Chapter 27 #2
If my face is as red as it is warm, then she has to know the truth.
I sell it the best I can, resting my head on his shoulder and looking at him adoringly.
It isn’t hard to fake loving him like I think an engaged couple loves one another.
In fact, it’s a little too easy, and I have to remind myself we’re once again playing a part.
Dr. Salco flashes me the friendliest smile I’ve ever seen from her. We’ve clearly sold her on our fake engagement, but somehow that just makes me feel worse. “Enjoy dinner and good luck tonight, Adam.”
When she’s gone, I turn to him and whisper, “You didn’t tell her we aren’t engaged?”
His brow furrows, and the corners of his mouth pull down. “I’m sorry. I meant to.”
Guilt is written all over his handsome face.
God, no wonder he didn’t want to invite his parents.
That would have been an awkward conversation.
It’s a pleasure to meet you. Oh, by the way, we’re just faking our engagement for everyone here.
Yeah, I’m a super great influence on your son, don’t worry.
I’m peeved that he didn’t come clean, which is ridiculous. I’m the one who started the lie. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. Still, I can’t fight the irritation I feel at him as he leads us to our table.
“I think I’m going to get some air,” I say as he pulls my chair out for me.
“Now?”
“I’ll only be a minute.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No.” I place a hand out to keep him from following me. “Stay. These people came for you, not me. I’ll be right back. Promise.”
When I get to the hallway, I take a breath. I can’t shake the awful feeling from talking with Janine earlier or the guilt of faking an engagement to a man I’m starting to be able to picture a life with. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to go. It all feels so wrong.
When footsteps approach, I assume it’s Adam coming to check on me. I even smile a little, thinking how sweet it is that he wants to make sure I’m okay. But when I look up, it’s Janine that’s walking toward me.
I open my mouth to tell her to go away, but she beats me to it.
“I’m sorry,” she blurts out.
“What?” I shake my head and attempt to go around her.
Fleeing from Janine is the game of the night, it seems. All the air is knocked out of me when I see her.
Ten feet behind Janine, her parents, Sean, and Lori stand watching us.
Her hair is shorter, but otherwise, it’s like no time has passed.
She’s exactly like I remember her. And so is the punch to the gut at seeing her.
“I tried to tell you earlier,” Janine says as if that makes it okay.
“Why is she here?” I grit out.
My ears ring as she apologizes, “I’m sorry. That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier. My parents called as they were leaving the house, and I wanted to warn you as soon as I found out. Lori insisted on coming. She wants to meet Adam and tell you congratulations or whatever.”
“There’s nothing to congratulate me for.”
“I thought…” Janine trails off, her brows knit in confusion.
Of course, she believes we’re really engaged, like everyone else.
“My life is none of her business.”
“Janine, we should get inside,” Sean speaks up but keeps his distance.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers one last time before leaving me.
Their happy family all goes inside, leaving me with Lori. Slowly, she closes the distance between us.
“Reagan.” The way she says my name is soft and sad. Like she’s missed me—like even saying my name brings her pain.
“Hi, Mom.” I don’t know why I call her that. I’ve called her Lori since I was twelve. It must be the shock. “What are you doing here?”
“We came to support Janine, of course. And it was the only way I knew to see you.”
“Maybe I don’t want to see you.”
“Well, you’ve made that clear.” There’s a hint of a smile on her face, which pisses me off.
“Obviously not,” I mutter and walk toward the door to go back inside.
Adam’s coming out. His face relaxes when he sees me, but then he must read the situation because he looks past me and comes up short.
“Are you okay?” He runs a hand down my arm from shoulder to elbow. “Speeches are starting.”
I nod, not trusting what might come out of my mouth if I speak. I’m so mad. Mad that she’s here and that Adam’s worried about me when I’m supposed to be here taking care of him. Mad that we ever faked an engagement. Just pissed at the universe.
Applause breaks out in the room, and I glance inside in time to see Janine making her way to the front. I still can’t find my voice, but I lean into him. I feel infinitely stronger with Adam by my side.
“You must be the fiancé? Janine speaks highly of you.” Lori smiles and looks back and forth between us. Her gaze takes in every detail. The way he touches me and the way I let him support me. I hate that she’s privy to even that much detail about my life.
“Umm.” Adam’s head swivels between us.
“Adam, this is Lori.”
His jaw drops, and he looks at her closer. “It’s nice to meet you.”
As Janine starts her speech and the three of us hold our awkward standoff, I go from furious to enraged. How dare my mom show up here? After all these years? This is probably the first time she’s ever shown up to a banquet or school function, and it’s for Janine? Where was she my entire childhood?
I was the kid who had no one there to take pictures as I received awards, no one to take me out for ice cream after.
I stopped participating in things somewhere along the way.
I didn’t need the looks of pity or polite applause.
Why worry about perfect attendance or perform in choir if no one is going to be there to celebrate it?
With theater, I could forget that no one in the audience came to see me and lose myself in the darkened room, imagining just for a minute that maybe she was there somewhere out of sight.
I can’t lose myself in this situation.
“It’s almost time for me to go. Do you want to go in?” Adam asks.
“Of course,” I assure him. I don’t want him to think about anything but killing his speech. I still haven’t heard it, but I know he’s been working hard on it. He deserves so much. “I can’t wait to see you crush it, but can you give us a minute?”
He nods. “I’ll wait at the door.”
I face Lori. There’s nothing that I could have done to prepare for this. Years’ worth of playing this conversation over in my head, and I still don’t know what to say. She’s much chattier.
“He’s very handsome. How long have the two of you been together?” She speaks quietly but every word slams into me with a crushing force.
I don’t answer. In fact, my throat feels like I swallowed nails. Speaking to her causes me physical pain. It’s why I haven’t in so long.
“Okay, well, at least let me tell you congratulations. My baby’s getting married.”
I close my eyes and whisper, “Don’t do this. Please. Just stop.”
“I know that I haven’t always been there for you, but you’re getting married. Every girl wants her mother at her wedding. And I want to be there. I want to be in your life again. God knows I failed you, but—”
“You have no right,” I say too loudly. My cheeks heat with embarrassment, and I glance down the empty hallway.
“I know. I’m sorry, Reagan. It isn’t enough, but I am. You’re starting a new life. I just want you to know that I want to be a part of that.”
My hands curl into fists, and my body vibrates. “We’re not even really engaged, okay?” I spit the words at her. “You’re off the hook. He’s not my fiancé. We’re not getting married. You can keep on living your life and not giving a damn about me.”
I turn on my heel where Adam’s waiting for me with Dr. Salco. I don’t need to look at her down-turned mouth to know she heard me. Adam’s face says it all.
“So you just left?” Dakota asks. I can read her judgment. I feel it deep in my soul.
“I couldn’t breathe with her there.”
“I can’t believe the nerve, showing up like that. What was it like seeing her again?”
“Like it was just yesterday that she was running out on me. All of the anger and hurt I’ve tried to shove down just came right back.” I snap my fingers. My body still vibrates with rage.
She squeezes my elbow. “I’m sorry, babe. And fuck her. I wish I would have been there. I’ve dreamed of saying that to her face for three years.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“What are you going to do about Adam?”
“He had to stay for his speech, obviously.” My stomach turns. “He said it was fine and that he’d come by later, but I abandoned him. He’s going to hate me.”
“No, he won’t. It was a shitty situation without a good outcome.”
But she didn’t see his face. I think he was happy when I said I was leaving. Who could blame him? It was supposed to be a fun night for him. Instead, he got a dose of my crazy family drama, and I probably put his scholarship in jeopardy. Again.
I look down at my lap. “I’ve gotta get out of this dress. It’s mocking me.”
“It’s going to be okay,” she promises.
In my room, I take off my dress and sit on the floor. Oh, how I wish I could climb under the covers and fall right to sleep, but I know I’m in for a long, restless night, so I don’t even bother getting into bed.
Long after the apartment complex has quieted, Adam still hasn’t called or stopped by. I pad over to the guys’ apartment and peek in.
Mav’s on the couch with his phone in hand.
“Hey, Rea.” He straightens.
“Is he here?” I ask.
Maverick nods toward the deck.
I mumble my thanks and head out back. My heart races as he comes into view. I see him before he sees me. Kicked back, beer dangling from his fingertips, staring out into the dark night.
He looks over as the deck creaks under my footsteps.
“Hey.” He tries to hide the despair on his face, covering it with a smile like he’s happy to see me. “I was just about to come check on you.”
He holds an arm out, and I sit on his lap.
“How’d the rest of the banquet go?”
He runs a hand down the back of my head, and I melt into his touch. “Eh. My speech was crap, but at least it’s over. We won’t know which one of us got the scholarship until next week.”
“I’m sure your speech wasn’t that bad.”