinder and taking flight.
He put his hands on her upper arms, lightly, so as not to startle her.
She was much like a bird, ready to take flight at the least expected movement.
He didn’t want her to fly because he had no hope of catching her again.
So he went slowly, touching lightly, moving hardly at all.
She trembled. With the need to run? Or did she want him as much as he wanted her?
That was his hope but probably not the reality.
Tentatively, she kissed him back, her mouth closed, but that was fine. The anticipation was killing him, but he would go at her speed. He would let her take the lead if that meant she didn’t bolt.
She stayed, much to his surprise and delight. Her hands were clasped tightly in front of her and he took them in his, gently unwrapping her fingers from her palm until their fingers were intertwined.
She parted her lips, and it took everything inside of him not to shout out in joy. He touched his tongue to her bottom lip, sliding it slowly inside. She tasted of cheese and ale, and if sunshine had a flavor, it would certainly be this.
The tip of her tongue touched his, and it was his undoing. He groaned despite the fear of making a sound. And just as he had predicted, she jumped back, yanking her hands from his and staring at him in shock.
He dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck, his body so inflamed that she had to see it.
“Ye should go,” she said hoarsely.
He nodded and walked out without saying anything. He had no idea what to say, and he was afraid of the words that might spill out if he let them.