Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
I followed Foster out of the rink in silence, my pulse thudding in my ears while I tried to wrap my head around what I’d just done.
I’d kissed him.
With his arms wrapped around me and our breath mingling, the only thing I’d been able to think about was if his lips felt as good as I remembered.
My memory wasn’t even close.
Because his kiss felt better than any memory I could’ve scrounged up.
But then when I’d pulled back, it was like a record scratch went off in my head.
What about Bear?
I tried to tell myself I didn’t owe Bear anything. He’s the one who’d bailed on meeting me.
But I still felt guilty—because I liked him.
And I liked Foster.
God, how had this gotten so complicated?
Never in a million years did I think I’d ever find myself in this type of situation.
I wrapped my arms around myself as we stepped into the cold night air. The warmth from the kiss—his hands, his mouth, his steady voice—had faded into this trembling uncertainty. I felt like I’d just split myself in two.
He walked next to me, just as silent and seemingly lost in his own thoughts. What was he thinking?
When we got to his truck, he opened the back passenger door and grabbed something off the floor behind my seat.
I thought I was confused before, but now I was super confused.
What the hell was that?
It looked like a box, but it was clunky, uneven, and covered in glitter.
And then he spun it around and I realized it wasn’t just a box.
It was a diorama like something elementary school kids make.
Inside were mini crops, a little wooden house, and tiny pathways lined with trees. It took a second too long to register the significance.
It was my farm. The one I’d built in Stardew Valley. The one Bear had complimented—and teased me about—night after night.
“Foster?” I whispered, the words barely audible because this couldn’t be happening.
He held the diorama between us and stepped closer. His eyes searched mine, and I didn’t miss the hint of fear, like he was bracing for a storm.
“I made this for you,” he said, voice low. “Every piece of it. Took me forever and I still managed to mess up the barn.”
My throat felt tight. “Why?”
“Because there’s something I need you to know. Something I should’ve told you weeks ago, but I didn’t know how.” He glanced down, then back at me. “I’m Bear.”
For a second, I couldn’t breathe. The world went still. There was no wind, no traffic, no sound except my heart throwing itself against my ribs like it wanted out.
“No,” I said automatically, shaking my head. “No, you’re not. Bear is… he’s—”
“Me,” he repeated, stepping closer. “I’m BigBear88. You’re PeachyKeen. We met on that server in January, remember? You posted a screenshot of your farm and I asked if Lewis ever paid you back.”
My knees nearly buckled. Because I remembered that.
I remembered everything.
The way Bear listened. The way he noticed the smallest things. The way he never pushed, but always seemed to know what I needed before I said it.
And now Foster was standing in front of me telling me he was the online friend that had become a lifeline for me.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered.
Logically, I did, but I couldn’t wrap my head around who I’d known as Bear and what I’d known about Foster. Maybe there were some similarities, but if someone had told me they were the same person, I would’ve sworn up and down it was impossible.
But apparently I would’ve been wrong.
“I didn’t know it was you at first,” he rushed out. “When we started tutoring, I had no idea. But then when we were supposed to meet at the café—”
“You were there. You talked to me.”
“I did.”
He’d talked to me and then he’d left and Bear had messaged me, bailing. The betrayal that he had seen me and walked away cut deep, and it took everything in me to swallow down the painful emotions bubbling up into my throat. Tears burned behind my eyes, but I blinked them away.
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” My voice was choked, but I needed to know the truth.
“I should’ve. I almost did. But I was scared you’d think it was all some trick or that I was messing with you.”
I crossed my arms, a fresh wave of emotion crashing into me before I could brace for it. “You mean like a guy who made me feel safe just so he could pull the rug out from under me?”
His jaw tensed. “Yeah. Like that. But that’s not what this is. I swear.”
I stared at the diorama, my vision swimming. I could see the details in every part of it. The orchard I built in spring. The coop where I said I wanted to name all my chickens after historical women. The pond I told him I wished I had in real life, just so I could sit beside it and think.
It might’ve been messy, but I couldn’t deny that he’d captured it well.
He took a step toward me, and I hated that I was torn between wanting him even closer and pushing him away.
“I didn’t mean to lie, and I swear to you, I didn’t keep it from you to mess with your head.
I kept it because…I didn’t want to lose you.
Not as Bear. Not as me. Abby, you have no idea how much you mean to me.
Sometimes you’re the only bright spot in my day.
But I knew how you felt about me, especially after you told me about what happened freshman year.
I was sure that if you knew who Bear was before you’d gotten to know the real me, that I’d lose you. I couldn’t risk that.”
Tears threatened, but I blinked them back again. I wasn’t ready to give in to the part of me that wanted to believe him.
This was too much to grasp.
“I need some time,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.
Foster’s shoulders hunched, even as he nodded. “I’ll drive you home.”